I feel uncomfortable dating a girl who has had a one night stand/sex before commitment but won’t with me. Am I being immature or is this valid?

[Anonymous]

Maybe it’s dumb but I feel like I’m getting the short end of the stick Or something and it makes me feel weird. It seems like nearly every girl I’ve gone for I eventually find out that they were much quicker to fuck other guys previously yet want to make me wait til a set amount of time. Do most women do this or is it just the ones I’ve gone for?

[unknownforever]

maybe you should look at it in a different way. If you are looking at serious dating, then I'm sure these women are too. Those one night stands were for when they weren't serious about a guy and couldn't care les for what happened. But as you settle down, they want to find the best possible man. Just like there are bad women, there are bad guys too. Those that will promise a person to love them forever, but then dip after sex. So if you are looking for "the one", don't take it too harshly. It's not a reflection on you, but someone wanting to find someone true (and at least you know you aren't just being used for sex). However, if you have been in a relationship for a long time and this person has never discussed about why they don't/aren't having sex, I can understand the worries. Each women is different, and some women will literally hop right on you. But if you are looking for someone serious, expect that the women is doing the same and wants to avoid being used for sex.

[Asker]

But even if they are looking for somethings my serious why can’t they just approach me with the same attitude they approach the other guy with? Why would they give the guy they’re not serious about preferential sexual treatment over the guy they are serious about? How am I supposed to feel good about not getting preferential sexual treatment over a guy they weren’t even serious about? It stings. It makes me feel like shit. I want to get the best sexual treatment from them not some random guy they weren’t even interested in.

[unknownforever]

I understand what you are saying. But when you're not serious about someone, you don't care about giving them pleasure, and you want to get away next day. You literally have zero feelings about the person and don't care what happens (whether you look horrible or aren't as "good"). When you care about someone or you want to be serious about someone, then you care about everything. From the way they feel to their likes and dislikes. Another thing to consider as I stated before is that you don't want to get played. Before, these women had no worries about getting played. As ling as they got dick (even from different sources), they were okay. But when you want to settle down, potentially get married or have kids, you don't want waste time with bad partners. You want a real person. So waiting gives them time to get to know you, grow fond of you and want to have sex with you whilst also caring about your pleasure. I really do understand what you're saying, but try to look at it in a positive way. They want to get to know you and have true feelings about you, rather than sleeping with you, comparing you to others and then dip.

[Asker]

If they don’t want to waste time, why not fuck me right away and see if I stay? I’m pretty sure They don’t want to fuck me right away because they don’t want to seem easy. But they are easy so its the worst of both worlds. I just shouldn’t seriously date I think or maybe I’ll have an open relationship. I don’t think I can do it. It’ll eat me up and I’ll never get over it. I just need to do porn and fuck waaay too many different women and then Maybe I won’t care.

[unknownforever]

But it makes every other guy she ha fucked ten times easier. And you. A women is allowed to love sex. A women is allowed to go and have sex with whatever. You should not be "expecting it" just because of her past. Maybe she wants a different path. If you don't like it, just date. But getting mad at women for not giving you sex right away is a bit much. If a woman decides to have sex with a guy very early on, and he leaves, another guy will call her an "easy fuck". Think about it. You might be calling all these women "easy", when in reality, they were just doing what you said. A relationship is not just about sex. Do what you like. I tried to explain why some women may not want to do it, not agree with that they should have to. Maybe if you didn't expect it, you would get it. When you believe you should be getting it, this personality will be displayed and push people away from having any physical contact. I understood where you came from, but you are making it impossible for yourself and you're just showing that sex is the only thing you care about. Cleary you don't want commitment, as commitment is a whole load more than just sex.

[Asker]

I don’t expect anything and I’m not mad if women do this, it’s just that I don’t feel comfortable seriously dating them. I don’t only care about sex. It’s the meaning behind it. I could care less about the sex honestly. It’s what the sex means to me. I’ve had a couple ONS before and been with a number of women so it’s not that. Do u think most girls would still date a guy who’s done porn?

[Adam1978]

That is really silly. Just because someone does give a guy a one-night stand doesn't mean every guy can queue up for one. So you have no right for one and she can't give you one if you want a dating experience. Because then it's not a one-night stand. Maybe she wanted more from that other guy too and actually learned from it.

[Asker]

I’m not every guy tho? I’m who she wants to seriously date. And ok she learned her lesson but it’s too late now. Why should I not expect someone I’m trying to spend my life with to treat me the best sexually of anyone? If I matter more to her than the other guy then why should I not expect that she act like it?

[Adam1978]

You must have screw loose. One night stand is not respecting someone. It's using them up like one time item. Like a discarded condom you were good for one round. And you will never be used again.

[Asker]

Yes because women can’t enjoy casual sex….

[Adam1978]

You are a guy, you are doing it all wrong. If you want one night stand you go out and spend less then a night worth of effort to get it. You don't date the woman, you hookup with the woman. It's a big difference. You don't go the boyfriend route. That's the long game for something serious. You only do that with women that are girlfriend material and you make damn sure she is worth all the time and effort. You don't do it with any girl.

[Anonymous]

So she was slutty before, has reformed her ways, and you want her to be a slut again? All because you don't want to wait?

[Asker]

It’s not because i don’t want to wait it’s because of the feelings attached to it. I could care less about the sex tbh. It makes me not feel proud to call them my wife I guess. Like I feel ashamed of dating them or something

[Opinion Owner]

You would feel comfortable dating a girl who has had a one night stand/sex before commitment if she will fuck you on the first date?

[Asker]

I mean I’d def feel better that way as opposed to being made to wait. Ideally I’d like a girl who never had a one night stand but if she already had one it would be worse to be expected to wait. As long as I feel like I can trust them I don’t really care if we hooked up on the first date.

[Berethor]

Well you getting the worst of both worlds, a slut that make you wait.

[Asker]

I’m glad someone agrees with me. What do I do about it tho cu I’m pretty sure just about every girl I’ve been with does this.

[Berethor]

A lot of entitled sluts nowadays, so there is no much that you can do about that.

[Ms_Vanderquack]

No, you are just a garden variety idiot.

[In_Trance]

immature

[Asker]

But how do I get over it? Cuz honestly it gets to me sooo bad deep down and it makes me seriously question if a relationship is worth it. Maybe I should just stick to casual the rest of my life.

[In_Trance]

Up to you