I'm afraid it is. I could never tell when a guy just wanted to get his rocks off, or if we would ever see each other again. I waited seven months of this guy pursuing me and acting like he really liked me. Finally after saying no to him for seven months, I decided I wanted to get closer to him, so we wound up in bed. He spent the night. Everything seemed cool. I never heard from him again! Some guys like the chase and once they get what they were hunting for, he is gone! Out of the picture. And of course you think you did something wrong. Nope, you did nothing wrong. They get turned on by the chase, not the sex. We just never know what kind of shit they will do to hurt us.
dont look at it as competition but rather a symbiotic relationship. both are bringing something different and unique to the table. We need each other and we have our own needs as well. Men get used by women too. I've been used for sex before. Not going to discuss the context here. When a guy takes you out on a date, he's paying for everything. So are you using him for a foodie call? No not really. I mean some despicable females do that but Ladies do not. The vast majority of people would like a serious relationship where both of you love and grow with each other. You take what he has, he takes what you have, it's normal. We shouldn't be competing but cooperating as we have always done in the past.
Women use men for things too, maybe not sex but I've been used.
Also is it still considered used if your okay with it?
As for me, I can tell you in high school I heard seniors talking about how they wanted to take virginity away from some younger girls and then move onto others. Use them and lose them they called it, football jocks and stuff.
I even TOLD the girls what was said, and most of them were like, ohh he's so cute he likes me?
Then a month or so later, come back crying saying I was right they should of listened to me. They only wanted sex and nothing more.
No good lord NO... I maintain that people will treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. There is nothing inherently malevolent about men (aside from them desperately wanting to stick their penis in everything) -- So, no, getting "used" by men is not inevitable.
Right. Men have impulses but that doesn’t mean we most of us just want to pump and dump everything we see.
Opinion
81Opinion
u Being treated unfairly by a partner is not an experience that is unique to females.
Think your odds of being used decrease a lot the more you have respect for yourself. Letting a dude use your body without any conditions at all... and then claiming that he used you is WRONG. You gave him free rides. So the more self-control you have, the easier it will be for you to find the kind of guy you want.
Some tips: #1: Don't have sex with someone when they haven't had lots and lots of time to figure out that you are actually what they want. This basically rules out casual sex. #2 Have way more to offer than sex. If all you have is sex, you can't expect anybody to be loyal for the same reason the person who owns a McDonalds can't expect customers not to go to the McDonalds down the road. So you gotta have value. No having a vagina doesn't count. #3 Don't mess with married dudes or guys with girlfriends.
If you're into traditional relationships, check out my MyTakes.
Really , quite honestly if you haven't been " used " at some point you simply haven't had enough fun , use goes both ways , I've used dozens of women thoughout my life , but also Visa versa just as often , its called having fun..
Men , will do whatever is required to have sex with many different women , if this means telling a few porkies or the like , it doesn't matter.
Does a sugar baby use a sugar daddy? Or is it the other way around...
All of life , is about using people , not just women , you get it in business , everywhere , and to not enjoy same in your 20 s? Man thats just crazy..
Its the entire point of sexual power and motive.
Yeah, you should just stay away from men. The men you are interested in have like 50 other women interested in them too, they don't need you but they will use you if you let them. You should be strong and intendent.
If you want sex, it will take you 2 seconds to find yourself a hook-up. So do that and be done and live your life how you want and give up on locking down a man. The men you want have options and unless you are spectacular beyond measure, you will just be another vagina to them. And no, they will not change.
Well, you know what to do. It's inevitable. No man is good enough, such a man has never been born.
To start with.
It's more common to be used by female's than males and there are more females that use males than males using female's.
Female's aren't that inorsent.
Screaming victim in this scenario only question the one screaming.
If you weren't raped you liked it when it happened and was okay with it. you had to much expectations.
Also it can be flipped that you used him for getting something else like a relationship, marriage, getting children, don't be alone, to have someone, sex.
It could be that it didn't work out since you wasn't what he was after and ended it before it got any further.
There aren't any guarantee with dating or hoockups. sometimes does it turn into something great. most of the times doesn't it. and sex isn't a holy cow. it's just sex and a way to see if it is the right person.
You realize this is a two way street. Many women will feign interest in men just to take advantage of them for free meals, attention, favors, free counseling or to make the guy they really like jealous.
When this bs goes on conceited ass feminists will say bs like “oh you put yourself in the friendzone” or other crap. As if it’s always on the man to not get taken advantage of.
So if it’s a dog eat dog world, then do both genders have to live in constant paranoia of each other? I truly believe that most women are clueless about much effort and courage it takes an average guy to start dating a woman. Many of us went out on a limb at certain times in our life just be treated like shit later.
I would be more open to listening to women’s qualms if they just put a fraction of the effort to understanding the POV on the man’s side. Too many women assume dating is the same for guys as it is for them (when all else is equal) It sure as hell isn’t.
Yes. Sorry but it is. There are billions of people in the world and some will wamt to use you. Some for sex, money, advice, and for all kinds of reasons. Many of them will be gits so yes it is inevitable. The way I deal with it is i just decided to like it. It takes a lot of the stress away when it happens.
Yeah I would say everyone gets used at least once.
i know have done it in the past.
as a teen, early 20’s you say anything to get in a girls pants.
Nothing worse than going out with 4 mates and you being the only one not to pull on a Friday night.
Equally I’ve been used as well, which the first time I was shocked at, after that it was sex is sex.
How can someone use you for sex? Sex is a mutually pleasurable act isn't it? And as long as both of you are fully consenting, no one can be abused. Or you want to treat this as a value loaded exercise and believe that sex should lead to commitment by the man.
I think it's possible but I also people need to be upfront with each about what the expectations are. As much as we'd all like to live in the fantasy world inside are heads the cold hard truth is many people have different expecations for what a relationship should be.
Yeah, but the problem is men will lie.
@Jamie05rhs Yeah, i hear what your saying but I also think some men and women lie to themselves too, and not just to the other person. That's why it's best for people not to rush into these things.
True.
I would say the same about women, because I've been used by women for sex and other things multiple times. It's a part of life. It hurts. It sucks. But it is what it is. When it happens to you, you just have to learn from it and move foward with your experiences, and try to keep it from happening again.
Getting used is inevitable for those that allow it. The same way a lot of women use men for their money, if they allow it the they will get used. Also note that sometimes not everyone is out there trying to use you, if you go around thinking people only want to use you, you could make yourself so paranoid that you won't even trust people, but its good to be aware and know the signs when someone wants to use you.
This
Well if you're not doing something with a man that you don't want to do, then it's impossible for a man to use you. The feeling of being used is self inflicted and is a reaction to the realization that you only did something with a guy because you were hoping for something from him that you didn't ever up getting, not because you wanted to do that thing.
It's always ready to push accountability away but really girls can decide if they wanna be used or not.
Always easy to push accountability away*
Well I think you do have control over it for the most part but when you're growing up and don't have any experience it can be hard to know how to deal with it so I'd say going through growing pains is inevitable. But long term it's up to you how you let yourself be treated.
I think that it is a good idea to get to know them first and make him wait as much as possible. if all he wants is sex he will go away soon. to wait until marriage it is even better. sex before marriage feeds your body, sex after marriage nourishes your soul
I have been asking myself the same question about women.
The answer is "no". You simply need to get to know your prospect well enough before doing anything sexual or romantic with them. Maybe lightheaded flirting, but nothing else. Not even kissing.
Women use men just as much. I've never had a good relationship because I'm always the other guy. I do the right thing. Women are just as bad. Find a guy you think is way beneath you pathetic and you flirt and use him for $ and then you go back to your actual guy.
No just too trusting of women and don't trust them any more. Another good guy who will never marry.
More than likely yea, even tho it's frowned upon why do you think men would care? so many ways to get sex now that honestly other than for emotional support and kids, what do you think men would want women for? ( not saying this is what i do but just in general).
I dont think so. Some women go through life only being with good men, despite some not working out. For myself, though, i tend to assume the worst so I've always believed the same thing you’re questioning. Ironically I've always only been with good guys but the paranoid person that i am, i still get scared of ending up being used that i pull myself away.
After the mistakes I've made of letting good people go, i dont know if thats true anymore.
If you don't want to be taken advantage by men then don't spread your legs like a flower to sunlight. If any man takes advantage of you it's on your, not them.
No. The problem is, foolish women choose bad men, and then get surprised when a Chad treats them the way they treat them.
I always thought the idea of a Chad was that women knew they were womalizers or players but from what your saying it sounds like maybe some Chads are more deceptive and can fool foolish women?
@whirled_up_girl
Chads are 10/10 men so desirable, they don't have to "hide" their true intentions with women, because women will still stupidly choose them over the decent men who are under six feet tall or don't have gym abs, anyway. Women may or may not know about them being womanizers, and many Chads aren't (it's not a given all Chads are Ladies Men). It's just that, women would rather choose a guy who common sense will tell her is bad news (often, on some dumb-ass subconscious expectation that she "can tame him"), rather than a decent quality man who happens to be 5'10" with a dad bod and a 5/10 in looks.
I think most “modern women” have been used by men at some point. Calling women sluts while you trick girls into bed is soo hypocritical and sexist
If the woman is very open minded person and keeps trying to go after guys or is willing to give men a chance then yes chances of women getting used are high.
Everyone uses each other, it's how people survive and find meaning in their meaningless and empty lives.
You gave your life meaning then; but initially, lives are meaningless until humans applied meaning to them.
It happens. Just as men will be used by women. Typically it's best to keep users at arm's length, but often people make it work if they are both getting what they want.
No here is how it works... girl is idealistic and only wants 1 partner for life... gets insecure she's still a virgin... doesn't like the nice guys that are "good for her long term"... so she tries to get with the attractive stoic guy on campus... just to be used... because she isn't special herself and the attractive guy doesn't need her for a relationship.
The looser a girl is sexually the more it happens.
A girl who just sleeps with her husband probably won't experience this.
Everyone gets used… Men use women, women use men… you just have to accept them fact that you’re going to be used.. no matter in what way it is. Lol
But I guess it also depends on what you mean by “use”
pretty much just like another girl said, wait him out. like a while. if he’s still as into you as the beginning he just might be the real deal.
If its easy for you to wait, it means you have no sexual desire for this person. So it can be a double edged sword where yo run off potentially good people by waiting to long.
@cjmtherfcker if he really likes her i would hope he would want to wait until she’s ready. plus who says women have no sexual desire. they’re human too they just don’t think with those parts.
MY point is if this women has a burning sexual desire for this man. It will be extremely difficult for her to wait for an extended period of time.
If it is easy for a woman to avoid/delay sex with a man, is because she has very little sexual desire for him. Which is fine.. But she should move on to someone she actually likes to be fair to both of you
@tiajoka Just don't jerk him around. We can wait for sex as long as you give us romance in the meantime (and let us romance you as well.)
It's absolutely avoidable. You should just reject to be used by men.
We all are using someone for something.
We all are selfish.
But try not to fall for f*ck boys.
Unfortunately, this happens with both genders. You have to take care of yourself and stop bad behaviors.
I'd say generally speaking yes.. but to what extent that's up to you
you know you will get used by women you thought were friends too... it takes a long time in this life to learnt to recognise whats genuine
I don't really think so. You can choose who you go with. You can find a guy who needs sex and he can help you equally with sex. If you want to take a break from dating, you can. It's up to you.
Unless you're particularly good at reading people, and even if you are, it's pretty likely you'll end up in that kind of situation.
No. A man can only use you if you give them the ability too. That also means no respect existed from the beginning. Don't be afraid to stand on being respected even if it costs for one man to leave.
Until girls can understand the male psyche they will choose men who will use them. Also a "bad boy" will never be a "good boyfriend". Even if he's exciting he will use you, that's who he is.
@St37xy11 his job tell me nothing. Does he want sex? Yes. Will he leave after sex? No idea. If I knew the personality traits that attracted her I could maybe help, but unless I actually know a guy personally I won't have all the answers. We're not complicated, girls just don't realize how simple we are.
Ok then what are red flag questions a girl should ask in order to find out if he's a douche or not? I know some like if he has any long term goals. If he doesn't have any long term goals then that means he doesn't plan on having the girl stick around for the long run. You could agree or disagree with that.
Getting used happens to men and women. If it's a recurring issue chances are you're making poor choices in who you trust.
It is not. But it's a lot more likely to happen if you have sex before marriage.
Though that's not true. I've never had sex and I've had guys really go out of their way to play mind games to get me to sleep with them. It didn't work out for them and instead a huge fight happened. This happened to me a few times with different guys. Even though they didn't get anything from me I still feel used by them emotionally.
I guess that's why they invented dating apps with prefilled answers.
That way people can always shortlist 😊😊♥️♥️😜
Yeah pretty much, if you exist in society its gonna happen at some point.
For you? Probably. You want to know the definition of insanity? It's doing the same thing and expecting different b results. Want to change the outcome change your pattern.
You don’t have to automatically trust people and you don’t have to put yourself in a position where you can be used.
When is it going to be my turn when is somebody going to use me for sex LOL
There comes a point where being cautious starts to be your own downfall, at some stage you're gonna have to just hope for the best
One could say the same about women - divorce, taking children, taking half the money, or more.
It is individual - small brains are cheaters and manipulators.
Unfortunately most don't know until after as nobody wants to be used usually. But women are becoming this way also with guys now. Our wonderful society!
It's gonna happen one day or another.
Just keep going and don't let it keep you down.
I feel like it HAS to happen to everyone so they can learn what types of people to avoid. It's happened to me and I've hurt girls (by accident) too. It was never intentional but I guarantee you there is at least one girl who feels I used her.
I think it kinda is if you’re dating because you never know someone’s true intention until hanging out with them more.
You choose who you sleep with, it is not inevitable, it is a choice. You have the capacity for reasoning and will be judged accordingly.
You're hooking up with the wrong men. I dunno if it's just me but I believe there are men out there that would cherish a woman properly.
You could say that all ex's were users but no you can't just assume a gender is a user. I wouldn't say that about women since of course it's not true
So you're saying you should just remain single forever
Right as in you think you shouldn't need to be with anyone
Actually no, technically it doesn't but we'll agree to disagree
If your a dumb whore, yes.
Why do women keep going back with the man that abuses them?
Eh... maybe not totally unavoidable, but it's certainly a common experience.
I think it's more of a trying to get used by men inevitable, but we (women) should stop them from even letting them do it
Only if it keeps happening to you and you don't learn from it.
If you’ve ever worked a job, you’ve been taken advantage of by The Man
It usually happens to all of us at some point or another, especially if you’re off to college and in the dorms.
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