Do you think most people find what they’re looking for in a partner physically AND personality wise?

[Anonymous]

I am 27F, I contribute my singleness to bad luck and not being desirable enough to be in a relationship with a guy I’d wanna date. I have low self esteem but I’ve been told I’m cute, I sometimes look through a good photo and wonder why a decent guy hasn’t come around yet. I’m not asking for a lot: cute, taller than me by at least 2 + inches, decent career, independent etc. Personality too of course, the last guy I saw years ago was funny and treated me decent but he wasn’t attractive, even other people told me I could do better. To know it’s 3+ years and the universe is saying I can’t do any better, I know I’m not a 10 but I mean cmon. Do most people get what they’re looking for?

Yes

No

[RearEntryGuy]

Many have good comments written in English. So I'll share my Opinion using Math.

Let's look at a small pool of merely 10 matches: {cute, taller, AverageLook, OKcareer, independent, funny, respectful, kind, TreatMeDecent, OKwithSex}

For simplicity, Let's assume finding someone with one match be of probability p.

This means the chance to find someone cute is p% in the human race.

Simple Math:
2 Traits = p²
3 Traits = p³
:
:
10 Traits = p¹⁰

See that?
Finding a guy that matches 3 traits is ¹/1000 of the probability of getting a guy. That's 1 guy out of 1000 you met in your life. (Still ok.)

But if you look at 10 Traits, it's
1/10,000,000,000, more than the earth's population.

It's an overly simplified calculation with unknown statistics. But the purpose is to show why even an apparent "perfect match" can end up in a divorce.

Hence, finding a life's partner is NOT about perfect match because it's already impossible to match 10 Traits perfectly. (But life faces more challenges than mere 10 physical and character traits.)

It's about love, forgiveness and overlooking. That's what keep a relationship and a marriage alive. This is my humble 2 cents.

[Anonymous]

"I am 27F, I contribute my singleness to bad luck and not being desirable enough to be in a relationship with a guy I’d wanna date." THIS, THIS, THIS, THIS! I had to admit this to myself too.
I've been told "You're so pretty, you can have any guy you want" and about some guys I've dated; "you can do better". The problem is I've attracted attractive guys but they treat me like I'm one of many, while unattractive guys treat me like I'm the only. It's like I can't find good treatment matched with good looks. He doesn't have to be gorgeous but can he at least be nice to look at?
My last dating encounter with an unattractive guy was years ago as well. Long story short, I decided I'd rather be by myself than to date another guy I'm not attracted to. Haven't since.
As much as it sucks to say this. The truth is, the guys I want can do better than me and the guys that want me that I don't want, can't. But I believe I'm going to get who I want when I become who I want. If that makes sense. I believe those who are vibrationally aligned are those who attract one another. As long as you have low self esteem, those who share that vibration are those who you will attract. The guys we want probably don't have low self esteem or maybe they don't have it as low as we do. So, that means we have work to do, to get where we want to invite in what we want.

[Anonymous]

I’ve met someone with the best personality but he wasn’t my type at all physically. We still were together for a really long time. Then I met a guy who is exactly my type but wasn’t vibing with his personality so yeah that didn’t work out… I honestly would prefer to have some with an awesome personality compared to someone who’s just hot

[MCheetah]

A percentage of men do; maybe 25 to 33%. Almost no modern women do, because they always expect perfection.

I'm not asking for a lot. Just a guy who's super-good looking but won't ever cheat on me or have his eyes on other, more attractive, nicer women for some reason. At least 6'1" and no less than that because I own 6 inch platform heels and wear them every day. Is rich and successful, but won't ever use the words 'rich' because that makes me sound like I'm shallow. And is paradoxically independent, yet wants to settle down with me for some reason, even though I sound shallow and like someone no independent man would ever want to be chained up to for the rest of his life. And I bring nothing to the table by the way, or else I would've said that. But I'm not asking for too much! I may be 29 and hitting the wall at the speed of light. But I'm a queen and I expect perfection, okay? I just won't call it 'perfection' because that makes me sound shallow."

[HighValue]

First you have to consider what you bring to a relationship. Physical looks count, but you also need to consider personality traits, interests, what you would do that brings value to the relationship, long term compatibility, etc.
Try to figure out a score for yourself in each area of a relationship and then try to find a mate that is of a similar value.

Often when people say, "You can do better" they are only referring to physical looks, because they usually don't know much about that person at all besides what they see in the short amount of time they are around them.

You want someone with a decent career? Then let them know you are willing to sign a prenuptial agreement if you were to ever get married. Also, don't expect them to marry you if you have a lot of debt, because then it would also become their debt.
I certainly wouldn't marry anyone that doesn't fit those two standards I just mentioned.

You want someone tall? He will likely want someone that is not over weight.

You may also want to consider you being the one to initiate or ask out a guy when you are interested. Some good quality guys don't bother asking women out because people come to them often. If you want them to notice you, you may need to initiate at first.

I hope that was helpful.

[AmeerX]

How tall are you? And what do you mean by etc in your choice?
By the way I was once told by someone that good looking girls had it rough when the average girls stole the night at the party.
Maybe you are attractive and expected you will get a great partner but maybe they are all taken.

I tell you my story. I tried my best to get a good person but either they were engaged by the time I asked them out or they simply made up excuses to not let it go beyond friendship. It is not like I asked much from them but they just wanted their parents to take the fall for them instead of making their own choice about it

[bamesjond0069]

Its very different for men and women. You will never be more attractive than you are right... now. Every day you're little by little losing dating value to men. So waiting around 3 years again is a terrible idea. Also so is sleeping around with 20 men to see if something happens. You should be focused on dating specifically courtship. Meeting as many men as possible and knuckle down to specifics. Do you want kids? Marriage? Live in this kind of house? Etc. No match? Move on asap. All while being a fun date. No sex should be involved until all other matters are found acceptable by both parties.

Men have the opposite advice basically. So don't try and emulate anything that men do.

[AshleyPlayz]

I've met people that were really my type but in the end it didn't work out either. It's not necessary that if you meet your ideal type it's like meeting a soulmate or thing. It takes a few tries for some people to meet there perfect one. While some meet there's at the first try. Don't lose faith you'll meet yours when it's the right time.

[GreenLanternI0I]

No they do not, only a small percentage of people do, because they have everything going for them. Basically, if you have a Ferrari you be hanging out with people who also drive Ferraris' and Lamborghini's. If you drive an American Muscle car you be trying to hanging out with people who also into American Muscles, because you have similar looks, similar tastes, similar interests and topics to talk about.

[Cowboy6666]

Well I prefer personality and open mindedness over physical beauty overall in the end. I have been single more than you. Now I literally want a partner for me, talkative, kind, open minded, girly girl etc these are my demand I want in a girl nothing else I want.

[DizzyDesii]

I've dated many who met both looks and personality. But they often lacked an important value like believing in God or patiently waiting for sex

[rabbitzzz]

You left your last guy because your female friends told you, you could do better?

[Asker]

I left him because I felt like I could do better, they just said physically I could do better

[rabbitzzz]

Is he still alive?

[Asker]

I think so

[zagor]

So you found a decent guy but he didn't meet your looks criteria. You've already made your choice. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

No. Based on people's actions I'd say half of people are with somebody they can tolerate. And more than half are just waiting for something better to come along.

[Yourfriend2021]

It's not easy in today's world, a lot of people feel the way you do.

[Lunatic1]

No, most people have to settle with something. For example, he's good looking but he has an annoying habit. Or he's rich but not the best looking.

[Adogdog]

I'm not really sure if most people do or not, but I understand where you are coming from! I feel the same way.

[jasco]

most men will for sure understand this, women eh some of them

[Jamie05rhs]

No. Most people either have failed relationships or they just stay single.

[Shiningtempest]

It would have to require strong luck for people to find what they're looking for in a partner physically & personality-wise.

[awesomehairstylist]

you know Ash helps if you have a picture along with this question

[LightOfTruth]

Why do you think you have not found the right?

[noohair]

Not all good men are cute or tall.

[Leonharted]

Dunno. I know I did.

[EaterPeter]

UROLB

[EaterPeter]

🙂🙂