Girls, Why don't girls ever approach or make first move towards the guy?

[Anonymous]

I generally don't find guys attractive enough , although I reciprocate if approached & like at least something about him

I give off subtle hints an certain actions if I like him... so that he makes the first move / approach

I won't give any hints or approach a guy ever , even if I want and like him badly /seriously

I would approach or make the first move but the guy needs to be really attractive/handsome/tall etc...

Other comments ( add details)

[Zigzagwigwag]

Im just really shy when it comes to making the frist move cause i am scared of rejection so i wait for the guy to show interest in me

[Asker]

Wouldn't the guy be worried about getting rejected by you?

[Zigzagwigwag]

Heheh, i doubt it

[Asker]

Doubt what?

[Zigzagwigwag]

That he would worry about me rejecting him

[Asker]

You won't reject a guy if he approached you?

[Zigzagwigwag]

Not unless im not single

[Asker]

Even if he's short?

[Zigzagwigwag]

Aussies are usually tall men

[Asker]

Suppose he was yours height?

[Zigzagwigwag]

5 foot 7 iniches
?

[Asker]

That's huge for me

[Zigzagwigwag]

Im short in australia

[Asker]

Short for a female?

[Zigzagwigwag]

No, im short compared to the guys...
They are about 6 foot
Im a nice hight for a girl

[Asker]

I know you are tall female

[Zigzagwigwag]

Thank you, but i have a good body so i am happy

[Asker]

Obviously being tall would make you happy.. and confident

[Zigzagwigwag]

im so far from confident it isn't even funny

[Asker]

What? What's not funny? Why

[loves2learn]

Women generally give of subtle (or not so subtle hints) to attract a man to pursue them.

[Asker]

But why never approach him?
What if he's shy?

[loves2learn]

We are shy too. And we don’t know if he is into us. 🙈

[Asker]

And if he's also unsure if she's into him and never approach her because he's scared and shy too?

[loves2learn]

It’s a conundrum. I recommend he smile at her. If she smiles back, he should talk to her. Maybe invite her over. This is how I eventually ended up married myself. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Asker]

You were already interested in him?

[loves2learn]

Well it all kinda fell into place

He smiled at me. I smiled back at him. He asked me if I wanted to watch a movie in his room. I said yes. (College dorm he was a freshman, I was still in high school).

I went to his room and he had his arm across the futon. I took a risk and asked “is that my spot?” He said yes. Later he told me that’s when he knew I was into him.

By the time the night was over we were naked and oral sex happened. I married him 5 years later. Happily ever after the end. 😇😂

[Asker]

What? You both got nakee the first night itself ad even gave/got orall?

[loves2learn]

Yessssss. That did happen. He went down on me first!

[loves2learn]

Thank you for the mho :)

[jennifer_bloom]

I find if I make the first move on a guy, my interest will tend to die out later or I might become bitter later because I was the chaser.

[Asker]

It should be opposite... isn't it.
You choose him, chased him so it should be more interesting and charming

[jennifer_bloom]

It’s true when men chase woman but not true when woman chase men

[Asker]

You have chased and approached men before?

[jennifer_bloom]

I did with one guy and within 5 days I lost 80% of my attraction to him cause he was different from what I wanted or expected, not mean, but did not know how to be a good boyfriend. I also remember a guy who chased me for 2 years and lost interest after a ten minute conversation with me.

[Asker]

How long did you chase this guy and what about him made tou like and want/chase him?
The other guy who chased tou you for almost 2 years lost interest, why?

[Asker]

Did not know how to be a good boyfriend means?

[jennifer_bloom]

I chased him between 2-4 months because he seemed really good looking and smart and nice and later I learned he was failing his classes and had mental issues and deep insecurities.

[jennifer_bloom]

He would never offer me positive words of affirmation and never used sweet words or humour or tokens of appreciation with me and he never had interesting things to talk about and if I complained about an issue, he would fail to offer verbal pity or tokens of sympathy.

[Asker]

Basically he was good looking and that attracted you to him... was he so handsome that you despite being a woman approached him? Because generally women are nicer looking than men...

[Asker]

He had mental issues and insecure about? Physical insecurities?
Always complaining and crying about things/life?

[jennifer_bloom]

He was both good looking and intelligent and he looked virtuous and loyal too

[Asker]

He had most nice things but insecurities and complaining about life ruins everything?

[jennifer_bloom]

He was very insecure. Like we were at the mall in the food court where many small restaurants sell their food at the same eating area and I asked him what food he wanted to eat and he had a panicked look and says, “well, we don’t have to eat at the same place!” And he looked terrified on our first date because he was afraid I would abuse him or mistreat him, like who wants a guy who looks miserable around you cause he is scared of girls?

[Asker]

Scared of girls? Seriously? Why and how...
Because of?
He was handsome.. yet scared and afraid around/with girls.
Was h short? Bald? What issue

[jennifer_bloom]

He never had a girlfriend before because he came from a troubled family and was terrified of romantic intimacy

[Asker]

I see. He didn't prove to be romantic enough? And sexually? Comfortable or scared?

[jennifer_bloom]

No. He never tried anything physical cause we’re both religious.

[Asker]

Lifetime celibacy?

[Asker]

How do you control it?

[jennifer_bloom]

Easy. I don’t want to sleep with him cause I don’t want kids til I’m married.

[Asker]

You don't want to get married ever?
by the way many people have sex... they don't get pregnant everytime!! It's easy to have sex and enjoy it without pregnancy

[jennifer_bloom]

I want to get married and save sex for marriage

[Asker]

Wait fr him no matter how much time it takes and how older you /he get?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

They sometimes do, saying they "never" do, well that's not true.

[Asker]

Rarely?

[Varanus]

In short, because we don't have to. If you're a woman who even comes close to keeping yourself in shape, and you go to a public place in something more revealing than a burka, guys will hit on you frequently enough to get really annoying (and often creepy/scary). I've talked about this a bunch with some of my male friends, and if you wanna get a taste for what it's like, make up a fake dating profile as a woman and marvel at all the creepy shit that floods your mailbox.

That said, if there's someone in particular I'm interested in, I'll make eye contact, flirt a bit, maybe even introduce myself. I used to be much more scared and self-conscious in my 20s, but fuck it, I'm way too old to care what others think any more.

[Asker]

Seriously... I've tried that. Made a fake female profile and I got so so so many guys interested in my profile... I used to get so many notifications ane request!! Lol

While a male profile gets absolutely zero female interest/request etc :/
So basically women don't like such heavy male attention and because of this attention they loose any interest in men and don't like men?

[Varanus]

"If you're dying of thirst in a desert, it makes no sense why someone wouldn't want water. If you're drowning, it makes no sense why someone wouldn't want dry land."

It's not that we don't like men. It's that sometimes we just want to go out and have fun with friends without being bothered. And most of the guys hitting us up obsessively are complete scum, so it kinda taints your perception of what decent guys are actually like after a while. In the dating app example, take a look at how many of those guys who messaged your profile could form a coherent sentence, or actually showed any interest in you as a human being instead of leaping directly into sex talk. Standing out from that crowd is fairly easy, but it's still easy to get lost in the flood.

[Varanus]

So if I'm picking up on hints here, what you're really looking for is feedback on what to do to find romantic partners. Here's my advice:
- Be going somewhere in life. Work toward becoming as successful as you can be in life, in whatever that means for you. Don't just settle/give up and be okay with working at a dead-end job forever.
- Have hobbies, goals, interests, etc. People who are passionate about things are interesting, and if someone doesn't share an interest in what you're passionate about, it's probably not going to work out anyway, so use this as a filter
- Hygiene. Shower, clean your nails, brush your teeth & hair, put some effort into grooming.
- Wear clothes that fit well, and look good on you. This includes nice shoes.
- Smile, make eye contact, look friendly and casual.
- Confidence is sexy. Desperation is creepy. I know "be confident" isn't exactly a switch you can flip on, but "please would someone as great as you date someone as lowly as me" is extraordinarily unattractive. You should be looking for a partner to share your life with, as equals.
- Never jump straight into appearance, sex, etc before really getting to know the other person. If you're going to complement someone, complement them on something they had agency in, which should be unrelated to physical appearance. "I love your dress, does it have pockets?" not "hey baby nice tits."

[Asker]

Very well explained. Umhmm...
How about insecurities? Self loathing and inferiority complex? How to be confident and comfortable if some guy is skinny and/or short... too hairy etc?

[Varanus]

Confidence isn't about having no flaws, it's about becoming comfortable with who you are. If you think you don't measure up, make a list of the ways you're as good as others, and the places where you're better. What are your strengths? What makes you special? What about you will make her life better for having known you? Remind yourself of the positive things about you. Seek to change the things you can improve about yourself, but accept what you can't change.

Also realize that people are into different things. Some girls like skinny guys. Some like really hairy guys. Some (gasp) even like short guys. And even more often, those things aren't deal-breakers. I won't lie and say physical appearance doesn't matter at all, but personality matters far more. And realize that the other person has their own array of insecurities they're dealing with. The funny thing about insecurities and things we hate about our bodies is that more often than not, it's stuff other people barely even notice, let alone care about. I've never met one guy that cared that one of my boobs is a little bigger than the other, but somehow, when I was a teenager, I was absolutely convinced nobody would love me once they found out.

It's really easy to get lost in all the ways you don't think you measure up, but you should spend at least that much time thinking about the ways you are good enough. Not in an arrogant way, or in a way that's disparaging to others, but in a way that shows you've fully accepted yourself.

[Asker]

One boob smaller than the other isn't any issue at all... that's NOTHING
Hell

[Asker]

Come on...
How do you think about short skinny or male body hair?

[Varanus]

It honestly isn't important. Body hair & height aren't things that really matter to me. And I prefer thinner guys.

[Asker]

Okay... that's cool then. Preferably skinny guy is awesome. Are you slim too?
What's your height, just wondering?
And if your guy has lot of body hair then you'd at least prefer he shave/trim something's?

[Varanus]

I try to stay in shape and watch what I eat, and prefer others who do as well. I don't really work out much, but I probably should get a little more exercise, lol. Fat kinda grosses me out (but a lot of people don't care so much). I'm about 5'8". And I really could not care less about body hair. You can honestly stop freaking out about it, lol. I'm pretty sure most girls don't mind.

[Asker]

I see you are quite tall for a female. So honestly your opinion on men who are quite shorter than you?
And yeh seriously, a very hairy chest/belly or God forbid hairy back shoulder is absolutely okay fr tou?

[Anonymous]

I've kissed 10 guys in my life so where I made the first move 9 out of 10 times.
They do not have to be extremely handsome, the connection just has to feel right for me.
I also had sex with 3 guys now and I'm always the one that starts ripping clothes off.
I just know what I want haha.

[Asker]

You are different then hahaha
You initiated sex and kisses in the relationship?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes I initiate every new step within relationships I think.

[Asker]

Were the guys shy / embarrassed?

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah most of the time they are.
I can see that they want to kiss me but I know that they're usually just a little too shy to actually do it.

[Asker]

And same to sex? They wanted it too but were afraid to ask for it?

[Opinion Owner]

I think so.
Sometimes you have those moments where you have been kissing for an hour and nothing is happening (yeah a hard dick is happening), that's usually a sign for me to take off some clothes to let them know that I want to have sex.

[Asker]

You both kissing... and you touch his penis it's already hard... yet nothing else?
So you take of your clothes only or even rip off his pants too?

[Opinion Owner]

Yess

[Asker]

They're shy by the tne you remove their pants? Gone soft?

[Opinion Owner]

I think they're just scared to make the moves.

[Asker]

I see

[SEL195]

I would approach a guy, but men usually don't like forward women. So even if I approached someone the spark fades quickly men like the chase I guess.

[Flower7]

Very true!

[Flower7]

I don’t do that anymore because every time I’ve expressed interest in a guy, I got rejected and it was traumatic.

[Asker]

O sad to hear...
Did you propose guys who were too good?

[Flower7]

How should I know?

[Somegirl678]

i did kind of once, i made eye contact with him and he looked back at me but didn't do anything. he was quite far from me though

[Asker]

Lol
So?

[dreammy]

Because I was taught that the egg doesn't goes to the sperm, it's the sperm goes to the egg...*Never chase a guy*

[Asker]

Who taught you this rubbish?
And just because someone told you that... you took it too seriously and wouldn't approach him even if you like him and he never approaches you?

[lilaccc]

so... i answered some of your questions, i even voted too.. does that not include to "approach or make the first step towards the guy"? 🤔

[Asker]

😳😐😶🧐🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🧐🤨🤨🤨🙄
Seriously?

[lilaccc]

ok, sometimes i do approach the guy..

[Asker]

O yeah... that's nice.
So you " made the first move " by voting and answering my questions? 🤪🤪🤪🤪😋😋😋😝👻

[lilaccc]

how about.. through telephaty😏

[Asker]

Telepathy? Is it something practical 🤔

[Asker]

I was happy as I wrongly assumed that you " have made the first move" with me 👻

[lilaccc]

ok thats adorable.

[Asker]

No.. not anymore. As I realised the facts well in time
😐💯😱😅

[lilaccc]

ouch. ok back to "hair body" topic, oops.

[Asker]

Ok... how should I frame the next " hairy body" question that's interesting too 😱😜

[lilaccc]

ok and make sure not invite me to answer/vote there😉

[Asker]

😶🤨😐😑😔 why not to invite you? ❓

[lilaccc]

bcs 😔 its a secret 😌

[Asker]

Ya ya as secret as presidential vote... I forgot

[lilaccc]

😂...

[tilmyheadblows]

I asked my husband to date me and I was the one to propose to him.

[MelodyBlue811]

I have but found some guys are intimated by women making the first move.

[Asker]

Not exactly
Says who?

[MelodyBlue811]

The guys that I made the first move on. They said it made them feel less manly.

[Asker]

Relationship didn't last long?

[MelodyBlue811]

Nope but it's ok. It was fun for the wild min it lasted.

[Anonymous]

I flirt if I find an interest and can take some first moves, but not all, need the man to also show some initiative or I quickly stop/give up.

[Asker]

So you'll drop hints only?
You'll totally stop it altogether and distance yourself from him if he can't understand te hints / reciprocate?

[Opinion Owner]

I flirt, that is a type of hints yes, if he does not flirt like me then it is too uphill for me.. flirting for me is also compliments and light touches, which at least many men get and follow up on. But yeah, i assume they are not interested if they don't give something back.
Then I also sometimes ask if they want to hang out, not specifying as a date.. if they postpone or cancel I am also not initiating more.
I don't like to be that direct unless it is online dating. Online I don't mind asking if they want to go out on a date.

[Opinion Owner]

And I don't distance myself if he is not interested, I just stop flirting.

[Duskydarkie]

I am too shy to make any movement

[Asker]

But do you like boys?

[Duskydarkie]

Yes i do

[Basic_Blonde_30]

Because we don’t have to

[Turntout4klout]

I would have left the open ended.

[Asker]

I don't understand... what you mean?

[Turntout4klout]

Sorry *the question

[Asker]

Still can't ge

[Gwenhwyfar]

Sometimes they do

[Asker]

In what circumstances?

[Asker]

What's your personal take on this

[Gwenhwyfar]

Depends on the girl

[Asker]

Yeah don't talk about general women here

[Gwenhwyfar]

I rarely approach guys cause I don’t need to. They approach me.

[Asker]

Yeah... I know every girl is used to getting attention and approached.
Does it feel nice or would be better if men never approach and give no attention?

[Gwenhwyfar]

Of course not

[Asker]

Of course not.. what?
Doesn't feel nice... or wouldn't feel nice?

[Gwenhwyfar]

It wouldn’t feel nice if guys stopped paying attention to girls

[Asker]

But why don't girls think about guys... we want to feel nice and wanted too