Is age really just a number?

[shaysh87]

Until you find yourself married to a senior citizen thinking about entering the elderly home by the time you hit 40. Someone who you're no longer physically attracted to, no longer can keep up with you in a walk in the park, no longer share hobbies with (jogging, traveling, hiking) , cannot fulfill you sexually in bed. You're married to a senior citizen by 40. By 45-50, you find yourself a nurse changing a 70 yr old's diapers , opening jars , and reminding him to take his medication.

honestly, what is appealing about this type of marriage? You can't grow old with someone who is already old. Its just a matter of time when you start developing the "wandering eye"

[doopayo]

If age is just a number than prison is just a place 😂. But on an honest note, I don’t understand the appeal for young men and women that go and date ancient people, like literally if you have kids they’re gonna pass away before they even get to grow 💀 and that’s on the rare occasion their able to give you children…it just seems creepy to me but they can do themselves IG. I’m not responsible for anyone’s dating life

[Tyrael]

I don't speed walk in the park, none of those hobbies appeal to me and sex is an afterthought. So that relationship would be fine with me, just like it's fine with lots of people. Those people would need happy to have a loving partner. To each their own.

[Tyrael]

Would be happy*

[shaysh87]

its easier said than done. if you can't live in an elderly home, you wouldn't make it being married to a 70 yr old.

[edgyfox]

As long as it's legal and consenting, Yes age is just a number.

[shaysh87]

will the relationship last though? things can be fine if they're 25 and 40. But things might no longer be fine when they are 45 and 60. Marriage satisfaction can really slip over the years

[edgyfox]

That really depends on the people that are in the relationship, how much they love each other and if they are willing to stay together or not.

[shaysh87]

so would you advocate someone settling for a subpar marriage?

because reality is, a 45 yr old likely wouldn't be fulfilled being married a senior citizen.

there are a lot of people who are married but aren't fulfilled or satisfied. My mother told me that if she was still young and had the chance to do it all over again, she wouldn't have married my father. She said she would be happier being married to someone else. It doesn't mean she doesn't love my father. She loves him very much. But she just knows that she'd be happier with someone else.

[shaysh87]

I've seen another 40 yr old married woman on here who strongly advised me to not marry a man who is too much older. She is 40 while her husband is 60. She loves him and doesn't want to leave him but at the same time, she knows she'd be happier with someone else.

Many people settle in life. Just because someone is married, it doesn't necessarily mean they're fulfilled or happy.

[edgyfox]

It really depends on the people. Everyone is different. If the love is there then why not? If there's no love in the relationship then it's probably better to go separate ways. Personally I know people in relationships with age differences and they are very happy.

[shaysh87]

Its only with experience that you will realize that love really won't make a relationship happy. A relationship is comprised of many components towards fulfillment and satisfaction. I have seen people who love their spouses but are miserable.

[shaysh87]

You can really love someone but not be completely fulfilled in a relationship or marriage.

Its really possible.

[shaysh87]

“We find that men who are married to younger wives are the most satisfied, and men who are married to older wives are the least satisfied,” said Terra McKinnish, a professor of economics at CU Boulder and a co-author of the new study. “Women are also particularly dissatisfied when they’re married to older husbands and particularly satisfied if they’re married to younger husbands.”

That initial satisfaction erodes rapidly, however, after 6 to 10 years of marriage for the couples with a big age gap between the partners.

“Over time, the people who are married to a much older or younger spouse tend to have larger declines in marital satisfaction over time compared to those who are married to spouses who are similar in age,” said McKinnish, who is also a research associate at the Institute of Labor Economics (IZA) in Germany.

www.colorado.edu/.../spousal-age-gap-affects-marriage-satisfaction-over-time

[edgyfox]

Yes, It really depends on who is in the relationship and how they both feel about it. I've been engaged myself 3 times in relationships of various several time of various ages. Usually only broken up due to a difference in lifestyles/careers but other than that apart from 1 abusive relationship I've otherwise been happy and so have my partners.

[shaysh87]

I think you're forgetting that as people age , people change sexually, physically, energy wise, hobby wise, or even mentally. You can really be married to someone who no longer sexually fulfills you, can't keep up with you in a walk in the park. When you want to stay up late, they want to go to bed early. When you have the energy to want to visit 3 countries, they want a quiet cruise. You may not even be physically attracted to your spouse.

[edgyfox]

That's why is really depends on those in the relationship. Basically if you're happy and able to do so you stay together but if you can't or not happy or anything else you break up. People might change, sexually or mentally or in any other way but if you love each other you stick to it. While the love is there you stay together as a relationship doesn't have to be all about sex. Many loving couples have never had sex but would never separate because their love for each other is too strong.

[shaysh87]

you can love the other person but are you really enjoying yourself in a marriage like that?

you're basically settling for a subpar marriage. There are plenty of married people who would secretly say to me that if they had the chance to do it all over again, they wouldn't have married their spouses. It doesn't mean they don't love their spouses. It just means they know they could be happier with someone else.

[shaysh87]

would you enjoy yourself in a marriage where you're married to someone who you can no longer do things with?

would you enjoy staying in sexless marriage?

would you enjoy being young and vibrant being married to someone who is old and has no energy?

would you enjoy being married to someone you're completely not physically attracted to at all?

would you be happy being married to someone who makes you feel more like a nurse than a wife?

[shaysh87]

Sure, there may be few rare exceptions of people who can remain happy in a marriage like this. But I wouldn't say that the vast majority of people be happy or satisfied with this type of relationship.

I think its important to be able to grow old with the person you married. You can't grow old with someone who is already old.

If you get along with this person 30, its important to be able to imagine getting along with them when they're 40, 50, 60, 70. Because nobody stays 30 forever.

Just imagine if a 47 yr old were to be married to a 77 yr old. Sure, there was love in the beginning. But do you really think a 47 yr old would be happy being married to a 77 yr old, even if love did exist?

[edgyfox]

Well think of it this way. Hypothetically you're in a relationship with someone that's the same age as you but one of them is in the military. So they're deployed 6 to 9 months of the year. Therefore they barely ever see each other but they rarely if ever break up. It would be so easy to break up and move on but they don't because although they almost never see each other they are happy and in love. No reason it can't be the same for an age gap relationship. It's really as simple as if you're not happy break up if you are happy stay together.

[shaysh87]

Being deployed for a 6-9 months is not anywhere close to a comparison of spending the rest of your life being married to someone who you can't fulfill you. You're comparing 6-9 months to 20-40 years of being unfulfilled. In addition, you will outlive your spouse and spend the remaining 20-30 years dying alone.

I could wait even 2-4 years of my spouse being deployed. But I would not be ok with spending the remainder of the 20-40 years of my life with someone I cannot do things with. When I'm 40 years old, I don't want to be stuck with a senior citizen with no sex drive. I don't want to spend the remaining 40 years of my life permanently without sex. I'm still full of energy at 40 where I am still riding motorcycles and having sex, not escorting my spouse to doctor visits or reminding him to take his medications or slowing down so that he can catch up with me in a walk in the park.

These are all reasons why age is not just a number. Age will catch up to you one day and the consequences will bite you in the ass hard. You seem to be in denial about these consequences.

Yes, sure, you've seen a few people who are happy being married to senior citizens. but vast majority of people wouldn't be happy being stuck in such a marriage.

[shaysh87]

People refuse to divorce because they still care about each other. You might care a lot about your spouse which is why you want to take care of them until the day they die , even when things aren't bright and fun anymore. There might still be a bit of chemistry. But the golden days where things feel remarkable are long gone. You might have many needs that are going unfulfilled. You may have many problems in your marriage that aren't making you happy. Things may be way less than ideal. You might even regret your decision. Many people have regretted marrying their spouses, including my own mother.

But my mother is old. who is interested in marrying a 45-55 yr old woman? nobody. (Getting remarried in your 40s-50s is a difficult task). She spent the last 30 years building a life with a man (house, assets, children, life insurance), she's not gonna easily throw it all away just because she realized she could be happier with another man.

[shaysh87]

this is why marriages with huge age gaps are subpar. There are a lot of consequences that many people do not want to deal with.

Sure , you can say that you've met a few people who are happy being married to senior citizens. but do you really think that these few people represent the vast majority of the population?

do you really think vast majority of 40 yr olds would find it enjoyable to be married to someone who lives at the elderly home?

[shaysh87]

6-9 months of absence being deployed is not that bad. The only problem is if my husband were to be deployed for 10-15 years, maybe seeing me once a year. Eventually my needs will suffer. I won't feel married anymore. No, I will no longer be happily in love for 15 years through my husband's absence (as you referred). It will only be a matter of time I start looking for a new husband.

[shaysh87]

Personally I know of a foreign 20 yr old woman who married a 70 yr old man. She didn't marry for love. She married for money. Her husband is 93 and she is now 43. Her boyfriend of 9 rys is 46 years old. Her husband passed away at the age of 93.

His daughter told me about this story. I was shocked when I heard that this 43 yr old lady had a boyfriend while being married. His daughter reminded me that he was 93 years old and can in no way shape or form catch up with a 43 yr old. And honestly, I don't even think he needs to be 93 years old. A man who is 63 could barely catch up with someone that young. Neither would she find him attractive in any aspect at all.

[Anonymous]

I think it is within reason.

[Dat-Alpha-Lion]

Laws still apply.