There was this woman I liked who I was friends with before taking an interest in her. She was going through a divorce at the time. I know what you're about to say. It's dumb to pursue someone going through a divorce. I know that now, but didn't think of it back then. We had a conversation about me wanting to be in a relationship with her. Then she told me that, "I can't be in a relationship right now. I'm not emotionally, or mentally there, and I want to focus on my career." It made sense what she was saying, and i took it at face value. Then months later, a mutual friend told me she started seeing someone else, "not seriously". The someone in question was a guy that she cheated on her now ex husband with, then remained friends with after the fact before going out again. (I had no idea she cheated.) Did she really mean what she said before, or did she tell me that cause she was interested in this guy instead?
Girls, Not ready for a relationship, then starts seeing someone else months later?
What Girls Said
Well you told her that you wanted a relationship with her. Which would make anyone assume that you mean a serious relationship. She’s just gone through a divorce, she likely doesn’t want to commit to someone else straight away. This guy that she’s seeing now, you mentioned that’s it’s not serious. She likely just wants some care free fun and to not have to devote herself to someone. I don’t think that she told you that she’s not ready because she wanted to be with him instead. I think that she just doesn’t want anything serious, and what you want is something serious, so therefore she’s going to go for someone else who’s happy to be casual.
Thanks for your input. Have you ever said something similar to a guy that was pursuing you?
Sort of. Few years ago a friend of mine told me that he loved me and wanted me to be his girlfriend. He told me this 2 months after I’d broken up with my ex, and I wasn’t ready for another relationship. So I said that I wasn’t interested. He got very angry and after a few weeks of him being rude and calling me horrible names for rejecting him, I cut him out of my life. Haven’t heard from him since.
So hypothetically speaking, if you were still on good terms, would you have given him a chance when you felt ready?
Yes I would have. But because he blew up at me and was horrible towards me because I wasn’t ready when he wanted me to be, it killed any chance of us being together.
Man, that sucks. I don't know why people take their insecurities out on people like that. I appreciate your in depth answer though. It's nice to see the other side of the conversation, instead of just guys telling me, "she's not into you bro."
It just sucks, cause it seemed like she was one of the few women that actually gave a shit about me, and went out of her way for me whenever I needed someone. She had qualities that I was looking for in a partner too. I want to wait for her, but now I'm not too sure. I just wish the timing wasn't so bad.
I know how you feel. I’ve been on both sides of the coin. You’ve got to weigh up whether it’s worth waiting or not. Even if you wait, what will you do if she decides that she doesn’t want to be with you even when she’s ready for a relationship? We can’t predict these things. She may seem like your ideal woman, but there is always someone else out there. Even though I didn’t date my ex-friend, a year later I met a wonderful man whom I’ve been with now for a little over 2 years. It’s not the end of the world if you decide not to wait for her. But it is something that only you can decide.
Yeah, that's why I'm worried that she's going to go for this guy she's seeing instead when she's ready. She barely messages me back now when I do reach out. And when I ask to hang out, she says she's busy with stuff. I'm assuming she doesn't have a "serious" guy, cause she hasn't posted anything about a new guy. It just made me feel sick when I initally found out about the casual guy, and made me think that I wasn't good enough for her.
Where did you meet the guy you're with now? I don't really go out that much, so I don't have a lot of opportunity to meet women, or even know where to start. If I did meet someone after having a conversation I would say something like, "I like your style, and I think you're really cute. I was wondering if i could give you my number?" Get rejected every time. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Is it just people around my age not looking for committed relationships?
I met my partner on a dating site, we’re both introverted and don’t go out to social gatherings much, so it was really the only way to meet - online.
I think that your approach is good! If a man that I found attractive approached me, had a conversation with me and then complimented me on my style, looks and offered me his number, I would say yes. Rejection is guaranteed to happen here and there though. We can’t be everyone’s type. It could be that the people that you’re approaching aren’t attracted to you, or that they’re not looking for a committed relationship, who knows. Definitely don’t give up on trying though. I see that you’re in the 18-20’s age range, so you’re still young, plenty of time to find the right woman.
Thanks! I will keep trying, until I become bitter and die alone lol 😂. I appreciate the encouragement though. What should I do about her not replying to most of my texts? Or at least, what would you assume from that? Her wanting space from me maybe?
I've also tried dating sites and apps, but they never seem to work for me. I've heard guys have more trouble on them anyways.
Also, I'm sorry I keep asking you questions, but can you elaborate on what care free fun is. Those kinds of phrases confuse me a bit, as I haven't had much dating experience.