Why do guys think it's okay to talk to more then one girl at a time?

[Anonymous]

I mean talk like flirting.

they think girls are objects

they think they won't find out

other (explain below)

[Anonymous]

My last guy thought it is okay to talk multiple of them all the time as I was just an option for him if he couldnt find anyone fitter, sexier, better English (i have an accent as I am foreigner), smarter, taller, kinkier etc. He had commitment issues and his biggest fear according to him is to miss out on things such as meeting new girls, and friends, and trying new things (sex partners he meant I believe).

Well his loss, because I am a total catch and full package I have self-confidence.

But my previous guys (2 boyfriends) were not talking to any other girl while we were dating in the first 1-2 months, I am 100% sure. They were totally catch, trustworthy, awesome guys. I have 3 years relationship with one and 2.5 years with the second. They were mature, and not afraid of defining relationship and treated me like I am princess sometimes, sometimes an equal, sometimes a lover, sometimes the best friend. I wish them the best of luck and happiness for good times they experienced with me.

So I think guys who are not ready to be responsible in a relationship, who want girlfriend perks without commitment, who are afraid of commitment, immature, who wanna play the field etc always think it is possible to find a better pussy and treat girls like objects letting vaginas live and flourish. And they think girls are stupid and will never find out. But it is a better strategy to think that everyone else is equally smart as you are in any situation, and it is the most terrible thinking way if you think you can outsmart everyone...

In Turkish we say "Losing bulghur when you try to go to DImyat for rice" which means forfeiting the right to have or own something because you were looking for more and you never confine yourself to what you have had or never try to understand the value of what you have had (I hope I can give you the essence of this proverb in my native tongue). So last guy basically lost me because he was looking for more and now he is begging to come back.

[MrOracle]

Okay, but it seems that the OP wasn't even talking about "dating", or at most, dating in a casual way. It seems clear that you always date in a more serious way - which is fine - but if you aren't (yet) that serious, then there's nothing wrong with having more than one iron in the fire.

[ObviouslyBored]

If you are talking about dating I have some bad news for you. Exclusive. Dating is to shop around love interests to se whom you have the best chance at a quality relationship with. Dating is only exclusive if the two agree that it is. If dating was always exclusive call it a relationship! I find it so ridiculous that women expect men to go around in exclusive dating relationships to entertain one long relationship. It's silly. When I dated I made it clear I was seeing other guys. I wasn't having sex so there is NOTHING wrong with that. When I decided I wanted to be exclusive with one of the guys I let him know and told the others I had picked a different guy.

[SunsetStar]

I think it depends on the relationship stage. Like, if you're just finding out who you would like to go out with, you can talk to as many girls as you like. It's like if someone was in online dating - I wouldn't blame him if he went on a date with one girl one week and another girl the next. He's just trying to see who he's interested in and who's interested in him back.

It's not really an issue until you get to the point where you're actually committing to a relationship with one person.

[samhradh_leannan]

Because it IS okay- as long as they have not yet made a commitment to be exclusive with anyone. Flirting with multiple people, or even dating multiple people, is totally acceptable, as long as everyone involved is aware that it's not an exclusive situation.

[samhradh_leannan]

(That doesn't mean you can't be bothered by it. But technically, they are doing nothing wrong.)

[thatguyfromtoronto]

To be honest, there are 2 reasons why a guy or man might do this and I'm sure certain girls/women do the same as well.

1) The guy is a player or a douche and wants to screw as many girls as possible.

2) The guy figures, he's single (assuming he is single) therefore it's not an issue to see who he is compatible with.

For me, I fall under #2 because when I was younger if I fell for a girl, there would be certain other girls interested in me who were also pretty and I would just go after 1 girl, maybe it's because I clicked better with 1 girl and did not give those other girls a chance or maybe it's because I felt that the closer I was getting to one girl, I felt as though it's wrong to talk to other girls.

Now that I got older, it's not a big deal to talk to other girls, I don't flirt but obviously, a girl should know if a guy asks for your number he's not asking to talk about sports. But I do think the more serious it gets between a guy and girl, man and woman, the talking to other women/girls should slowly decrease and then eventually focus on that 1 special person.

[Anonymous]

Women in our generation are flaky as fuck.

Women in our generation are picky/fickle as fuck.

Women in our generation are talking to other guys too and will drop you if they perceive another guy as a better option without giving a fuck.

Point being. DO NOT PUT YOUR EGGS IN ONE BASKET.

[WhistleForTheChoir]

I think that in today's dating culture talking to multiple people is seen as not a big issue to a lot of people. I, personally, will only date one person at a time, but other people are "just keeping their options open". It's not just men who do this either. I've been blind-sided by women with whom I thought things were getting "relationship-y" telling me they're dating someone else now so we should just be friends.
I've had other women on this site tell me that I shouldn't expect a woman to be exclusive just because we were going on dates. I've had men and women alike tell me that it's a "proof of my value" on the dating market and if I don't have options like that it's kind of sad. As if you should need to prove that sort of thing. It's just the way things work now. We're becoming a polyamorous culture and that is one of the steps toward that. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I hate our culture and find this to be one of our more self-indulgent practices. This is just one of those things where we in the West have decided we should have our cake and eat it too.

[ObscuredBeyond]

This only matters if I and the gal have already committed to each other. You won't commit, I don't owe you anything. Though, I keep the serious flirting usually to one at a time.

And I try to keep it obvious the difference between friendly banter and actual attempts to sway romantically. If the response I get is that you don't care that there's a difference, then you're too insecure for me anyway.

No gal has committed to me in years. So I talk to whomever I want. Except the backstabbing c**ts. I give them nothing.

[SaintRichie23]

I talk to a lot of girls at a time because I have to consider rejection into the mix. If I invest all that time and effort into one girl, and she says no, it hurts more and its a tougher pill to swallow than if she said no while I was flirting with 3 other girls.

Girls do the same thing. It is natural to find multiple people interesting, and its natural to weigh in your options. Until we start dating, I'm a single guy. Who I talk to and how I talk to them should not be your concern unless we start dating.

[the_illest]

Look, people are just like all other animals. They have natural instincts. Sure, humans have evolved feelings and morals that interfere with those instincts, but they're still there. In nature, the male of the species has one goal, to ensure his genealogy. He wants to spread his seed to as many females as possible. The female generally has the goal of raising young. She wants one male to knock her up and stay by her side to protect the babies while she raises them. I don't mean to sound crass by putting it in such a fundamental way, but that's just nature. It doesn't apply to all people, of course, but deep down it seems to really kind of rule behavior of most

[I-am-a-nobody]

As in the situation pictured...
You have to figure out which one is best or at least the most receptive.
When you single one out from the "herd" then you can move in for the "kill". It's as simple as that. I still remember (over 35 years ago now) chatting up 2 girls (who were customers where I worked). I settled on one and after that, the other one would bad mouth me to her friend. Women can be pretty nasty about things like that. When they're competing, they'll try harder to beat out their "friend". If they lose, they might trash the guy.

[samtheknight]

I believe there is 3 types of flirting.
1. the lowest level, one a lot of people can do without even noticing they are doing it, which is a general conversation, with a possible innuendo and some sarcastic tones that may portray sexual ideas
2. the gentle, but chosen to do flirting, one where you are trying to get a positive reaction from the other person in the conversation and possibly lead to...
3. full on flirting where you both know what you want from eachother and your talking about things you'd enjoy doing with eachother and trying to set up dates/times to meet up so that it can lead to a relationship/just sex

[samtheknight]

so to answer you're question, as I forgot about that, if they are doing a level 1 flirt, typically some banter with a tad bit a sexual over tone, it's fine for anyone to do. once it gets to stage 2 and 3 that's going to far

[soul1112]

You didn't mention anything pertaining to any sort of relationship, though. I thought that's what you meant, but you seemed to have left that out. With that said, it leaves a guy open to options.

The way I see it, nothing's really garanteed. Meaning, they'll try to plant those seeds. If one thing doesn't work out, then why risk it on only one opportunity that may or may not be?

Again, we're not talking about a relationship in mind in the first place. The first problem with society these days in being involved in stuff and not even knowing what to label themselves as (aka "what are we").

[fabulouspancakes]

It IS okay to talk to more than one girl (or guy) at a time, as long as nobody is being mislead. In the early stages of flirting, there's no commitment involved and you're just trying to figure out if the other person is interested.
The problem comes about when people (usually guys) lead multiple other people to believe they're the only one. That's not cool, and I believe it's a sign of selfishness and disrespect. So yeah, honesty is the key.

[MrOracle]

Fully agree with all aspects of this.

[Nik1hil]

That's double standard!
When we aren't committing to you that means we can flirt with 100 women's at a time,
However if we flirt with you, you like us you flirt back and then you don't want any other women near us,
And this jealousy troubles you the time you should come and let us know, even hitting on our head to get our 1000% attention to listen to you is also okay,
See if we know you are jealous of us flirting with other women which means you care,
And that means we can be something, and if I want to have something special with you then I will quit flirting with all the women across this planet and give shot to us.
To see if we can be a successful couple

[bloodmountain1990]

Because you don't put all your eggs in one basket just like with investing in bonds, you gotta diversify. If one goes bad, you got others to fall back on.

From my experience, any time I put my all my eggs in one basket with one girl, no matter how promising it seemed, and it didn't work out, it'd be disappointing and discouraging.

Until you both agree to exclusive, it's naive to think you're the only guy or girl that person is talking to.

With all these dating sites and apps, people have too many options. It's stressful for sure, but comes with the territory.

[Anonymous]

It's totally okay to talk and flirt with multiple girls at once, because that's all you're doing--flirting. There is no "relationship" there--just a conversation. And because that's the case, there is no understanding of "exclusivity" either stated or implied. Until you have a conversation where the guy has pledged to be exclusive with you (which, by the way will usually come with you being exclusive with him) he is under no obligation to only talk to you.

Incidentally, this is an INCREDIBLY useful concept to learn early on as it applies to multiple aspects of life. Not only relations with the opposite sex but, for example, jobs as well. Until you have a firm agreement with an employer that you will work for them and they will pay you, you're kind of being an idiot if you're NOT trying to find other jobs to talk to and working on them as well.

[LesterJester]

To answer a question with a question, why do girls do the same thing?

Because both genders do the same thing. Not everybody of both genders do this, but it is not exclusive to just one gender.

The real answer can vary depending on the situation. Is the person just dating? Are they single? Are they in a committed relationship? Are they married? There are too many factors to give one single answer.

[laser_dog24]

The more girls you talk to the higher the possibility of landing one. Personally i'll talk to multiple girls but if i really click with one then i'll focus only on her with the intention to get more serious. Also depends on the guy's intentions, does he want to get laid or build a relationship?

[MovesLikeJagger]

Everything is on the table until there is exclusivity. He can talk to as many chicks as he wants (and vice versa for you) until the two of you mutually agree to be the only one for each other. That is not an unfair arrangement. You are expecting the impossible otherwise.

[evelyn26]

What happens if I thought we were exclusive but we were just bf/gf? He thinks it was okay to fool around with some girl from work (she has her own live in boyfriend but wanted my guy as a boyfriend too.) He said we were both his gfs. He doesn't see he did wrong because we never talked about how serious/exclusive we were.
We even talked about children and moving in together. How is that not being exclusive. I gave him a second chance. However, he said we could never be serious or label us because I broke his trust by going through his phone (how I found out about his cheating.)

[MovesLikeJagger]

@evelyn26 I'm sorry, but this guy doesn't sound serious. You deserve exclusivity and you deserve better than what he is offering. Please consider moving on... there are so many decent guys out there. 😊

[evelyn26]

Everyone has said the same thing. I do deserve better. I'm a good girl that is nice, loving, supportive, understanding, honest etc everything someone would want in a person but he messed things up. I don't think I'll get back out there because I have given up and shut down emotionally. I want love, romance, respect and loyalty but guys nowadays are scum. (No offense you sound like a nice guy :)

[MovesLikeJagger]

@evelyn26 Well thanks for thinking I'm a nice guy (although it seems nice guys are finishing last these daya... lol). I am nice... but once I get in a relationship I'm not going to turn into the nice guy-Yes Man. Lol. Anyway, you are sounding like it's the end of the world and all your hope is gone. That is not the way to think about this. You learn from it and move on. Maybe right this second you're in a funk because your feelings are hurt and you made yourself vulnerable and he stomped all over that... BUT remember time heals these wounds! In a week it won't feel quite so bad. In two weeks you might start having some fun again. Before you know it, you found the man of your dreams And all of this will be forgotten. So please don't get too blue over this... the world is your oyster. Possibilities endless. 😊😊😊

[2231238]

@evelyn26 yer know what they say... fake it till yer make it.

[infinitize]

@evelyn26 He has no intentions of being exclusive - he's obviously thinks "its ok" to treat you as such and he's acting either as if he has nothing to lose or as if he knows you won't leave no matter what.
He knows what he's doing is wrong and that its affecting you because he's putting up some stupid excuse that he probably knows himself to be lame

[MovesLikeJagger]

@infinitize Agreed. Good reasoning.

[evelyn26]

Thanks everyone for your advice. I just don't want to risk my heart again. I think it's not worth it. It's better to be alone, free and happy. No dealing with drama and lies from guys. You can't trust anyone. I learned this at a young age, when I was a teenager so this experience with this guy is not why I think like this. I e always thought like this.

[NearlyNapping]

Because it *IS* ok to talk to more than one at a time. If he is not your boyfriend, then there is nothing whatsoever wrong with flirting. Even if he's your boyfriend it's still OK to talk to other girls, although flirting becomes questionable, depending on how serious it is.

None of your answers fit. It has nothing to do with being an object, or getting caught. There is just nothing wrong with it.

[RationalMale]

Simple. Talking isn't an exclusive relationship. I can be talking to a girl, and unless we've agreed to be exclusive, I'd be kind of naive to think she's not talking to anyone else.

[Brah63926]

You're a rational male what else can I say.

[Blonde401]

What's wrong with talking to more than one person? Keep your options open until you know for sure what you want. Nothing wrong with that.

[miaasalas07]

Tbh just depends on the guy, some guys will talk to one female only if they both agreed they will become a relationship later on what I mean is like getting to know eachother and all that but if you guys just talk and flirt and he don't want a relationship type as in boyfriend and girlfriend then yes it shouldn't matter if they're talking to multiple females even though if the female has feelings towards him she should've known what she got herself into, and the guy as well should have known to why she got feelings towards him and thats what fucks up everything lol

[hahahmm]

That's a trick question. Better questions: why can't you get a guy excited enough to focus on you (and I don't just mean how you dress or sex)? Assuming you are 'all that', why do you spend so much time on guys who are bored with what you have to offer?

To more directly answer your Q., if I am really into you and know you feel the same I will just be talking to you. I'm not going to lie to you and say I never talk to anyone else before that point either.

[nevermoregirl7]

A reason a guy might say is that they aren't exclusive. Which is even more confusing. I feel women think if we are dating someone for more than a month, there is already established exclusivety. Guys, on the other hand, need a license, application forms, and finger prints before even thinking of calling it exclusive. But god forbid a woman does the same thing and talks to another guy.