I didn't think I would relate so much to someone younger even though 28 is not that much younger but still 5 years younger than me.
I don't think I would go younger though. I tried 24 and that was a disaster. We couldn't even meet because he didn't have a car and seemed really immature.
Usually the only people I see saying "age is just a number" are pedophiles or borderline pedophiles, lol. Like they're aware the person is too young for them but are making excuses to make it seem less bad.
That said, depends on the age gap. I'd say 20 and 25 is generally okay. 15 and 20 much less so, lol. 30 and 80 generally okay, though a bit weird. 18 and 80 not okay as at 18 a person is a borderline child with zero experience. Etc, etc, etc.
For really young people, like under 18, I'd say 2 years younger or older is the max you should go, since at that young age even just 1 year can make a big difference. So 16 and 18 is fine, 16 and 14 is fine.
Then for people who are over 18 but under 30, I'd say 5 years younger or older is the max you should go, since even though you're officially an adult you're still very young with little experience. So 20 and 25 is fine, 25 and 30 is fine.
Then for people who are at least 30 and up, the sky's the limit. Most 30 year olds have enough life experience to not get used by someone older. A 30 year old can date an 150 year old for all I care. Is it weird? Probably. Is it "wrong?" No, as long as it's consensual.
It's mostly what you make of it. I think a relationship with larger age difference can work if both can focus more on the other person then their age and they fit well together and genuinely care for each other.
Legal here is 15, I'd never go down to 15 as in NEVER. I don't think an adult should be fiddling with 15 year old kids but they still do. (Some even go younger). Legal doesn't make it right.
The older the people in question are, the bigger gap there can be in my opinion. A 40+ year old has nothing to do with a 20 year old (and this goes for both genders) but a 40 year old with a 60 year old - go for it.
But that's just my humble opinion, I know many do not give shits about age or even legality.
3
5 Reply
Asker
1 y
Yeah that's sick to me to want to be with a child. 15 is still a child. And while a 40 plus year old may not have much or really anything in common with a 20 year old, I've seen it be successful. But then you have to question the maturity level of the 40 plus person. A lot of times they are still thinking like a 20 year old and haven't really grown up which is why they choose to go younger. I know for me personally I've chosen to go younger because I lack experience in the relationship department and looking for someone who also hasn't been with that many people which isn't usually a 30 plus guy.
I mean, it's legal and that is what matter to you If that 40 year old, is still like a 20 year old, then they're mentally/cognitively challenged and we're having a completely different discussion, if you speaking about a 40 year old who behaves as a 20 year old and refuses to mature - well, poor 20 year old having to deal with a man child, I find it disgusting, they can still do it tho.
You do you, someone has to go for the kiddos. Plenty of men out there 30+ with limited dating experience tho, many of the men who fucked me as a 15 year old had the same idea as you, they needed less experienced.
Past 25 age is just a number. Teens, early 20s those ages still have so much growing to do so it's best for a older person not to date that age range
6
1 Reply
Asker
1 y
Yeah personally for me I will never go younger than 28. I tried 24 and at first they seemed to be mature for their age but they ended up turning out to be very immature.
I think age is only a number if the 2 people are legal then it's what ever they want it to be and it's no one else Business.. they have to work it out between them they both have to want the same thing in life. And depending on the age gap I would hope there would be lots of Communication about it. . There's nothing wrong with your age differences
As long as you respect the maturity and the goals. Are great with each other. And if it's love more power to anybody that? That once that or can make that work.
Honestly, just like any other will be sometimes in moments where you have to make it work. If that's what you both want, it's no different than 2 people the same age, they have to do the same exact thing.
Yes it is , as long as both people are adults and choosing each other , that’s all that matters , Fuck what other people think or feel about your relationship with someone because they don’t know shit. Chemistry and connection and attraction between 2 people Is all that matters , there will always be judgmental assholes trying to rub their 2 cents together thinking they know what they are talking about , again they don’t know shit about your relationship period
No. It's not simply a number. That's not to say that it's necessarily wrong. But it sure as hell matters. It's not just a number.
2
13 Reply
Asker
1 y
I think it depends. Like a 30 or 40 year age gap might be a bit unorthodox and definitely might matter more than a 5 to 10 year age difference but I think as Iong as it's legal, it doesn't matter much. But that's just me.
I agree that it depends. That's actually very true. It does depend. I agree that it's fine if it's legal, and that a 30 year age gap matters more that a 5 year one.
I'm just saying it makes a difference. Not that it's necessarily bad. But if someone is just starting out of high school, it does matter if her man is on the verge of retiring. It makes a difference because they are in totally different "life stages"
My sister-in-law's younger sister (who is in her 30's) got together with the guy she's married to when she was in her early 20s. He is the same age as her dad. I can't remember the exact age gap. And they're married, and it's fine... but everyone kinda thinks it's kinda weird, and just shrugs.
She's dealing with a husband with all kinds of health problems. That is just not the case for most married women in their 30's.
There is a picture of my brother's wife, and her sister when they were little kids at Disney Land.
At the same time (literally), her future husband was at Disney Land... with his daughter... who is older than his future wife by a year or two. It's not wrong. But I think it matters. It's a life's stages thing. (the way I see it)
Absolutely some people do make it work. I'm not trying to say they don't. Also, for the record, 5 years is literally not an age-gap as far as I'm concerned. That's not a life's stages issue. It's 5 years. That's nothing.
Lol I know but for women it's kind of weird vs a guy. Going younger as a woman in my friend group is uncommon. All my girlfriends go a lot older. 5 years older is definitely nothing but 5 years younger is a bigger deal because guys usually mature much slower than women. So to go younger even 5 years, is a bit out of the ordinary as a woman.
I'll tell you what I see women your age generally worrying about: It's guys their own age (and younger) are only going to be interested in younger women. Surely you've seen that here too.
So no this isn't actually weird in any way that looks weird on you. How could it? I feel like this is either your friends teasing you, and you taking it more seriously than you should; or your own personal fears about what people might think.
It doesn't make sense to me for a 33 year old woman to feel weird about being with a 28 year old man. I'm trying to find a non-offensive way to express how ridiculous that is.
This is not an age gap. This isn't a 5 year age gap for a teenager. It's not like you're 18 and he's 13. You're both adults at the exact same life's stage. There is no difference between 28 and 33. None of what I said about age-gaps earlier applies to 5 years.
I suppose you're right. I think it's just my own personal fears about what people might think but I guess it's nothing really to bat an eyelash at especially since he's really mature and more importantly we are in the exact same place life stage wise. We both are working adults with student loans to pay off eventually lol
Yes exactly! That's nothing to bat an eyelash at. Seriously. Nobody is going to think anything. They're not even going to notice something to think about. Anybody who thinks this is weird, is weird as hell for thinking so. (nobody will. Don't worry)
Don't worry, everybody gets caught up in their head about stuff. You're not unusual. I can tell you that for sure. This is what people do at the beginning of relationships.
I was talking to a friend of mine about you the other day. I think that the way you allow a glimpse into what it looks like to go from talking to a guy, all the way through to (now) the third date is incredibly interesting.
It's a model of a very normal, healthy progression. It's especially a great illustration of the kinds of worrying or overthinking that is NORMAL for anyone during this early uncertain time.
What's cool about you is: You are posting questions often, including the natural ups and downs. The mental turmoil everyone puts themselves through is a human thing.
I think you're doing a great job navigating this whole thing (very much including the worries I've helped assure you were not something to worry about). Following your posts over this time is something that I think could help a lot of people see what "actual normal" looks like.
That's the context in which I was talking about you with that friend the other day. To say "things are going amazing, but still, look at how much uncertainty and worrying and doubting is involved. The beginning stages are really hard even when things are looking great."
So don't worry. But don't worry that you're worrying more than normal. You're not.
Thank you. I always really appreciate your opinions and advice and have been following your advice on everything you have said thus far. It's really kind of therapeutic to be able to get out my fears, anxieties, and worries about this developing relationship. I will try not to worry and just take things day by day.
No. That's a convenience that social engineers want to prescribe because they want an excuse for choices already made; but no, age is not simply a number. And that's true because there are a multitude of factors influenced by age within ranges: from education, to maturity, to physicsl stamina, to hormonal changes, to general health, to street smarts and common sense, to one's own visions of grandeur, to goals, to achievement, to wealth (or the lack thereof), to intellectual depth, to life experience, to the capacity to care, to overcoming the sense of being the center of the universe. Age matters more than people want to say it does. Sometimes reality,... the truth,... they're not popular because influencers have already made choices that would contradict reality and truth, and they want desperately to be validated in their choices. And if they can get you to align with them, then they can advocate the idea that because the purported majority say so, then it must be so,... and yet they would still be wrong no matter how much they stamp their feet.
It all the depends the younger person in question, as a very young adult myself, I do consider myself mature, but because at a younger age I was put in experiences where I needed to put my brain to use, now if we are talking money wise I guess you do need someone older to get themselves fully figured out, if the car was the only issue then maybe you should be asking yourself a money issue question instead, now if he was immature and stupid he just hasn't been through enough or chose to live the fun and wild life instead of asking himself question that really matter.
I've mentioned this somewhere before, I could take care of myself financially but knowing how I would like to treat the woman I care about I would be considered a let down to my woman at least at the moment, I am PURPOSELY SINGLE.
I think he really lacked experience. He had only ever been with one other girl so I should have taken that as a red flag. Him also almost breaking his phone because he didn't want to be on it was another red flag I should have taken heed to. But you live and you learn. I think 24 is just too young for me but I know it works for some women and men my age.
Him being with one other girl? I don't think is enough to take as a red flag actually quite the opposite many green flags can come from that maybe he doesn't like being with everyone (in my opinion I guess)... now him breaking his phone because he didn't want to be on it, that is immaturity at its finest definitely red flag worthy.
I joke a lot about things like that "I wanted to toss my phone across the room" or I pump fake my phone on the ground as if I was going to throw it but as a joke but actually throwing his phone, he must have some issues for sure...
"I don't want to be on my phone anymore😠" *throws phone*
As a woman, I've yet to meet an extremely young guy that had me wanting to date him lol
As handsome as they can be, most of the time their age really shows and not really in a good way 😁 haha...
But I'm sure age gaps can be okay if the two are compatible and all that...
3
3 Reply
Asker
1 y
Lol I definitely understand and you're right. The first guy I really liked ane matched on the Hinge dating app was 24 and at first seemed very mature but turned out to be really silly in the end. I said after that my limit is 5 years up and 5 years down. And it's been going good so far with the 28 year old. He's extremely mature and works really hard.
I'm telling you there has been some 19-23 year olds that were trying their luck. And i told a friend, "nah I feel like I'd be robbing the cradle." Lmao
You set up a good age limit. I'm rooting for you and this new guy haha
It's according to the people involved. If you get to know someone and it seems you're both on the same page despite a couple of years' difference, then it is just a number.
The older you get, the less it appears that the age differences matter. And it also has to do with what each person wants from the other.
If a 55 year old wants someone he can marry and have babies with, another 55 year old isn't an appropriate partner. But a 35 year old woman and a 30 year old man might be well suited for a host of reasons.
Some women want rich, older sugar daddies. Some men chase extremely young women no matter what their age is. There is no accounting for tastes! Variety is all over the map.
If it's all legal of all parties sure - however I for one think there's a realistic limit to *how big an age gap can any realistic long term couple last without splitting or divorcing or having a unhappy lifetime*
Short answers - anything bigger than a gap of a 5-6 age gap, forget it.
I'd say as I'm 31 that "while I could date any woman 18 or older as that's the legal age here" realistically for things in common for realistic life stages I could only see myself dating or having a woman in my life as a partner a life partner potentially even, who's "a woman aged at least 24 (so a gap of 6-7 years on my current 31 years that I just turned last month) and the oldest at 31 (so she's my age, I'm currently 31, that I turned, 2025).
However rare couples seem, seem to last and happily with a 10 year age gap (the husband being older, the wife being younger) again all parties being at least 18 plus aka legal age plus
It isn't, it can't be just a number, we live in much too complex societies for that. For 30 years, I had an arbitrary opinion about age gaps, I think I had a 5 years difference set as a maximum in mind. It was a random opinion based on nothing, especially not based on experience. And then someday, life pranked me, because life loves doing that. It wasn't a sad joke, or a bad one, but it certainly challenged my opinion especially because it wasn't a well rounded one.
I didn't develop in a consistent straight line I don't know exactly what's supposed to be achieved by what age. Some people definitely seem more mature for their age and some less but some things are also not that easy to see from the outside so it's difficult to be sure.
The older you get, the less an age gap matters. Someone 60 can date someone 50 and it won't matter. Someone 50 can date someone 40. Once you get into your 30s, it doesn't matter because you're both fully grown adults. 20 and 30 is a little weird, because at 20 you're not fully grown and still just starting out your adult life. Even 18 and 25 can be seen as a little weird.
I don't necessarily think age is correlated with maturity. In my working environment, it's usually the older people who are the most petty and pathetic individuals. I shudder at the prospect of dating some of the women in my office, even though they're an 'appropriate' age. They definitely ain't mature, and they're quite repellent in most regards.
I think it's just a number - too bad that not everyone thinks the same way as I do. There might be a lot more happy relationships if people didn't let age deter you. We only have right now to find happiness and when someone passes on another person because they let age get in their way, it's a real shame.
It is honestly... I feel like people think that a simple 5 years give them so much more life experience and a different perspective on life.. Like chill, you probably just started to change your mind on some things and mature.. I do think in terms of having kids and a family, age does matter.. Because you want to ideally be able to raise them with your spouse.. And it also matters a bit if you want to grow old with them..
Entirely depends on the person and their circumstances honestly. But at some point if they're older enough than you they will have had adventures in their lives that you have yet to experience yourself, and they may not want those experiences anymore. Still, I never had issues with age gaps in my personal experience.
Is either here nor there but it depends on the experiences and maturity level of the individual some 50 years old men still behave like 19 or 15 or even a 38 years old guy still behave like a teenager there is a guy I know very well he is 38 and I am the one who always makes decisions for him is not that he is not capable but his maturity level God hmmm
Age is just a number. Maturity however comes in all ages… usually girls mature earlier than guys do. But even of girls or guys some mature faster than others do.
as long as two are of legal age and both are willing to both teach the other and learn from the other it can work out. The key is being willing to both lead and follow. To give and to take… However that works for all relationships no mater the age difference.
Im fairly sure the guy i like is late 40s i sh, he said he grew up when there was no social media but tbh he looks a lot younger so no doesn't bother me
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
1 y
I don't think so.
I'm 40 and had a 25 year old guy I used to work with have a crush on me.
It felt really uncomfortable especially when he didn't understand the concept of no. So I had to tell him no the hard way for him to leave me alone.
With my age, I would probably stop at 50-55.
I wouldn't date anyone older than that or younger than me.
1
0 Reply
Anonymous
(45 Plus)
1 y
Yes, but no. Wide age gaps DO make compatibility issues. A gap larger than 10 years. And people DO have trouble relating to eachother. That's just REALITY! I'm not saying wide age gaps cannot work. I'm simpling saying that it working IS NOT the norm.
Personality/character matter more BUT the younger you are the more fickle you are too so it's foolish for older people to get with really young people if they want long lasting relationships.
well, no. when it comes to building a serious long term relationship, age isn't just a number. like you mentioned, the 24 year old didn't even have a car seemed immature as compared to the 28 year old. so maturity levels, career goals, etc play a major role in different age groups.
Teens and early 20s may have similar things in common but after you've been working and living in life after 25 you're probably not that oblivious to most of life's issues so all the wsy up after thst is much the same.
No it’s not in my opinion, I think some age gaps are concerning :/
2
0 Reply
Anonymous
(18-24)
1 y
Obviously women won't go for much younger most of the time because they have no use for men who are less mature then them and don't have their life together. For men it's different, they take care of the woman anyway so might as well go for younger and hotter when you can.
Yes age is just a number. Maturity and human development is not measured in numbers. If two people are adults and mature. It's not a problem. Same thing for 2 kids
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