How much notice would you give if you were going to cancel a FIRST date?

[Jasmine-Darkfire]

I had a date last night, spent a decent amount of time getting ready, and drove to the place to meet up. Once I got there, I checked my phone and had a text exactly one hour before our date from him, saying something came up, he has to cancel. I was there 15 minutes early so I could use the restroom and freshen up before he got there. He sent one text and that was it.

My entire response to that text was Okay. As I knew if I said anything else it would not be nice.

I think he should have called rather than texted too, as he knows I live further out than he does and was likely driving.

Traffic was horrible last night with a couple of rollovers, causing major jams. I was paying attention to traffic and left extra early plus I needed to stop and fill up the truck with gas.

I don't text and drive, had borrowed my dad's truck and was on the road already when he sent it. I drove over an hour to find it was cancelled through crappy traffic.

Do you think one hour is enough notice?

This is a guy I asked out, I don't believe I'll be asking him again and so far today all he has said is "thank you for understanding." Not sure I really do, still no idea why he had to cancel.

Updates

+1 y

A little more info on this, we have several classes together at college. He still hasn't said why he had to cancel, but did apologize today several times and wanted to try again tomorrow. Which I can't do, I don't have enough money to make the trip again for gas.

It will be interesting come Monday when I see him.

Updates

+1 y

Met him today in class, his reason was he had a good online game going and didn't want to quit. Didn't think it would be a big deal.

Despite him wanting another chance I won't do it.

[ChrisMaster69]

an hours notice sucks big time, shit happens and yeah you can end up with a train or tube cancelled etc.

In your case yeah he should have called and not a simple ‘just send her a text’.

As you said sending someone a text when they pretty much know or suspect you could be driving really sucks.

I've lost it big time with people after driving 2 hours for a meeting and someone has texted me even though they knew I was driving.. 🤦🤦🤦

Definitely should have phoned you and talked.

[Jasmine-Darkfire]

Yikes, 2 hours each way I bet? I'm just glad I wasn't spending hours using mass transit, that would of sucked extra big time.

[ChrisMaster69]

@jasmine-darkfire yeah was a bit wank tbh.

Personally with dates it’s best to work out before hand what happens if stuff.

Such as restaurant closed, double booked, car breaks down, tube, underground strike etc

[Jasmine-Darkfire]

Good advice

[ChrisMaster69]

@jasmine-darkfire ref your update, sorry that’s terrible, what an arse to do that.

[Zuzu22]

Same happened with me last night. The guy cancelled on me after I told him i left. And he didn't even apologise for it, i didn't persuade it anyfurther but just ended the text with "okey". All this doesn't make sense unless, we are giving more to this connection than they are or we should. Like you had to make your way through the traffic for 1hr, I had to hustle with my typical Asian parents for this whole thing.
"Maybe you should give less to this connection as same emotions or energy is not being receprocated!" I don't know if its right or wrong , but having faced the exact same situation this is what i'm doing. Because i know if i am taking time to get ready, i am doing my best but the same isn't coming back to me. And no one should settle for anything less. Even though its been quite some while we have known each other. I dont see how you can't care to tell the other person about cancelling the date and doing it in the 11th hr just doesn't make any sense.

[Aerissa_Jade]

As much as possible should be given, I would also give a reason, not just something came up I can't make it. That just sounds like a loser who doesn't even have enough decency to state if it was an emergency or what is going on. I will often say, work got in the way, sorry can't make it but lets see when we can reschedule.

I would also call, if I knew he has to drive a bit, or if he didn't respond to the text after 10 minutes or so, I would call and say, did you get it? if not here is what is going on.

The guys that have done this to me, usually don't get a second chance. There is always another wanting to go out, so it just eliminated someone who is unreliable unless he has a real good reason that can be verified later.

[Aerissa_Jade]

The update is just sad, so sad that he thinks its not big deal. Has this guy never been on a date before?

[OlderAndWiser]

Unless he had an absolute emergency, such as his mother being taken to an emergency room, then one hour notice is horrible behavior on his part. If I was in his position, I would have already explaied what required a last minute cancellation. And, as you observed, I would have called to cancel. Texting is a cowardly way to handle that.

[OlderAndWiser]

Response to update: He's not just inconsiderate, but he's also downright stupid! If he thought that was an acceptable excuse, he's an idiot of the lowest order.

[Anonymous]

Not enough time, I have had that happen to me with even less time. The ones that are serious will apologize and explain what happened as soon as possible.

He should of called or sent another text to make sure you got it. Then called when you didn't respond.

Not all texts are instant, it is a common complaint from my clients that phone companies can hold texts if the system is full until they are less busy, in the small print. While uncommon, I've had texts take over an hour to even show up after being sent.

Not all guys are like this, don't give up hope.

[Jasmine-Darkfire]

Thanks Dad!

[IMuser]

1. Do you know his situation? If no, then don't assume
2. I know, life's terrible and there are a lot of times when you are really happy about something but something ruins it. It was a wise decision to not "blast out on him" though you can message him "if there is something which forces you to cancel a date, inform the girl through a call. I was disappointed in what happened with us and i am not interested in seeing you again". This will help him and maybe his future date

[Drumlin2001]

Day before ideally, several hours at least, before they would get ready and at leave.
But sometimes things do come up. I had travelled to London, ready for an afternoon show in the west end, I was at the meeting place half hour early. I got a text to say she had had a migraine whilst on her way and she was going home. I was little annoyed, but her health came first. Someone was meeting her on her way back take sure she got home (may not have been a first date, just a date).
Give him a chance to explain properly

[rebecca7fjdifg]

Listen; I am 31. I will tell you; whenever someone canceled the first date, it was usually because they weren't completely interested for whatever reasons; maybe they are still involved with someone else. ACTUALLY; I had this happened to me; and I later learned he was getting married to someone in 3 weeks. LOL. I rest my case.

[Jasmine-Darkfire]

That is so crazy, you lucked out big time by him cancelling.

[mmina1uv]

Hey girlie, I have experience with going on many dates through apps and lemme tell u something. I have encountered very few guys who had to cancel last minute but they were truly sorry and made sure to immediately reschedule / follow up / and reached out to me FIRST. It’s important u let the guy text u first cause it shows he is truly sorry and he should know (if he isn’t a fkboi) that u wasted ur time and he should make up for it. Same goes for girls who flake. It seems like his last text seems dry and he isn’t making an effort to make it up. And DON’T EVER text him how u feel or how angry u are. I made that mistake and it shows u are desperate. If u play it cool, give short answers, or not text him back at all it will trigger him that u actually don’t care and he will REGRET. I PROMISE u that. Keep your chin up and don’t waste ur emotions and time on a clown.

[mmina1uv]

I got heated lol so i forgot to mention the day before to cancel seems appropriate (if it really was an ‘emergency.’) If a guy had to cancel a date on that day then a couple hours before like 3-4 is reasonable. It seems like this guy got cold feet or changed his mind last minute tbh 😤

[kboy808]

In my opinion you should check to see if his story is true. it shows no respect to you. IF something did come up last minute, I would have the have the decency to at least show up out of respect, apologize sincerely, beg for forgiveness, and give you an explanation that you deserve. A gentleman should not backout on a date. Especially the first date. First impression is the most vital in my opinion. But hey if he doesn't want to date you, it'll be my pleasure to take you on one !

[kboy808]

Good for you!!! He's an idiot. Young dumb and full of. . . . . Stupidity! Shows his priority and how important you really are to him. Smh.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Wow. BUT, until you know his reasons? I would give him the benefit of the doubt. If after you hear them they sound pathetic, you can't lose any more than you have already..
How long would I give? As long as is humanly possible. Thing is, we don't know what was humanly possible until he tells you.

[GlassTop]

Girls will straight up ghost guys. Happens all the time. You can easily find another guy if you want, but realize what you experienced and how you feel, guys experience all the time. The only difference being they don’t spend hours on looking good and preparing. It’s up to you if you want to give him a second chance.

[Xoxocutekitty]

If possible, I would give notice the day before so the person wouldn't have to wake up tomorrow excited, and then feel disappointed.

If it's an unexpected work thing, I'd tell someone as soon as it was dumped on me, and to at least put a reschedule date on the calendar.

[mark000h]

People just don't care about anything but themselves nowadays. You are right, a person should CALL to cancel and do it in enough time to not make the other person get prepared for nothing. There's a lot of selfish people out there.

[mark000h]

@Jasmine-Darkfire
I'm sorry. That must hurt. You made a big effort to look nice and be a good date and some loser is so concerned about a stupid video game. Then some guys wonder why they can't get a date. I would love to date a girl like you who asked me out and thought I was worth the time and effort to want to spend time with me. Don't give up. We decent guys do exist.

[Jasmine-Darkfire]

Thanks, that is nice to say. I am not giving up on guys, just him.

[bolverk]

I'm from a different generation, I would give a minimum of 12 hour notice if I have to cancel a date, or two hours if its an emergency and would request a chance to reschedule the date, not just texting 'something came up' 1 hour before the date, that is just plain rude.

[jcampbell115]

You're probably more old school in calling people. It's not fair to you bc many people these days can't be bothered to make that extra effort

[Jasmine-Darkfire]

True but he has pretty much blown it, as I had to re-arrange my schedule and a lot of things to even make this happen, won't go out of my way again. Maybe he just wasn't interested and said yes and then thought, he didn't really want to.

[jcampbell115]

Did you exchange numbers?

[Jasmine-Darkfire]

Yes, he was able to text me. We are classmates in college in several classes and I thought we were on pretty good terms.

I won't be able to avoid him, will keep things professional in school to get things done. We will stay on good terms but not dating terms.

[jcampbell115]

Because he has your number, he may try to reach out to you again and set up a make-up date

[Jasmine-Darkfire]

I'll see him on Monday in class, should be interesting to see what he says.

[Uptowngirl88]

He's not interested in you move on hint hint that's why you had to ask him out.

A man goes after who and what he wants. He never asked you out. You chased him. So it's your fault this happened. He was never interested in you

[Uptowngirl88]

So it doesn't matter when he was supposed to cancel. @jasmine-darkfire

[Jasmine-Darkfire]

Yet guys wonder why we never ask them out.

[Uptowngirl88]

@jasmine-darkfire bingo!!! And this is why you shouldn't. Even though these dudes on gag will argue with you until their faces turn blue about why you should ask them out. DONT DO IT! They like for women to ask them out so they can feel wanted and as an ego booster while they pursue the woman they truly want. I wouldn't talk to this guy anymore. And I wouldn't approach a man again.

[pleasestopthis]

And how is it her fault? That jerk could have said no or at least called way before. Aren't guys always complaining about women leading them on, saying yes when asked out only to say no at the last minute?

[Uptowngirl88]

@pleasestopthis I've explained already. Read above comment

[Uptowngirl88]

I refuse to repeat myself. People READ 📚

[Anonymous]

I was thinking he got cold feet (anxiety), but maybe something really did come up? I'd just wait and see if he tries to reschedule or not. And if so, also explain what happened. But on the bright side, and least he did and didn't just ghost you lol. But yeah it sucks. It is pretty short notice. I'd probably try to give at least 2 hrs. And if I knew she had to drive a distance, add that time to that. Obviously the more time the better.

[Gwenhwyfar]

I would give at least a days notice. Don’t go out with him again. It’s possible he canceled cause he learned you don’t put out.

[Gwenhwyfar]

I would totally dump him

[Jasmine-Darkfire]

We had never gone out before but have to be in classes together for now, I'll just keep it professional and not ask him again or be too busy if he wants to try again. I am way too busy with school, had to shuffle things around to even get this time spot. Not going to do that again.

[Gwenhwyfar]

Good idea

[Gwenhwyfar]

Dump this guy and never look back. You are always more important than a video game.

[Jasmine-Darkfire]

My feelings exactly

[Ian69]

If I agreed to go on a date, I would go. Unless something serious came up, but I would have the decency to make that call, not send a text. I would explain the circumstances why I’m cancelling, and rearrange another date.

[Phoenix-gb]

Unless he only knew one hour before that he had to cancel, then that's way too little notice. Personally, I would give as much notice as I could if I was 100% certain I couldn't make it.

[mobiusforniner]

I dunno. The last minute notice and impersonal text at least gives me the impresssion that this time with you wasn't a priority. People are responsible for THEIR actions, not you. You handled the cancel very professionally.

[mobiusforniner]

Response to your update... you deserve so much better, girl.

[Kira22]

Okay he fucked up the first time but updated you and you said he apologized and asked to re-schedule the next day. You can give him one more shot but thats it. He cancels 2nd time he's out of the picture. I suggest you ask him what does he have in mind for a date and sort of challenge him and to come and meet you since you drove all the way to him the first time. If he isn't still genuinely interested to make it up to you or plan a date as he said, then don't bother. Good luck!

[LikeALog]

It happened to me. Totally ghosted. No call. No text. No reply to text or voicemail.

She went to the beach with friends and didn't realize how late it was. Left her phone in the car.

[exitseven]

I am sorry that this happened tp you. I get why you are upset. This guy handled it badly. he should have called you instead of texting you. He probably is really sorry and if you really like him you might give him a one time pass on this.

[exitseven]

RE Update: This guy is a loser. I would never do something like that.

[Twalli]

I would give as much notice as I could. He probably thought he could before he texted you. I highly doubt he waited to tell you he couldn't. Also talking while driving is as bad as texting. So I don't see how texting you is worse than calling you, since you'd be on the road either way.

[Jasmine-Darkfire]

It would of rang through the truck and I could of answered by pushing the phone button on the steering wheel. No different than if I had a passenger I was talking to, 100% hands free.

Now maybe it is dangerous for someone to be driving and talking to a passenger, then it would be.

[Twalli]

My mom's car can read her phone's text messages, so I assumed if it had hands free calls the same would be true for texts.

[Jasmine-Darkfire]

That part is broken, or not setup. Keep in mind I don't normally drive, I usually take mass transit but my dad wanted me to drive since it would be later at night when routes stop going.

The system never even told me I had a text, so likely just not setup since I don't drive enough.

[Twalli]

As per your second update, that was not a good reason to cancel. Unless I had substantial money riding on doing well I wouldn't cancel for that.

[awkward_author]

I'd let my date know as soon as possible.

Regarding your situation, something may have actually come up last minute, and he didn't have the time to do anything other than send a quick text message.

[Anonymous]

An hours notice is only ok if there is an emergency. Same for friends or whomever really.
I don't accept such with newly acquaintances at all. I don't want to let someone into my life who takes plans so lightly.

[AndrésC64]

I suppose it's possible that something did come up last minute. But I agree with you that he should have called instead of text. I'd leave the ball in his court. If he wants to try again he should ask you out and come to you.

[pleasestopthis]

Several hours at the very least, but the day before is the ideal. If a guy cancels me just an hour before, I'd probably close that door forever, unless something really urgent came up.

[LivingExample]

The amount of Notice depends on when he knew he had to Cancel. If he texted you as soon as he knew he had to cancel then the hour was all he had to tell you. He probably texted you because he didn’t want to have a conversation about it!

[bamesjond0069]

This is why you never ask a man on a date. Hopefully you learned your lesson.

[Jasmine-Darkfire]

Pretty much and bet he and other guys will complain no girl ever asks them out.

[bamesjond0069]

Yeah but the thing is... if a mans not in the state of mind to ask a girl out, he's not in the right place to go on a date or treat a girl right. Those men complaining have some personal internal and emotional work they need to figure out before they are with someone.

[Iron_Man]

At least 24 hour notice I don’t cancel dates unless it’s really genuine somethings come up where I need to be

[SphynxUK]

He must’ve known where you were travelling from, so I’m not sure why he didn’t call earlier.

[sheikalana]

As soon as possible but anything can happen last minute. I would only cancel last minute if something out of my control happened.

[Anonymous]

Somebody hotter than you came along that's what happened that he was trying to keep it short and sweet so as we are here debating he's having some ball pounding sex right now

[ilistengood]

I doubt there's anyone hotter😁

[Opinion Owner]

@ilistengood what about Jasmine please I'm way hotter than her

[Opinion Owner]

Alright take it out then see what you really got

[ilistengood]

OO, was simply trying to make kas feel better

[Opinion Owner]

@ilistengood but let's be honest you're trying to make yourself feel better and hey that's part of Mother Nature

[ilistengood]

There's always gotta be one

[Opinion Owner]

@ilistengood absolutely

[TheMajesticKing777]

Damn sorry to hear it didn't work out, his loss, you just keep doing you

[noohair]

It would have to be something like my family member is going to the hospital. And it would require a phone call. Well, at least you found out early that he is a jerk. I wish you all the best.

[Juliette1994]

I think you need to give an hour notice before. Last minute BS. Unless it’s a family emergency or car accident. I wouldn’t even be friends I’d block him.

[Anonymous]

I'd give as much as I possibly could, with an apology, but I'm respectful of women and their time like that.

[jasco]

I try to make sure everything is done before than so I won't have to but if depends on when that something comes up and how important it is

[michael1469]

Cancelling the first date is incredibly disrespectful. You both have spent a lot of time talking by now. Once you both get to know each other its a whole other story.

[douride2]

If that was a first date here wouldn't be a second one.

[Summerneverends]

This ^^🔥🤟🤟 I'd drop him by the way

[xJayleenx]

No that man sucked. He should’ve told you early in the morning I think you should not pursue him anymore.

[Unicorn_lover_2002]

The day before or the morning of, I honestly just come up with an excuse saying I have an appointment or I have the stomach flu lol

[dolemite89]

that is a bit short notice but at least he didn’t ghost u. i’d see if he gives u a valid reason for why he had to reschedule.

[Pohjolan]

It depends of the context like if you are dating a firefighter or paramedic then you shouldn't be surprised if they cancel the date 5 mins before.

[yucel_eden]

In simple terms, he doesn’t give a crap about you or take you seriously

[Yourfriend2021]

That isn't right what happened to you, he shouldn't have canceled anyways.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Hey should have called you but look at this way its his loss and if this is the type of man he is then you don't want him any. He did you a favor

[Mediterraneansoul]

There should be a deposit before date and a refund policy. Anything after 48 hours you lose your deposit

[Tstrbrainer]

Depends on the situation. If that's an emergency that suddenly came up, there isn't anything we can do about it

[Tstrbrainer]

On your update, I'm so sorry that happened as you were the one who had to do all the work, it is very rude

[CuriousMufuxka]

24 hours. Unless some kind of actual emergency happened, which doesn't.

[007kingifrit]

as much as you can, cancelling is never good so there is no special "its ok if its this time" thing

[driven159]

as early as I can its rude to wait to the last minute

[theblacksheepcat]

oh he would have heard about how much effort i spent dealing with me

[bean2k21]

Yeah an hour sounds about right -- also
I don't buy your story about not texting and driving
Anybody can glance at their phone and see they have a text
While they're driving and it's not texting, it's reading

[Jasmine-Darkfire]

Not with how bad traffic was, major stop and go, people almost hitting me, was constant defensive driving. It was also dark and I'm not the best driver in the dark, I admit that.

[DizzyDesii]

I’d want to know days to a week before

[Aqueeld]

Exactly because just few days before date if you cancel that will be really HURTFUL for the person... Because then will b looking forward for it and be excited about it...

so if you're gonna to cancel it... do it much earlier...

[DizzyDesii]

@Aqueeld at least 2 days before so i didn't waste money on a new outfit

[Aqueeld]

Hehe yeah that point is also there...

But more than that... there is the emotional part and the waiting part also

[DizzyDesii]

@Aqueeld nah i’d get past that stuff easily.

[Aqueeld]

Yes but i does hurt for a while...

[DizzyDesii]

@Aqueeld only if you dont have a backup date with someone else

[Aqueeld]

Hehe yaaa

[Jamie05rhs]

I agree with you, @Aqueeld.

[Agape93]

Ideally an hour or two

[CT_CD]

No notice. I just wouldn’t show up.

[dragoblack]

Be honest and tell them why.

[Anonymous]

Wow! He picked his video game over you… NEXT!

[Jamie05rhs]

He fucked up.

[Jamie05rhs]

I think if you're going to cancel on someone, it should be the day before at the very least.

[DizzyDesii]

Update: And he dropped her for a video game at that. Hell awl

[Jamie05rhs]

A VIDEO GAME? Oh, HAIL no!! 🤬

[In_Trance]

as much as possible