If I haven’t heard from a guy in a few days, would it be okay to message him?

[Blonde401]

I’m trying to give him space and not appear clingy but I also would rather know if we are still cool and if he’d like to hang out again? I’m in a weird headspace over things. We haven’t expressed clear boundaries yet, I’m still wanting to get to know him... should I message him tomorrow or wait forever in case he might message me? Any advice would be great.

[AndrewMG]

Awww, I'm probably rubbish when it comes to advise when it comes to phones/text messages etc as my mobile is used for both social and also work purposes when colleagues need to get hold of me, so there are times when I have a day off where true happiness is switching it off so I can have a relaxing day (on a side note I have an emergency phone that only very close friends and immediate family members have which is never switched off). So I can go a couple of days without getting back to a friend who has texted me... I always feel guilty though when I switch my phone on and realise I've missed a few messages... even though most of them are friends asking for answers to pub quiz questions lol

[Blonde401]

People like you are the bane of my life 😂 I don’t need to hear from someone constantly! But like dude, I feel like I’m being purposefully ignored. But I’m also aware that’s a me problem

[AndrewMG]

Oh I'm so flawed but hey thats the difference between love and lust. Lust is falling in love with a person's perfections, love is faliing in love with a persons imperfections (and when it comes to my phone I'm team imperfection) lol

[Anonymous]

It's always important for women to show some interest also, and that's what you'd be doing. Women have this fear of being "desperate", but that's all in your heads. Sometimes if you do nothing, waiting for him to do it all, we just take it as disinterest. I know myself, there's been a few times and women, that if they hadn't reached out to me first, nothing would have ever happened, and not because I wasn't interested, but because I can be shy also, or didn't know what to say, or assumed they weren't interested back. So yes I say text him. Even just "hey what's up, how are you?" Open the door, then see how he responds. If well, then you can move on to "I had a great time, would you be interested in going out again?" Or even just suggest something and ask him to join you.

[Opinion Owner]

Just read your comments to others, I'm sorry if he's actually ghosting you. But that's on him and about him, don't take it personally. Sadly ghosting has somehow become "acceptable" today, vs what it really is, which is cowardly, immature and disrespectful.

[Blonde401]

Thank you. Yeah ghosting is vile honestly. Like why can’t people have enough respect to just be honest with someone? He did eventually respond to my message but it’s been lots of waiting for replies. 😒

[Anonymous]

Hey I’m going through the same thing. I think you can definitely check up on him, just send a quick text, it won’t hurt :)

Also did he specifically asked for some space? If he’s feeling stressed you can text him something like “no need to respond but I’m just checking up on you, hope you’re feeling better. I’m always here if you want to talk” or something like that so that he won’t feel pressured by your text and it shows that you care. Good luck!!

[Blonde401]

He didn’t ask for space specifically but I know he’s a busy guy so I’m just trying not to be overly clingy or anything.

Have you checked in on your guy? I’m so sorry you’re feeling the same :(

[Opinion Owner]

Ah I see, I don’t think sending a simple text makes you overly clingy in any way (unless you’re spamming texts if he doesn’t respond right away lol). So don’t worry about it, he might not respond right away to your text anyway if he is indeed busy but I bet he’ll appreciate you letting him know that you’re thinking of him!

I did actually, he responded and I told him that I just wanted to check in so I left him alone right after that and he said he appreciate it

[Blonde401]

I don’t think I’m being overly clingy. I just don’t know what to do :( I think I’m having a hard time lately and this is just being magnified I guess.

Glad you heard back!

[Opinion Owner]

I understand, you care about them so much that you just want to hear about their day and talk to them. It’s definitely hard but you’ll go through it just fine. Just keep yourself busy and eventually you’ll worry less :)

[Blonde401]

I am busy but he’s still on my mind 😔 I’m such an idiot I should just give up

[Opinion Owner]

Don’t worry hang in there, I’m also back to giving my guy some space and I know how hard it’s gonna be to not reach out. We can definitely chat in the DMs id u want so that we can both distract ourselves lol

[Blonde401]

I messaged him 8 hours ago. No reply. Think it says it all really. Feel free to DM me if you wanna talk :)

[Opinion Owner]

aw man that sucks... :( I think it's best to try to just let it go (as hard as it is)

[Blonde401]

I don’t have any other choice :/

[ohshee]

You know what forget what society says this isn't about Society this is about you and some dude if you're thinking about some guy if you're worried about some guy if you miss some guy let him know that

But now that I said that when I like somebody I'm going to let them know and I'm going to call them everyday I'm going to try to do stuff with him either at night or on the weekends or what have you because I want her to know that I like her and I like her a lot there is no such thing as clingy when two people like each other so what I'm trying to say is it I don't understand why he's not getting ahold of you anyway so that's another thing you have to think about

[DaveJord]

You better fucking message him if your still interested in him... Absolutely Yes.

When I am with someone who claims or appears to have a head space issue over things... after few days of no contact or good morning or good night text I assume she's not into it and I move on quick.

[Blonde401]

I’ve messaged him, 6 hours no reply. Guess he’s ghosting me.

[20yearsolder]

Yes, I asked him exactly what you said. Are we still cool? You want to hang sometime in the future?

[Blonde401]

So you think I should message him?

[20yearsolder]

I do, and ask him exactly what you said in your paragraph

[20yearsolder]

I think it's silly that girls don't go after what they want, should I message this guy? If you feel like you need to message him then do it. Obviously you're not getting the attention that you need from him. If he's not going to be available for every 2 or 3 or 4 days then why waste your time with him

[Blonde401]

Yeah you’re right. I think I’m just not the girl for him. Unsurprising really, I don’t know why I kid myself into thinking I’m enough for anybody 😔

[slatyb]

Just ask him. If it pisses him off, then he's an ass and you haven't lost anything.

[Blonde401]

He’s ignored me for like 17 hours now so yeah, think I’ve been ghosted

[slatyb]

17 hours? That's not even a whole day.

[Blonde401]

17 hours is a long time! You’re telling me you can’t send a reply within 17 hours?

[Blonde401]

Maybe it’s me and my weird working hours. And always being on my phone 😅

[slatyb]

Some people have other things to do besides constantly look at their phone. Sometimes when I'm at home I put it down on Friday and don't look at it until sometime Sunday.

[Blonde401]

Yeah he hasn’t replied since Friday. I feel so embarrassed about it 😒

[bowenw]

I can't see it being a problem. I'd be more worried about why he hasn't texted you.

[Blonde401]

I’m also worried honestly. Maybe I’ve just fucked it up

[bowenw]

Doubtful that it's your fault. I'd text him and see how he responds.

[Blonde401]

But you obviously think something is wrong. I saw him Monday morning, it’s Wednesday night now. I mean it hasn’t been that long but he usually seemed to check in with like one message a day... this feels off.

[bowenw]

If you usually get a message daily there could be something wrong. Like he could be in the hospital. I'd text him and ask if everything is okay because you hadn't heard from him since Monday.

[Blonde401]

I feel like that would come across super clingy? I don’t know. I’m so out of my depth with dating honestly 🙈

[bowenw]

If you're friends with him or dating him, I wouldn't say it's clingy to text him. If he's not interested in you, you have the right to know that.

[Blonde401]

We’re dating casually. We’ve been on a few dates and getting to know one another over the course of the month. I just don’t know anymore. Thank you for your advice, it was very helpful.

[bowenw]

Let me know what you decide to do, if anything.

[Blonde401]

Thank you. I might give it another day or two and then send something?

[bowenw]

You know the situation better than anyone else. Follow your gut instincts.

[Blonde401]

My gut isn’t helping honestly. Hence the question! I’m lost as I usually am when it comes to figuring these things out

[bowenw]

I think giving him a day or two is wise. Then text him if you don't hear from him. There's a chance he's feeling the exact same way as you and doesn't want to appear clingy.

[Blonde401]

That could be true. I hope it is. I’ll give him space, maybe he’s busy

[bowenw]

In my experience guys will always find time for someone they care about, even if they are busy and just send a short text.

[Blonde401]

Guess he’s no longer interested then 😔

[bowenw]

I'm hoping he has a very valid reason for not texting you, like he's in the hospital or didn't want to appear clingy. Don't give up until you hear from him.

[Blonde401]

Two extremely different scenarios! I don’t know. I just think I’ve made a mess of things as usual - of course I’d be kidding myself to think someone might be interested in me. Cheers though.

[bowenw]

Did you text him?

[Blonde401]

Yes and he hasn’t replied

[bowenw]

At least he can't say he didn't hear from you. I hope he replies. If not it's his loss.

[Abaracadabara]

Go for it. Worst that happens is he ignores it.
Most guys mistakenly think they should wait, this is not entirely without reason, as they do not want to appear creepy or clingy themselves.

[Citizenkirk]

Text or call him. A few days is plenty of space without parting ways completely.

[loveslongnails]

Wait a full 7 days and nights. If you haven't heard from him by then, he's not interested.

[Andres77]

A text is innocuous.
Just to see how he's doing.
Then play it by ear.

[Blonde401]

So just say something like “hey, how’s your week going?”

[Andres77]

Keep it simple... he needs to step up.
Good luck

[Cowboy6666]

give it 2 to 3 days and then message him

[Blonde401]

Today would be day three. This is probably what I’m going to do, thank you :)

[Cowboy6666]

well send him message within 1 to 2 days or else
remember you got standby guy for you :P

[Blonde401]

I’m tempted to try and message him today but I’m nervous of the outcome 😔

[Cowboy6666]

try and see, thats it

[Blonde401]

Messaged him 8 hours ago. No reply. Done.

[Cowboy6666]

alright then move on... you deserve a better guy

[melanieeeB]

Yeah you can sure text him, good luck 🙏🏼

[whosnumber1]

yes message him

[Blonde401]

You wouldn’t be put off by a woman sending a casual message when she hadn’t heard from you for a few days?

[whosnumber1]

no I would love it

[whosnumber1]

especially if I was into you

[Blonde401]

I thought he might like me... I don't know anymore

[whosnumber1]

well there's only one way to find out right!

[whosnumber1]

text him and set something up this weekend

[whosnumber1]

if you wanna explain your situation more I'm happy to help. just DM me

[msc545]

yes, do that!

[Blonde401]

Will it not look clingy and scare him off?

[msc545]

make it a casual message...

[Blonde401]

Oh yeah course. Wasn’t gonna do anything else. I just can’t decide whether to message first or try and wait it out?

[msc545]

message him. He will like it.

[EaterPeter]

Nope.

[Blonde401]

Not ok? Can I get more context?

[EaterPeter]

Well, I did not read context before. I thought you been only on one date with him.

[EaterPeter]

You should try contacting him

[EaterPeter]

Thanks for like!

[Blonde401]

No we’ve been on two dates after meeting at a party and spending a bunch of time together. Does that change your perspective?

[EaterPeter]

Two dates still not enough

[EaterPeter]

48 hours should be max gap between communications

[EaterPeter]

Hope there is no sexual connection yet

[Blonde401]

There has been yeah. I’ve fucked it haven’t I?

[EaterPeter]

Sooner you let someone get in to your pants sooner they go away

[EaterPeter]

Pants 👖 🩳 👖 🩳

[EaterPeter]

What else they would want

[EaterPeter]

Only silly guy like me would stay around and regret years later

[Blonde401]

I figured we’re both adults 🤷‍♀️

[cummer6972]

If you don't how will he know you are into him

[Blonde401]

He knows

[spartan55]

@Blonde401
How does he know?

[Blonde401]

How could he not know? Also he’s ghosted me. No reply.

[spartan55]

How could he not know? Easily. Did you tell him?

[Blonde401]

The only way you know if someone likes you is through words? And not actions?

[spartan55]

Of course not, however guys are terrible when it comes to picking up on hints, body language. What is obvious is to you flies right over our heads.

[Blonde401]

I think if a girl has expressed things verbally to you without literally saying “I like you” it’s obvious? And we’ve slept together. I don't know what more he would need.

[spartan55]

You never said that verbally told him.

[Blonde401]

I’ve expressed it without directly saying those words. And I’m glad I didn’t, I’d feel even more foolish

[spartan55]

So because you didn't actually say you liked him you saved some face?

[Blonde401]

I don’t think I saved any face honestly

[spartan55]

So you think because he hasn't messaged back in 8 hours means he ghosted you?

[spartan55]

What is the whole situation? How did you meet? how often do you see each other? About all I know is you had sex with him and you are fretting about messaging him.

[Blonde401]

I feel like you’re being really snappy with me and I’m not sure why? It’s been longer than 8 hours now. It’s been 2 days.

We met on Jan 30th at a party. We’ve been on two dates since then, we were messaging at least once a day. Yeah we slept together twice.

I feel like I’ve been ghosted.

[spartan55]

I wasn't trying to come off as snappy, my apologies. I was just trying to get the complete picture.

[spartan55]

Did the last message you sent him end with a question or call to action of some sort?

[Blonde401]

Yeah there was a question, I made sure there was something he had to respond to. It was about organising something I know he’s very passionate about :/

[spartan55]

Hmmm, I wouldn't panic yet. Maybe give him a couple more days. Did you agree to hang out again after the last time you saw him?

[Blonde401]

I asked him if he wanted to hang out again and he said yes but we made no firm plans. I know I should just chill and give him time but I just can’t help get the feeling I’m being ghosted.

[spartan55]

You've known this guy a month, try to keep that in perspective. If you know you need to chill then you don't need others to tell that. I do think it's a good idea though. Find something else to occupy your time. It sounds like you are literally watching every minute go by...

[Blonde401]

I’m off work for two days and I’m sick so yeah, all I’m doing is watching the time go by :( I am trying to be chill. I guess I’ve just come to expect people to treat me a certain way and this is no different. It shouldn’t take 2 days to reply to a text imho, it takes 30 seconds

[spartan55]

Have you considered calling him?

[Blonde401]

I feel like if he’s not responding to a text, calling him would be a little harassing? I don't know.

[CubaPirate]

Sure. What's to lose