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Who expects these things? 😂 I guess some people really do? This sounds like a stupid way of thinking anyway, if a man is going to offer to pay for a date then that's his decision, he certainly shouldn't be expecting the woman to have sex with him in return. If he thinks this way he should just go and pay for a prostitute, at least that way sex is guaranteed.
But to also expect a man to pay for the date is very self entitled, of course some women may like it as it is a polite gesture, but people really need to stop with these ways of thinking.
But ultimately I don't think the two are the same, like someone else said, would men let women pay for dates if that woman then expected to be able to peg that guy later because she paid? That is just creepy as hell. Expecting to be paid for is very self entitled and rude, but expecting sex is just plain lecherous, this would send alarm bells ringing.
Expectations make dating more difficult Standardized clichés like these
You should date when you have deep feelings for each other and not to accomplish a mission that is in your mind.
The difference is that men are more driven and think about sex more often than women and women would love nice gestures such as paying for Dinner which is automatically a turn-on. Once we develop deep feelings for each other, high dopamin levels make is be nicer, happier, more lovely etc which causes gestures like paying for dinner or wanting to have sex
Personally, if I dated someone I'd split the bill instead.
To make it less different, I'd make it more balanced than one-sided
To me it's less about having sex and more about not feeling like you are paying for someones attention. Paying for the first couple dates is fine. But not splitting the bill after that does cause my feeling to shift. If a woman isn't ready to have sex by the 3rd date, we are going dutch. The same goes for every date after the 3rd. If she expects me to always pay for our dates I'm moving on. Because I'm not going to pay for the privilege of someones company.
Also pretty much everyone does have a job and a life outside of it. So we all can get busy and have to rearrange things to go out on a date. That pretty much comes with dating. So men and women can't use their job or life outside of it as a excuse to not have sex or go dutch from the third date onward.
This harbinges back to that old risque' maxim:
"If you're here after, what I'm here after... then hereafter WE're here after the SAME thing! "
A FIRST date is BOTH an interpersonal 'audition' for a privileged status in YOUR life and a
'getting to KNOW You' possibly leading to 'skills' testing hook-up.
DON'T like that expectation? Blame the prevailing culture's hypocritical paradigm...
and 'dress to impress' (YOUR physical resume') to engage HIS fantasy infatuation.
'Merchandizing... 'sells' YOUR unique brand and they who're are 'hired' to BECOME the "Beloved'
STEERS the relationship. ; )
Beware those who're ONLY there for the 'free samples'.
Good points. Since a first date is about getting to know each other to decide whether you want to pursue things further, it’s best for each party to pay for their own meal and to not force being intimate.
The last time I went on dates, I only paid for one woman’s meal on a first date, and every other time we each paid for our own. These were all women with professional jobs.
This act benefits women as they get to exercise both ends of the spectrum. "Men should pay on the first and subsequent dates" because it's chivalrous and he needs to show that he can make plans and spending money (resource commitment). On the other hand, "woman doesn't owe man sex on the first date or any date thereafter" because my body my choice. - This double standard benefits women so dont expect it to change, just like men shouldn't change any double standard that benefits them.
Vast majority of men don't expect sex on the first date not have any issue with being the one to foot the bill. Vast majority of men have only two requests. Firstly, that the venue of the date should not be too expensive, or if we do take you to an economical place, we are not judged and lost to the competition. And secondly that the genuine genuine intention of having sex should be there.
When I go on a date with a woman for the first time, we discuss paying for the date beforehand. Most all of the time, we go dutch (split the bill/pay for our own items) and this has worked out well. This helps me filter them from bullshit women who just want a free meal, and I get to see where their priorities are.
They have all ended up being women who didn't want me to pay for everything anyway, and in fact, liked spoiling me in the relationship as well as me spoiling them from time to time. Get you a woman who understands true equality.
My approach is the opposite. If she asks to split I pay everything if she don’t I ask for a split check from the waiter. This don’t go over well and my date didn’t bring her card once so I paid and left her after the fact. But if my date EVER sits in her fucking phone while I’m with her I’ll pay my half and walk out… fuck that bitch. A friend of mine had this happen once or twice… in a small town that’s a big deal.
@VanillaSalt I still enjoy the machismo display of paying for the meal, although for example in my last relationship they just plain wouldn't let me and would fight over it, then let me spoil them at home later ;)
I haven’t been on a date since I broke up with my chick… now I work overnight and don’t get this whole dating app shit lol
@VanillaSalt forget the dating apps man, in person by chance or through mutual friends/acquaintances is still the champion of dating in my opinion
Not for me I don’t have friends anymore. I went to school in a different state and I’ve worked heavy hours since high school. I work a graveyard shift 12 hrs a day 5-6 days a week right now. It was 6-7 days a week 3 years ago.
@VanillaSalt It's good that you're grinding, but don't over do it! Not only burnout, but your health and mental stability is at risk as well when it comes to overworking yourself, my friend. Take care, now.
Na I figured that shit out a long time ago… when you cut out all the bullshit caring about others suddenly everything gets so much easier lol. I did a 72hr shift between work errands and family and I could've kept going if it wasn’t for my bed being so damn comfortable when I found it lol
Functionally? Not really.
The man can want to pay and the woman want to have sex. That's fine.
The man can want to pay and the woman not want to have sex. That's fine.
The man can not want to pay and the woman want to have sex. That's fine.
The man can not want to pay and the woman not want to have sex. That's fine.
You shouldn't try to guilt or coerce your date into doing either one if they don't want to do it. A date doesn't have to cost money or lead to sex. What it probably should involve is figuring out if your date wants the same things you do in a relationship.
I don't expect sex, I'll pay but if I'm not feeling it I won't just keep taking them out. It's completely up to my descretion so I don't mind. I'm happy to pay for the first date just to take a girl out that I have an interest in. I don't need sex at all.
Dudes - if you can't afford to take a woman out for coffee, lunch, dinner or wherever you want to take her - THEN DON'T ASK HER OUT!!! It's that simple. It's not a "simp" thing to pick up the tab for a date YOU asked for. She's not obliged to offer you money OR give you sex. If that's your mindset, find a skank.
Too often I hear the excuse that "some women are just looking for a free meal". First of all, if you think she's doing that, why do you want to date her in the first place? Second, that's why you make the first date coffee or a drink and not an expensive meal.
It seems to me, at least here in G@G land, that men and women bitch about how difficult it is to find "decent partners", but they continue to pick the wrong ones to date over and over.
@loveslongnails "Too often I hear the excuse that "some women are just looking for a free meal""
- This is actually a reality, and I've gone out with a few women like this myself. A lot of these chicks will try to act like they're really interested in you or want something with you but are really looking for you to give them free stuff.
"First of all, if you think she's doing that, why do you want to date her in the first place?"
- Most guys don't think that until after they've had the experience. They're generally not going to go into it knowing she's just looking for free stuff.
"It seems to me, at least here in G@G land, that men and women bitch about how difficult it is to find "decent partners", but they continue to pick the wrong ones to date over and over."
- Again, this is acting as if people KNOW they're picking the wrong partners. Most don't. Most find out as time goes on that the other person is not what they thought. People can be really good at deceiving you in the beginning before you start seeing signs. However, I personally think women pick the wrong men and KNOW it more often than men pick the wrong women, because women have a god complex that they think they can change a wild man, or because they're honestly attracted to his badness even though they know it's wrong.
Thanks for your comments. I have to disagree on the "free meal" thing or free stuff. If you're a smart man, you ask a woman out for the first time for coffee, or lunch, or something that doesn't involve a lot of expense. Again, if you're smart, you should be able to see through any bullshit or pretense to get "free stuff" or be spoiled over the course of a single lunch conversation. I'm afraid that too many men are too stupid to recognize a honey trap, or simple greed disguised as interest. And they suffer from that because maybe the woman is really good looking, or hot, and they want her.
I agree no one should have such expectations. Talk about your wants if it is important to you and then go on dates with someone who shares the same values.
But there are clear differences between the cases here for. The man paying is an old conservative tradition. And those values often includes waiting with sex. So makes sense that the women who wants this also will expect sex to happen later.
Men expecting sex after paying for a date think like it is a service they pay for. The woman is a sugarbabe/prostitute in this case.
I think these two expectations reflect very different ideas and values.
I have never gone on a date with an expectation of sex.
Sex was unimportant to me, because I was auditioning women for the role of my wife.
The stories that I could tell about how fucked up women are, as a collective.
There was the girl who turned out to be a prostitute; the model who would be on a flight to Dubai the following week for a two-year contract as a harem wife; the girl who was bipolar AF who ended the date singing Broadway show tunes as she walked around the rim of the big fountain in the city square; and many more scammers and lunatics.
Believe me or dont Believe me. Idc.
I'm an old school type gentlemen when it comes to taking a woman on a date. I like opening car doors, pulling out chairs, etc. It's how I was raised. But in the bedroom, I'm into some of the most dirty fetishes you can think of. But I never expect sex from a woman just for going out on a date with me.. I mean what would that say about me as a human being. And yes, like I said, I'm an old school gentleman so Im always gonna offer to pay. I enjoy doing things like that. However, if the woman that I'm dating refuses and wants to pay for herself, who am I to say "No you're not allowed to do that." I'm very traditional but I also keep with the times. If we hit it off and she wants to have sex, I'm down. If not, that's ok because I don't go into a date thinking that sex is a guarantee. It's all about 2 things that are lost on many people these days. Morals and Ethics.
I can agree with that. Except that I'm somewhat old-fashioned too, but not right away and not with all women. Only ones I'm really a good vibe with.
It's 2022 not 1950s lol. And you are a 80-90s boy.
I'm aware of the year and when I grew up, smartass
So act like it. F the 50s. Leave that behind. Time to evolve.
If you get sex on the first date it's not a date, it's a hookup. If you go Dutch Treat on a date then there is no pressure to have sex.
You are so weird.
And you love it!
In the past 15 years I have been on dates with tons of different women. Not a single one ever expected me to pay for anything for her. This whole "the man has to pay" attitude is pretty much dead among young women these days, unless they come from some conservative culture maybe. Like seriousy, aside from outright conservative/traditionalist women (a type of people I don't care for anyway) I'd have to try reeeeeaaaally hard to find a woman that expects the man to pay on dates. So I don't know what the fuck you weird guys who complain about women nonstop are talking about. But whatever, I'll keep enjoying the amazing women I keep meeting :)
But hey, other than that I think that's a fair comparison you're making haha
This is why I like to split the bill... or even to pay for the date.
I've been on dates where the guy is very adamant about paying for the date... and I dont want to fight, so I cave. But then later some of them hold that over my head and say "oh I paid for dinner... but you could provide dessert..."
x ( ... so gross...
I've been on dates plenty of times & not once have I expected sex towards the end of the date little alone a kiss. If she's okay with a kiss towards the end,... I'm fine with that. If she does desire sex towards the end,... I'm okay with that as well. Personally I wouldn't mind a romantic relationship with her after all these dates. Kissing is nice, sex is always nice, but I'm pretty sure a romantic relationship is the center key goal while you are on a date. That's the purpose of going on a date to begin with.
It’s not the same at all
I prefer I pay for my things but when a man truly wants to pay himself here is a huge difference.. he simply wants to be a gentleman , I can let him pay. But then I pay next time and so on..
It matters a lot how a men is raised. Because when a men pays with the idea I’ll get sex later than he is raised wrong and he won’t get that unless the women is a hoe well than that’s a different topic too
I dont know any woman who expect from men to pay. I also think just because you pay, it does not mean she owns you sex. If you expect that from a woman, then go to a prostitute instead of dating anyone dince this is not the point of dating. I also dont expect from men to be my little slave just because i buy gifts or pay for dates. Like wtf
Do people also know how dangerous it is to have sex on the first date since he/she is literally a stranger? Why tf would you habe sex with a stranger? So why tf would you expect from a woman to have sex with stranger just because he paid her food?
Like what if he makes you want to do things you dont want aka rapes you, or infects you with stds and vica versa
To be honest whoever expects sex for literally giving food someone is a narcist. It is just food. Get over it. i give random men food because they were hungry but i did not expect something in return. wtf
Tbh whoever expects sex for giving somebody food... ***
The difference is it is very easy for women to demand money from men and it is socially acceptable to do so. If a man demands sex in return then he is a monster.
Also a true point.