Women, for those of you with many options for flings/relationships - what actually makes certain men special/worth settling down with?

[turbocraft]

Nowadays with social media advertising yourself to endless advances from men, dating apps, college groups (sororities/frat gatherings), work setting, bars/clubs, day to day interaction with men --- how does a man truly distinguish himself as a great option for you to date or hook up with? It just seems like women have SO many options nowadays, why would they waste their time with someone more average overall? Even at times it seems like a friends with benefits or hook up with a man they prefer is more sought after than a guy that might be more realistic for a relationship. I. E. would rather share a top tier dude than be with an average guy - at least until they realize they want something else... years later.

The reason I'm asking is that it just seems so unlikely/rare for a younger attractive woman to like me or (average dudes) enough over all of her other plethora of options when considering looks, charisma, confidence, years of rapport (college/high school guy past lovers), income level, etc --- until maybe years much later when I'm no longer interested.

[Adele_26]

As someone who used to sleep around and now has come to the realization that I’d much rather settle down, I have certain qualities I look for that will seal the deal.
1. We have similar interests
2. Emotional intelligence
3. Has a long-term mindset (not living the fast life)
4. Treat others with respect
5. I’m physically attracted to them (usually this grows after I get to know them, so they don’t have to be the “hottest guy ever”.)
6. We have a mutual attraction/respect
7. Don’t depend on drugs/alcohol
8. We balance each other out (ex. I’m not detail oriented while they are).
9. As dumb as this sounds, I just have a feeling that they’re the one I’m supposed to be with.

Overall, it depends on the person’s preferences AND yours. Go to places where you’ll meet someone who has the same interest (as in your favorite places to go bc then you’ll have more to talk about with whomever you meet).

[Ayanna240]

firstly, most younger women date young guys around your age (27). Younger women date young men. If most of these younger women are not attracted to you, then it most likely means you are not physically attractive. Maybe its time to lower your standards a little bit. If you are looking for a serious relationship, avoid the night clubs/ bars. The most proven successful ways to meet your spouse is actually through mutual friends, being referred by someone who knows you very well, or meeting at work.

And last tip for finding lasting love, you will probably need to drop the "she must be young, sexy, and hot" attitude because having unrealistic expectations will only make you disappointed and keep you single. Shallow men do not tend to ever marry and if they do marry, they make terrible husbands.

[Ayanna240]

The more you obsess over looks and money, the less likely you are to find long , forever lasting love. Find someone who brightens your day , fulfills you to the fullest rather than having the best sex possible. People marry those that fulfill them, not give them the best sex or blow job.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't moron. Women are only interested in the top 20% of men, if you don't fit in that group you are not going to have a relationship. If that seems unfair figure out who is responsible for this state of affairs and hold them accountable.

[Anonymous]

The women I wanted when I was 20 ignored me, but suddenly wanted me when I was 30, but I wasn't interested in them anymore.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Soooo, I just wanna make sure I have this correct. You are upset that younger, pretty girls don't want to date you knowing they have a shelf life with you because you will keep getting older but you will still want the younger pretty girl?

Did I understand that correctly or wanna help me out here?

[Ayanna240]

yea these guys are the types that women avoid the most. If he is only interested in 23 yr olds, what makes you think he won't leave you for another 23 yr old by the time you are 43? these are what people call perverts.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

I just honestly don't get the mindset. If they aren't going to honestly offer people what they need then why would someone pick them?

[Goatmeal]

Girls, before you get on your high horses, experiments have been done that showed women are more superficial than men when it comes to looks. Also, throughout school and young adulthood, pretty much no women my age were into me, as a guy you really need to work hard on looking masculine for women to not just see you as a boy unworthy of their consideration.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

*steps down off of high horse*

Howdy partner.

I reckon what we have here is an attempt at what is known as deflection and whataboutism. Around these parts we don't take too kindly to those. Y'all best mosey along now as them kind of things is considered fightin' words around here, well, unless you're looking to have a showdown with the quickest draw in the south, then I'll be your Huckleberry.

[Goatmeal]

How is it whataboutism? It is not reasonable for women to complain about men wanting to date up, when dating up is something women do much more than men. You're way more in demand than we are, so your standards are obviously higher.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

My standards for men are impossible. I don't date them at all.

It is whataboutism because it has nothing to do with what I asked. I asked is he really upset that someone young and pretty won't date him now because he is going to lose interest in her later and he would rather have both?

Women on the whole are way more in demand because guys tend to have a higher sex drive overall therefore they want more partners to do it with.

If women give in and help him with those urges and our own, we are labeled sluts and low value.

If we don't give in we are picky, feminist, bitches.

So, hopefully now that I have addressed your whataboutism we can get back to the question at hand. Is he upset that a young girl won't give herself to him now just so he can find something better later?

[Goatmeal]

Most divorces are initiated by women. Try again.

[Goatmeal]

And you are primarily labeled "sluts" by a) so-called "traditional" (i. e. neanderthal) men, who tend to be extremely popular with women, but want you in a traditional role, and b) by each other, to make sure the price of sex doesn't drop too low for men. If other women are giving it up easily, you fear you may have to too.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

*sigh*

I'm sorry you can't seem to grasp the question being asked and insist on throwing useless information on here, but if you would like to contribute with any sort of intelligent conversation going forward I would highly suggest staying on topic with the question.

Honestly it was a yes or no. Is that what he is asking? I didn't ask for completely inane dialogue about who initiates divorces more. I didn't ask about who is in more demand. I didn't ask who is more superficial. So pay attention cause I am going to try this one more time and if you can't grasp it, then I am done talking to you.

Is the question he is asking about being upset that he can't hook up with a younger woman, just so he can dump her later for someone younger?

[Goatmeal]

Lol yeah no subtext whatsoever SMH.

Also, since you're expressing "subtle" criticism of him wanting a younger partner, just to dump her later when she ages out, I think the divorce stat was relevant. If guys are more willing to stay in marriages than women are, what is the problem?

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Ah, so it looks like you indeed fail basic reading comprehension. Do me a favor if you would please. Go find an adult and have them read my question to you like a bedtime story. It won't be very fun since it was just a simple question, but since simple seems to be extremely complex to you it might be fun for your young mind.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

For the record, I do also love debate, but only with people who actually follow along and keep it on task. Im not trying to debate with someone bringing useless information to the table.

As for being insulting, I'll point to your opening line and leave it at that. Thanks.

Ps. dont bother trying to further debate. You had your chance.

[Ayanna240]

@Goatmeal it’s very true. Men who only date women 15 years younger , never tend to marry. I have seen a lot of these types of 40 guys float from one 18 yr old to the next 18 yr old. Never marrying Due to lack of emotional connection.

A 40 yr old guy who only dates 18 yr olds will only dump you for another 18 yr old when you turn 25. You need to look for a decent guy with the right priorities

[Ayanna240]

@goatmeal

It’s kinda like a woman who only dates rich guys. Once you lose your wealth, she will only dump you for another rich guy. You need to find someone with the right priorities

[Goatmeal]

@Ayanna240 We can't get sex, you can't get commitment. Tough luck.

[Ayanna240]

@Goatmeal every married couple has sex. Only problem is, if sex is the only thing you care about.

[turbocraft]

Hey, appreciate the response but that's not what I meant.

I meant typically these women will be the ones who almost hit an epiphany at some point that they want a guy for stability and a real fostering relationship after they've ran through their fun years. Then they will come around to the loyal, stable, caring dude (which is beta and unwanted nowadays). The intention now for me would be to meet someone and be with them long term-marriage... not jumping from one woman to the next. But I just can't come to grasps with waiting on the sidelines until girls my age are ready to settle down I guess. I just want to know what really causes a woman to love a man. I have plenty of alpha friends that always have a couple girls vying for their commitment and none of them will ever win them over. But in the meantime they are getting ran through on a consistent basis. Unfortunately I come from such a blue pill, good guy background that it's completely removed that aggressive primal masculine behavior. Basically I believe in the old concept of Love, like a Disney movie... hah.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

There we go! That's what I was trying to get earlier from that other guy who jumped in. Thank you for clearing it up.

I think it kind of works on both sides that way, right? There are guys who hook up as much as they can and then eventually settle down just like their are women who want to do the same. I don't begrudge them that, they just wouldn't really be what I would be looking for.

In my case, yes, I did have girlfriends in school that I did things to, I didn't let anyone do anything to me until I met my future wife. I am also of that old school mindset of love at first sight.

There are lots of girls who are looking for it just like there are a lot of guys who do too. I think it is a matter of getting them introduced. In almost every case there is going to be some judgment of looks and personality, but it doesn't have to be predicated just on that. It should be other things too like morals and social stances for example.

There is nothing wrong with wanting the story book romance. Heck, I write a character for my stories who wants just that because I love that kind of thing too. Just don't beat yourself up or compare yourself to others. You just give the person you are interested another person to look at that way.

[Shamalien]

Yeah srsly, most of us men don’t even become desirable to young women until our mid to late 20s, at which point we get called perverts for wanting a woman in her early 20s, where as y'all have pick of the crop from teens to 30s at the very least. Not fair. Stop shaming men for their sexual preferences. A 30 year old man marrying a 20 yr old girl is perfectly natural and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. He will have his shit figured out and boost her into adulthood with his wisdom. Ideally... lot of overgrown children these days, but there are still plenty of good men out there wanting to give a young woman an amazing happily ever after. Cringe away call me names idgaf, I don’t live to impress women like yourselves

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Who shamed men for their sexual preferences? Maybe you should tone it down a bit there.

I asked a question and some goofball came in spouting a bunch of gibberish that had nothing to do with what I asked. When the op clarified I was actually supportive of what he said.

[Shamalien]

LOL damn you guys have been typing up a storm, did not realize how many messages were there

[Ez-Bri-Z]

😊

Yeah, it was actually fine from my end, just some guy came in and started a fight.

[Ayanna240]

@Shamalien There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man in his late 20s dating a woman in her early 20s. Actually most women in their early 20s date men in their late 20s.

But men like you on GAG, love saying that its completely ok for 38 to 40 yr old men to be dating 19 yr old girls. Or how 25 yr old women are usually interested in dating 38 yr old men.

No, women in their 20s are usually dating guys in their 20s or early 30s. Statistics even show that the average age gap for overwhelming majority of couples is 0-8 years apart.

And yes, its wrong and PERVERTED, if you think its ok for 45 yr old men to be only dating teenage girls. Because if a hot body is the only thing you look for in a woman, you are not a decent guy.

[Shamalien]

@Ayanna240 'men like me'

go ahead and kindly fuck off. A 40 year old dating a teen is a stretch, but a man in his 30s dating a woman in her 20s is totally fine and you need to calm down

[Ayanna240]

@Shamalien there's a name for it, its called "sex digger". When a guy only dates women significantly younger and usually has little to nothing in common with her. Women dislike sex diggers , for the same reason, why men hate gold diggers. Its extremely shallow and it shows that this person usually has the wrong priorities in life.

And to be honest with you, I've seen enough "old man lies" on here about how 23 yr old women love dating 38 yr old men. The reality is, overwhelming majority of women are dating men just a few years older than them. The typical 20 yr old woman is dating a 24 -26 yr old man. A typical 25 yr old is dating a 26-31 yr old. Most of us are looking for a man we can grow old with. Not some man that is 12-15 years older than us.

[Ayanna240]

@turbocraft Only guys who lack personality and fail to attract women at every turn will need to resort to acting like an alpha to get women. Because from my experience, i have seen countless BETA males get girlfriends with no problem. If you're failing to attract women, then chances are there is something very lacking about your personality.

You can pretend to be an alpha all you want. But once that alpha facade comes down over time, you will find yourself dumped. Pretending to be someone else only works for so long. Eventually the fake facade / charade will come down.

And if you are already struggling to get women, its not advisable to raise your standards. It will only keep you single for longer. Its very common to see young guys with super high standards. By these standards come tumbling down as men hit their late 30s and realize they are still single amongst all their married peers.

[Shamalien]

@Ayanna240 in my opinion the 10 year age gap is tried and true, worked for my grandparents, it makes a ton of sense and there's nothing wrong with it. Most girls in their mid 20s have no issue dating a man in his 30s, anywhere in his 30s, if they clicked. It's not a 'sex digger' to want a younger woman, it's only natural, they have what we want, we have what they want, there is no issue. Stop shaming. If the woman and the man are consenting there is nothing wrong with it.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

I agree with the part of both adults consenting being fine, but that needs to work both ways and people need to stop referring to the girl as a possible gold digger as well.

[Vikkrram]

See now what i have also seen that Young girls don't know why are interested in older mens. I think they find them mature, or their manhood attracts them

[Goatmeal]

@Ayanna240 First off, every married couple doesn't have sex. Second, so what if some men only care about sex? Lots of women only care about what they can make the guy do for them.

[Ayanna240]

@Shamalien Times were different during 1950 compared to 2020. In 1950, most girls were not given the opportunity to pursue an education. Women were expected to marry their first boyfriends and birth children by teh time they were 18. Women had no way of supporting kids due to their lack of education. So they had to marry a well established , finacially stable, usually much older man who can support a family.

Nowadays, most women have education / careers and so they finally have a choice onto who to date. They are no longer forced to marry men so much older. And most of them are choosing to date men under 10 years age gap. S

Sorry if you're gonna be offended by this but its true. Just check out the statistics and numbers.

I'm 25, I only date guys 27-33. I'm really not interested in some 38 yr -45 yr old trying to ask me out.

[Ayanna240]

@Goatmeal There are 2 types of men out there : Decent men and indecent men

Decent men have the right priorities. When you're looking for a woman to marry, your first priority of importance is forming a unique , special mental connection. Not checking out how round her ass is or checking if she is under the age of 25.

Just the same way that when a woman goes on a date, her first priority should be finding someone she can mentally connect with, not checking out how fat and stuffed his wallet is or seeing if he could buy her the most expensive meal in the neighborhood.

Everyone wants an attractive or rich spouse, but the only difference is if this is the most important top thing that you're looking for.

The guys on here who say they don't date women under 25, will just ditch or cheat on their wives by the time she turns 40. You need to find someone knows how to solely love you for who you are.

[Goatmeal]

@Ayanna240 You should date someone you're attracted to. Pretending attraction doesn't matter will only lead to a break-up eventually.

[Ayanna240]

@ez-bri-z I definitely agree that there is nothing wrong with two consenting adults of big age gaps dating if they have enough in common. But the only problem, there are many old folks who ONLY date women that are significantly younger, someone that he has little to nothing in common with. Because reality is, the older you get , the less likely you are to get along with someone 20 years younger. This is the common rule though there can be exceptions.

Its the same thing as talking about women who only date rich men. Sure, there's nothing wrong with falling in love with a rich man. But if you're ONLY dating rich men and never any average joes, then that shows there's something wrong with her priorities. Decent people don't go around picking who to date on looks or money.

[Ayanna240]

@Goatmeal I always date someone I'm attracted to. I never date anyone that I'm not physically attracted to. But the only difference between me and you is that you have super high standards on looks such as "she needs to be of a certain age, young, hot , sexy, slim". If you're gonna use this criteria to find love, it will be very difficult for you. Because your perfect match may not necessarily be hot, sexy, and slim.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

That is pretty much true, but in the end it really comes down to preference. Some are ok with an older man and some aren't.

You can't make it a one size fits all solution with the 10 year age gap. We can't say most girls have no problem with it because unless they are about 28 or 29 that actually doesn't hold true. I'll link in a moment (I know lolwiki but it is based on the census bureau numbers). The percentage of the population of differences of 10 years or older age gap is only 7% of the population while 0-3 years difference makes up about 53% of the US population.

Also, Goat, you really aren't contributing usefully. Just mostly complaining and misconstruing responses to what you want to believe rather than the reality of what they are. Everyone here has understood each other fine. Please stop trying to make drama in this debate. Thanks.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

en.m.wikipedia.org/.../Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships

[Goatmeal]

Thanks for continuously removing my comments. Real brave way to have a discussion.

[Ayanna240]

@ez-bri-z
www.psychologytoday.com/.../what-we-know-about-age-gaps-in-dating-love-and-marriage

Empirical evidence has also accumulated in support of women's preferences for older men, and as you might expect, the data often overlap with those data supporting men's preferences. As this sample of Conroy-Beam and Buss's (2019) review suggests:

Cross-culturally, women report wanting partners who are (on average) 3.5 years older than them.
In online dating, women make the first contact with older men at a greater than rate they do younger men.
Marriage records show that women are marrying men who are older than they are by about 3 years.

[Ayanna240]

@Goatmeal Your comments aren't removed. I can still see them , on my end

[Goatmeal]

@Ayanna240 Some of them are.

[Ayanna240]

@Goatmeal Nobody has right to remove comments unless they are admin. Its probably a glitch

[Goatmeal]

@Ayanna240 She probably reported them and an admin removed them.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

@Ayanna240 yep we are in agreement on the age thing. I was showing the gap was about that 0-3 years range too.

Also, I am the post owner and I have the rights to remove them if I feel they are inflammatory (like cursing at others here in a civil debate) or just not serving an actual purpose to the debate.

So yes, I'm totally removing them. Be civil or I'll keep doing it too.

[Ayanna240]

@Goatmeal I can still see your comments listed all on here. Its probably just a internet glitch. It happened to my comments several times before too.

[Goatmeal]

@Ayanna240 No, she just admitted she removed some of them.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Sure did 😊

Like I said, be civil and it stays. Be insulting and it goes.

[Slartybartfast]

At what point, does a man who wants children stop dating?

If you get a date with a 30 year old, date for a couple years then get engaged, you'll be 35, which is pushing it for having a healthy child.

Women demand , and yes read some dating profiles of women looking for a family guy and #1 is his income which usually does not happen when a guy is 23!!!

So, women can demand a laundry list of requirements for a man, but a man saying ga isn't interested in a women who can't give him a family is the bad guy?

No, men can have standard and wants too Sorry you are on a very high horse, a clidsdale on LSD.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Yea a woman could demand those things, but so can a whole bunch of other women and then they are in the same boat, they have to provide something more enticing for a man to select them. This is why dating sites exist at all.

Nobody is on a high horse here. You are just speaking from one side of the experience. They can have standards. Heck, everyone SHOULD have standards. Nobody is saying that an age gap isn't ok. I think it is just being said it isn't likely.

[Goatmeal]

You have been plenty insulting yourself. But who cares. I don't want to argue with someone who doesn't even have the courage to allow their opponent an equal say.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

You can say all you want just be civil. I asked the OP a question and you came in insinuating things about me. I gave it back to you when you escalated. I told you I was done and I am. I can debate just fine. I have nothing to fear in that area. I just ask you do it civilly without attacking the poster or ill remove it. So far you have failed to do that numerous times and I have removed those.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Basically it comes down to this:

Cool: "yeah I dont think I agree with you because of a, b, c."

Not cool: "f*ck you, you are wrong because of a, b, c."

[Goatmeal]

Go fuck yourself bitch

[Ez-Bri-Z]

So you aren't going to follow the rules then? Then I suppose you have nothing of value to add to this

[Goatmeal]

I had stuff to add, but you deleted it because my insults were less subtle than yours. Idiot.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Add it without being insulting. It is super simple to follow.

[Goatmeal]

You failed to follow it yourself. Hypocrite.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

I haven't been insulting to you since I said I was done with you. I've let all the old comments say to show we both did it, but you are the only one continuing it with me and others. Just chill and debate civilly. Ezpz

[Goatmeal]

Yes you have.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

I'm not doing this with you. Get on topic please

[Goatmeal]

Why? So you can delete whatever you don't have a counterargument to?

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Again, I am not worried about debate. That's ezpz. If you can't do it without insults than you really don't have a strong case. If you want to debate though, go for it. I'll gladly debate you.

[Ayanna240]

@Slartybartfast From my experience, women only complain about men who still make minimum wage or have absolutely no savings. If you're a guy who has a steady career (doesn't need to be rich), you should have no problem getting a woman. I have a lot of experience talking to men online. The only men who ever complained about women rejecting them due to their lack of financial stability were men who worked minimum wage jobs or had absolutely no savings. Women really aren't looking for someone rich. We are just looking for someone who has a decent paying steady career. Is that too much to ask for?

the younger the woman is, the less likely she is to complain about his income. The older the woman is, the more likely she is gonna complain about his lack of income. Because the reality is an 19-22 yr old girls is not looking to settle down anytime soon. She is not looking to get married or start a family so she doesn't need a financially stable man. She is also broke herself. And there is a good chance, she is dating other guys in college or recent graduates from college.

A man's income plays more importance to women in their mid / late 20s to 30s. why? because women at this age are looking to get married and start family. You can't raise kids with a man who doesn't have any money. And plus, many women this age are professional women with careers and we don't feel like dating losers at this age.

[Ayanna240]

@slartybartfast There is nothing wrong with choosing to not date a woman who can't give you children. But it is wrong to say that you won't date a 30 yr old woman. Because a 30 yr old woman is still of child bearing age. Its not fertility that you're going after, its LOOKS.

If you dislike gold diggers who won't date anyone who makes less than 100,000 a year, don't be surprised if women dislike you for only dating women under 29.

[Goatmeal]

@Ayanna240 Younger men are completely invisible to women. I don't get why it's bad for men to be attracted to younger women when women their own age don't even acknowledge their existence.

Growing up, I was always told that dating younger women was "creepy", etc. But the women my own age were uninterested, and those older than me were even more uninterested.

Maybe for once men are not the problem here.

[Shamalien]

@Goatmeal no way man, men are always the problem, nothing is ever a woman’s fault. Didn’t they teach u that in school?

[Ayanna240]

@Goatmeal I'm 25 years old and I WILL find it creepy for a 40-55 yr old man to be hitting on me. Young women are generally interested in men 0-8 years older. I don't date guys my own age, but it also doesn't mean that I want men that are 12-15 years older.

[Goatmeal]

@Shamalien Several of my female teachers literally did.

[Ayanna240]

@Goatmeal Women only find it "creepy" if unattractive men hit on them.

News flash: we are not attracted to white hairs, wrinkles, sagginess or weight gain.

No we are not attracted to elderly men

[Goatmeal]

@Ayanna240 But when women date younger men, it's "empowering" and shows that she doesn't care what society thinks SMH.

[Ayanna240]

@goatmeal Old men always lie to themselves that young women are attracted to old grandpas because women like older men. If this were the case, then why do statistics show that overwhelming majority of women date men that are on average 0- 8 years older?

I'm 25. I only date older guys age 27-32. Does this mean I am also attracted to 38-45 yr olds? NO

I don't like white hairs, wrinkles, balding, weight gain. Nothing you ever say will make me attracted to an old man

[Ayanna240]

@Shamalien I'm not attracted to 40 yr old men, ok? lets get that straight. Nothing about wrinkles and white hairs and weight gain and sagginess will ever turn me on.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Nobody is saying it is bad to be attracted to younger women. I think the point is that you are less likely to find one willing to date that much older. That has to work both ways. It can't be blame the woman for not being interested just because an older guy is just like nobody should blame the guy for wanting a younger woman.

I think at a certain point it does become creepy though, well, that or kinda sad. If you have a 40 something cruising through college parties trying to pickup coeds that just feels icky.

[Ayanna240]

@ez-bri-z how do you grow old with someone who is already old?

[Ez-Bri-Z]

And I think that's the problem, right? My wife and I are only 4 years apart. If we were 14 years apart, well then our priorities are different. It isn't even a gender thing at that point, it is just differences of where they are in their life.

[Shamalien]

@Ayanna240 lol you haven’t seen my breed. Men age differently. Also idgaf who ur attracted to I wouldn’t date you in a million years

[Goatmeal]

You're both fortunate that you aren't male. I never had a girlfriend in school. I have had sporadic luck since, very sporadic. I am turning into one of those sad guys. All because I'm male and happen to not be good at this skill in life. For you, it requires no skill. Your risk of spinsterhood is all but nonexistent. You should really think about this before you shame or lecture guys.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

I'm still failing to see where the lecture is coming in. I've said several times it is fine of they want to be attracted to younger girls. I also said his likelihood of finding one was severely diminished

I really dislike the idea of "you lucky aren't male) there are plenty of guys who find someone to date. Usually if you aren't finding someone it is because of lack of local options, being TOO selective, or something about your personality is turning people away and that goes both ways.

I also dislike the idea of it takes no skill. If that were true then there would never be a woman ever on a dating site

[Ayanna240]

@Shamalien A man's prime is late 20s-early 30s. Thats why I don't date guys beyond age of 33. And no, not all men age well. There are many men who grow bald by the time they are 32. Sorry dude, I am not attracted to bald men.

I'm pretty excited to see what your dating life would be like by the time you're 43. You won't be able to attract women in their 20s like you used to. Lets see who you're gonna date by then.

[Ayanna240]

@Goatmeal Single women can have children. Single men can't. There is no such thing as a woman who can't have children. If she truly wanted children, she would have them by a certain age. Its only men who die all alone. Women don't have to. Women are guaranteed a family.

[Ayanna240]

@ez-bri-z @Shamalien thinks that he doesn't age and that he will attract 20 something yr old women for the rest of his life. It would be very funny to watch him find out that one day 20 something yr old women will no longer be attracted to him once his wrinkles, white hairs, balding start appearing.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Uh, not entirely true. I wasn't able to conceive children so unfortunately not all women fall into that role, but luckily I was able to find someone who could.

[Ayanna240]

@ez-bri-z its true. infertility can affect anyone at any age. I have met many infertile men before. Infertility in men is more common than you think.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Yeah and it was something I knew early so it wasn't even really a surprise by the time I would have been ready anyway.

Now going back to 40s dating 20s. Im not saying it is impossible, but I am curious what new is being offered if it was that hard to find someone in their 20s.

[Ayanna240]

@Goatmeal are you jealous that single spinster women can have a family but single spinster men can't?

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Let's just keep it civil, both sides. Thanks 😊

[Ayanna240]

@ez-bri-z

I am in my 20s. Dating in 20s tend to be the prime years for dating for both men and women. By the time people hit their early 30s, most are either engaged, married, or already have kids, or they are on their way to engagement.

The singles in their 30s tend to find it increasingly difficult to get a date at this stage in life compared to their 20s. The reason is because many of their peers are already married or taken. They are also no longer meeting as many new people as they used to since they likely are no longer into the night club , partying scene.

I have seen a lot of 30 something yr old guys tell me memories about all the girlfriends they had in their 20s. And now they are single and struggle to find dates.

[Goatmeal]

@Ayanna240 No. Not anymore. I'm annoyed that you have these privileges and still cast yourselves as victims. Hopefully someday society in general will see straight through that scam.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Speaking as a 40 year old, I certainly don't feel it lmao.

If I were single I think I would agree it would be really hard as a mom of two that doesn't go out to clubs or a lot of social events to find someone. I certainly wouldn't be looking for anyone in their 20s for sure. I would want more stability in my life than that. I think between 35-45 would be about my range

[Slartybartfast]

When I lost my high paying job, I lost my wife as well. Even though I worked two 45+ hour a week jobs , did all the housework and cooking, remodeled the kitchen instead of sleeping (I only slept one night a week) it wasn't enough.

Telling me women don't judge a man by his incomn

[Ez-Bri-Z]

I mean no offense, but if you were doing all those and she wasn't contributing then I'd get your complaint, but if she left STRICTLY because of loss of income she seems pretty sketch to me anyway

[Ayanna240]

@Slartybartfast Just because your wife was a gold digger, it doesn't mean all wives are gold diggers. Name calling others just to release your own anger and frustration in life , is not accurate or fair

[Goatmeal]

@Ayanna240 in my opinion it's not about gold-digging as much as it is about women finding weakness in men extremely uncomfortable/unattractive. So you cannot fail. It is not allowed. And this is also why sociopaths are so popular. Because they are emotionally stable and always pursuing their own agenda.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

I whole heartedly disagree with that. People are not flawless. Guys are allowed to fail within reason. I mean, cheating or abuse probably not worth giving it another try but failing at something isn't a death sentence for a relationship necessarily

[Goatmeal]

I honestly believe most women would be more likely to stay with a cheater or an abuser than with a failure or a guy with low confidence.

[Ayanna240]

@Goatmeal In general, women do not expect men to be rich. But a man who makes minimum wage and has absolutely no savings, DOES NOT HAVE HIS LIFE TOGETHER.

Women grow financially stable as they age too. A woman who makes 75k a year, will not date a man who struggles to pay his rent making 25k a year. This is not someone she can rely on to raise children with.

[Ayanna240]

@Goatmeal Women will likely divorce an abuser or cheater. She will only take half your assets.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

You are welcome to believe it, but it doesn't make it necessarily true. I think it would be helpful if you elaborated on what you would consider failure from a guy that would be deemed unforgivable as well

[Goatmeal]

@Ayanna240 That's fine. But don't pretend men aren't basically a resource for you. I've seen the whole process with my dad. Women extract everything they can from men until there is nothing left and he dies and leaves the rest to her. Rinse and repeat.

[Goatmeal]

@Ayanna240 No they won't. They will keep getting abused and cheated on and other women will weaponise that. It's called feminism. What they could have done was find a decent guy. But decent isn't sexy.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

That is NOT what feminism is about and frankly I find it insulting. People toss that word around as an insult but have no actual idea what it really means.

All feminism is in the end is about equality, not subjugation of men. If you are looking to euse a proper term for that try femdom or at worst radical feminism which is just as bad as radical conservatives or radical liberals.

[Goatmeal]

Indecisiveness. Addiction. Losing one's job. Insufficiently impressive job/career. Not enough tattoos. Penis size. Insufficient muscularity. Low confidence. Low social status. Etc. etc. etc.

When I was young and dumber, I thought I could just let my guard down with women and talk to them openly. I quickly learned that I have to weigh everything I say and consider how far it deviates from the absurdly masculine charicatures most women want men to be.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

I'll cover these one by one

¹indecisiveness- not for a single occurrence. No chance, no way.
²addiction. This is feasible depending on the addiction I would imagine. Addiction to telling bad dad jokes, nah. Addiction to crystal meth? Yeah, possible.
³losing ones job. This has happened, but I would be hard pressed to think of it happening just as it happens. Maybe with a history of it or not showing an attempt of trying to get a new one I see this as feasible.
⁴insufficient career. She would generally know what he does before they get married, if he is miserable but shows no ambition to better himself or blames others for his failures then yeah incould see that happening. If she is that focused on money though she probably wouldn't have married him to begin with.
⁵not enough tattoos. What? No seriously, this one makes no sense to me
⁶penis size, pretty certain she would know his size going in to a marriage.
⁷insufficient masculinity. Generally something she would have known going in.
⁸low confidence. Again, probably something she would have know going in.
⁹low social status. Again, probably something she would know going in.

If you are talking strictly about even getting to date someone then these make even less sense as most would require some time to get to know someone first.

As for conversation and being careful what to say - that is nearly all conversations regardless of gender. If I tell my wife "hey maybe let's do something else for dinner." because I dont like her cooking, that is way better than me saying "you can't cook for sh*t"

[Ayanna240]

@goatmeal. The extracting all of your resources only happens when you marry women who make minimum wage. Marry a woman who is not a loser and can support herself

[turbocraft]

@Ayanna240 Honestly it just seems like the women that would be on your tier naturally won't be willing to settle with you until their value starts to go down. The various reasons again --- dating options higher for women, makeup, filters, social media, etc. It's easy for average-above looking women to jump up a few pegs, because even very attractive men will bang Them, and bail after.. A man's value and confidence are generally low until they age with accomplishments. Unless they are gifted with rare charisma/above average looks. Women come ready made... men must become. Hence why I am saying it sucks building this all up , let's say I hit 30 then these women are into me. At this point It would seem to make sense to go for the original tier women you were supposed to be with... which would be much younger than your peers by the time you're a "Catch".

[Ayanna240]

@turbocraft

I'm gonna tell you one thing:

Most men never reach the type of success that you are referring to. Actually most families live from paycheck to paycheck. And even if you end up being successful at 48 but you look like shit, you will only attract gold diggers. Because reality is, no woman would date a man that she is not physically attracted to. If there is no physical attraction, the relationship is just a sham.

The only time where a man has many options at an older age is if he is high status, rich, and still somewhat good looking. Usually guys in their late 30s or early 40s.

[Ayanna240]

@turbocraft From my experience, if a man is still not in a relationship or married by the time he is 45, there is a 95% chance he will never get married and have kids. By the time a man hits 40, its more likely he will stay single for life than ever get married. But he still has a chance of still finding someone. But if once he hits 45, the chances of having getting married and having kids is very slim.

[Ayanna240]

@turbocraft Reality is, most men and women usually end up settling when they hit their mid 30s / early 40s. Its the guys in their 20s that have the highest standards. They want someone young, hot and sexy and exciting. Until they are 38 years old, balding, still unmarried, all their other guy friends are happily married with kids. This is the time where he will start drastically lowering their standards.

[turbocraft]

@Ayanna240 I understand. I'm well off financially. Net worth, income. Height, even looks (now at least). Physically/muscle wise top 5%. Likely will not bald with my genetics. If you were to ask my qualities I would say caring, respectful, smart, empathetic, etc. Generally things that women say they care about... But what I lack is charisma, masculinity, bravado. It seems I missed those in my formative years and now I'm playing catchup. Introverted, but social. Can't get a date on dating apps to save my life, but in real life more success now. It's no one's fault but my own. However, in today's landscape a man really must have almost everything going for them it seems. It just does not seem like it should be THIS hard. Women look for reasons to disqualify men/their shortcomings... Again, generalities.. There will be unicorns.

[turbocraft]

@Ayanna240 Also why are there concepts like the Red Pill, more self help/improvement for men, more virgin men from age 18-27 than women (and rising), etc? All I can think of is everything I've stated/hypergamy. Women don't need to settle with their ideal match or average man until they're older - enjoy the youthful years and those same men will wait around for them.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Mmm iunno @turbocraft it seems to me if you had those qualities you would have found a date somewhere. There are guys finding dates who are maybe a 5 on a good day and there are complete jerks finding dates. Blaming women and saying that we are discriminating that much really sounds like an excuse to me.

[Ayanna240]

@turbocraft I am VERY experienced on dating apps. I can tell you that if you're an attractive guy, you will get women responding to you. If you can't get any woman to reply to your messages, then its a pretty good indication you're not attractive. And my second biggest tip for dating , is you NEVER EVER TALK ABOUT YOUR INCOME. You want her to know that you have a decent job, a car, house, but never ever tell her that you make 200,000 a year or that you are vice president of whatever company.

The only types of men who complain about not being financially stable enough are the men who make minimum wage or are 37 years old and has as small of a savings as an 18 yr old kid.
Trust me, most women are not expecting for men to be rich. We are just looking for a man with a decent paying career, good job. THATS IT.

Many men think that they can have better dating prospects once they are rich, but truth is, this could be true to a certain extent. But you will also be attracting a lot of women who will USE YOU FOR MONEY. I have seen this happen to a couple of my male acquaintances. These women are just dating you so that you can take her out to eat at expensive restaurants, they are not interested in having a serious relationship with you.

[Ayanna240]

@turbocraft And lastly, from my experience, men and women tend to be attracted to different things when it comes to romance. Women are looking for someone who can give them a good time. This means someone interesting / charismatic to talk to, someone they can relate to, someone who can make them laugh. While men tend to be more attracted to sweet, kind women, who are not necessarily charismatic but just give off happy vibes. But different women are attracted to different things. Just because one woman can't fall for you, it doesn't mean the rest of the world's women aren't attracted to you. I HATE introverts. My best friend loves introverts.

My advice is to never pretend to be someone that you aren't. Because this façade will just come tumbling down eventually. You can't be an actor forever.

Go travel, go make new experiences, go do new things, interact with more spontaneous or charismatic people. Introverts do not tend to be charismatic or funny. Go work on your social skills by practicing talking to people by going to social events. The more new experiences that you have, the more you will have to talk about, the more interesting you are.

[Ayanna240]

@turbocraft From my experience, if you have a very good personality and character, you can EASILY find love at any age. People on here like to obsess about looks and money but truth is, personality is the most effective thing you can use to attract people. For example, I am not rich, super accomplished or super pretty, YET I CAN EASILY GET A GUY TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME.

The types of people that you want to AVOID DATING are the folks who obsess over looks, money, or status. These types of people do not know how to love someone thoroughly for who they are. Sure, everyone wants a rich partner, everyone wants a hot spouse, we should not expect every person we date to be rich or super hot. If they can't respect anyone who isn't hot or rich, what makes you think they will respect you once you lose your looks and money?

You need someone who respects people for who they are, as a person.

[Ayanna240]

@turbocraft Go to a hobby club. Since you both will have same hobbies, a conversation will arise and flow naturally. So there's less pressure.

[Avicenna]

You're talking about hypergamy. As long as someone feels they can do better, they won't settle down.

[Omario2049]

It's not so much the man, it's any man she can get to settle for her after she has been ran through. Women are the gatekeepers to sex but men are the gatekeepers to relationships/commitment.

[Anonymous]

To the other commenter:
Women are interested in the top 20% of people. So you need to be in the top 10% of men to be attractive. Because there are many women literally building their lives right now around being attractive to other women