If a girl isn't ready for a relationship?

[Anonymous]

because of previous bad relationships is it still possible to date her? as in taking her to movies,dinner whatever just being a part of her life with the hope of becoming more but taking it nice and slow? I don't think she's playing games because if she was she would have just said I'm not ready for a relationship and never talk to me again just to get rid of me, Ask me how I know when someone's playing me. I'm willing to wait for her,but not forever mainly because I've never had a girlfriend and I've never really looked for one. She is just a random occurrence that came about when I already figured I would never find anybody so I don't think it will kill me to wait longer. We moved way to fast, we ended up having sex on our second date but she got cold feet. I feel reasonably certain she wants something to do with me because she keeps talking to me. I feel a sort of connection with her, could be wrong. But she very well could be playing me only one way to find out. So,is it possible?

P.S. the reason I'm willing to wait is because I have a good life outside of this dating and relationship thing with many goals to achieve which I can do while I wait for her.

[sonic241928]

I'm not sure what you mean by "cold feet" (she started turning you down for dates?), but I don't really see where she might be "playing you." I might be wrong, but I think that would be more of a possibility if she were constantly waiting around for you to do all the work of courting her (e.g., paying completely for all dates, she's not expressing the same amount of interest, she tries to get you to "do stuff" for her, you always have to be the first one to call her, etc.). But it doesn't sound too much like she's doing that.

The main thing is balance. If things are balanced (e.g. she calls/texts you as often as you call her, cares about what's going on in your life like you are with her, etc.), then there's no problem. The facts that you're independent, not clingy (right?) and you've got other good stuff going on in your life besides her are all great.

The one thing I wouldn't do if I were you, however, is promise her that I'll "wait" on her to be ready. If she's a cool person I would be her friend, but I wouldn't put my whole dating life on hold and cut off other potential girlfriends just for her. As considerate as you are, she should know that she might "lose" you if she doesn't step up to the plate soon. Also, there's the conventional wisdom of "not putting all your eggs in one basket." Since you never had a relationship before, you might want to get more experience casually dating (not necessarily hooking up with) other girls. That's up to you though. If you want to do that, you should be free to do so.

All in all, keep being independent, try to keep things balanced, and listen to your gut. If she seems like a good person and she seems to respect you as much as you respect her, she might be worth a small "wait". Best of luck man.

[Asker]

I wasn't going to tell her I would wait, and she never had trouble showing interest and she contacted me most of the time. By cold feet I mean,um not going all the way when we had sex. But she still continues talking with me but says she's not ready. That's fine, no hurry. Plus she's the only girl who saw something in me,don't know what but yeah something different with her. Thanks man

[sonic241928]

Ah I see. Well everything sounds pretty cool then. It's that mutual respect and understanding that matters the most. The chemistry helps too of course.

[Asker]

Hey I contacted her last night, she said she doesn't want to go to dinner etc. But she still wants to talk over the phone and stuff,see what happens from here.

[sonic241928]

That's cool. Go by how YOU feel. That's how a confident guy does things.

[Anonymous]

You have a few mixed messages in your explanation. You don't think you'll ever have a relationship with anyone BUT you're willing to wait for her; you had sex BUT she got cold feet; you're taking slow BUT what you're describing seems like just a friendship (aside from the one-time sex). If you could clarify...

From what you've described, though, I don't think she's playing, but I don't think she's going to be in a relationship with you outside of friendship. Maybe she's just being polite so she doesn't hurt your feelings.

[CrazynKinky]

I'm not ready for a relationship is usually a total I like you and I still wanna be close but I still want my freedom and to go out and have fun. You can take her on dates, to movies and dinner trust me she will love every second of it. But there will be other guys in her life

[Asker]

Thanks but unfortunately that wasn't the case,as I found out a month ago,it was my fault. But thanks for taking the time to answer though.

[CrazynKinky]

Aww sh*tty oh well you'll find somone new

[Anonymous]

Depends on if she is willing to work on her issues or not.

[Anonymous]

You should never wait for anyone period

[Asker]

I've decided that about 3 weeks ago after a course of events and a revelation I had (if you will). I've met somebody else. But something tells me this isn't the last I've seen of this girl, don't ask because I don't know why.