Why do guys think it's okay to talk to more then one girl at a time?

Question

I mean talk like flirting.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

My last guy thought it is okay to talk multiple of them all the time as I was just an option for him if he couldnt find anyone fitter, sexier, better English (i have an accent as I am foreigner), smarter, taller, kinkier etc. He had commitment issues and his biggest fear according to him is to miss out on things such as meeting new girls, and friends, and trying new things (sex partners he meant I believe).

Well his loss, because I am a total catch and full package I have self-confidence.

But my previous guys (2 boyfriends) were not talking to any other girl while we were dating in the first 1-2 months, I am 100% sure. They were totally catch, trustworthy, awesome guys. I have 3 years relationship with one and 2.5 years with the second. They were mature, and not afraid of defining relationship and treated me like I am princess sometimes, sometimes an equal, sometimes a lover, sometimes the best friend. I wish them the best of luck and happiness for good times they experienced with me.

So I think guys who are not ready to be responsible in a relationship, who want girlfriend perks without commitment, who are afraid of commitment, immature, who wanna play the field etc always think it is possible to find a better pussy and treat girls like objects letting vaginas live and flourish. And they think girls are stupid and will never find out. But it is a better strategy to think that everyone else is equally smart as you are in any situation, and it is the most terrible thinking way if you think you can outsmart everyone...

In Turkish we say "Losing bulghur when you try to go to DImyat for rice" which means forfeiting the right to have or own something because you were looking for more and you never confine yourself to what you have had or never try to understand the value of what you have had (I hope I can give you the essence of this proverb in my native tongue). So last guy basically lost me because he was looking for more and now he is begging to come back.

ObviouslyBored · Accepted Answer

If you are talking about dating I have some bad news for you. Exclusive. Dating is to shop around love interests to se whom you have the best chance at a quality relationship with. Dating is only exclusive if the two agree that it is. If dating was always exclusive call it a relationship! I find it so ridiculous that women expect men to go around in exclusive dating relationships to entertain one long relationship. It's silly. When I dated I made it clear I was seeing other guys. I wasn't having sex so there is NOTHING wrong with that. When I decided I wanted to be exclusive with one of the guys I let him know and told the others I had picked a different guy.

SunsetStar · Accepted Answer

I think it depends on the relationship stage. Like, if you're just finding out who you would like to go out with, you can talk to as many girls as you like. It's like if someone was in online dating - I wouldn't blame him if he went on a date with one girl one week and another girl the next. He's just trying to see who he's interested in and who's interested in him back.

It's not really an issue until you get to the point where you're actually committing to a relationship with one person.

samhradh_leannan · Accepted Answer

Because it IS okay- as long as they have not yet made a commitment to be exclusive with anyone. Flirting with multiple people, or even dating multiple people, is totally acceptable, as long as everyone involved is aware that it's not an exclusive situation.

thatguyfromtoronto · Accepted Answer

To be honest, there are 2 reasons why a guy or man might do this and I'm sure certain girls/women do the same as well.

1) The guy is a player or a douche and wants to screw as many girls as possible.

2) The guy figures, he's single (assuming he is single) therefore it's not an issue to see who he is compatible with.

For me, I fall under #2 because when I was younger if I fell for a girl, there would be certain other girls interested in me who were also pretty and I would just go after 1 girl, maybe it's because I clicked better with 1 girl and did not give those other girls a chance or maybe it's because I felt that the closer I was getting to one girl, I felt as though it's wrong to talk to other girls.

Now that I got older, it's not a big deal to talk to other girls, I don't flirt but obviously, a girl should know if a guy asks for your number he's not asking to talk about sports. But I do think the more serious it gets between a guy and girl, man and woman, the talking to other women/girls should slowly decrease and then eventually focus on that 1 special person.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Women in our generation are flaky as fuck.

Women in our generation are picky/fickle as fuck.

Women in our generation are talking to other guys too and will drop you if they perceive another guy as a better option without giving a fuck.

Point being. DO NOT PUT YOUR EGGS IN ONE BASKET.

WhistleForTheChoir · Answer

I think that in today's dating culture talking to multiple people is seen as not a big issue to a lot of people. I, personally, will only date one person at a time, but other people are "just keeping their options open". It's not just men who do this either. I've been blind-sided by women with whom I thought things were getting "relationship-y" telling me they're dating someone else now so we should just be friends.
I've had other women on this site tell me that I shouldn't expect a woman to be exclusive just because we were going on dates. I've had men and women alike tell me that it's a "proof of my value" on the dating market and if I don't have options like that it's kind of sad. As if you should need to prove that sort of thing. It's just the way things work now. We're becoming a polyamorous culture and that is one of the steps toward that. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I hate our culture and find this to be one of our more self-indulgent practices. This is just one of those things where we in the West have decided we should have our cake and eat it too.

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

This only matters if I and the gal have already committed to each other. You won't commit, I don't owe you anything. Though, I keep the serious flirting usually to one at a time.

And I try to keep it obvious the difference between friendly banter and actual attempts to sway romantically. If the response I get is that you don't care that there's a difference, then you're too insecure for me anyway.

No gal has committed to me in years. So I talk to whomever I want. Except the backstabbing c**ts. I give them nothing.

SaintRichie23 · Answer

I talk to a lot of girls at a time because I have to consider rejection into the mix. If I invest all that time and effort into one girl, and she says no, it hurts more and its a tougher pill to swallow than if she said no while I was flirting with 3 other girls.

Girls do the same thing. It is natural to find multiple people interesting, and its natural to weigh in your options. Until we start dating, I'm a single guy. Who I talk to and how I talk to them should not be your concern unless we start dating.

the_illest · Answer

Look, people are just like all other animals. They have natural instincts. Sure, humans have evolved feelings and morals that interfere with those instincts, but they're still there. In nature, the male of the species has one goal, to ensure his genealogy. He wants to spread his seed to as many females as possible. The female generally has the goal of raising young. She wants one male to knock her up and stay by her side to protect the babies while she raises them. I don't mean to sound crass by putting it in such a fundamental way, but that's just nature. It doesn't apply to all people, of course, but deep down it seems to really kind of rule behavior of most

I-am-a-nobody · Answer

As in the situation pictured...
You have to figure out which one is best or at least the most receptive.
When you single one out from the "herd" then you can move in for the "kill". It's as simple as that. I still remember (over 35 years ago now) chatting up 2 girls (who were customers where I worked). I settled on one and after that, the other one would bad mouth me to her friend. Women can be pretty nasty about things like that. When they're competing, they'll try harder to beat out their "friend". If they lose, they might trash the guy.

samtheknight · Answer

I believe there is 3 types of flirting.
1. the lowest level, one a lot of people can do without even noticing they are doing it, which is a general conversation, with a possible innuendo and some sarcastic tones that may portray sexual ideas
2. the gentle, but chosen to do flirting, one where you are trying to get a positive reaction from the other person in the conversation and possibly lead to...
3. full on flirting where you both know what you want from eachother and your talking about things you'd enjoy doing with eachother and trying to set up dates/times to meet up so that it can lead to a relationship/just sex

soul1112 · Answer

You didn't mention anything pertaining to any sort of relationship, though. I thought that's what you meant, but you seemed to have left that out. With that said, it leaves a guy open to options.

The way I see it, nothing's really garanteed. Meaning, they'll try to plant those seeds. If one thing doesn't work out, then why risk it on only one opportunity that may or may not be?

Again, we're not talking about a relationship in mind in the first place. The first problem with society these days in being involved in stuff and not even knowing what to label themselves as (aka "what are we").

fabulouspancakes · Answer

It IS okay to talk to more than one girl (or guy) at a time, as long as nobody is being mislead. In the early stages of flirting, there's no commitment involved and you're just trying to figure out if the other person is interested.
The problem comes about when people (usually guys) lead multiple other people to believe they're the only one. That's not cool, and I believe it's a sign of selfishness and disrespect. So yeah, honesty is the key.

Nik1hil · Answer

That's double standard!
When we aren't committing to you that means we can flirt with 100 women's at a time,
However if we flirt with you, you like us you flirt back and then you don't want any other women near us,
And this jealousy troubles you the time you should come and let us know, even hitting on our head to get our 1000% attention to listen to you is also okay,
See if we know you are jealous of us flirting with other women which means you care,
And that means we can be something, and if I want to have something special with you then I will quit flirting with all the women across this planet and give shot to us.
To see if we can be a successful couple

bloodmountain1990 · Answer

Because you don't put all your eggs in one basket just like with investing in bonds, you gotta diversify. If one goes bad, you got others to fall back on.

From my experience, any time I put my all my eggs in one basket with one girl, no matter how promising it seemed, and it didn't work out, it'd be disappointing and discouraging.

Until you both agree to exclusive, it's naive to think you're the only guy or girl that person is talking to.

With all these dating sites and apps, people have too many options. It's stressful for sure, but comes with the territory.

Anonymous · Answer

It's totally okay to talk and flirt with multiple girls at once, because that's all you're doing--flirting. There is no "relationship" there--just a conversation. And because that's the case, there is no understanding of "exclusivity" either stated or implied. Until you have a conversation where the guy has pledged to be exclusive with you (which, by the way will usually come with you being exclusive with him) he is under no obligation to only talk to you.

Incidentally, this is an INCREDIBLY useful concept to learn early on as it applies to multiple aspects of life. Not only relations with the opposite sex but, for example, jobs as well. Until you have a firm agreement with an employer that you will work for them and they will pay you, you're kind of being an idiot if you're NOT trying to find other jobs to talk to and working on them as well.

LesterJester · Answer

To answer a question with a question, why do girls do the same thing?

Because both genders do the same thing. Not everybody of both genders do this, but it is not exclusive to just one gender.

The real answer can vary depending on the situation. Is the person just dating? Are they single? Are they in a committed relationship? Are they married? There are too many factors to give one single answer.

laser_dog24 · Answer

The more girls you talk to the higher the possibility of landing one. Personally i'll talk to multiple girls but if i really click with one then i'll focus only on her with the intention to get more serious. Also depends on the guy's intentions, does he want to get laid or build a relationship?

MovesLikeJagger · Answer

Everything is on the table until there is exclusivity. He can talk to as many chicks as he wants (and vice versa for you) until the two of you mutually agree to be the only one for each other. That is not an unfair arrangement. You are expecting the impossible otherwise.

NearlyNapping · Answer

Because it *IS* ok to talk to more than one at a time. If he is not your boyfriend, then there is nothing whatsoever wrong with flirting. Even if he's your boyfriend it's still OK to talk to other girls, although flirting becomes questionable, depending on how serious it is.

None of your answers fit. It has nothing to do with being an object, or getting caught. There is just nothing wrong with it.

RationalMale · Answer

Simple. Talking isn't an exclusive relationship. I can be talking to a girl, and unless we've agreed to be exclusive, I'd be kind of naive to think she's not talking to anyone else.

Blonde401 · Answer

What's wrong with talking to more than one person? Keep your options open until you know for sure what you want. Nothing wrong with that.

miaasalas07 · Answer

Tbh just depends on the guy, some guys will talk to one female only if they both agreed they will become a relationship later on what I mean is like getting to know eachother and all that but if you guys just talk and flirt and he don't want a relationship type as in boyfriend and girlfriend then yes it shouldn't matter if they're talking to multiple females even though if the female has feelings towards him she should've known what she got herself into, and the guy as well should have known to why she got feelings towards him and thats what fucks up everything lol

hahahmm · Answer

That's a trick question. Better questions: why can't you get a guy excited enough to focus on you (and I don't just mean how you dress or sex)? Assuming you are 'all that', why do you spend so much time on guys who are bored with what you have to offer?

To more directly answer your Q., if I am really into you and know you feel the same I will just be talking to you. I'm not going to lie to you and say I never talk to anyone else before that point either.

nevermoregirl7 · Answer

A reason a guy might say is that they aren't exclusive. Which is even more confusing. I feel women think if we are dating someone for more than a month, there is already established exclusivety. Guys, on the other hand, need a license, application forms, and finger prints before even thinking of calling it exclusive. But god forbid a woman does the same thing and talks to another guy.

IEat70sBush · Answer

Because it is okay when there's no commitment involved. Why would someone put all their eggs in 1 basket? That's stupid and inefficient at best. Talk to 1 girl at a time for a month or 2 before moving to the next when things don't work out = no wonder some people complain of year-long dry spells, it takes that long or longer when working on 1 at a time. Most actually don't do that, girls included, and that's fine.

Anonymous · Answer

Is it their fault that women on average like the same small percentage of guys? Women are ONLY attracted to about 20% of men so why shouldn't guys have multiple women?

infinitize · Answer

a lot of girls do too if its an option for them, and a lot of guys don't because they can't.
It doesn't make it better that usually guys are the ones having to initiate and move things forward
and that a lot of girls flake on them, putting up "we were only friends" "I only liked him as a person" argument

serious · Answer

If he is single, then I suppose he can flirt with more than 1 woman at a time

Another point is it's upto the guy what he thinks about flirting, if he thinks it's right or wrong

If he is committed to one woman then he shouldn't flirt at all, but if he is single then it is upto to him.

Accelerate · Answer

If he's the type of guy to be flirtsy with different girls he's most likely not thinking as much about the things you're offering as answers, but rather he might be relishing in the excitement and attention he's getting.

He might not think it's morally okay to do this, but knowing what's not okay to do and holding yourself to that are two different things.

MartinMarinov · Answer

There is a difference, between flirt for the sake of having fun and flirt that leads somewhere. An outgoing guy can flirt without even thinking about it, his energy is just flirtatious. Eye contact, talking, body language, smiles, they just naturaly comes up when interacting even with girls they are not attracted to.

stillagoodgirl · Answer

It is ok, same goes for us. It's called being smart enough NOT to put your eggs in one basket. You don't know for sure the person you're talking to is going to be the one so why risk wasting time?

I don't care if he talks to other guys, in fact I expect it but I definitely don't want to see him with another girl

JSmuve · Answer

Because you have a higher probability of landing date/lay if you talk to multiple girls at the same time. Its simple risk management; never put all your eggs in one basket, never invest all your money in one stock, and never invest all your time into one girl. If she falls through for whatever reason then you have multiple backup options.

GreyEyedGreyson · Answer

Your obviously eighteen and have yet to realize it's not a gender thing. But with maturity, you will learn this. Cheating, lying and creeping is done by bad people and last I checked there were a lot of bad guys and girls online and in the streets.

raspberry0416 · Answer

Because he finds all of those girls attractive, and he is not pursuing anyone exclusively. This is totally normal until he becomes really interested in one woman.

genericname85 · Answer

cause guess how many girls reject us... waiting till she finally says no to us is a giant waste of time... better have alternatives going already.

i mean this of course changes as soon as things seem to get more serious. if sex is involved, i stop it but before that, i don´t even see anything wrong with it.

Anonymous · Answer

Because flirting is harmless.

Even if you're in a relationship with someone, flirting is harmless. It's talking. Big deal.

But the way you phrase your question, there isn't even a relationship. It's just guys talking to girls.

Get over yourself, seriously.

Rangers · Answer

I don't flirt much but I do talk to more than one girl I might be interested in. I do it because I don't want to be in an all or nothing situation and if I or she decides she doesn't want to pursue a relationship I can quickly move on to one of the other girls I was talking to.

Anonymous · Answer

depends if you are really interested in one girl, then you shouldn't be flirting with other girls.
If you flirt with more its a bigger chance more will like you, and you have to ditch someone broken, talk to one at a time and if goes bad go on to the next one.

Dalesmith · Answer

if it's the same situation like in the pic then they don't wanna left out their friends in the conversation i mean imagine if we are friends and you are sitting with your friends and if i just talk to you it'd be rude towards your friends, to not notice them at all

JustCallMeLeon · Answer

Because we can't wait 2 months for a single girl to figure out if she likes us more than a friend or not. Saves time and there is nothing wrong with it. Of course this has to stop if the deed is done with one girl.

Whycantijustcomment · Answer

So you're saying that if I have flirted with you, then you have committed to a relationship with me? And I can assume we will start having sex soon? Am I ok to let mom know a wedding is eminent too?

AleDeEurope · Answer

Girls do this all the time too lmao I personally don't like talking to other girls while I like someone else, but despite that, if there's no commitment, there's nothing wrong about it.

navychick2006 · Answer

I used to think the same way you think, but then I got hurt a couple of times after putting all of my hopes into one guy. As long as you're not dating the guy, both of you can do whatever you want, including talking to other people.

Anonymous · Answer

There's absolutely nothing wrong with this concept by itself.
As long as all sides involved know the status of the scenario (open and free flirting), then it's perfectly fine.

To mislead others into thinking that they are each "the one," however, is not only vile, but strategically unwise.

SarahsSummer · Answer

Because guys should be able to talk to as many girls as they want. I don't see a problem. I'd sure hate for my boyfriend to tell me I can't talk to other guys.

JohnDoe3000 · Answer

If it's super early (like where he's not even sure some woman likes him back, or he barely knows her) it's okay because otherwise the human lifespan wouldn't be long enough for the average guy to find someone.

SkyrimAndHugs · Answer

Maybe they want to see what each girl is like before picking out which one to date? Or he can try to date them all, that can be fine too, as long as you don't get into a relationship with more than one.

misstalia_95 · Answer

Um... because it is? Until he's your boyfriend he owes you no loyalty.

Anonymous · Answer

literally guys who do this think the following:
- "she won't find out"
- "she's too dumb to figure ways to find out"
- "ha, I'm now a playa"
- "I'm too smart for girls because they're dumb"
- 'it'll make her/them want me more"

like it's obviously clear that all these are wrong. guys think a lot of things are right when they're actually wrong in reality. not sure why, it's just how we think

MrOracle · Answer

Because until you both agree to be exclusive, you aren't exclusive? Because most of the time, flirting doesn't go anywhere, even if you want it to?

Dale1982 · Answer

If a guy wants to talk to a bunch of girls what's stopping him? Who says he can't? Wtf is this everybody wanting micro-manage every part of life now. Leave people the fuck alone and stop trying to do gods job

Jassssmine · Answer

100% I think because they believe that girls won't find out. I've had guys I'm seeing even put girls in their phones under guys names to avoid me getting suss if I happen to see text msgs!

madhatters4 · Answer

unless you are in a relationship where it is understood that you are with only that person (exclusive) i don't see why a person shouldn't feel able to flirt with as many people as they want

GreysonGreyEyes · Answer

I'm sure... matter of fact, I know girls do the same thing.

tetris · Answer

because guys are always on the lookout for a girlfriend, some guys are just brave enough to actually have girls around them and flirt until a girl makes her move and chooses him.

peachblossomluck · Answer

It's acceptable if no commitment has been established. He shouldn't be dumb enough to flirt with two girls who are friends though.

Shadow44 · Answer

If you're talking about dating then make things exclusive as soon as possible. If not some guys are just friendly to everyone and some guys got good female friends. It's not that big of a deal.

ravedave · Answer

Because it is perfectly fine. If we're not dating, and not exclusive, why should anyone limit themselves to talking to a single person? That's ridiculous. I'm not even dating you, so of course I'm not going to commit to you yet.

Anonymous · Answer

I have multiple women that i see romantically, none of which know about the others. When im not with them thats my time to do what ever i so choose. None of their buisness. I dont belong to them i belong to me.
When im with them they get undivided attention i treat them well.
They can do what they want in their free time i dont ask questions or demand attention, i expect the same privacy. If thats a problem i disappear.

Robsinsf53 · Answer

Its harmless, unless someone's feelings get hurt. If a single guy goes out and hits on three different women thats ok. Its when none know about each other and feelings get stepped on.

AndrewMG · Answer

Because people are capable of making friendships based on personality rather then gender?

TripleAce · Answer

I guess because he wants to explore himself and what he likes... to do that you'd have to communicate with different types of people..

LilWeezey · Answer

if it's as far as dating technically its ok. as far as the old definition of dating.  you date around with people and then you choose one to go steady with.

meatballs21 · Answer

Until there's any kind of commitment between him and a girl, he can talk to whoever he wants. Flirting is practically at the bottom of the list in terms of naughtiness.

Why do guys think it's okay to talk to more then one girl at a time?

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Why do guys talk to multiple girls at the same time?

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