I had a date last night, spent a decent amount of time getting ready, and drove to the place to meet up. Once I got there, I checked my phone and had a text exactly one hour before our date from him, saying something came up, he has to cancel. I was there 15 minutes early so I could use the restroom and freshen up before he got there. He sent one text and that was it.
My entire response to that text was Okay. As I knew if I said anything else it would not be nice.I think he should have called rather than texted too, as he knows I live further out than he does and was likely driving.
Traffic was horrible last night with a couple of rollovers, causing major jams. I was paying attention to traffic and left extra early plus I needed to stop and fill up the truck with gas.
I don't text and drive, had borrowed my dad's truck and was on the road already when he sent it. I drove over an hour to find it was cancelled through crappy traffic.
Do you think one hour is enough notice?
This is a guy I asked out, I don't believe I'll be asking him again and so far today all he has said is "thank you for understanding." Not sure I really do, still no idea why he had to cancel.
Updates
+1 y
A little more info on this, we have several classes together at college. He still hasn't said why he had to cancel, but did apologize today several times and wanted to try again tomorrow. Which I can't do, I don't have enough money to make the trip again for gas.
It will be interesting come Monday when I see him.
Updates
+1 y
Met him today in class, his reason was he had a good online game going and didn't want to quit. Didn't think it would be a big deal.
Despite him wanting another chance I won't do it.
How much notice would you give if you were going to cancel a FIRST date?
Same happened with me last night. The guy cancelled on me after I told him i left. And he didn't even apologise for it, i didn't persuade it anyfurther but just ended the text with "okey". All this doesn't make sense unless, we are giving more to this connection than they are or we should. Like you had to make your way through the traffic for 1hr, I had to hustle with my typical Asian parents for this whole thing. "Maybe you should give less to this connection as same emotions or energy is not being receprocated!" I don't know if its right or wrong , but having faced the exact same situation this is what i'm doing. Because i know if i am taking time to get ready, i am doing my best but the same isn't coming back to me. And no one should settle for anything less. Even though its been quite some while we have known each other. I dont see how you can't care to tell the other person about cancelling the date and doing it in the 11th hr just doesn't make any sense.
As much as possible should be given, I would also give a reason, not just something came up I can't make it. That just sounds like a loser who doesn't even have enough decency to state if it was an emergency or what is going on. I will often say, work got in the way, sorry can't make it but lets see when we can reschedule.
I would also call, if I knew he has to drive a bit, or if he didn't respond to the text after 10 minutes or so, I would call and say, did you get it? if not here is what is going on.
The guys that have done this to me, usually don't get a second chance. There is always another wanting to go out, so it just eliminated someone who is unreliable unless he has a real good reason that can be verified later.
Unless he had an absolute emergency, such as his mother being taken to an emergency room, then one hour notice is horrible behavior on his part. If I was in his position, I would have already explaied what required a last minute cancellation. And, as you observed, I would have called to cancel. Texting is a cowardly way to handle that.
Response to update: He's not just inconsiderate, but he's also downright stupid! If he thought that was an acceptable excuse, he's an idiot of the lowest order.
Not enough time, I have had that happen to me with even less time. The ones that are serious will apologize and explain what happened as soon as possible.
He should of called or sent another text to make sure you got it. Then called when you didn't respond.
Not all texts are instant, it is a common complaint from my clients that phone companies can hold texts if the system is full until they are less busy, in the small print. While uncommon, I've had texts take over an hour to even show up after being sent.
1. Do you know his situation? If no, then don't assume 2. I know, life's terrible and there are a lot of times when you are really happy about something but something ruins it. It was a wise decision to not "blast out on him" though you can message him "if there is something which forces you to cancel a date, inform the girl through a call. I was disappointed in what happened with us and i am not interested in seeing you again". This will help him and maybe his future date
Day before ideally, several hours at least, before they would get ready and at leave. But sometimes things do come up. I had travelled to London, ready for an afternoon show in the west end, I was at the meeting place half hour early. I got a text to say she had had a migraine whilst on her way and she was going home. I was little annoyed, but her health came first. Someone was meeting her on her way back take sure she got home (may not have been a first date, just a date). Give him a chance to explain properly
Listen; I am 31. I will tell you; whenever someone canceled the first date, it was usually because they weren't completely interested for whatever reasons; maybe they are still involved with someone else. ACTUALLY; I had this happened to me; and I later learned he was getting married to someone in 3 weeks. LOL. I rest my case.
In my opinion you should check to see if his story is true. it shows no respect to you. IF something did come up last minute, I would have the have the decency to at least show up out of respect, apologize sincerely, beg for forgiveness, and give you an explanation that you deserve. A gentleman should not backout on a date. Especially the first date. First impression is the most vital in my opinion. But hey if he doesn't want to date you, it'll be my pleasure to take you on one !
Wow. BUT, until you know his reasons? I would give him the benefit of the doubt. If after you hear them they sound pathetic, you can't lose any more than you have already.. How long would I give? As long as is humanly possible. Thing is, we don't know what was humanly possible until he tells you.
Girls will straight up ghost guys. Happens all the time. You can easily find another guy if you want, but realize what you experienced and how you feel, guys experience all the time. The only difference being they don’t spend hours on looking good and preparing. It’s up to you if you want to give him a second chance.
Hey girlie, I have experience with going on many dates through apps and lemme tell u something. I have encountered very few guys who had to cancel last minute but they were truly sorry and made sure to immediately reschedule / follow up / and reached out to me FIRST. It’s important u let the guy text u first cause it shows he is truly sorry and he should know (if he isn’t a fkboi) that u wasted ur time and he should make up for it. Same goes for girls who flake. It seems like his last text seems dry and he isn’t making an effort to make it up. And DON’T EVER text him how u feel or how angry u are. I made that mistake and it shows u are desperate. If u play it cool, give short answers, or not text him back at all it will trigger him that u actually don’t care and he will REGRET. I PROMISE u that. Keep your chin up and don’t waste ur emotions and time on a clown.
I got heated lol so i forgot to mention the day before to cancel seems appropriate (if it really was an ‘emergency.’) If a guy had to cancel a date on that day then a couple hours before like 3-4 is reasonable. It seems like this guy got cold feet or changed his mind last minute tbh 😤
People just don't care about anything but themselves nowadays. You are right, a person should CALL to cancel and do it in enough time to not make the other person get prepared for nothing. There's a lot of selfish people out there.
@Jasmine-Darkfire I'm sorry. That must hurt. You made a big effort to look nice and be a good date and some loser is so concerned about a stupid video game. Then some guys wonder why they can't get a date. I would love to date a girl like you who asked me out and thought I was worth the time and effort to want to spend time with me. Don't give up. We decent guys do exist.
I'm from a different generation, I would give a minimum of 12 hour notice if I have to cancel a date, or two hours if its an emergency and would request a chance to reschedule the date, not just texting 'something came up' 1 hour before the date, that is just plain rude.
True but he has pretty much blown it, as I had to re-arrange my schedule and a lot of things to even make this happen, won't go out of my way again. Maybe he just wasn't interested and said yes and then thought, he didn't really want to.
@jasmine-darkfire bingo!!! And this is why you shouldn't. Even though these dudes on gag will argue with you until their faces turn blue about why you should ask them out. DONT DO IT! They like for women to ask them out so they can feel wanted and as an ego booster while they pursue the woman they truly want. I wouldn't talk to this guy anymore. And I wouldn't approach a man again.
And how is it her fault? That jerk could have said no or at least called way before. Aren't guys always complaining about women leading them on, saying yes when asked out only to say no at the last minute?
I was thinking he got cold feet (anxiety), but maybe something really did come up? I'd just wait and see if he tries to reschedule or not. And if so, also explain what happened. But on the bright side, and least he did and didn't just ghost you lol. But yeah it sucks. It is pretty short notice. I'd probably try to give at least 2 hrs. And if I knew she had to drive a distance, add that time to that. Obviously the more time the better.
We had never gone out before but have to be in classes together for now, I'll just keep it professional and not ask him again or be too busy if he wants to try again. I am way too busy with school, had to shuffle things around to even get this time spot. Not going to do that again.
If I agreed to go on a date, I would go. Unless something serious came up, but I would have the decency to make that call, not send a text. I would explain the circumstances why I’m cancelling, and rearrange another date.
Unless he only knew one hour before that he had to cancel, then that's way too little notice. Personally, I would give as much notice as I could if I was 100% certain I couldn't make it.
I dunno. The last minute notice and impersonal text at least gives me the impresssion that this time with you wasn't a priority. People are responsible for THEIR actions, not you. You handled the cancel very professionally.
Okay he fucked up the first time but updated you and you said he apologized and asked to re-schedule the next day. You can give him one more shot but thats it. He cancels 2nd time he's out of the picture. I suggest you ask him what does he have in mind for a date and sort of challenge him and to come and meet you since you drove all the way to him the first time. If he isn't still genuinely interested to make it up to you or plan a date as he said, then don't bother. Good luck!
