Thoughts on dating when its been a while since you dated or been with anyone?

[Anonymous]

not necessary dating after being in a long relationship with the same person , more not having dated anyone for some time so your not actively involved in the dating scene or been with anyone recently. so you don't have a lot of recent experience so been a year or more type thing and your struggling to find a way forward

[slatyb]

I was divorced around your age and started dating online. My advice is to meet someone as soon as there is mutual interest. Texting and phoning before meeting are a waste of time. Then keep your expectations low. I was surprised to learn that I didn’t have to ask for anything. Women let me know what they wanted. If the first date went well they let me know they to be kissed. After three dates they invited me home. Of course it may be different for you. Be patient. One summer I had 17 first dates and no second dates. Then in January I met my wife.

[Asker]

i generally have low expectations at this point , did re join the gym in Nov and that seemed to help a bit and was seeing some girls there but with covid the gyms here and now shut down for a couple weeks at least. the girls i know generally don't tell me what they wanted or offer up any hints or contact info. we seem to have this connection in real life but struggle to take it further

[slatyb]

If they seem interested after a bit of conversation just invite them to coffee or whatever.

[Asker]

i seemed to struggle to advance things beyond the place i knew them , if i had meet them at a restaurant seemed to never go beyond it , even if they seemed interested and talked to me in person. there never seemed to be a natural option or place to see them other than original place.

although was a couple girls at gym i had originally meet through restaurants , so the gym was a different place to see them but never made plans to see any of them there. just randomly see them now and then

[slatyb]

If you don't ask, you don't get. Online dating worked well for me.

[Asker]

the last couple years have been tough as with covid so many events have been canceled that normally run here so not a lot of options for things to do that be different. normally be street festivals , concerts , events etc

i also tend to meet more girls during the summer but have read girls might be more interested during the winter , guys are more looking during the summer. but tough cause its quiet here during the winter and see less girls

tried some online dating sites a couple years ago but didn't have much luck , generally had poor luck online with girls even ones i knew , hard to get replies to messages and seemed to annoy them more than anything else. so not sure how to go about communicating with them when not in person as in the past nothing has worked well

[slatyb]

Consider seeing a counselor / dating coach.

[Asker]

i had talked to someone a couple years ago , he though i should date online but might have to look at singles up to an hour away in order to find someone. as my area isn't that big and often not a lot of singles around. but with covid trying to date someone who lives an hour away just didn't seem practical and was already some girls i knew in real life i liked

[JC1981]

It can be hard getting back into dating if you've been out of the game a long while. Sometimes we forget how to read the opposite sexes body language. But everyone is different and has their own pace in the dating scene. Put yourself out there on a dating site to start practising talking to women, but don't lead them on and be honest if your not interested in pursuing a meeting. Women appreciate that and will more likely to be happy to char as freinds and give each other tips and advice.

[Asker]

but i could talk to girls on here , being on a dating site implies i'm ready to actually meet someone in person. although agree it might help to talk to more girls in real life , that has been something i've wanted to do more of. is girls i've talked to in person during 2021 , many through work or at restaurants , i tried talking to a couple girls at gym but conversations very brief but rarely communicate through social media or phone / chat with them

[JC1981]

True true. Well I'm happy to give tips and advice to a guy on here.
Do you smile and make some eye contact with these women first? Some women find it threatening and too pfront to be approached straight away.

[kyleelyn199723]

I don’t think recent experience matters. Dating is not equal to having a job. You put yourself out there again, and you find someone that matches you and is interested in you. You don’t need experience to find love

[Asker]

true its not the same as a job search , the issue with not having experience is your not used to dating people or used to what to expect from the process. and another risk of it being that long is you might try and pressure someone due to the level of desperation , i don't want someone to feel uncomfortable or that i was using them

[kyleelyn199723]

I think you are overthinking things. You just need to go into dating causally and not forcing things with the first person you meet. It’s common sense. You date, you have fun, maybe things get spicy , and then things happen and you date.

[kyleelyn199723]

And you end up in a relationship *

[Asker]

guess its tough to describe how i feel to other people and often worry i might scare off a girl if i were to come on too strong , imagine if you hadn't ate anything in a month and could look at a buffet all you wanted but not eat anything thats how i feel somedays , its frustrating cause it seems like what i wanted all along is rate there and i can't have it

[kyleelyn199723]

I understand, but again just don’t overthink things. Not every girl is relationship material and not every girl is worthy of your love and life. Just meet different people, and only put the expectation of dating if it looks as if it’s going to be that way. This is why I hate dating apps and such. It puts perspective that whoever you meet online, you will automatically become romantically involved when it’s unrealsitic

[Asker]

i get your point when i was younger meet a lot of girls through the bar scene and some turned out to be entirely different when not at the bar. it was tough to determine who was worthy of something more and who was just a friend from the bar. i've never really used dating aps but do agree dating sites can create an unrealistic perspective when true romantic connection / involvement is less common to find that easily