How would you feel if your boyfriend or girlfriend was with guys or girls before you?

Question

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It does not matter. In fact, in my case, my girlfriend wanted me to have gay sex.

To start, I've been with my girlfriend for over a decade and we have three children. (Plus I have a son from a one night stand I had about three years before my girlfriend and I met.) I have been heterosexual all my life. However, in our very early days, for reasons having mostly to do with me and which, for reasons of brevity I will not go into here, my girlfriend and I were a bit wild.

One thing that my girlfriend used to enjoy - and still does - is gay porn. Something about watching guys together turned her on and so we would watch it periodically. Really nothing more than that, though, and I'll even admit that seeing her turned on would turn me on.

So life went on and then - in a life imitates art moment - at a Christmas party with my gfd's office, a homosexual co-worker of my gfd's happen to mention to her that he thought I was cute. Very long story short, they came up with the idea of he and I having sex and she could watch to turn her on. His only stipulation is that sometimes he could be with me, just the two of us.

A few drinks and they thought this a brilliant idea and approached me about it. At first my answer was no, flat out. However, after much backing and forthing - and a zillion details I'll skip here - I gave in and, for the next 8 months or so, give or take, I found myself in a homosexual relationship.

It was not just in front of my girlfriend, but the guy and I would spend nights together and even two weeks one time when my girlfriend went out of town. (This was before my girlfriend and I lived together.) Funny part was that I enjoyed it - not in the same way or as much as I did, and do, being with women, but it was surprisingly pleasurable.

In terms of the sex - and yes, I was both top and bottom - it took getting used to but the sensations were weirdly arousing. It was different and that was a turn-on in ways that I did not expect. In part, I took this as being since a man understands a man's anatomy, we sort of understood what works. Just a guess, but it was not unpleasant if not quite as satisfying - at least for me - as being with a woman.

In terms of the emotional connection, I have to say that what I realized is that there are things that guys might share with another guy in a personal way that he might not even with a woman he loves. It wasn't love, per se, but there was an unexpected intimacy and empathy between us.

The two weeks we spent together while my girlfriend was away was not a sex-fest. We had work and other things going on, but we did have sex, and we would wake up next to each other and hold each other and, in brutal honesty, a sort of bond developed.

Still, it did not end well. For all that I still was not perfectly comfortable and we could see that he was getting more and more attached to me. What was going to be all about the kinky sexual thrills was clearly going further. So we ended it.

He took it hard and my girlfriend felt bad and found herself trying to match make for a gay guy. Nothing worked, but eventually he found another job and moved on in any case and we lost touch.

Frankly, I would never want to repeat the experience, but in brutal candor I did enjoy it - the sex very much included. That was, as I say, over a decade ago and my girlfriend moved in with me ten years ago and we are parents and we are not at all wild the way we were in our early days.

Still, in a strange way, it was an experience I am glad I had. It was fun, it felt good, and I learned from it. Could be worse.

bowenw · Accepted Answer

Everyone has a past they can't change. It doesn't bother me.

Anxious_foreva · Accepted Answer

This is definitely going to come across as backward or etc

but I wouldn’t date someone other than straight. I have always been straight.
This is my preference.

I don’t push this preference onto others. People can date whoever they want.

And for me personally, I prefer to have same sexual orientation as mine. My husband and I have talked about a lot of topics before we got married so we know what is our deal breaker and what’s not because I don’t want to invest in a relationship before even talking about things that can become blockers later on. I hope that kind of answered your question. This is definitely something I am not vocal about because I know it is sensitive. So I don’t really talk about these stuff others except in family

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It would make me feel insecure like I’m never going to be who they want or are fully attracted to

WhatTheHeckkkk · Answer

Doesn’t bother me.  He’s with me now, and as long he’s committed to me, I have no issue.

GlassTop · Answer

I‘m in the camp that believes MOST bi/lesbian women are doing it to experiment or have fun. I don’t think bi-lesbian women are thinking long term marriage with in-vitro fertilization for kids and marriage. A lot of lesbians I've met turned lesbian because they had bad experiences with men or possibly molested by family and friends which caused them to change sexual preferences. I’ve never met a woman who was 100% lesbian and never touched a man. Most, if not all women have had some type of male attraction or interaction. Men are different. A man going gay is not just an act, it’s a lifestyle and mentality change. HIV is also explosively spread in the gay community. If I was a woman with a guy who has previously been with men, I’d be looking over my shoulder wondering if he was screwing his friends or coworkers or just strangers. I’d also be worried he had HIV. Women don’t understand the gay male community. Unlike women, men will fuck ANYBODY. So if you remove the female barrier of not trusting someone before having sex with them, then you got a LOT of sex happening. You think Tinder is a hookup app? Check out grinder. Business is BOOMING. You can find married men looking for a quick 6pm blowjob before ye goes to tuck the kids into bed and screw his wife. This is not a joke. I see it everyday because i’m close with a lot of gay people. I wouldn’t date a girl who was a lesbian before because I think there would be something fundamentally different about us that I wouldn’t work for me. Why were you previously lesbian? Why are you not now? What changed in your life? Are you sure you won’t relapse? Are you bi? perhaps you were just having fun? I could just be with a woman who was secure in her sexuality and never wavered.

LEETSBEREAL · Answer

I have no idea what my answer would be. I have never thought about it. Not a complete no. I am into BDSM so if he was on the same page with me. He was a sub in his previous relationships and is happy for me to be in charge. I don't think I would have a problem with it. As long as he is all the things I want and me him. Yeah I would be down. I won't turn him down solely because he was with men and women before me.

089Lexi · Answer

Not trying to be messed up but I would be disgusted by it. Just knowing the kinds of things he did and then I'm kissing him. I remember there was a guy I liked and later we talked and he told me he found me hot. Then he reveals like literally 30 minutes later that he's bi. And I acted cool about it because I didn't want to be rude and make him feel bad. But was immediately turned off and not interested anymore. The icing on the cake was him asking if I would ever do a threesome. I'm waiting for marriage and I'm a traditional woman so that was like a wtf moment. I rejected him and then just ghosted him.

dontgetafemalecanine · Answer

I agree with the male homosexual part trying to find a female partner. I spoke with a few open people in the past. For guys, a new relationship with a girl who used to be gay is like a fantasy that comes true. Whereas, for girls trying to accept her new partner who is or was homo (who has done homo intercourse) would be too much to ask.

1) imagine to kiss ur boyfriend who had a dick in his mouth. (more gross than having licked a vagina)
2) most girls are disgusted that guys get anal-ised than girls get anal-ised (I believe its just a fetish part)
3) social stigma (the girl's friends or family finding out that the new male partner was gay)
4) loyalty or trust issues.

CourtneyJane · Answer

I don't date, let alone have sex with, virgins. So if any of my lovers have been with other men and women before me, it's all good as long as they don't come to me with STDs.

My boyfriend has been with other men prior to dating me for the first time about 5 years ago, and prior to that, I was not only in the same room but naked in the same bed when he went down on one of my exes and gobbled his cock until he came during that wonderful MFM I keep talking about. It's actually a big turn-on for me knowing he's that brazen and adventurous.

Sarahr123 · Answer

I would never be with a bisexual man. But since I tend to prefer boys a bit older than me it is likely they’ve had relationships before. If they’re healthy and completely over their past relationships and not messed up with kids out of wedlock etc then I don’t mind.

If they have had flings, casual sex, one night stands, fwb’s then I will not want to be with them. High body counts are offputting. If the boy is under thirty and his count exceeds three then it is very off putting.

genericname85 · Answer

That's fine. She's with me now. It's almost impossible to find a good partner without making some mistakes first. Also if she had other guys, i can be more sure that i am what she actually wants. Cause if i am her first, chances are she doesn't know what she wants yet.

Miristheiss · Answer

If I learned when dating my wife that she had been romantic with another woman before? I would have broken up when I learned that. I have no interest in bisexual people. My romantic interest is in 100% heterosexual people.

NathanDavis · Answer

I would feel like she's an absolutely normal person who has had an absolutely normal life, and past... like me  yet, still an extraordinary wonderful person and that's why I would be with her...

muscularbumblebee · Answer

I wouldn’t care? I’m bi and have been with a woman before and I know that’s more ‘acceptable’ you said but I can be with a woman it shouldn’t bother me they can be with a man before. As long as they aren’t secretly fully gay then dating me. Plus it’s in the past for the amount of people..

Really couldn’t care less tbh

RawIronhide · Answer

I was with a girl who had been with girls. I don't know honestly how to say it. It's fine but at the same time I'm looking for a traditionally feminine lady. Meaning is attracted to men and isn't sexually confused, no offense, not saying there's anything wrong with two girls hooking up but I'm personally traditional I guess.

AndrésC64 · Answer

Are you talking about my girlfriend being with other guys or with other girls? And the same question for the other way around; are you talking about a girl's boyfriend being what other boys are with other girls? As a guy, I really wouldn't care. In fact, I'd actually prefer if she wasn't a virgin.

Explorer91 · Answer

not everyone believes in bisexuality. In fact a lot of people don’t. So if a person has been with someone of the same sex they can become concerned as they may believe the person isn’t actually straight but may be pressured by society to be in a straight relationship or they want to have kids or a traditional family.

Seinna · Answer

Unfortunately he most likely wouldn't have any chance with me if he was previously, willingly in a sexual relationship with a man. It's an instant turn off.

DizzyDesii · Answer

If he was with girls before me, thats kinda expected. If you mean having sex with them, then hopefully not more than a handful, otherwise its a dealbreaker. If he was with guys then thats an absolute dealbreaker.

DaThinka · Answer

The last part you wrote is... Because woman is loose and jokey around their own gender... I feel like most woman would lightly try some lesbo stuff or wouldn't be so disgusted to try it. Even hetero girls.

But for a guy to do sexual stuff with a other guy.. is real serious n un-natural and gross for us... It's not something we loosely jus play around with, so if a guy is doing sexual stuff with a other guy. . there's a high chance he's actually gay and not just playing around

sage2021 · Answer

That would freak me out! I would never look at him in the same way once I knew he used to lay with men. I wouldn't love him anymore and I would be mad that he didn't tell me before he we got involved with each other.

RationalMale · Answer

Men are much more okay with girl on girl sexuality because it doesn't go to the heart of female sexuality nearly as much as male on male sexuality.

Male on male sexuality much more attacks the basis of male sexuality that women are into. So They're a lot more disturbed by it.

Nagahime · Answer

If they don't really talk to them or interact with them anymore and are over them, then I don't see what the issue would be.

JustinTheGreat · Answer

Both me and my partner are both bisexual. So I’ve been with guys and girls before and I know he’s been with guys and girls before, and neither of us care

Cherry234 · Answer

I wouldn't care if he was with either guys or girls before me as long as he's faithful and committed to me. The past is the past. Everyone has one.

anylolone · Answer

Why should I care? I have an open relationship (more technically than practically now) she's been with both when we were together.
Gosh, like I could care?
The only time I thought about her fucking girls is when the girls thought it was 2 for the price of 1, not how it happens.

Anonymous · Answer

Wouldn’t care. I’ve dated bisexual/pansexual men and women. I’ve been with women and men so why would I care if my partner has been with both prior to meeting me?

lightbulb27 · Answer

Why can’t I post real pictures of the horrors of war on this site but that photo of males kissing is not considered offensive? What they do in privacy is not my concern.  Gag illness.

Finchie40 · Answer

It can make you have questions of concern if they will do it again and cheat on you

AviatorTom · Answer

Not a problem. I've been with women before I met my SO, or my ex-wife, so why should I expect they haven't known any men?

CaptainOverthink · Answer

Indifferent about it. It's an unrealistic standard to hold. As a straight man I try to not be unrealistic because it's hard as it is.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

I will have a serious problem with that. I only desire 100% straight women.

chulo1992 · Answer

I have been with women that were with women before and it was okay with me. I even had women that was with women WHILE they were with me and I even had women that shared women WITH me. I am okay with ALL OF THAT.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Everyone has a past, but dosen't matter. As long as they see me as their future that's all that counts

PinkMichae · Answer

It wouldn't bother me as I'd be a hypocrite since I've been with a few girls in the past myself.

PAcc92 · Answer

"I feel like a lot of people don’t have a problem with a woman being with a woman." I think this could have benefits lol, she might know how horrible dealing with Women can be.

May_Summers · Answer

I would have no problem if a girl was with a girl. But I would struggle accepting guy with a guy.

Wise4myage · Answer

I wouldn't feel anything, because its not something I can change.

tom_the_dating_snob · Answer

My girlfriend is bisexual and she previously dated a woman

msc545 · Answer

Would not care What they did before I knew them is of no concern to me.

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

I would make a Rock reference and then not care

Kayleysmith · Answer

I can't control what is in the past no more than they can control things I may or may not have did before

TadCurious · Answer

It doesn't bother me. I don't assume that her social life started when she met me.

sheikalana · Answer

I wouldn't feel anything. As long as he's loyal, faithful and honest to me while we're together I'm okay with that.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

I typically don’t date bisexuals, been there done that and it tends to be more drama than I want in my life.

Kabluie · Answer

Can be bi/pan and that's completely okay, might even open up more sexual adventures

Mossberg500 · Answer

Why does the topic have an image of faggots kissing. That's rather inconsiderate, when you're asking for opinions.

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Anonymous · Answer

Like, bisexual? Or in general?  Honestly I don’t know, I wouldn’t think much of it tbh I mean everyone has a past whether you’re gay straight bi …it’s nature so.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s okay with me, I’m bi myself so it doesn’t bother me

Anonymous · Answer

In spite of their allusions to gender equality, women have a hang up about men being with other men. They’re apparently less of a man when it comes to relationship potential.

ManHater · Answer

First of all I'm not gay, so I would never hook up with another man and if one tried to hit on me I would beat him to within an inch of his life.

Anonymous · Answer

Fine, as long as he is not too fascinated with anal I don't see any problem.

SlyderKmK · Answer

No woman would ever have to be concerned about this with me.

zagor · Answer

It wouldn't bother me, could have just been a stage of experimentation.

Anonymous · Answer

I would of been disgusted, if my girlfriend had scissored another girl before than I would of ended the relationship, can't risk getting STDs.

Anonymous · Answer

Men are basically gay. They’d just be with a woman cuz they maybe decide they want kids or whatever.

Sincerly_KittyCat · Answer

Turned off instantly...

Alexis_1996 · Answer

Doesn’t matter as long we’re committed to each other now. The past is the past.

Blonde401 · Answer

I’m bisexual. Wouldn’t care

In_Trance · Answer

I would expect this to be the case most of the time

Anonymous · Answer

Does that mean he’ll be cool with threessomes or no?

Asad1ONE1 · Answer

Your feelings are wrong. It depends on the person.

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