Why would a guy act like he was interested and then all of a sudden say he likes someone else?

[Anonymous]

so I was talking to and hanging out with this guy I liked. he was talking to me all day everyday, he was showering me with compliments, always asking if I was okay or if I needed anything, asking my opinion on things all the time. He was showing every sign that he was interested and I was interested too. He said he liked what we had but he didn’t think he was ready for a relationship at the moment cause he felt he should get his life together before entering into a relationship and putting that on someone else. Everything was fine for about 3 months and then he started distancing all of a sudden for about a month. He kept saying he was just going through some shit and then after a month he started talking to me more again and after a week he said he was going through a lot cause he had lost his job and was about to lose his house cause he couldn’t afford it and he just didn’t wanna hurt me or put the weight of his problems on my shoulders when I was already going through my own stuff but he was sorry for distancing. Then a couple days after he tells me this he says he’s gonna try his hardest to get his life together cause he has really strong feelings for another girl. Now as far as I was aware I was the only girl he was talking in that way to but I guess not and why would he show so much interest in me and then distance and say he likes someone else. I’m just so confused.

[Datboi65]

Ahhh, the classic "use someone for emotional support and use the other for sex/relationship benefits". Funny thing I literally just came back from a guy who was asking THE SAME QUESTION but about a girl who said she dad problems, and then ghosted him and started talking to a new dude.

When it comes to this, women generally do it more often. However, guys may do it sometimes as well. He wasn't interested in you for relationship purposes, or you two would've been dating. He knew that you liked him, and he kept you around. Why did he keep you around? Only you can answer that question. Did he share his trauma with you? His stories? All of that? Sounds to me like a therapist's job, all while he was in another woman's bed.

He fed you the classic line "you're not the problem, I am" when he wasn't even interested in you in the first place. Now that you do know he has feelings for another girl, I would suggest that you cut it off and move on. Find you a man who is honest, direct and doesn't play the stupid game of pulling you close, and then pushing you away.

[Summeroflove]

I don’t know. Just respect his wishes and give him space. I’m sure you care about him. You can let him know if he needs anything to reach out but you will respect hos wishes and give him space.

A rejection is a rejection. It really doesn’t matter why. No just means no. I can’t read his mind and know exactly why.

Though he also…. Told you the reason why as well. He told you exactly why he said what he said. That he was going through some shit and isn’t ready for a relationship right now.

[Starbers99]

He might have already liked the other girl before he met you, they had more history and he already had strong feelings for her. He might have been talking to you to get over her or at a time he thought he couldn't be with her.

I say this as someone who is potentially that other girl, I'm in a situation myself where a man already had feelings for me, I moved on but by the time I came back into his life, he's with someone but kept it from me but it's clear now we are talking, his feelings are still there. I've tried leaving it so I don't hurt her feelings but I don't want to say we can't talk and be friends despite knowing he still potentially likes me. I hurt him badly the first time and by backing off again, I feel like I'm caught between hurting him again and protecting their relationship from me.

I wouldn't give him the time of day after this. He wasn't honest or fair to you - you don't want to wait for him to make a decision. You make the decision to protect yourself from any more hurt.

[dustybiker]

People meet a strong match at any time. If it’s better than the one they are with, there will be one who loses out. Terrible for them. I went into dating with the mentality I didn’t own anyone for fear of being hurt like that myself.

[YourFavoriteFriend]

> Everything was fine for about 3 months

Yep, there it is. Classic "the guy got bored and found another girl" moment. I do understand and validate how some girls need time to build the feelings to be with a guy but we need to find a balance. Guys will know that they like you and want to be with you since the first time you'll meet. 3 months are a lot. Hell, I couldn't wait 2-3 weeks until I got CRAZY and left the girl for the same reason because she "wanted her time" and "time will bring it", etc.

So yeah, he probably got bored of waiting and found another one.

[Man-O-Metal]

Sometimes the chemistry with someone else hits different. There have been times where I found a girl to be very attractive, then one day I meet her friend and I'm like "wow, I dig this girl's vibe way better". (Note that I never tried to date any of these girls, I was merely attracted to them) I hope you don't take any offence from it, because it's nothing personal. And don't think there's anything wrong with you. In fact, this is the best way this could have happened. I mean, it's not like you guys had been a couple for 3 months and suddenly he was being distant because he had feelings for another girl. He just found someone he thought might be a better fit.

[Vegasrunner]

Ahh, this is the shit that irritates men the most about women. All he's doing is exactly what girls do to guys. The difference is it's so standard that most guys understand what's going on. Women don't have this happen to them that often so they suffer two simultaneous emotions. First they feel hurt then they feel embarrassed because deep down they know they probably did this exact same thing to someone else. At the end of the day it's pretty simple. He has options and kept you as one of them b4 moving on to his best option. This is why the statement a man is only as faithful as his option is true and this is why women spend so much energy trying to shame men into giving up their options.

[Helllo123]

Men like to keep their options open but he should have been honest from the beginning.

He kept you as the emotional support while still figuring out if he should stay friends or date the other girl cause he really liked her, enjoyed her company too, and probably has more things in common with her.

It happens all the time at least he wasn’t your boyfriend but its still hurtful.

[oddwaffle]

Never put all your eggs into one basket.

You assume too much. Every guy has to be prepared for rejection. So the way to do it is to shoot at multiple targets at the same time. The one that hits first is the 1st choice.

Nobody is going to invest all his time and effort on one girl only to fail in the end.

He simply target multiple girls. You are just one of them. There are other fish around. Better luck next time.

[MikeTheBartender]

The most important thing here, is that you don't waste your energy on this fuck, I'm not saying he played you, maybe he genuinely wasn't you, but in the long run he wasn't into you enough. And while it's okay to be sad, you shouldn't give a fuck about him. If he is not interested in you fuck him. You are hot and there are plenty of other guys that want to be with you, and will not fuck around. Don't dwell on the past too much, it messes us up..

[RavVid]

It is possible you were friend zoned the whole time. He said he was not ready for a relationship but that could be an in general statement or specific to you. From what you have written it sounds specifically wrt you and possibly the reasoning he gave was to soften his position.

Maybe he was preserving options with you till he saw if he could progress with this other girl is my thinking.

[Sanamina]

Some guys put their eggs in a lot of baskets at once.

U were probably the plan B.

He was gonna hit it off with u if plan A didn't work.

Dont entertain him further and move on

Chances are when Plan A goes south he's gonna start lighting up the old flames.

[SnowedIn]

I'm sorry this happened. He's saying that because he's being honest. It hurts, but he (anyone) can change on a dime and like someone else. Particularly if there wasn't actually a relationship to begin with.

[Jamie05rhs]

I don't think he's being honest at all. I think his bullshit stinks to high heaven.

[MzAsh]

My hunch is that this guy is incredibly impulsive and only interested in himself. He lives selfishly based on whatever fleeting feeling he has or whoever his dick points to and that’s what he serves.

[TakingitEasy15243]

Unfortunately he was never interested in going further. If you truly like someone nothing will stand in your way. He left you as a backup to vent to. Once things got bumpy with her he started communicating with you again

[Guy13]

Stop paying you attention. No longer receive immediate and first response. Does not mean unresponsive. Just enough attention to keep you around in back-up position.

[Chelsdope0]

Do you feel hurt by that? I went through something similar.. he said “he doesn’t want a relationship “ “he’s not ready” “his job is his top priority “ ect… part of me feels like it’s the truth.. the other part of me wasn’t buying it.

[Prof_Don]

in my opinion, you prolly didn’t show enough interest back in him…and another girl did show high mutual interest.

[jennifer_bloom]

It happens that guys might change their mind but one day you can find somebody who wants you and only you.

[Marklaw12]

You misread the signals. Also, the closer he got to you he found out something he didn't like in you.

Also, if you truly like him. Ask he what's so bad about you and I'd like to improve myself.

[Sparkie460]

He apparently had another girl besides you. When he distance himself from you he was probably with her. Maybe he thought you weren't showing enough interest in him so he went to her.

[OddBeMe]

First, we’re fickle. But second, we’re easily led. He might be trying to “play” with you. It’s not a bad move. Got you asking about him.


But if you like him, just ask him out. You know he’ll say yes.

[fembotnpc777]

Well, she slept with him and you didn't. That's what guys do.

[integrale77]

Maybe he was hoping for some bedroom action but it didn't look promising so decided time to move on.