Some say being a parent is a forever thing, what do you say? Would you kick your child out once they reach a certain age?
When you have a child you are a parent forever. You don't stop being a parent once your kid becomes an adult. I am not a parent and I most probably won't ever be, however I am pretty sure that is the way it is supposed to be.
If you bring a child onto this world or if you decide to adopt one you give an unspoken promise and that promise involves that you have the responsibility of being their parent for life and this is very important.
In my opinion people who are not able to do that, should not be parents.
Being a parent is a life-long commitment. I've witnessed my friend getting kicked out by her mother on her 18th birthday - at her party, at 12 am in front of everyone - because the mother wasn't legally required to care for her anymore (except with money), and the devastation and sadness that suddenly filled the room was horrific. I'd never do anything like that. Even now, with me close to 30, my mother is like "if something goes wrong, I'm not going anywhere, you can always come home". So no, just because of age I'd never do that to the child I will never have. If they would take everything for granted and act up, that'd be a different story, but I'd still offer some sort of support if they left my house.
You never stop being a parent. I just thought of that 90 y/o man who got a driving ticket bc he rushed his 70 y/o son to the hospital who was having a heart-attack or something.
There are pieces of trash in the world that would do this to their child. I would never even consider it. My boys know that they have a place to stay as long as I have a roof over my head. I do not charge them rent either.
Now, that is not to say I am going to let them do nothing. My oldest son was working part time, not trying to further himself. I made up a contract and made him sign it. It listed the things he had to do if he wanted to continue living under my roof. I knew he would be motivated by that. It turned out to be one of the best things I could have done. He straightened himself out, got a better job, and has been doing great since. He moved out on his about a year later.
I wanted to add. There are parents that charge their children rent. The good ones take that money and put it in a bank account for that child. Then they give it to the child when they move out, or get married.
Being a father isn't something I can do "up to age xxx". It's until I'm pronounced dead. If I've got the means or not I'll try to do the best for my son. I'd go hungry before I see him miss a meal.
Why wouldn't I? If you can imagine yourself kicking your child out then please, don't reproduce...
Opinion
43Opinion
no. that doesn't work anymore.
I think the job of a good parent is to make themself *obsolete*. In other words, to raise a child to know how to be an independent adult. That starts at birth and is a progressive work at each stage, based on the child's developmental abilities at any given stage of their growth. My family tends to live in multi-generational households and we like it that way. However, adults do not get a free ride. When you hit 18 you are either in school full time (and usually working part time, too), working full time, or seriously job hunting. You also contribute both financially to the household and do an equal amount of work around the home as any other adult family member. Adults in the family unit also have a say in how things function. Actually, children's and teen's thoughts/feelings are also at least taken into account in family decision making. Any adult family member who wants to live on their own is encouraged to do so and will always receive a level of support from their family, although not a lot financially in that case. The only time I know of that an adult family member was not allowed to stay living in the family home was when he was so contentious and verbally abusive that he was invited to find his own place. Even then, he still received the same level of support from the family as anyone else who chose to live on their own.
Not just due to them been older no. And my mother kicked me out in the worst way possible making a fake assault report and all this shit, and ironic from her. Didn't go anywhere because nothing happened and she just wanted me out. Could of just asked me to leave. I would've.
Only time I would kick them out is if they genuinely acting as you are their maid and server. Even if they are lazy and not getting a job that wouldn't both me and be hypocritical, the difference is acting like they need you to do everything for them.
Because that's not lazy it's been a brat.
Depends on the following:
I lived at home for a few months about 10 years ago when I was saving money to buy my first home. I did things to help with my dad’s business in the meantime. It’s not like I was just being a directionless bum.
we have three houses and my parents would use to ask our relatives if they can stay in one of our house. my parents don't want it rented for sentimental reasons. my parents also work abroad and even as an adult they would worry if it's just me and my sister. it took a lot of convincing that it's ok if it's just me and my sister. so no i won't kick my children out. if there's something i would want them to learn i will just find another wsy
children knows what they are capable or not capable of. yoy see them as lazy but maybe they just have some issues. kicking them out jmo will not do any good and will lead them to do harmful stuff like doing drugs
@xia1994 Becoming a parent, comes with the responsibility of doing your best to rear children that can stand on their own two feet, financially, socially, psychologically, and that starts the day you bring them home from the hospital. My parents would NEVER, and did NOT force me out when I was 18. How irresponsible would that be? Being 18 would only come with finishing High School, and how would that put that 'child' in a position of being able to support themselves?
My parents did their best to help me get through a small college, with a B. A degree, and some work experience that allowed me to compete for a job in the work place. I then moved out, and got my own place, and then moved to CA when I had work experience to survive and not be living on the street.
Being a parent is something for life. My parents could kick me out of the house if they wanted to, but they don't because they know I'm not able to take care of myself yet and still need to finish parenting me on things. But I do housework, do my own laundry, make my own lunch & snacks, wash my bedding, wash our bath towels, help with food prepping for dinner, and set the table. Sometimes I'll even put the food away after dinner when everyone is done, and it's cooled off. Just because I live at home doesn't mean I don't have any adult responsibilities to tend to. But back on topic, I think the parents who do just throw their adult children out there don't know what they're doing. And they can't be upset if their kids don't want to see them anymore or visit them. They made it obvious they don't want to be parents.
Fuckin hell, so like you all would be ok with a 40 year old freeloading off his 60 year old mother? My uncle was like that, until he became an addict and grandma had no choice but to tell him he couldn't come back after he went to jail. Now he lives in the street homeless, and will probably die there, but ultimately it's his choice. I can understand a parent helping out a child who's gone through a divorce or something traumatic in life, or a child living with their parents longer if they are studying for a profession, say a doctor for example, where they have to study many years, or even a parent and child living together after the child is far into adulthood if both are working and supporting the household. But expecting a parent to support a child for life? That's fucked up. I guess you could even call it parent abuse.
The comments most of them are saying the kids can live in the house they grew up in but many of them said they’d raise their kids to crave independence so they move out or that if their kids stay they need to behave well, and live under their rules.
Some said they would want some rent from their kids, others said their kids can stay for free provided they have jobs and live following their house rules so everyone here has a different perspective.
How can a child freeload from their parent though? Many parents here say once you gave a child it’s a forever thing and you need to be there for them no matter what cause you as a parent brought them here in the first place.
The economy is also pretty bad thats what some comments pointed out so kicking your kid out doesn’t work anymore is what they said I gave you a general summary.
I
I am not going to kick them out.
I am going to raise them the way that they feel ready and willing to try an independent adult life by themselves and always know that they can rely on me, in case they need me.
I’ll always be there for them.
But I want them to learn the independence early on. So while I’d not kick them out, I’d encourage their independence early on.
No. Parenting never stops. I would allow them to live rent free until they are financially able to move out. While encouraging them to reach that goal in life. All I would ask is for them to help with house work. As they would have to in a place of their own/rental with flatmates.
Parenting doesn't stop at 18. Treating your kids like they're a burden is fucked up.
Also, if they move out and need to move back a year or so later? They're always welcome back.
Yes I would if they were just sitting around and doing nothing , Not working , Not helping around the house etc. I would kick em out and tell them to find someone else to support you , because legally you aren’t my problem anymore only if they were a complete piece of shit bum
Never, ever, ever. I haven’t the inclination to have any though, or engage in the process of causing pregnancy, eww. Anyhoo, although my mom was plenty willing to give me my “freedom”, she wouldn’t want to lose me, and I wouldn’t want to be away from her either. There’s a family history of psychiatric problems that make it difficult to impossible to live on our own. I would blow a gasket having to live on my own; incidentally one can’t possibly be prepared for everything. I was going to leave home at 21 because I had just gotten my disability and I was desperate to get away from the alcoholic who despised my very existence, but even then the thought of leaving even at that time was sheer hell. My grandmama was living with us at the time and she didn’t want me to leave either. I hadn’t told them my plans but someone I knew rang us and blew my cover. It didn’t take much for me to back out after that. Besides, the alcoholic was too sick to bother me much and died four months later.
It is way too difficult to make it financially at 18 now, compared to say, 30 years ago. I think it is way too unrealistic to assume that someone can support themselves at 18 and to leave home. One case that I know of is an 18 year old being "kicked out", then his best friend's parents took him in. He applied to get into the military but it took a couple of months before he could leave. He was lucky to have been taken in.
No.
It is better to make them uncomfortable at home to the point where they want to leave to have freedom.
They all know coming back is an option, but growing up my mom treated me like I had become a tenant after 18 and I am grateful she did because it compelled me to want to leave and I in turn grew up. Had I stayed home I wouldn't have.
No, but I would expect them to work if they're not studying and contribute to the bills if they're working. I'd never kick them out, unless the situation at home was toxic for some reason... but even then, I'd help them as much as possible. I wouldn't leave my child in need, same with other members of my closest family.
I won't have to.
They will be preparing for self reliance from the day they reach school age and be biting at the bit to realize their independence and full potential by age of majority.
My sister was. My mother had laid out a rule based on past actions and she went away with a boy (my mother disliked) for four days just after turning 18. No warning. No call. Then she walked back in as if nothing had happened. She found my mother had packed her room. And was told to get out.
I now think it hurt my mother so badly she packed even if she had been hurt and wasn't coming home. But to leave like that was ultimate disrespect so she was out regardless.
She moved in with the guy and eventually married him. Convenience. They are still as bad as each other. We rarely talk. I can't have her near my family.
You can only be significantly let down so many times before you lose interest trying.
No, I would never kick them out. When they were in college we were fortunately to live close tomany good schools. Instead of spending money on crappy dorm rooms and lousy cafeteria food I built a 4th bedroom and another bathroom onto my house so they each had their own room and their own bathroom. After they graduated they had one year to live rent free then I wanted them to pay towards household expenses. I think I wanted a hundred bucks a week. That was when they moved out.
We didn't have to kick anyone out. Our daughters both became self-sufficient and moved when it was right for them. One is an engineer, homemaker, homeschooler and author of a homeschooling book. The other is a Graphic Artist and mom, soon to start homeschooling as well. They both knew when the time was right.
kick out? no... but I would teach them about how important it is to be independent and live their own lives... It's the best motivation... to wait for something
Not really. Even if theyre jobless, I'd only kick them out if they're gonna bring more burden to the house hold. Like bringing "friends" over, having a partner that's staying, having kids of their own, doing drugs or any illegal activities. Of course they have to be at least useful with the households.
I know this sort of thing happens but it's normal for them to hang around in their twenties unless they're off doing their own thing. Eventually they get bored of you cramping their style and find a place of their own but it's so expensive nowadays it can take a while.
Yep once these kids hit 50 they gotta get out of my house
Have you seen this economy? I wouldn't blame my kids if they wanted to start doing it the way they do another countries and live with me. Other countries like India have the families live together.
Back when my parents got their first apartment in 1967, the rent was $100 a month or less. That same apartment is now $3000 a month. If I had kids, I wouldn't kick them out unless they stole from me or were hard drug addicts.
It depends. I expect them to carry their own weight. Pay their share of the rent, bills, food and whatever is theirs. I would love for them to go to college and study something worthwhile or learn a trade. Open up their own business. Something. But if they think they are going to live off mom and dad at 25 with no type of education or contribution in this household they are mistaken
No. You have to be a scumbag of a parent to do that unless your child is bringing sin into your house.
“Sin”, another way of saying you hurt an imaginary god’s feelings 🤣
@Kingofkings1992 I get that you don’t believe in God but some of us do and he’s not imaginary, so your comment here about God is very disrespectful all this for a 1 second joke that isn’t even funny? Really?
I don't want any kids, but if I had any, they wouldn't be kicked out, they would instead inherit the family house they grew up in.
I’d want them to want to be independent and make their own life. There is a point at which an adult needs that whether they want it or not.
Absolutely not, but I would require them to maintain a job and be productive in society. Mama ain’t raisin’ no fools.
No, if they were working and not an insufferable asshole that I couldn't stand, then I would let them stay until they are ready to go.
no that's dumb, age is not a magical thing. kinda cruel, but there should be expectations. if they mis behave, I'd turn them loose.
My mom kick me out at age 17 . I'm different my kids will stay at home forever if they decide to stay. Being a parent is a forever thing.
No I wouldn't kick them out but they need to get a job and save up to get their own place once they reach a certain age.
It's not about age, I think it should be more about their motivation (or lack thereof) and if you try all these things to motivate them to do something or pick a direction then as a last resort it may be necessary
"Kick out" is strong but if they stayed until 23-24 I'd be telling them to start planning to move out and be an adult.
I never want a kid, but if I had one I'd never want them to leave. I hate change.
yes. because it would actually be worse for the to stay around. i don't wanna create a long term dependency. they're supposed to become autonomous.
of course i'll make sure they don't starve out in the streets but they should get a job and their own place.
Your job as a parent is to prepare your kids to be able to live and function on their own. If they still want to live at home as an adult, you've failed.
I said you've failed as a parent if your adult kids still WANT to live with you. 2-3 years of working on your own should be enough time to save up for a down payment and its time to get out and live on your own like an adult.
@BonzoInBitburg what if your child wants to help care for you in your elderly stages of life? And that’s why they’re saying home… you know parenting is a hard job so I cut parents a lot of slack in some cases could it not be possible that your child staying home with you is not a reflection of failed parenting?
I have 4 kids and 3 were homeowners before they turned 25. They all paid for their own education. The one that isn't a homeowner is working their way up the corporate ladder and moves locations when a better opportunity opens up. I'm very close with all of them and none of them want to live with me but we get together often. They are independent and very good at adulting.
@BonzoInBitburg that’s great to hear!!!
I just don’t think it’s failed parenting if your child wants to stay with you, every child is different and every parent is different.
Some people let their kids stay with them so their child can save money and accumulate wealth. Others let them stay with them so their child has accommodation while in college, Others just let their kids stay because they want to and in some cases their kids stay over marry and have kids who stay over and it’s a big family I have some neighbours that did that was so cute to me 😂 anyways though.
I completely hear you and I respect that you want your kids to be independent, the part that I wanted to point out was that you said it’s failed parenting to have a child who wants to live with you,
To me failed parenting is harsh to say especially when all your child wants to do is stay with you, it’s not like your kid is a menace to society and isn’t working or getting qualifications and obeying your rules as they stay in your house…
Basically I’m trying to say that they aren’t being a bad kid as they stay with you if you didn’t raise them to be a bad kid.
It's not age. It's maturity. I say yes if the 22+ yo can't abide by rules of house and is making no effort to get employed / school / out with friends.
Nope I wouldn't, as long as I notice that it's not a burden for me, it doesn't matter
No, no offspring. I'd let them stay and pay bills as long as they liked lol 😜😆
nope. in my country, parents want their children to stay all the time. and i was raised with this mentality, too.
With the current cost of housing, if I had children then as long as they contributed past a certain age they could stay.
My mom was like “we’re kicking you out at 30” lol.
No. Only when they have money and can afford to leave and still will I tell them to try and save as much as they can before leaving.
Maybe Help them Want to Move Out by being super annoying like my mom! ❤
No. I stayed home until thirty-seven, as did our Prime Minister.
My coworker is getting kicked out of his moms house and he’s only 17
It's easy to kick out. If they don't find work then they have to start begging on streets.
if you kick them out, then they will not look after you when you get old
Good parents don’t do that. Good parents set you up to succeed in life
No, of course not.
I have a colleague who had a son, and when his son turned 18 the extended family began pressuring my colleague to kick him out because he had no job and was not going to school. He was also very psychiatrically ill, something my colleague of course understood, but the family did not. He finally made the son leave, and the boy began living in a park. After several months he was murdered for his meager belongings.
My colleague has never been the same since this happened.
Nope. Family is always important.
Are you affected? You're 23 years old?
Is it not normal to kick them out at 18
my kids are going to college
I’d let them stay if I could
If they aren't doing anything in life yeah
m never
nope
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