Guys, I don’t know how to flirt please help?

[Anonymous]

hi everyone. I am 25 years old and i will graduate from the University this year. I had severe anxiety disorder and moderate social anxiety. I had psychological help from the phychologist for my anxiety. I feel better now but my anxiety is not completely over yet. I liked a guy from the university and i think he understood that i liked him because of my glances He tried to talk to me more but because i am shy person i felt so anxious and couldn’t talk with him smoothly. I could talk with my male friends relaxed but i couldn’t talk with him properly. He is 28 years old now. We were in same class for one year but then he failed the class. He is so flirty and confident person. We follow each other on Instragram. I wanted him to write me so much because of the fact that i am shy. He wrote one of my instagram stories in which i shared a quote. But He wrote about the topic that i don’t even know so i just liked the Message. He shares many stories but i can’t write even i know that He will response me. I feel so shy and excited i don’t even know how to flirt and i think that He will find me boring if we talk. Please help me i want to get over this situation. Because of my anxiety i had many bad days. I haven’t seen him for 2 years and as i Said i will graduate this year. Maybe we will not get along with each other this is not important to me i just want to say my feelings and get experienced. Please help me.

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[Neyila]

Ok girl to girl, I feel ya. Anxiety can make already hard situations even harder, and it's frustrating for sure. What I suggest is to actively stop overthinking about what to say in your head, and just reply him like you would to your other guy friends. React to his instagram stories and ask him questions to make conversation. Do not overthink, just pretend that he is just another guy friend.

In terms of flirting, you don't need to flirt to get him to like you. Just ask him about his life and tell him about yours, and give him the occasional compliment. If he reciprocates, hang out as friends over lunch or a coffee and let everything happen slowly and naturally. Get to know him slowly as a friend and the flirting will come naturally if you're both interested in each other. Remind yourself that you don't know him and you only like the idea of who he might be - so get to know him as another human being you have never met, instead of a potential boyfriend. Suss him out, get to know the good and bad things about him - nobody is perfect. If you think of it that way, you're likely to be less anxious when interacting with him.

Be honest with yourself and don't try to be someone you're not. Don't flirt if it doesn't come naturally. He will like you for you, and if he doesn't, then you're just not meant to be.

[FunkyMonkee]

Do you have any girlfriends you could talk to? Try asking them what they usually do. If you don't have any, try watching movies that have flirting girls in them. Learn by example. Maybe there YT videos about/by flirtatious girls on how they do it.
In, "Hard Bodies" there's a girl that talks non-stoop sex and all her friends call her, "Ear Candy" because, she TALKS a good game but is only doing it for fun and doesn't WANT to do any of the things she flirts.
In "Spring Break", one of the main characters comes across a girl on a beach and she starts flirting immediately!! Later, he finds out that she's the singer in a rock band and directs her very sexual song directly at him!!

https://www.youtube.com/embed/qNP1-Tsh42Q

[Asker]

I have but my closest friends don’t have boyfriends so i don’t think that they can help. But i will watch these movies definitely tomorrow. Thank you for your answer.

[FunkyMonkee]

No problem, hun. I just hope it was helpful.

[TurboKid]

You can't be a good Poker player if you're playing with scared money. You have to be willing to lose in order to win.

[TurboKid]

That's a bit abstract but you have to liberate your mind and your mouth and body. Tell him exactly what you think. Disagree with him. If you lose him this way, at least you lost him being your true self, and that's better than even gaining him being something else.

[TurboKid]

But don't let fears and insecurities motivate any of your actions or words. Have some fun already and relax.

[TurboKid]

Same thing with finding friends. You unleash your true self upon the world and you can discover your real friends. You keep it hidden and the best you can get is some closeted bunch of unpopular people who just choose to hang out with you because they can't find anyone else.

[Asker]

Thank you for you answer. I agree with you completely. But i have so much pressure on myself. I haven’t had any boyfriend and i didn’t talk with anyone that i know as a flirt. I feel like that i will say something and get embarassed in front of him. I don’t want to think like this i know that it is irrelevant. But if i don’t talk with him i have pressure on myself too. I don’t know where to start. His birthday is on 17th of June. If He post a story i can celebrate him. But then if He wants to know me more i think that He will get boring. I think this is because of my insecurities.

[TurboKid]

Stop being embarrassed. Take off your clothes and run around on the street. Now you can be so embarrassed that talking to the guy you like seems like a piece of cake. But flirting is only complicated to reserved people. I avoided going into it because it comes naturally if you lose your reservations and have some fun. So we have to lose your reservations.

[TurboKid]

And try to stop saying you're insecure and anxious. I know you are but the more you keep saying you are, the more it's like a self-fulling prophecy. You have the power to type, "I love you," now on a phone to your guy. It's just hitting some on-screen keys and pressing enter. I don't recommend it though! That's probably not going to work out well. But you know, I'm just saying you have the power. You start believing it and you can free yourself of your self-imposed shackles.

[TurboKid]

And let's say you make this effort. You touch with him a lot, talk to him showing great interest. You invite him to hang out. And let's say he rejects you. So what? That's not a loss. This is gain. You gained the knowledge that you aren't his type. The sun still rises, the moon still comes out at night. He's probably not the first guy you ever crushed on. Life goes on. But this is a victory because you took initiative in this context for once in your life. You became a master and not a slave. And we're talking the worst-case scenario. Maybe if you take this initiative, you two will fall in love and live happily ever after. Who knows. But don't let your anxiety and insecurities shackle you to the point where life passes you by. Take destiny in your own hands. You can do it. I believe in you.

[Asker]

You are so kind. Thank you for your informative answers. Because of my anxiety i live my life as i am in the prison. I hinder myself from everything i want just not to get embarassed and this is not the life that i wanted. I want change myself and my life. Because of the corona i couldn’t go to the psychologist that i go. I have friends but they don’t have boyfriend so i think they can not help me. Because of the school ended i couldn’t see this guy. But i will try to talk to him. You are right. Can i write you in private message?

[TurboKid]

Sure! I also had this super shy streak for a while since I was forced into the US for high school while barely understanding any American English and culture. I got over it by uni but I remember being so afraid of talking to people (in English anyway) that I was paralyzed with fear and couldn't even answer the phone or open the front the door.

[Asker]

Being shy is the worst thing ever. I lost so many chances in my life. And i have no one to blame apart from myself. I feel angry with myself. There will no miracles happen if i don’t have the courage i know and i got over my many fears but i have insecurities and i want to forget and surpass them to start a new life.

[TurboKid]

I think the real trick is when you no longer need to see it as requiring courage. It might in the beginning. Like people who have a dog phobia might think petting the cutest little puppy dog requires courage. But they get exposed little by little to what they are afraid of and realize that even the worst-case scenarios aren't nearly as bad as they imagined. Then maybe they can work up to the point where they're comfortably petting a Rottweiler. I think overcoming shyness is not too dissimilar. You have to kind of put yourself out there but realize that the worst that could happen isn't really that bad. It's like even if you do something goofy, the actual consequence isn't that painful if you can learn to stop hitting yourself.

[Asker]

I tried to message you privately but because of my Xper i can not message to you :(

[TurboKid]

I tried messaging some people who recently started following me with low Xper in your age range. I think you should have a message now. If not, could you unfollow me and follow me again? That way I'll know which one is you.

[MotorcycleMan]

Being able to flirt is a skill that you can improve with practice, and possibly some reading, but it's not a mandatory skill. What is more important is the ability to communicate with him. Just have some honest talks about your feelings. Perfectly acceptable now to do it through text, which is easier.
This reminds me a bit about a friend I used to work with. She knew that her husband was the one because he was the first guy that didn't make her so nervous she threw up.
A good start might be to talk more though IG and it's a little neutral. Reply to a few of his posts that you like or that interest you. Don't overdo it, but let him see some interest. Let it grow naturally. If it's right, it will happen. Just relax and let it.

[Asker]

Thank you for your answer. I feel like if He tries to know me, He will get boring. Because i have no interesting life. He is athletic, handsome, confident person i know that we can talk but i can not hinder this feeling in me. I think because i don’t love myself i think He will not love me if He knows me in person. I don’t afraid of rejection but i am more afraid of make someone bored. This all are irrelevant i know. Nobody is perfect and there is a possibility that i can find him boring. He used to look all of my stories on İnstagram and now He doesn’t look and i don’t know why.

[MotorcycleMan]

You don't have to be exciting to be nice to be around. Just be someone he enjoys talking to.

[CentralPerk77]

Why bother? I mean you could skip that part and say “hi, I’d like to know you”. It alleviates the hassle you can skip to being flirty via text when you have his number then you’ll prob feel more comfortable in person the following time.
See otherwise you’re relying on men’s small brains to realize you’re flirting.
You could also start with one of my favorites - “hi who are you?”
Then if you start talking a lot a hand on his arm - even just once throughout the conversation and the message is perfectly clear and men like and appreciate the somewhat directness. Why? Because we are often expected to ALWAYS do it and it sucks. It’s a shitty job and we didn’t ask for it. Haha

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Some say practice makes perfect & when it comes to flirting some people are good at & some aren’t & some don’t even have to flirt. I say if you like someone let them know.

[In_Trance]

You practice; same way you'd get better at anything else. Go out and meet guys and flirt with them. Do the best you can every time and learn from your mistakes

[dudeinohio]

You could always send him a private message telling him your feelings.

[Iron_Man]

Practice on here with the guys

[anylolone]

Just try and practice until you know.