How do you let a guy know he’s being too nice, boring, and too much of a gentleman?

Question

Jake99999 · Accepted Answer

How about you just have a very up front talk with him? So many people on here post up looking for the answer from strangers on the internet. Talk to the person right in front of you, ask him. Take the risk top be a little vulnerable and open up to him. It may go really, really well for you! Some guys want to be very respectful because they really are into you and they don't want to blow it by looking like all they want is sex. Maybe he needs to know that you already know he is a good guy and you really like him... If you really like this guy and hope it will turn into something really special, being able to communicate is a key thing. So try it, hopefully it goes well for you and you guys get better at just being open with each other. If you talk to him and he is all shocked that you want to talk directly and that you are into sex and want to get busy with him, if that bothers him and he really is not into it, then better to know where you stand - sounds like you don't want to be with a guy who is too stuffy about sex. Me too, I don't want to be with woman who is too stuffy about sex either. People need to be a match sexually and feel comfortable with each other that way. When you are not really all that compatible its better to know sooner rather than later. in my view. If I was the guy, and you said "hey Jake... I think you are awesome, I think you are hot, and I get it you are a gentleman and I love how respectful you are... but I am so hot for you, I just want you..." something like that. Any guy who hears something like that... how can he not be excited by it. If he is not... then you need to think about where the relationship is really going to end up. Good luck.

jamesgoldman · Accepted Answer

Based on my past relationships where I was the model for a major modern gentleman (yes that is an adapted line from Gilbert and Sullivan, before you ask)

Then just set about me so with my first girlfriend see cooked for me and mentioned burning off calories so I suggested a walk (I look back at the idiotic folly of my youth to this day) so she went to look for her walking boots upstairs then called for some help so I join her and well not to be in any way graphic but just to say that the walk never happened and a far better way to burn those calories was utilized instead is all that needs to be know

So in short just lure him or drag him to bed or whatever

PeacefulRainDrop · Accepted Answer

Start talking dirty to him.. make the first move/lead the way... he obviously sees you as something he wants in his future so he's afraid of letting that side show.. say there's a time and a place for everything.. be nice with your talking dirty tho.. like I wanna eat your large sausage id never be hungry again.. not give me that tiny sausage.. make him feel good about himself as your doing it!

We want gentlemen most of the time but an animal in bed.. encourage him after you do it first that its okay he might get up and leave to process what you just said.. it has to do with whats engrained into them give him time.. ask if you can try something new instead of physically having sex lets juat talk about what wed do together at some point you both won't be able to resist and jump each others bones but it makes the passion more alive...

cloudspy · Accepted Answer

You don't need to tell him this, this is your opinion only. He may not be too nice and boring for someone else. He shouldn't have to change for you if he is being himself. Just tell him you don't think you are suited.

MrCommodore · Answer

Tell him what you need/prefer. Men are often mislead by movies into believing they must behave a certain way, as its what women prefer.
However in reality some women prefer guys who are a bit rough around the edges, so tell him and he might actually please you then by simply being his true self.

humpbackjack · Answer

I don’t think you can change a guy in that way. Everyone has a little bad in them no matter how nice they are but trying to make them more of a bad boy won’t work out. Maybe you need to give this more thought because most bad boys don’t make the best boyfriends. It’s pretty rare to find a bad boy with the morals of a good boyfriend. You’ll do a lot better changing your way of thinking or maybe you can come up with things to do to bring some excitement in to both of your lives cause in the long run you want a nice guy

Robin83 · Answer

It sounds like the definition of a simp. Tell him what you want. And I generally know what that is.:
A man who is strong, virtous, ambitious, who knows what he wants, has leadership skills, and provides safety and stability so that you can be feminine and live a meaningfull life as a woman and be his support.

Boys and girls should learn this in school. «How to be attractive to the opposite sex». It’s super important.

It may sound like stereotyping, but letting men and women flourish naturally, the end result will be exactly that. The natural occurance of the stereotype of a functional family.

Andres77 · Answer

After seeing so many of my female family members abused this was my default. Overly polite and respectful.
My wife got my rough side to show.
I agree. Why would I want to take a chance of offending my significant other because it's my kink? If it's hers I'll oblige but not without absolute clarity.
I was a "simp" when I was younger and taken advantage by a few women. Mostly by my two ex wives. I tried to love them into not hurting me anymore. A result of abuse for which I got my therapy.
There's nothing wrong with trying to please your partner but you have to have enough self respect to not tolerate disrespect yourself.

If you want things rough, tell him.
Tell him that you appreciate the respect he's shown you but don't punish him for being respectful and considerate. There are a lot of abused women that would love to be treated with respect.

Anonymous · Answer

On you update, you tell him just like that. However, you also have to understand that depending on what you want, it may not be "in him" to do and that's something you can't force. If that ends up being the case, this could be a potential issue for you and you might have to consider if he's the right guy for you for the long term. He can be nice, great, you love him etc, but if you're always missing that "edge" that he just doesn't have, ultimately it will come between you. But, maybe it's in him? But it may not be either. Myself for example, if my partner wanted rough sex every once and a while, that's just not me and I can't force it. And to try to would just end up in disaster lol. It's asking me to be the opposite of how I am, and I just can't do it.

RealMarek · Answer

A lot of men are trained to be extremely deferential and gentle toward women at all times in church, college, etc. He might be trying to give you a “safe space.” If this is the case he can probably change. However, if he doesn’t have it in him to be who you want him to be then you will have to decide if it is a dealbreaker. The best way to find out is to communicate with him clearly about what you desire and see what happens.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

You have to just tell him.

Being a gentleman is my default mode. Because that's what I am. It's how I was raised. I'm not a scurvy knave.

If you want me to be dirty, you have to request it and give explicit permission. And even then, I might still be shy, because I'm not used to that sort of thing.

WesBrewer · Answer

Just straight up tell him, that I am not looking for that in a relationship, or tell him to add more of something else. If you think like that because you feel like you are being put down as a woman and protected so you aren't treated like a strong woman, he might break up with you, so think about whether your reasoning for his change is really a good reason or not and if you can't tell just ask a GAG question again.

Anonymous · Answer

By telling him, that you are a bad bitch, that would go and twerk half naked into the camera for gangster rappers music videos for money and that you expect to be treated as such 😏😏😏

abc3643 · Answer

You don't. You dump him and move on.

You're under 27, I bet...

Usually around 27, women finish growing up and realize that real life is dangerous and that boring = good because it means lack of drama or crisis. There's a reason for the old Chinese curse "May you live in interesting times..."

Anonymous · Answer

At diner, lean over and whisper in his ear, "I'm very glad that you're a gentleman and a genuinely nice guy, but tonight I need for you to take me home, rip off my clothes, and fuck me good and hard until I beg you to stop!' And then you get up and excuse yourself to go to the ladies' room. When you return, you discreetly hand him your panties.

If that doesn't work, he's dead but doesn't yet know it.

TallAnon · Answer

Lead by example, we aren't that nice, it's just that we think we have to be.

Snakeyes7 · Answer

It seems like he is one of the unfortunate dudes who never learned that attraction is a lot more complicated than just being a gentleman.

Does he have a lot of issues saying no to people and let them walk all over him? That's a hard lesson I had to learn myself.

readyplayer001 · Answer

have a talk with him and see what happens ask him to role play with you from time to time. communication is key

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

I'm sorry to hear that. I can appreciate a gentleman.

Maybe he can tweek a bit here and there, but he can't change who he is. You're going to have to tell him what you'd like different and see if he wants to try

genericname85 · Answer

by putting them in the friendzone with all the other guys that are perfect and then going to date an abusive fuckboy xD at least that's what the majority of girls seem to do.

bowenw · Answer

Tell him what you want. Tell him it's okay to ______, or you'd like it if he _______.

Billlewis · Answer

You don't -- you just start dating a more masculine guy, and keep the simp for utilitarian purposes;)

ZackBan · Answer

You could try actually saying it.  Just talk dirty to him put ideas in his head. Set the fame in a way where he feels like ravaging you is the right thing to do.

pink_and_inlove · Answer

Well what I did was put his hands on my bare boobs and touched him down there that gave him the hint to stop being such a gentleman and touch me already 😂

Open2It · Answer

Take charge one time, push him up against the wall, grab his hair, pull his head back and bite his neck. Start talking dirty to him as you start sliding down his chest, slowly unbuttoned his shirt as you go.

I'm available for more suggestions... 😉

VIVANT · Answer

Honestly I don’t bc he has a right to his personality. If he doesn’t suit me and in a way I can’t accommodate or meet on the middle, I guess I’d break up or never date him to begin with 🤷‍♀️

Hermes-Paris · Answer

Just look him in the eyes and tell him he has the passion of a high fiber cereal. Some guys just need some reassurance you aren't going to take him to court for doinking him.

iBeowulf · Answer

Stop simpering, guys.

Anonymous · Answer

Sounds like he’s been hurt badly and he’s playing super safe.

LauraFall89 · Answer

I would tell him as follows: We have 2 options, honey, we go together to buy lingerie as besties or you bang me on the kitchen table.

Crazybeeguy · Answer

Talk to him dirty 😂 Tell him straight what you want. Its not romantic but, you also want someone to be a little naughty. Good luck

rjroy3 · Answer

Say things like, "okay daddy" "If I do are you gonna spank me?" Things to inject far more sexuality to the conversation. He'll sink or swim, but you can give him floaties

Fuentes · Answer

Ur pretty cute, but in the end your shallow so he should dump you cause all you want is a badboy, then you can look back and say damn i shoulda just accepted that guy cause i wasted years of your life on a bad boy & went down the wrong path.

RawIronhide · Answer

You can just tell him that, stop being all silent and weird. He probably knows that already. He's being thoughtful, that's a good thing.

Anonymous · Answer

Don't settle. Because in the long run you can't change who people are.
He will continue to be himself while you'll start feeling even more bored.
So leave him. These are just attraction hormones making you stay.

VikingWarLord · Answer

You date a bad boy, sadistic, prick bastard like me and let him know about how inconsiderate I am of your feelings and how rough I am with you in the sack.

fr44c3iqqs · Answer

I think tell him to be more confident, that there isn’t the need to be fully politically correct, and that he can point out your errors without being mean at the same time.

Caliguy88 · Answer

This is me. Lol. Nicest guy in the world but if a girl likes the bad boy type…. Not me. Sometimes it’s good and sometimes not. Lol

EaterPeter · Answer

By hurting his feelings less. I feel statements. I need statements. I want statements. Be kind polite though as I need this for me. I need this from you without sounding needy. Blame things situations rather than particular human. Break the news.

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

Put your hand on his dick (if you mean it sexually)

Browneye57 · Answer

You chose a beta. A weak guy. He's just never gonna blow your doors off honey.

Anonymous · Answer

I think you just need to communicate with him more honestly… just say it.

Anonymous · Answer

it's asinine posts like this that make relationships harder and men and women have unneccessary conflicts and why relationships don't last in this day and age and why men and women have a hard time understanding each other

ToastyOats · Answer

Get a few years older and you will like it. Rather than change him from being a good man, take the risk that a more exciting man will change for you when you do. Lol

HaveNoName · Answer

You cannot change him. If you do not like that about him, just dont mislead him. Go your own way and find your type of guy. You will find plenty of them.

Makeushiver · Answer

Can't change a leopards spots but act. more aggressively in Ned, maybe he'll het the clue.

Yourfriend2021 · Answer

Just wear a short skirt with no panties on and lift it up so he can see. Or find someone else that treats you badly.

This_Is_My_Opinion8 · Answer

Just say it. Say you are not into that and like to be mistreated.

Rawkman · Answer

You gotta try to entice him to be more exciting and adventurous, As for the "too nice" jist let him know you'd like him being more of a "bad boi" with you lol

Anonymous · Answer

Use you lips for something other than sucking dick and tell him how you feel. It's not that hard, retard.

Clarke498 · Answer

Just tell him. Tell him calmly and respectfully and it'll be fine.

Anonymous · Answer

It sounds like you're incompatible. You should let him go be with a nice, boring lady. There's plenty of other guys out there for you. Rude, exciting assholes are not hard to find.

dolemite89 · Answer

tell him ud rather sleep with the asshole guy with tattoos and a huge cock 🤣🤣

anylolone · Answer

Leave and never complain about assholes ever again.

bulletbob555 · Answer

Seduce him and see if you still need to tell him again

scooogy · Answer

I heard that girls have a mouth for talking, but God knows how this could help here. 🤷‍♂️

888theGreat · Answer

What do you want him to do? Pick you up and throw you on bed and bang you hard?

Asianguy123 · Answer

Tell him that you are a bad girl who likes bad boys and he will use your vagina and dump it right away

Anonymous · Answer

Dump him and go back to the cock carousel. Later at your 30s when facing the wall come back and ask him out

TheAfrikan · Answer

Talk dirty to him openly and let him see it tbat you love it.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Just tell him don't beat around the bush tell him straight up

beebella · Answer

Just tell him you're not interested. 😂

Youdumbeotch · Answer

By fucking his best friend and posting the clip on Snapchat

Anonymous · Answer

Really simple. You tell him it's just not working out. That you're a trashy girl. And as good as a guy he is. It's just not the type of guy you deserve. It's totally lost on you.

How do you let a guy know he’s being too nice, boring, and too much of a gentleman?

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