I think my boyfriends bisexual best friend is trying to sabotage my relationship, what would you do?

[idontreallyknow25]

I’m gonna make up names to make this shorter to type. best friends name is Hank. Lol


I’ve had an off feeling about Hank since the beginning. He is the only one of the few who doesn’t support the relationship.

My boyfriend commonly sleeps at friends houses/have friends over. Because they all live far. But Hank literally moved closer to my boyfriend, and when he sleeps over, he likes to sleep on my bfs floor assumably next to his bed. He’s gets emotional when boyfriend doesn’t spend enough time with him. Guilts and nags him like a girlfriend would. At one point said he’s more susceptible to suicide when my boyfriend doesn't hangout/talk to him for a week. My boyfriend also spends from noon- to 7am at his house. And can barely text/talk to me while with him. My boyfriend says it’s because usually hank is emotional about not talking and it’s up to joe to listen and make things better with him like a girlfriend. Hank says my boyfriend spends too much time with me. Needs to make more time with him. Along with other weird things

Disclosure: Hank has openly told my boyfriend that if the emotional connection was good enough he would do a relationship with a guy. But said guy has rarely has relationships.

My boyfriend says its probably just a crush. But i and others think the guy has probably been in love with him for years.

If it was a girl, it would be a no brainer to cut the girl off. But because its a guy? It’s no valid? My boyfriend literally is exhausted of emotions because he has to deal with them from me AND hank too?

Is making him choose wrong?

[LurkingNplainsight]

I definitely think he’s in love with your boyfriend. I also think there may be something that your boyfriend is not telling you—the bisexual dude is basically using emotional blackmail—the only reason I can see for allowing it to go on so long is because he feels responsible for his well being and is genuinely concerned that he’s going to kill himself if he leaves…. OR….. at some point (perhaps when drunk) there’s been some sort of physical contact and he’s threatening to reveal that to you and blow up your relationship. Tell me this how long has this been going on, and how long has he known him?

[idontreallyknow25]

Never thought of that… he’s known him 10+ years

[LurkingNplainsight]

There’s just some key fact that you’re not being told. There has to be because it’s by no means normal behavior that he sleeps on the floor beside him… or do you think that’s just what they say and in reality they’re sleeping together? ….. shit I just don’t know. I mean just guessing it sounds like either A) there is some reciprocation of feelings on the part of your boyfriend he will not admit to you because it will kill his relationship with you or B) your boyfriend feels some perceived obligation far beyond what could reasonably be considered normal—like for instance 10 years ago the bi friend helped him survive combat, kick heroin, move a body, gain parole, or maybe he donated a kidney, or saved his sister’s life. Obviously those are extreme examples, but you get what I’m saying? The thing is whatever it is he feels he owes him for…. it seems like he would tell you about it, unless he knows telling you would also kill the relationship. I’d love to know the answer once you figure it out.

[melanieeeB]

Always trust your gut feeling. It does sound weird but making him choose... well I know I wouldn't react well to that.
My first thought was sitting down and talking to your boyfriend again and being really serious about your concerns and well he should then make a decision on his own.

[idontreallyknow25]

How does one not make him make a decision, if I’m not okay with whats going on? Especially if he’s feeding into this guys fantasy. I dont want to make him choose that feels awful, but I also feel like I’m betraying a boundary of my own

[melanieeeB]

You should tell him that, well that you're feeling like crossing your own boundaries and honestly If he cared enough, he would stop sleeping at his place or not allow him to sleep over at his etc They can still be friends but meet up outside or something lol