Why are guys looked at as players if he talks to multiple girls but for girls talking to multiple guys it’s perfectly ok?

[Anonymous]

The reason why I talk to multiple girls instead of one at a time is because I’ve been scorned in the past talking to one chick and investing so much time into that one girl. I don’t get girls these days when they say I want a guy who’s in shape, loyal, trustworthy, doesn’t fool around and blah blah blah. But then she gets nervous and has cold feet and says back off. That’s why recently I stopped doing that. By my saying “talking” that doesn’t mean having sex or having sexual convos.

I am looking for the right girl and now that I’m in my 30s my 20s flew by following that pointless method. The reason why I brought this up is because one girl got mad at me yesterday because I was talking to 5 other girls on the side. This is hypocrisy at it finest because girls tend to have a higher male following on social media where dudes will be DM-ing her dick pics, asking her out and etc. Yet why is it wrong if a guy does it *smh*.

[btbc92]

For men, the intent is primarily sexual. For women, it is about seeing their sexual options because if men don't want an unattractive woman, the woman at least wants to make sure she is with the most attractive out of them all, AND other things. And even then, some girls especially don't even think about sex unless she is already sexually attracted to these guys. Again. I don't agree with that stuff, but it's not that hard to figure out. I never dated and been treated badly by guys because I am a Christian and believer in God. They hear that they think you deserve to die alone as I was told.

A guy who is entertaining other girls sexually is a player. Point blink.

A guy who is surrounding by women may not be a player, especially if he doesn't entertain them. He may be just popular with the women. But for most of those women, it may be sexual or physical. The guy is not interested in these women. The issue is that when he does takes interest in one, he has hard TIME setting boundaries with those women who admire him. Often leaving him single, when he doesn't want to be. He can't get the girl who he does want, but he has an endless supply who would easily want him. They wouldn't be there if they didn't unless they genuinely just like the guy. Nothing wrong with just admiring people, but it's another to be a groupie. MAJOR DEFERENCE.

A woman who is surrounded by guys isn't always thinking about them in that way, but there is a strong possibility the guys are. It depends on the girl as it is for the guy. But these days men and women sleep with whoever they want so you never know who is really who until you get to know them. The problem with you men? You're too OBSESSED. And it leaves you blind. You see an attractive girl, OH forget it! Girl crazy as some of my friends is Guy crazy. They see a sexy man they must talk about it. While everybody's intent may be different the level of the mentality is similar. Because they were taught it is normal. Here is your problem:

1. Your attitude. if you have this attitude, it will make you miserable. I understand, but at the same time, you don't even understand WHY your dating and want a girl. WHY do you need a woman? Are you getting married? Do you want kids? What is going on here?
2. "The reason why I talk to multiple girls instead of one at a time is because I’ve been scorned in the past talking to one chick and investing so much time into that one girl." Here is the problem I told somebody else. You went from one problem to another problem. The problem is not that you invested in one. That is the right thing to do. The PROBLEM is that you invested in the WRONG -ONE person who was never INTERESTED in you from the BEGINNING. Why> Because you never ASKED or told them. You never said anything about the desires you would like with anybody, while women who have a desire would easily vocalize it. Either way, you still need to be compatible. And you are not always compatible with who you find attractive physically. Dating many girls, talking to them is NEVER the answer. Even for women. You'll just give the wrong message if that isn't you. Impressions say a lot about a person, and actions speak louder than words. Your reputation will speak volumes as does your silence.

[btbc92]

3. "I don’t get girls these days when they say I want a guy who’s in shape, loyal, trustworthy, doesn’t fool around and blah blah blah. But then she gets nervous and has cold feet and says back off. " EASY! Just because a girl talks about it, that doesn't mean she wants YOU. If she did she would try to tell you. Not run away. And if she does as I have, it's because your desperate and usually sexually frustrated. That's scary to women. And you need balance as well as self-control. You say and reveal things that make a girl think about who you are and come to decisions right away unless dating was never her focus if your it or not. Most girls who say that already have an ideal man in their mind. If you fit that visually she would have chased you already. I know, because I have friends who explained that to me regarding mutual friends who immediately had crushes on them and they had to cut them off or distance as friends. They want what they want. Like how a lot of you men say your a butt or breast man, while it may be the same for women. They have preferences usually those women desire chemistry and sexual connection of some kind. Something to EXCITE her. It's like bungy jumping for some gives that caffeine rush. Those girls depending on maturity and age level, want an exciting and adventurous guy. Somebody who takes the lead and show them a
"whole new world". Not somebody to remind them of the "boring" one they want to escape from. They want an escape. And they assume they can find that in a partner.

[btbc92]

"By my saying “talking” that doesn’t mean having sex or having sexual convos." It doesn't matter. Women desire to be chosen. Not to be second best. As men desired to be accepted as a sexual mate, not to be seen as a possibility if they cannot procreate offspring. Women and men just handle it differently. And as the argument goes, if she gets pregnant, she cannot afford to be in 9 months of labor and deal with 18 years of raising a child with a man who doesn't want to be there or take care of her. All the more why women are more picker. If a man is so sex-hungry to the point he judges me on my appearance, then if I wasn't in the right state of mind, what makes you think I would want a man I would hate having to wake up to every day? Again it's an example, it is not my true thoughts. If you did not like Chatum Tatum for example, nope. That's exactly what these women are saying. It is spiritual, sexual, and physical. Just like you don't want a woman who doesn't "turn you on", so it has become for women now. I know I'm not like that. Yet I'm called religious. Talk about hypocrisy by men. ^^

[btbc92]

"The reason why I brought this up is because one girl got mad at me yesterday because I was talking to 5 other girls on the side. This is hypocrisy at it finest because girls tend to have a higher male following on social media where dudes will be DM-ing her dick pics, asking her out and etc. Yet why is it wrong if a guy does it *smh*." PAUSE. Now I SEE why you're single. Your judging a woman you don't know, yet your upset she judges you for what you actually do. you DO talk to other women because you want to get laid. NOT a relationship. Where is prove she is getting penis pics? Where is proof other men is asking her out and she is agreeing? Where is PROOF she is speaking to other MEN? What the hell is WRONG with you? She has EVIDENCE with her own eyes your talking to other girls just for one to get a bait and just say "yes" because your desperate as hell, which is NOT attractive to people. But your mad because she's pissed she caught you? I'm sorry Asker, no offense, but you need to grow the hell up. You sound like you haven't matured much since you were a teen and still is a teen in your mind while you're over 30. You never grew up. Not because you never dated, but because you felt you never had to. Not only are you pursuing the WRONG women, your doing it wrong and aren't mature yet for that which you ask. You need to work on yourself before you even attempt to try again.

[Asker]

Soooo guys shouldn’t be desired and girls should be allowed to fool around with 50 dudes…umm no life doesn’t work that way, all you are doing is saying fuck what guys think in your perspective.

[btbc92]

No. You should learn to respect other people as well as other people should respect you. But if you're immature behind wants to think that then you go continue to think that way. It's not my problem that you think that way. All you care about getting laid that's why you're doing what you doing. And did I ever say that women should be allowed to mess around with 50 dudes? I don't agree with whoredoms. Which is again another reason why you're single.

[Asker]

whos being immature? you're stretching this far beyond it should, i dont care if a girl talks to 10 guys, but dont point the finger at me and call me a player if i do the same... simple, yet you're making this into some rocket science equation and that's where you dont give two fucks about guys and their feelings... I've catered to girls needs during my high school years, changed how i dressed, confided to them, was there for them and etc. Now I know what you are going -- Those girls dont owe anything to you or well thats your fault buddy for being that gullible or stupid. I know how you girls talk on GAG, those days are done giving a shit about answers or responses like that. If girls play that game, then I will to and if you view me as a piece of shit then so be it I am a piece of shit in your eyes then... Thank you, much appreciated.

[btbc92]

Asker. You very much needed that because you have not been told this and over two decades of your life or else you wouldn't be here at this time. You are very much immature, you got low self-esteem, and you have not even made an even effort even listen to everything was being told to you. And you are a player. And as I said before, if a girl is speaking to all those men then you are pursuing the wrong kind of woman parrot so it's very clear that there is something going on with you because you keep talking about the same women who are speaking different men but meanwhile you ain't talkin about the women who are not. I never said anything like that, but if you think yourself like that, that is on you. That kind of nasty attitude leaves you single.

[Asker]

i dont give a shit

[btbc92]

So why do you expect other people to give as*it about you? If you can't even answer that question, please stay silent. Before you embarrass yourself further. Oh wait, I forgot, you don't give a s*it.

[Asker]

You're the one getting triggered and leaving your essays, i don't care what you have to say, don't make yourself out to be this perfect person because you're not and if you claim to be then go take a look at yourself in the mirror.

[btbc92]

And what makes it worse. You're a terrible lair because you do give a damn. You just don't want to seem weak for caring. Instead of worrying about women, you need healing for your trauma and whatever else that made you become a person who is badly broken. You not at fault for being abused and I can tell you've been abused. But you have to take responsibility for how you choose to handle it and attacking people. I pray you seek God and that Jesus can heal your brokenheart. But neither will I tolerate being disrespected.

[Asker]

oh you won't tolerate being disrespected but i should by you... are you retarded or do you like bullying people on GAG... well in reality your one of those women who probably wants to instigate fights with guys and then scream if he so dares to tell you to f-off. Not sure why you keep commenting.

[btbc92]

Buddy. I ain't falling for that insecure BS you have going on because that is all your insecurities speaking because you think I'm perfect. At least I strive for it and work for what I want in my life. I don't have to treat other people likes*it to get it either. God knows me, my friends and those who are truly my family knows me. So what makes you think I am going to pay attention to another stranger who just wants to project because your miserable. I heard it all before, man. You are not the 1st person speaking lies about me. More like #39. Come up with something more unique than generic answers if you're going to attack somebody. What you think of me is what you think of yourself, I know psychology before I even took my first psychology class. I pay attention and am sensitive about people. So go lie to others. Know that I can see and know who you are behind the tough guy act of a mask you hide. You convey the inner feelings you try to swallow down and pretend it's not there. But it finds a way to come out. So I do know. And your being dishonest with yourself. What you do with your personal life is none of my business. But what I cannot stand is willful ignorance.

[Asker]

👍🏼

[btbc92]

I never disrespected you. You chose to disrespect me because you have issues and you need help. Stop projecting on people and trying to gaslight them. I'm direct as a person. I don't have to lie. Fix your issues.

[Asker]

lol not sure why you keep going off

[btbc92]

You cause this on yourself with a self-fulfilling prophecy. I ain't getting hurt. You stay in your misery if you want. A woman or anybody cannot love you if you refuse to learn to love yourself. I will tell you the freaking truth about yourself you refuse to hear. I ain't scared of your coward self.

[btbc92]

A real woman as a real man would stand up to you. A coward likes to run.

[Asker]

cool, next.

[btbc92]

Stop playing yourself. I dealt with men like yourself all my life. I have more experience dealing with the likes of you than dating combined and I never dated. It's a shame cowardness has become the standard of men.

[Asker]

she's like the energizer bunny she keeps going and going... listen if you stop talking ill let you kick me in the nuts, deal? that's how much i want to you to stop. I'll stand in front of you and you can take a swift kick to my testicles... if i fall on the ground moaning ill give you the upper hand in this.

[btbc92]

You get treated like a child because you act like a child. Somewhere in your childhood, you've dealt with something. It probably to do with a female or woman in your life if it wasn't your biological mom. You pretend not to care by dissociation and act nasty to deter people away from you even though you yearn for the same closeness others have. Thinking something must be wrong or deficient in you as a person. I know what it likes to be abused, Asker. I know what it likes to be falsely accused. I know what it's like for somebody to threaten your life, to lie on you, to assult you, to get slapped, spit at, kicked, sat on even. Parents arguing every day, getting hit with a belt and getting welts and bruises from it. To get talked down to as if your NOTHING. To be a people-pleaser, a bully victim, mocked, called a prude, threaten to be in foster care, jail, taken away, homeless. Do you think you the only one with PROBLEMS? You need to freaking stop. Because you're going way too far. And I told you what the issue is. It's your choice to be ignorant of it. I made it clear before from the beginning, you are responsible for what YOU choose to do. NOT what others do. If a chick wants to chat up different men, LET THEM! That doesn't mean you do the same. You do not follow what they do. You know BETTER than this and this is why you get in trouble the most, because it's not like you don't know or isn't aware. YOU DO KNOW. And that is how you get in trouble.

[Asker]

dont worry ill let you kick me in the balls, a freebie since guys have hurt you in the past

[btbc92]

No. I want you to grow freaking balls and be a damn MAN. I'm not going to behave, act or stoop to your level. I am a woman who will speak to you as a man you're supposed to be. You need to learn to become a man. Because you haven't yet. I don't give a damn what those women choose to do. But if you choose women who want to hoe around, that is on you. I am a virgin. What makes you think I am going to chase a man lusting and sleeping around like a dog? I must be stupid. I have to respect and honor a man but that doesn't mean I have to respect what they choose to do. Those women you speak of, I don't even hang around them. They aren't of my company. They are bad influences and they will drag you down. They don't care about anybody else but themselves and only seek benefits. So how can you expect them to give rats behind about you? You were YOUNG. FORGIVE YOURSELF! You are not a bad man. But you're doing bad things. And you do not have to be this way. I am hard on you because I SEE POTENTIAL. But YOU have to believe that you're worth it and that you have potential. There are so many great things you can do for yourself. But you don't need a woman right now. Just like I don't need a man right now. But to develop yourself as a man and discover what kind of man you want to be. Start fresh. You do not have to carry all of that. You just need to find people who want to see you grow and not hinder that. I don't know you, but if I never cared about you I wouldn't still try. I respect you, but I cannot respect what you do. I've been there, done that, I know the pain you feel all too well. But as much as you don't want to hear it, it is not the answer either. All you can do is learn from it and be wiser than you were. All you've said is that you're regressed and not progressed. You need to find a man who can mentor you, whose been in your stages and has overcome those challenges.

[btbc92]

I don't hate men. I don't hate you. So stop telling me to hate you. I won't do it. It's your choice to hate and your choice to love.

[Asker]

fine for you ill grow a set of balls

[btbc92]

Other men have nothing to do with those who chose to transgressed against me. Some already paid for it with their own choices, a few apologized, and others are not in my life or around me. They are of the past. I am not carrying that into my future. If other men choose to hurt me, that is on them. They have to answer to God. Just like if I don't repent I too have to answer. As do you. Do you really want to live like this? You choose if you want to stay in bondage. You can't even save yourself. But I refuse to go back where you are now.

[btbc92]

No. I want you to grow some balls so you can start living the life you need to start living. Because it is clear you still haven't got started. Life is too short, man. Start moving on. Let Go, and let God.

[Asker]

you didn't answer what i said, i said ok fine ill grow a pair of testicles for you and you dont even reply back to it... how mean *cries*

[btbc92]

Don't do it for me. Do it for yourself.

[Asker]

ok if i grow some balls but act out then you have the right to whack em and whip me back into shape

[btbc92]

Let me make it clear to you, Asker. You're not God. God is God. If you don't want to hear what I have to say. That's fine. But that won't stop me when there are those who do need me and want me. What makes you think I have to do it for you if you want me? I told you before. Been there, done that. I refuse to go back. There are others who does want and need what I can share by the grace of God.

[Asker]

i never said i was a God that would be disrespectful and dumb if i did

[Asker]

im kind of disappointed you rejected my ground breaking idea of you kicking me in the balls... im very disappointed in you.

[karaspara]

It's yet another double standard in the dating game

[Asker]

yeah fuck that at my age what i realized are these things ---

- dont be needy
- flirting is like a dance that can spark sexual and mutual interest
- keep your options open
- as a guy no girl owes you a damn thing if you're just talking or dating

BUT, that also means girls can't get mad at guys because what I have also learned

- dont be that shoulder to cry on guy in the "talking phase" (she will view the guy as one of her gfs)
- as much as guys should give space to a girl, a guy should not validate or be extremely attentive to girls/women as well. As cliche as this sounds yes there are players, assholes and fuck boys out there but there are women who are ratchet, slutty, gold diggers and etc. Both genders have bad qualities, especially in this era
- going back to my question, I have learned dont put your eggs all in one basket for 1 girl and dont tell other girls you are talking to other girls. I believe if a girl tells another guy she's dating multiple guys. Either the guy will get jealous, she's trying to make him jealous in a very immature way or she doesn't value him. The dating game is just as or if not worse then looking for a job, it's very cut throat. I dont need to tell a girl I am talking to other girls.

[Asker]

That may seem shady on my part but again I am NOT sleeping around with them. Because if that girl turns around the next day or next week and says "I found someone better". Society teaches that the girl is liberating herself for her fairy tale story book ending. But if a guy does that to a girl well then he's an asshole, a cheapskate, a piece of shit. That stuff used to bother me but I learned something, my intentions is not purposely hurt a girl. But if a girl is wasting my time after 10 dates and she's still like I don't know. I will know she's not that serious and I have to move on because I want something serious. I want girls to be happy as well but I won't respect girls who play guys because if girls or women do that I could care less if some dude breaks her heart in the future.

[Asker]

so I dont care if females call me all those awful words, thats fine by me, its not going to hurt my feelings.

[karaspara]

I agree with you