I’m in the middle kinda. However, I don’t treat them differently, I am still able to form another love for someone else.
I had gotten out of the relationship 6 months prior to meeting my (now ex) boyfriend. I was still healing as a person, but of course I still loved my ex for who he was, but I wouldn’t get back with him and I didn’t miss him. I was over him. For my ex, he had about the same timeline, 6 months… but I don’t think he had feelings for her at all, missed her, or loved her. He just isn’t healed as a person in general. He was very toxic to say the least. He put me through hell during the relationship, and even after.
I want to start dating casually but the breakup is still fresh, but I don’t want to hurt the other person since I am guarded up right now. With me, I recognize that I still love that person, but not to the point where I miss them and want them back. I just love that person like I love my family and friends, but I don’t keep contact.
I think it’s best to wait to get into a relationship if you aren’t fully over that person (wanting them back, missing them, still in love with them).
Yeah that’s the problem, some people think that if they no longer miss their ex it means they’re ready to start dating again when in reality they still need a lot of healing to do… my guy is the same way, he’s become very toxic bc of it and it’s hurting me. I keep trying to break it off but he won’t let me go /:
That’s the worst part. From his perspective, I know it can be hard to let someone let go of you when you already aren’t fully healed, it just feels like salt on the wound, but sometimes it’s best for the both of them.
He needs to realize that it is hurting you, and it will hurt him the most if he’s not willing to let you go to work on himself. When you aren’t funny healed from past relationships, and jump into a new one, rejection can hurt so much worse than it would when you are fully healed from a past relationship.
Yeah that’s perfectly said. The thing is, he’s still meeting up with his ex to hang out as friends since they’re in the same friend group so I feel like it makes it harder for him to move on
That’s the difficult part. The feelings are still there if he’s still her friend, it is definitely going to make it harder for him to move on…
I know :( I really don’t know what to do tbh… I really want this to work but I don't know if he wants it as much as I do
Yes, I've left someone who wasn't fully over their ex.
He said he was recovering from a breakup when we were met. Then about 9 weeks into us dating, admitted that he was leaving voicemails to her phone and 'was torn' because as much as he liked me, he also wanted to know 'how his other story would play out.'
Needless to say, I asked him if he would pick her if she responded, to which he said 'probably.' I dumped his ass on the spot and said, great - go get her.
Needless to say, she had blocked his calls and 6 weeks later he ended up crawling back saying how sorry he was, blah blah. Having been single for a while, I used him for late night hook ups for a couple weekends. He started 'catching feelings' and I had no interest in entertaining them, mostly because they weren't real (purely last based) and his immaturity to tell the difference was off putting.
Wow, I’m glad he was upfront about it tho so he didn’t end up wasting any more of your time. Good for you for standing up for yourself and handling it maturely, I wish I could be like you. Thanks for taking the time to share!
Yes both has happen, I was the one and didn't know it and I have dated others who hadn't move on. It never works out, they said they would like to later... but you move on regardless and meet someone else.
I'll if you're coming out of relationship and you meet that someone special... then move pretty quick. Its when you dating someone whose not the one that comes up more often. They aren't really into you, but they don't want to be alone or honestly having to be other looking for someone else.
I'm with a girl right now and i don't know if i moved on or not from my ex but i definitely didn't...
i have a lot of problems and arguments in this relationship than i ever had in any relationship and it hurts me so when i sit i only think about my ex and how connected we were, i don't know if i should feel bad for thinking like that or what should i do exactly, however, if you really like the guy dont let him go and try your best to contain him he will love you for it and appreciate you a lot
That sucks… maybe you do need to heal while properly single first, sometimes past trauma/hurts come out in a bad way and it ends up causing problems and arguments in the new relationship without you even realizing it.
Yeah I do love the guy, I’ve been trying to suck it up and wait on him but it’s getting too much. He’s pushing me away emotionally but he wants me to stay, and yet he’s not willing to give back the same love that I’m giving him. I feel used tbh…
He’s aware of my feelings and we’ve had tons of discussions about this but he’s still too stuck and he won’t let me in his heart. He said he understand my feelings and he’s hurt that he’s hurting me but at the same time he knows he can’t help it bc he’s just not ready :(
Thanks for sharing though, I really appreciate it!
Lmao, I will actually. But minus the bottle smashing 😆
Opinion
6Opinion
Not ready for what?
I'm currently dating someone even though you could say I am not 100% healed from my past relationship that ended 3 months ago. But I am 100% into this guy. He is not a rebound, it's not that I am not over my ex, I am just "not over" the whole thing (heartbreak, wasted time & effort, broken trust, etc.). I still think about him (our relationship) from time to time, but I don't have any feelings for him and I would never go back to him. It's the same whether I'm single or dating, being single doesn't guarantee I will heal "better", I'd still have trust issues if I "healed" and then started dating someone new. My life overall better with this guy and I'm learning to trust again, so why would I hold back? He knows everything and is being very understanding and supportive.
Thanks for sharing, this is a new perspective for me. I think my guy feels almost exactly the same way, he’s been having a hard time trying to express this but the message just didn’t come through.
But my question is, how do you know that it’s not just a rebound? My guy told me I’m not a rebound but he says that he can’t give me what I want yet bc he’s not ready for a relationship and he doesn’t know when he’ll be ready… there’s just way too much uncertainty hanging in the air and I’m not sure if I want to take the risk, all this is just making me feel like a rebound tbh
Also, do you treat the new guy any differently than you would if you’ve had completely healed from your previous relationship?
Well I know it's not a rebound because I'm not trying to forget my ex or trying to hide my feelings by replacing them with new ones. I'm not treating him any differently, but I learned some stuff and I'm doing things a little bit different now to not make the same mistakes. But I never said to him that I'm not ready for a relationship, we are in a relationship. I don't like standard labels, relationship is what two people decide is relationship for them.
That’s great, you’re very aware that you still need to work on healing from your past but you’re not hung up on it. I hope everything continues to go smoothly for you, thanks for sharing!
No actually. Mine was the opposite. I was in a bad, toxic and depressing relationship with a girl, so it was basically killing me emotionally and towards the end, she broke up with me in July, I met this amazing girl in the September the year before and we just began really hitting it off around March/April time and soon by July time we had practically fallen in love with each other. My toxic ex had pushed me towards the girl that I love now ironically. Yes, I feel sad at times thinking of what could have been, but it's in the past now. Don't know if anyone else has ever experienced my kind of situation, but it all worked out for the best in the end.
That’s great how it turns out so well in the end!
I got into the relationship I'm in now when I hadn't moved on from a friendzone. It wasn't even a relationship and wasted my life, but she had control over me. It was really hard on my girlfriend and respectively hard on me, we broke up once over it. We got back together, got past that issue. It's much better having a full relationship and having the past in the past.
Do you mind sharing how you end up getting past the issue? It might help me out a lot with my situation
@midnightmoon05
I had to stop and listen to what my girlfriend was saying... I was in an emotional "hole" where I was getting nothing and felt good about it. I didn't see that. The problem is that people don't want to change and me specifically, didn't like letting go of prior love with roots in... fear of intimacy, avoidance personality trait, defensiveness to name a few. I had to sort out why I was doing what I was doing and fighting. I'm just pointing out how messed up someone can be and feel ok about it.
I had a list of issues. She had training in education, doesn't give up, and thought about "who" I was. We reconnected (we met on GAG and reconnected on GAG), and started over. Same problems existed, same arguments, but I committed to her, to working on myself, I listened more rather than reacting and defending. I learned to respond better to her and that gave her emotional security, so she feels better and so we got to a better place. It's still work, but it's better. I can't stand arguing and am afraid of it, I have to work on that.
It's hard work, I'd rather chop down a tree or pick up trash, and maybe harder when someone is older. To be considerate of myself, I've had issues since I was young... all the issues I harbored rooted back to childhood, lack of nurturing from mom, lack of emotional support, oaths I took to not be married, etc.. Gotta dig and find roots of behaviors. Everyone is different and we all have our "wounds" that are "us". I am Christian, and was fine at times stuck where I was... but covered up all this stuff and it controlled and limited me. Readup on the sub conscious mind and trauma for context.
So... it's hard work, and I still have stuff to cleanup to be my best and I'm open to it and healing. Life is like peeling an onion. Question is... if you are both willing to and able to talk, invest in each other and grow together. The big issue for you/him is... why does he love her, why can't he let go? He has to dig. So many relationships blow up today because people won't/can't stop and do work on themselves or end things properly... by suffering the loss.
Definitely don't lower your values/morales though. And don't accept him loving someone else... there are limits you must face/accept only you can answer.
I've been on both sides of this, unable to move on UNTIL I started dating someone else (poor him) but it really helped me move on and to get past my ex.
Dated a few guys, one right now that calls me by his ex name, and that is a disconcerting but we've only been on a few dates so far.
Did you also have to get over the other guy that helped you move on from your ex?
I've had to get over every guy ever in my life, some harder than others. I suppose until I find a life time one, that is the way things will go.
There is a few cheaters that I didn't have much issue getting over, but still hurt.
Yes, I broke up with m long term girlfriend. I dated somebody for about 5 or 6 months and she used to notice that sometimes I would be sad and she knew it was because I was thinking of my ex. There were a few reasons why she dumped me but I remember being like that when I should not have.
How long after the breakup did you start dating the new person if you don’t mind sharing
Wow same with the guy that I’m currently dating, but despite having mentally broken up with her I bet you still needed a lot more time to fully get over her?
I couldn't move on from a past relationship and I had a few woman who really liked me that if I wasn't stuck in the past could have been long term potential. I felt bad because I couldn't even consider committing to them. The more I liked them the further I distanced myself from them. If he's not ready you will never be treated as good as you should. I recommend waiting for him to move on
Yeah that’s the sad truth… I’m ready to give him my all but he won’t do the same for me so I guess it’s best if I just walk away
I hate to say give up on someone you would give your all for. I just remember how guilty I felt attempting a relationship knowing I still loved my ex. As I got closer to the new girl I pushed her away even harder. Maybe explain when he's over his ex you might be willing to try but for now he needs time to heal. The separation from you may very well make him realize he's more over her and more into you than he thought. Good luck anyway. It's an unfortunate situation
Yes I had a rebound, but he was only a friends with benefits/casually seeing each other after my ex. It was literally the day after we broke up so of course I wasn’t over him yet 😬 but the friends with benefits seemed to be fine with it and was fine if I still talked about my ex.
I feel like a friends with benefits situation is completely fine since you both are fully aware about the extend of the relationship (just sex), I hope it helps you to move on
I left a girls last year facing the same situation. The thing is if you haven't moved out of your ex, then they're basically not your ex. You're still their suffering from one way love and also causing you new partner to suffer for nothing.
Exactly, it just feels like a one sided love and it hurts bc I can see the potential. How did she react after you left?
She was in another city, connected through Facebook messenger. I just blocked her. And she also never tried to reach me by any other medium. Though I still miss her very much but I know if I go back, it would hurt me the same and again I'd be distracted from the things I want to achieve in my life.
That sucks… but I think you did the right thing. You’re giving me the encouragement to do the same to my guy, so thank you for sharing! I hope you’ll find someone who’s not hung up on their ex. You deserve it
You're welcome. And yes, if he's not over her ex then to him you're not exciting enough to make him forget her ex. To him, you'll just be a source of distraction to make him heal from the heartbreak and that's it.
I'm one at a time kinda person, when I'm in love, I give my everything, try my level best to keep her happy but then I also expect the same thing in return, and when it's not the case then there's always that excruciating pain inside me all the time.
Before blocking that girl, I had lots of fights with her, lots of detailed discussions, asking her the questions, giving her my answers and explanations. Tried my level best to discover some solutions to keep our relationship, but nothing works when both the partners equally put their hearts in it.
Omg you just described my situation down to the details lol I do love hard but the guy I’m dating isn’t reciprocating bc his heart is still hung up on his ex. He’s saying I’m not a rebound and that he will never go back with his ex but he still needs to heal from the hurt which is why he’s emotionally closed off rn. But he keeps hanging on to me and like you said I feel like he’s just using me as a distraction… we are going through a lot fights and discussion trying to find a proper solution but I think it’s best if we go our separate ways I guess (even though I don’t want to)
What other solutions did you have in mind when you were going through this if you don’t mind sharing?
Well, I had a different situation. It was a long distant relationship, so my solutions won't be working for you.
In order to figure out solutions for you, I'd be needing some details. Like how long it's been between you and him, some details about his ex, how they ended up, how you two patched up. How intimate you both are. So if you mind sharing this with me in private, there can be some things that can still work.
Okay, I sent you a message! :)
No, I’ve tried to only get into relationships after I’ve fully processed the last one and filed it away after making peace… so kinda proportional to how long the relationship was. However, I had a brief hook up that was a good kisser and just trained my new boo to kiss the same way… did I tell them it was bc of some good kisser I was hung up on? No.
I think you are doing the right thing. It may be a hard decision but it sounds like it’s for the best. Taking a break does not mean forever. If it was meant to be then he will come back to you.
No. When I get into a new relationship, I’m definitely over my ex
Nope, I don't want to waste my time or someone else's.
Yep that's exactly why I can't have a boyfriend😅😅
I can't commit for shit.
no I have not.
You can also add your opinion below!
Holidays 
Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
