Why would the man I’m dating say it’s not casual but hate the thought of getting engaged?

[Anonymous]

I’m not looking to get engaged yet but he doesn’t know that (men just presume it’s what all women want right). I only want that with the right person and I’m not sure of that yet as we’ve only been seeing each other for 7 months. But he’s been divorced and hates three thought of anything like that again. But I can’t help but think that if you were with the right person you’d be more open to that again so it makes me question whether he’s just wasting time with me until he meets someone else. What do you guys think?

[Anonymous]

I can understand where he’s coming from. I just got out of a long term relationship (over 6 years), but I’m now currently dating an amazing guy. I told him we’re more than casual but I’m not ready for a fully committed serious relationship yet. Basically, I’m serious about him and I’m only dating him but I want to take things super slow first so yeah I would also hate the thought of getting engaged to him bc I’m not ready for it. Your guy might have a similar mindset

[kyleelyn199723]

I think you need to give him a chance. He has been recently divorced and knows that marriage changed things and divorce is not easy. He probably has learned a lot from his last marriage, and knows 7 months is not really ideal for him to know if he wants to marry someone. Maybe him and his ex wife for engaged way too early

[kyleelyn199723]

Changes things*

[Anonymous]

"But I can’t help but think that if you were with the right person you’d be more open to that again"

Nope. Most men know that marriage is a shitty deal for men today, and he knows that better than most based on personal experience. Why in the world would he CHOOSE to subject himself to that again?

[Asker]

You sound very cynical. He wouldn’t be choosing to subject himself to THAT again. It’s different with different people.

[Opinion Owner]

Like most men today, I am indeed cynical about marriage. Were you not aware?

[Asker]

Nope, reality tells a different story. Plenty of happily married men around. The internet is a pit for other extremest views though.

[Opinion Owner]

Yet here you are asking why he doesn't want to marry you.

[LegendaryIcon]

Id like to know what the girl i like is.

We're not "in a relationship" but, we're not really, "just friends".. we're hanging out, doing things together, but, im not really sure what we are

[Asker]

Me too. We’re exclusive but he has said he’ll we don’t know how things will pan out yet (7 months in).

[LegendaryIcon]

technically, we've known each other for years, but, officially, it's only been a couple months

[RearEntryGuy]

You still don't understand men, do you?

We sweet talk and say "not casual" only to get into your pants. We know very well that if we say otherwise, you (and most girls) will probably break off immediately.

And of course, the day will come when you say enough is enough. By then, we had eaten enough. So break.

(Sorry to be so direct. The legal system is against us men where marriage is concern. Hence we rather not bind ourselves.)

[Asker]

That’s a childish viewpoint in my opinion. Many people my age can be honest with each other about seeing others while they’re feeling each other out. Hell some even prefer open relationships. There is zero reason to lie.

[Asker]

He wants a son to pass k on n his name being the only male in his family. He’s mostly been in serious relationships (married and divorced previously).

[RearEntryGuy]

Yes childish indeed. But regrettably, I read too many posts here supporting this view.

And of course there are men who wants a family. But your question and details seems to show otherwise. Hence I answer that way.

[Asker]

I don’t think the detail shows anything that way personally. What details are you specifically referring to?

[RearEntryGuy]

Your question wrote "the man I’m dating say it’s not casual". Your details wrote "he’s been divorced and hates three thought of anything like that again"

These two statements show a conflict of interest.

He said it's not casual. Yet he confessed he doesn't like the idea of marriage.

Yet he "free ride", assuming you two had sex regularly.

Hence I was strong with my initial answer because that's what younger guys would do:

Say what the girl wants to hear, get sex, just don't get married.

And here, it's mere opinions. You should confront him if you want him to commit to a possible marriage in the foreseeable future.

Otherwise, ignore what I say. Continue in this "relationship" where he tells you "its not casual" and you continue to have sex with him.

See what happens end 2022.

[PeterSmith1983]

Big gap between casual and engage 💍 lol

[Asker]

It’s not casual

[PeterSmith1983]

Good but doesn't mean you need to get engaged straight away

[Asker]

That’s not anywhere near what was implied. You’re jumping to conclusions.

[PeterSmith1983]

Sorry I misunderstood

[slatyb]

Do you want to have children?

[Asker]

Possibly yeah

[slatyb]

Does he?

[Asker]

Yes…

[slatyb]

But he does not want to marry?

[Asker]

I think he’s still bitter from his divorce tbh.

[slatyb]

I presume that you do not want to have children without marrying?

[Asker]

Well it’s not ideal if you have different names.

[sensible27]

Actually that's a valid question, what did he say

[Asker]

He doesn’t really like to talk about it.

[sensible27]

.. you might wanna express that it concerns you

[Asker]

I don’t really feel like it’s worth it

[sensible27]

It's your relationship..