If your 21 years old child live with you would you give them a curfew or tell them they can't date?

Question

Lliam · Accepted Answer

Hell no. That's abusive behavior.
There are some things I wouldn't allow under my roof like smoking, drugs or drinking excessively. I wouldn't want my child to engage in self destructive behavior.

Forbid dating? WTF?
I wouldn't set a curfew, but I would ask them to let me know where they were going and what time they would be home so that I wouldn't sit up worrying.

When it comes to dating and curfew, I would hope that, by the time they were 21, I had instilled in them good values and enough common sense to trust their judgement. And I would want to have the kind of relationship in which they knew they could confide in me and even ask questions without fear of anger or judgement.

As for sex. I wouldn't care as long as they were being safe. I would actually assume that they were sexual by that age. 21? Jeeez. I had my first girlfriend when I was 16. I used to bring girlfriends on family outings and even to hang out in my bedroom.

ProCoffeeAntiSleep · Accepted Answer

21 is an adult, you can make your own mistakes.

Also to people saying just move out, (1) that’s economically becoming less possible with rising house prices and lower incomes, particularly for those just entering the job market likely on minimum wage with no savings.

(2) I don’t know the situation but I know enough people who care for a parent/ sibling/ etc, as well as any number of other factors that could make moving out difficult.

If you can move out, good for you, but life is complicated and doesn’t always happen in order.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

This isn't a hypothetical question so why don't you tell us the facts?

Mofunfour20 · Answer

Yeah. If my kid doesn't have his own place for all that relationship shit. He/she clearly isn't reaponsible or motivated enough to be an adult. A woman definitely won't respect a man that sleeps in his moms basement as she would a man that has his own place. Relationships work better when you're not impeding on someone elses space. I would only give my daughter a curfew because women are very vulnerable to criminals

ZackBan · Answer

21 year old is no longer a child neither legally nor physically. So no absolutely not.

When I was 21 I had the absolute freedom to do what I pleased even when I lived with my parents.
But in return I made the right choices and never let my parents down with my decisions

MotorcycleMan · Answer

Personally, I wouldn't, but parent's house, parent's rules. Sorry, but that's kinda how it works.
When you are out late, parents are going to worry. I know that isn't your fault, but that is the way it is. They are going to worry and stay up waiting to see that you are OK because they love you and don't want any harm to come to you. Staying up late can impact their lives in a big way.
All that said, no dating seems a bit much. Might be time to find your own place.

hahahmm · Answer

Curfew: no. If they dated someone I am 100% certain is going to help them ruin their lives I can't support that. They can go live somewhere else. But it's not just about who they date, it's about how they live. I'd also toss them out if they decided to do drugs in my home or became a lazy deadbeat.

abc3643 · Answer

Dating is up to them; I can't and shouldn't change that.

Curfew though - absolutely. It's my house and my rules and I don't want any aggravation after a certain hour. That said, my parents didn't give me a curfew, so I'd probably be cool and do the same thing, but I'd expect my kids to be respectful of the others living in the home. If not, then I set a curfew which will be enforced.

fr44c3iqqs · Answer

I would not give curfew but I would suggest they get through their goals as fast as possible and to get a car prior to daring as well as to read a lot of stuff and advices before dating to avoid constraints or hassles, and to try moving out ASAP if dating or wanting to date to avoid turning the person off, as in automatic not interested, especially if it my child is a guy, but I wouldn’t do kick out. People must make mistakes to learn, but thinking unbiasedly is also a must!

Anonymous · Answer

Well they are 21 and an adult, so you can't tell them what to do as far as dating or what they are going to do with their life (give opinion if they ask for it but that's it). However if you have certain house rules you'd like them to follow while still living under your roof, that's your right (family makes it no different than if you had a border or stranger renting from you). They can pay rent or move out if they don't like it.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

No but would have a talk about acceptable behaviour under your roof. While not a curfew, I would mention that coming home at 3am wakes up rest of house and to be in earlier. also rules for guests

Inexpensivefurniture · Answer

No way. They are an adult, they can do what they want

exitseven · Answer

Yes, my house, my rules. After my kids graduated from college I gave them one year of free room and board but after that they had to pay. I don't think that any of them ever gave me a dime.

Adam1978 · Answer

Curfew perhaps if they did something really bad. But I wouldn't forbid them to date.

DWornock · Answer

No! One they get past age16, they are more or less going to do what they want. Hopefully, if you raised and taught them right, they will make good decisions and follow what you have taught them.

worldscolide · Answer

Nope they are adults.. I would however charge them rent and make them pay a portion of the utilities.

Browneye57 · Answer

Quit whining about your parents and get your own place. Problem solved.

CT_CD · Answer

My 21 year old child still lives with me and she doesn’t have a curfew.

Twalli · Answer

No. But to bring a date home for the night I would need to meet that person first

guyinterested · Answer

I don't have that experience obviously... but if you are an adult, you are legally allowed to do what you want, when you want.

Anonymous · Answer

neither they be living on their own in their own place

Anonymous · Answer

Not date at 21? They'll be living at home forever!

RasberrySlushPuppy · Answer

21yr olds aren't children 🤔

ToastyOats · Answer

If they have to live with me, yes.

Yourfriend2021 · Answer

21 is already an adult, why do that?

In_Trance · Answer

Depends... do they pay rent?

kinggeorge007 · Answer

Nope

karaspara · Answer

Neither

msc545 · Answer

No of course not.

chriscdi · Answer

No lol

Better_th4n_You · Answer

None of the above.

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