"I like you but I don't know what I want." What does this mean?

[ichfrage]

Hi, I told a girl who I know for a while that I liked her and I would like to spend more time with her if she also had feelings for me. She said yes, and we had a couple of nice dates. But all of a sudden she stopped returning my messages and picking up my calls. I said I can't carry on like this and walked away, then she came to me and apologized crying. But soon she started behaving the same way again (I mean, hot and cold). When I asked her to explain what's going on, she said "I like you but I don't know what I want". What does this mean and how do you think I should treat her?

[monkey881]

1. Most times its got to do with wgat's going on in someone's life. I. E. losing a job, friend etc. Girls need to feel needed in society and once they feel comfortable they'll have time for a relationship.

2. Mental health problems.

Know that its best to understand how it's making you feel first emotionally and find ways to help alleviate that to a point where you can talk with emotions being involved (they still will obviously but not as heightened)
Then ask firstly are they doing okay? Let them know you're there for them if they need to talk and say that you feel that the hot and coldness of the relationship or situationship is making me feel uncomfortable and that you woukd like to take a step back. Asking how she's doing might open a safe space where she can be honest about how she's feeling after all relationships are built on communication a d trust. Go in with an open mind that if being friends is on the table you accept it. Life is too short to be arguing and picking fights.

Hope this helps in someway. Its a shit situation for you but hope things get mended soon.

[SkyCastle90]

It means you should walk away.

Don't take hot and cold behavior personally, because a lot of the time it has nothing to do with the partner (if not abusive); most likely she has insecurities and mental blocks that are preventing her from getting close to another person; you'll drive yourself crazy trying to save her.

[Jamie05rhs]

Unfortunately, I get sucked into this a lot. Because I want to save the damsel. But I can't save her unless she wants to be saved.

[DaveJord]

This means that she has insecurity or some type of emotional issues.

Honestly it does not really matter how think you should treat her... its more about what you want out of a relationship with a person like this. These hot and cold types really tend to put most guys off because honestly we deserver more and to be treated better. There is no indication that she will ever be 100% emotionally available or open to you. And behavior like tends to turn into being a means of control over you, because everything happens on her terms, based upon her mood at the time, and feelings. This cause you to become more isolated in the relationship, and it behavior will only progress into other things.

People like this are really selfish and self centered , that tend to get what they want out of relationships when they want it and never truly put your feelings and needs ahead of their own.

Trust me brother, from experience move on this one is not the one for you. End it.

[TwinTonyz]

The absolute best thing you can do is set an ultimatum. We cannot know why she said this. You can only operate with the outcome of what she said and how she is behaving right now. She's stringing you along and she will do so for as long as you allow it or until she makes up her mind. If you want to be in control of your life, you cannot allow her to tie you down while she simmers in this yes or no decision.

Yes means yes.
No means no.
Maybe means no.
Silence means no.

[AmandaYVR]

Take her literally for what she said. It's a pretty basic statement and very common.

Your response could be, "Well what do you think it will take for you to make up your mind about what you DO want?"
And don't accept an, "I don't know." Push her. Then you reply, "It's not fair to me, living in this limbo, you know. I like you, but I need to know whether you are in or out. So tell me what more you need to know about me, in order to make that decision."

[Jamie78392]

Its a great sign she said she likes you. I don't think she would lie to you. I don't lie to people about that. I think most people are honest whetehr they like you or not. For some reason; she is confused about something. I wouldn't wait for her though. Don't be like me and wait forever for them to stop being confused; only for them to begin going out with SOMEONE ELSE. Looking back; I would have never waited and you shouldn't either. You should politely make it clear that you like them too, but that you don't wait around for people and that you are going to move on (even if you aren't going to immediately). The fear of losing you may cause her to want to be with you.

[PrettyPriya]

I think you should say something to the effect of "Hey, it seems like you aren't certain you know what you want with our relationship. Perhaps it is best if we both take some time to think about it. I do really like you, but I want you to be happy and able to commit. Take the time you need to think about it".

[ZackBan]

It means she's not done with the hoe phase and still wants a train ran on her before settling down.
You're a solid prospect for a long term thing but it scares her because it means she has to change her ways and modern women don't like to do that.
My advice is you lay your cards on the table (and you did) now she either takes it or she doesn't but do not bend over Backwards to please her you'll find someone else even someone better.

[Finchie40]

Means she is fucking someone else or thinking about fucking someone else , she just likes the convenience of you , You are best to dump her and move on , never chase someone that can’t give you the same in return , when you walk away she will realize she is the bitch and she might come chase you , but if not who cares you deserve better than that

[Uptowngirl88]

Sounds to me like there is another man in the picture. You're asking her to choose you and now but she's weighing out her options and for her to keep going hot cold shows where her focus truly is. It's on him. He's probably playing hot and cold with her. When he's cold she contacts you and when he's hot she sticks with him.

[loveslongnails]

It sounds like simple "fear of commitment". At your age, if you're looking for something steady, the last thing you need is a girl who doesn't know her own mind. Telling her "when and if you figure out, and if it involves me, let me know. Maybe I'll still be available", is perfectly acceptable.

[NorthAfrican]

I think she doesn't want you... sad truth. It happened to me as well (the hot and cold game) so I decided to walk away and it's the best thing I did because 4 months after i met a man who is much better.

[Anonymous]

It means pull up stakes and go somewhere else lol. I'm not saying she doesn't like you. And I'm not saying she doesn't have SOME feelings for you. But clearly she's either just not sure. Or she's leading you on and giving you just enough to stay hooked. Either way you deserve better. Go find someone who'll give you better.

[hazzzelll]

i think she has feelings but does not want a relationship (could be because of personal reasons). she might be afraid that keeping things consistent might feel promising to you i. e going on nice dates together will eventually turn into a relationship. she does not want to lose you but declaring her disinterest in a relationship might cause you to leave.

[FilmGuy93]

She's being honest and straight forward with you. She's literally telling you exactly what she means.

What you choose to do moving forward is entirely dependent on how much you like getting jerked around.

[Sincerly_KittyCat]

It means she shouldn't be dating and wasying people's time. Leave her and find someone that shares what you want. Its that easy. She doesn't care about your happiness obviously.

[FTnWo]

I would guess that maybe she likes you but their is also something about you that doesn't set well with her or maybe she is back and forth between you and another dude or she is into you but not ready to get to serious

[Anonymous]

She likes you but you aren't "it". Doesn't mean you may not become "it" but for now she can't envision you and her together. She may not be sure of exactly what she wants because it's hard to put those things into words. As it stands, the connection just isn't there for her to cultivate a relationship with you but she likes you as a person.

[awkward_author]

It means she has feelings for you but isn't sure what she wants for her life. She's probably still trying to find herself. If you really want a relationship right now or pretty soon, you should probably look elsewhere.

[sensible27]

It means that she isn't sure.. if you are curious you could consider asking her what she isn't sure about or just give her time

[Subarugirl]

It means that she likes you but doesn't know what she wants... just like she said.
So give her some space and let her know to let you know once she figures out what she wants.

[rooster44]

She don't know what she wants. So just move on. Don't waste time on her.

[Anonymous]

I think you should move on. It isn’t going anywhere. It will just recur and recur and you will feel tortured eventually

[sensible27]

(why do you say that)

[Opinion Owner]

(Past experience)

[sensible27]

Can you elaborate?

[romantic6655]

It seems that she is disturbed in her feelings, because she is afraid of something unknown.. There is something unknown that she does not know is causing her this behavior.