How does a "nice guy" fare in today's environment?

[Sonpyh]

I believe myself to be a nice guy I'm 21 years old, my last 3 relationships I've been cheated on and don't know what to do.

[DaveJord]

Well I would say you need to do some real self reflection... seriously dissect your past relationships.

Ask yourself what was it that attracted you to these women. What were you truly expecting from those relationships, and were those expectation reasonable? From that point, if your honest in your approach as yourself if she ever truly wanted the same things, and even if she did say she did were there other indicators? Where there things you could of done better or not at all that might of yielded a better results

If you can address these questions and be as objective as possible about it... then you might start determine what you really want and what you really should be looking for in a girlfriend or relationship. Then start making better choices about the type of people you should get involved with and the the type you should avoid...

Now with all that said it very important that you be honest with yourself and do not compromise just for the sake of compromise. You should set boundaries and standards for yourself... and honestly at 21 years old you are relatively unexperienced in the adult dating world. the only way to get better at dating is to take a hard look at the process and keep practicing... every failed relationship is a learning experience that will bring you one step close to the meeting the right person. But at no point should think that their failures are your responsibility or accept any share of the blame for their failures in the relationship.

Most people do not even start to figure out the whole dating game until well into their 20's and even then they usually experience several failed long term relationships into their 30's and 40's. With that said most 21 years old's either get lucky out of the shoot, or struggle but few really know the what the heck is going on. But as long as you are capable of doing honest self reflection and make the right changes your chances of success will increase drastically.

[lightbulb27]

👏 wise

[MCheetah]

If you're referring to genuinely good men and not male feminists? They don't.

Look around at this society of OnlyFans, feminists sh*tstains, and simp culture, and ask me again if being 'nice' will get you anywhere in today's society. Maybe if you're Keanu Reeves. But you're not The One.

I used to be nice. Not a "Nice Guy." But nice. That got me f*ck-all in life. Don't be a nice guy. Be a strong guy. If you're strong in mind, then you'll be nice to the people who deserve it and not be a pushover to those who don't deserve it.

[-Asca-]

Genuinely good men are male feminists. But you admitted to being neither so that explains a lot.

[YesICan]

@-Asca- "Genuinely good men are male feminists" No, they are not.

[Djmbbasgerd]

@YesICan Its funny how he thinks that being in a hate group like feminists make you a good person. Lol they are like KKK. They think females are the superior race

[TruthBringer]

@-Asca- LMFAO no they are not. They are just nice guys trying to score pussy points to low-value women

[MCheetah]

@-Asca-
You've implied you're a male feminist, meaning you're not enough of a man for me to give a shit what you think outside of this one reply. Grow some actual testosterone first; then we'll talk.

[-Asca-]

Dude what 💀💀💀

[-Asca-]

@Djmbbasgerd You probably get your idea of feministm from the internet or whatever but comparing feminism to the kkk is absolutely delusional and 95% of feminists don't think that women are superior you probably just hear stories of them and don't actually know any fr.

[YesICan]

@-Asca- You lost all credibility by claiming that all good men are male feminists, whatever you claim is completely irrelevant.

[TruthBringer]

@-Asca- I can actually argue that male feminists are the worst type of men around. Not only do they lack masculinity, but they cater to (toxic) women simply because they hope to get between their legs, even if it means demeaning other men. Last time I checked that's what they call a 'pick me'. So instead of actually doing stuff in life that allow them to attract women, they try to virtue signal their way into the pants of a demeaning feminist even if it means being neutered. You have no credibility and real men look down on you. You're not a genuine man. You're just a nice guy wannabe. And by "you" I'm talking about male feminists in general.

[hi_it_is_me123]

Incels on gag be like: women dont deserve gentlemen/nice guys (i look up the definition of gentleman, it is just another word for nice guys) but also whine when girls date badboys (-why do even care who these immature girls date instead of caring about nice girls around you). At the same time these pathetic loosers call nice men or women's partners for not hating women aka respecting their women simps. Wtf do you want? Do you really want women to date nice guys but also shame on them by saying that they dont deserve gentlemen/nice men? And if these women do what you want aka date bad men, you shame on them again? You also shame on other men for being nice towards women? These people need therapy. They are the definition of feminazis but genders reversed aka use feminazi tactics and hypocrisy but also hate on feminazis for doing the same although they are the one who copy these femin. without knowing it.
I will get dislikes for telling the truth. So be prepared since there will be trolls who will call you simp.

[hi_it_is_me123]

The antiwoman attitude of these gag trolls is actually scary. I would buy guns to protect myself if i met one of them on accident. I also treat people the way they treat me. If a guy dares to disrespect me without a reason, i will show what disrespect means. These days being a lady is dangerous. You have to adapt yourself by being bitch towards male cunts and being a lady towards gentlemen, otherwise you get taken advantaged or even worse.

[hi_it_is_me123]

By the way you should not be naive, a slave just because you want to be nice, otherwise you get taken advantaged. Some people mistake being nice with being a slave lol. So be careful. Treat people the way they treat you. I personally would not want a guy who dont have his own opinions and do what I say since it is dangerous even since this may mean that he is like that towards everyone. i dont want to worry about him and protect him for every second in order to protect from bad people. I dont have the energy and time for this. It is also turn off since it would feels like dating a robot with no own opinions

[Chthou95]

The nice girls don't want the nice guys though. 80% of men are invisible to women. And a lot of those men are nice and have their shit together. But women don't want that. Which is fine. They want to pursue the top 20% of men that's their choice

[hi_it_is_me123]

In your imagination. If a "nice" girl dates a bad man, she is not normal. I only saw in minors who have fetish for badboys but grown ass women should not feel like that, otherwise she has some mental issues and is crazy too. In the most of the cases these girls who date badboys crazy too in my experience. Have you ever seen a woman in her mid 20s who is financially settled or a teacher, doctor, nurse, etc with a badboys? It is either immature minors or crazy girls

[hi_it_is_me123]

I personally never seen a grown ass woman with a badboy. I also dont feel bad for grown ass women who seriously date these bad guys when they get hurt/abused if you are right. If you are right this is insane and all of these women need therapy now. However it is difficult to believe for me that almost the whole female population go crazy and you may live in a place with crazy girls.

[Chthou95]

Not really. There's stats and data to show it's real. Male virginity is on the rise and the porn subscriptions are rising in numbers too. If men were able to get relationships or get laid, pornography wouldn't be one of the top 3 searches on the internet. Most men are invisible to women unless they try and find ways to get into the top 20% of men which isn't easy. And okay? I don't feel sorry for them either. But you have a lot of women who are attracted to the thug attitude persona. And a lot of women date men that break the rules and have criminal records

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

@Chthou95 male virginity is on the raising not because girls don't want nice guys, but because many guys are not nice. What our fathers taught us, doesn't work anymore.
Porn is used even by guys in relationships. Chill.
The issue is not that guys are not at the top. Is that they have no idea what they actually need to do. And "be at the top" is not going to get you any real love.

[Chthou95]

@This_Is_My_Opinion8 How would women know when they don't even notice these men? a lot of them again are nice and have their stuff together but they're not in the top 20%. You seem to be hypnotized by the women are wonderful effect dude. And most dudes that are using porn are single virgins

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

@Chthou95 yes they do. And I don't say it because I am hypnotized I say it because I am a normal dude and getting girls attention is not a big problem.
Are you sure you are not just looking at bitches?
There are many nice girls who love nice guys out there.

[Chthou95]

@This_Is_My_Opinion8 Normal dude is subjective. I don't chase any women. I make observations about them but im not putting my foot in the race. And they really don't notice the bottom 80% of men. It's called the 80/20 rule

[Chthou95]

And im not politically correct and obviously what i say is very politically incorrect but it doesn't mean it's wrong

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

@Chthou95 if you don't try to run, how do you know?
This is very closed minded. You sound just like those girls who say guys only want big boobed blonde bimbos.

[Chthou95]

@This_Is_My_Opinion8 It's not worth it. Is there a rule saying i need to try? And men do have a? wider range of what they find attractive compared to women but men dont just like the stereotypical blonde bimbo

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

@Chthou95 of course not it's your choice to try or not.
You hit the mark!
Just like men like more than just the blonde bimbo... women also like more than just the rich asshole.
Easy to understand right?

[Chthou95]

@This_Is_My_Opinion8 Not really. I told you a while ago that men have a wider range of what they find attractive compared to women. And a lot of men try but after a while dont think it's worth it anymore. It's not like they never tried. You don't have to try something to know you'll have a shitty time

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

@Chthou95 there is a documentary on Netflix about attraction. We are talking science here, no debate. Yes, you are right, women score men's attractiveness lower than what men rate women. BUT, women's rates on men's attractiveness changed a lot after they got to know them, either up or down. Men's rates don't change regardless of what the girl is like. So they end up having a wider spectrum of who they find attractive.

[Chthou95]

@This_Is_My_Opinion8 How would they get to know them if they don't even give the men a chance to begin with? That doesn't make any sense

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

@Chthou95 just because they don't find you a 10 doesn't mean they won't talk with you.

[Chthou95]

@This_Is_My_Opinion8 This is just going to keep going in circles. I disagree whole heartedly but ay to eaches own

[Anonymous]

If you're not nice, you're probably either cold or mean. Well, some women like cold "mysterious" men. Some women like mean "bad boy" men. Most women that I know like (nice) positive & interactive men.

If you're in a good mood around her she's more likely to be in a good mood around you. If you talk or interact with her she's more likely to talk/interact with you.
And that is a good environment for a relationship to start.
(If you want it to be a romantic relationship, you may want to say so.)

[cth96190]

Nice guys go straight to the Friend Zone.
Women get the crotch tingles for sociopathic arseholes, the bad boys. Decent men need not apply.
Women will not be interested in you until they are past 30, after which age most of them will decide to 'settle' for man who can be a provider and father.
The question that men have to ask themselves is whether or not they are willing to be the ATM and plan B for bad boy cum dumpster who aged out and is looking for a white picket fence.
Half of those relationships fail. Eighty per cent of women initiate divorce after an average of eight years. The law gives them most of the property a a lifetime income via child support. If the women have been university indoctrinated, they will initiate 90 per cent of divorces.
After a man has received legal advice from a specialist lawyer and considered the statistics, he would have to be wilfully self destructive to the point of lacking mental competence to have anything to do with a woman.
Take is a blessing that women are rejecting you.
The women who betrayed you, they were behaving true to type.
There is no universe in which any form of interaction with females survives a cost/risk/benefit calculation.

[ananias55]

I've always been a nice guy. And I've been cheated on, manipulated, robbed, used as a stepping stone, ext. My cousin who is trash is always surrounded by women who won't leave him. Girls don't want a nice guy, they want drama. If the guy doesn't give it, they create it.
The only time they really want a nice guy is when they're ready to settle down or they had enough of the jerks. By that point the nice guy isn't nice anymore. He's done and he becomes a jerk, but because he became one, now he's attractive. Or they end up like me. They don't date anymore. They tried it over and over and realized most of are toxic and impossible to please this they're done. And honestly, that's the healthier choice.

[91dalson]

Being genuinely nice gets you nowhere nowadays especially when dating

[ananias55]

I learned that the hard way. I just don't see why women refuse to admit it's true.
Every guy with half a brain sees it.

[Diodoro]

Develop more self-respect in assertiveness, not accepting bullshit from others as well as yourself. I'm not sure how best to say this.

But your girl deep down should feel/know that if she pulled some bullshit that she sees other girls pulling with a guy that you would kick her to the curb. That you're a strong enough man to maintain that boundary.

All girls who are with men they respect have this feeling. If they feel like whatever the bulshit they do is okay, they lose respect for you. And you don't have to be an asshole to get this message across. She should know just by how you are as a man

[Novacane]

It doesn't and I can say this because I was like that, except the getting cheated part (sorry to hear that by the way) but a nice guy does not survive in this environment, you will be better off alone, or you will have to change! You will deal with people claiming they want someone to like you and then choose the complete opposite. I mean it's possible to find the one if you keep trying but that stat is low so if you don't find the one now you will have a better chance when you are older as more women tend to settle around that time, or you can change and stop being the "good guy" and be more assertive. There is a reason why they say nice guys finish last!

[AncientWisdom]

There’s a fine line between a nice guy and a pushover.
Most so called nice guys are really just weak dudes who do what ever the female they want want them to do. When you are too nice a females detector goes off.
Women say they want a nice guy but you see those guys in their friend zone. See women use nice guys for validation , and money , gifts , food, etc.
Females want a strong man who is centered and who doesn’t stutter about what he wants , one who isn’t afraid to stand up to her for fear of losing her. They figure if you can’t stand up to her , then you won’t be able to stand up to anyone for her if she needs it. Women constantly do what’s called shit testing. The dumber ones don’t even realize they are doing it. This behavior in females is an evolved behavior. It won’t change. Women also have a built in bullshit detector , and they sense weakness quickly and accurately.

[Adam1978]

They end up being the cleanup crew for the bad guys. Don't be too nice, you will basically sign up to be plan b. Not the main goal because you are to easy to manipulate and does not get the same respect as a guy who knows what he wants and try to get it. The hard part with that is to know if you really want that woman so you do end up ditching them. Ie being the bad guy, and they wonder why the dating game is what it is. Females shape the game together. And try to get horny teenage girls to do good picks for the future would be impossible today.

[Realbanger87]

Tough one. You will find a woman some day, but prepare to be disrespected by women until then. here's the thing, I am nice , overlyfriendly but have fucked up temper, which has landed me in many brawls, arguments, confrontations, being shot at and doing time. I am trying to be a better person by lifting weights, doing yoga, forgiving faster, and smiling more to chill down my dark side. This "work in progress" is somewhat of an advantage as women pick up on this and seems attractive to them in some sort of way

[Britt34]

Nice is good, just don't be a pushover. You have to be confident in yourself, and carry yourself with pride. Every girl says they want a ice guy. Just don't be so nice that your sacrifice yourself in order to please her. Know what you want, know how much your willing to give, know what you will and won't tolerate, and don't stray from your standards!

[MCheetah]

It's impossible to be nice and confident at the same time.

[Slartybartfast]

The one common defining trait of sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists is confidence.

The fundamental cause of the trouble in the modern world today is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt.”—Bertrand Russell

[ananias55]

Girls lie, they don't want a nice guy until they hit their 30's or they get tired of the jerks.
Women always chase jerks cause every girl out there has a story about dating one.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

It's not about whether or not you're "nice" (whatever that actually means), it's about the values by which you live. Being a doormat is not a value, it's a vice. The "niceness" is a smokescreen for the underlying lack of conviction. Do you know who you really are? Have you dared to really find out? By all means you can and should be civil and considerate of others wherever it's not weakening yourself to do so. That's just "being a decent person" 101. But if you're getting cheated on for being "too nice", that's probably a code phrase for "being too much of a doormat and not embodying conviction in your own values".

[Shy80sgirl]

I think it’s important for you to continue being the kind of man you aspire to be. For women to receive you well. Ladies need to understand that your motivations are genuine, and it would likely help if you didn’t make them feel like they had to depend on you for everything. Kindness from men often gets misinterpreted in that fashion. I’m sure that my advice doesn’t apply to all women, but it certainly might help in some situations :-).

[Vegasrunner]

You never have him an answer to his question.

[Shy80sgirl]

It would appear that I need to clarify an answer. Those who are considered nice guys need to still be assertive and show that you were the kind of individual with a significant other would like to be with. I agree with some of the other threads that females can be attracted to more aggressive and bad boy types. It’s not always the case, it certainly wasn’t for me.

[Vegasrunner]

Thanks, now that is a clear answer. Bottom line is the nice guy shit does not work. I'm an absolute dick but have slept w/ 100's of women. There's a time and a place to be a "nice" guy but w/ women is not one of them in my opinion.

[Shy80sgirl]

Glad you have enjoyed your time I suppose. I’m glad that I didn’t go down the path of socializing with those in the category that you’ve put yourself.

[Vegasrunner]

Ty. I always enjoy learning and I find a platform were people can discuss gender beliefs openly extremely enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

Nice guys under the age of 30-35 don't generally fare well. The average female doesn't respect them. They are after the Chads. Girls are born with value. They have the power of their gender and all most have to do is whistle and have 10 men sniffing within minutes. NO, I am not MGTOW, this is not a rant. men on the other hand build value. I know many "nice guys" that were rejected time and time again until they hit their early 30s. Now they are dating 20 somethings and the females their age are single moms leading unhappy lives. Chad blew out their backs, let them pregnant, and ghosted them. So to answer that question I feel it's important to take their age into account.

[Buntyp]

Maybe try to find what those relationships had in common that led to the disappointing result.

Are you sure that it was cheating and not just that they weren't into a one-person situation at that time? It's not necessarily a given thing that people are automatically monogamous, and definitely not without some discussion about it.

Do be careful about setting yourself up to be taken advantage of, but don't make yourself feel bad over others inconsiderate behavior.

[Anonymous]

Dude--there has literally never been a better time to be a manly man. You can still be a gentleman, but for GOD sakes do what you can to avoid being known as the nice guy. Be known as the strong guy. Be known as the guy who gets shit done. Be known as the leader. The smart guy. The guy who has his shit together. The guy who doesn't take shit from people. Be THAT guy.

It doesn't mean you have to be a dick or an ass. Hell, you can even still be nice. But make sure the first things people think about when the think of you are up above. In short--be a MANLY man.

If you do this, your dating action will be 100x better than it is today. It takes work but it's SOOOO worth it. ESPECIALLY in today's environment. You'll have VERY little competition.

[MrKinktastic]

Kind guys do well, nice guys who have no backbone and can’t enforce their own boundaries or just do whatever the woman says in order to make her happy leave women feeling vulnerable because the guy won’t stick up for her either. That’s the typical nice guy, more of a meek yes man than genuinely nice and they don’t do wel with women (and men don’t respect them either).

[VikingWarLord]

Don't be nice EVER, you'll learn real fuuckin quick.
No matter what these Heauxs say, they're gonna get with the pricks and azzholes just like me. I'm the type of dude that your GFs are cheating on you with.
Start working out too, when you're body is in shape, it's easy to snag any b-tch you want.

[Sonpyh]

Quite an unfortunate claim, they're not all like that though. It's a statistical impossibility. Glad to hear you out here though. Keep it up.

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

@Sonpyh trust me the first serious girlfriend @VikingWarLord has will cheat on him with a guy like you.

[Lookingforthetruth]

@This_Is_My_Opinion8 this guy knows what up. When you've been in bed with a woman after just cumming on her face and see her typing/talking to her boyfriend on how much she loves him then you will learn real quick.

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

@Lookingforthetruth you described a cheater. Guys do the same.
Cheaters cheat. Doesn't mean everyone is a cheater. It's illogical to believe everyone is the same.

[Anonymous]

Nice guys get the used up pussy after a woman has been ran through by the men she is actually attracted towards. Usually she comes to nice guys when she is looking for a retirement plan (aka stability).

If your nice you are rewarded with:

1. psychological scars from exes

2. infrequent and low amount of sex with constant price tag attach to it.

3. 90% of her eggs gone with her fertility dwindling but her demand for you ever increasing.

4. Decrease looks with very little on her part to stay in shape or maintain her sexual value because your not the alpha she wants to fuck.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are attracted to 'bad girls'. If you by nice mean that you are a pleaser and do what the girls ask of you, then you might find some who will misuse it.
Be true to yourself and what you want in a relationship. Don't just settle for what your partner want. Discuss and find compromises where both of you feel heard and pleased.

[Kaamraj]

What do you mean by a nice guy? Or do you mean that "nice guy" who believes that if you are nice and accommodative to women, you "deserve" sexual attention. Let me tell you something, you dont deserve anything from women, and on the flipside, you dont owe anything to them either. The faster young men learn this the better.

[Somoneelse]

honestly, there is a difference between being an nice guy in general and being a simp. Just be normal to everyone. Do not tolerate bullshit from others and dont let woman walk over you. When you are nice to people, they will be (in most times) nice too. But respect your own boundaries! Sorry to hear you got cheated on three times.

[bean2k21]

It takes time and discipline to control your slave
You can't expect her to be perfect but you have to set rules
For me, the rule is, "If you have sex with someone else, think about me when you cum."
It's a simple rule, but if she breaks it, then she must endure a spanking on all fours
Until she agrees to think of me next time she cums.