What would you say to them? Would you avoid them? Act as uninterested as possible in what they have to say so that they can get the hint? How would you address them? Do these people not know they're unattractive?
So there's a client I assist with who has two male cousins (not real names ) "frank" . Frank is interested in me, unattractive, unhealthy, doesn't fix himself up, acts like a 5 year old , has no friends, no money , and continues to try and be around me on the job to talk. Im not interested in anything he has to say. I keep it brief so that he can go away but he's just a pest who doesn't understand social cues because he has no friends.
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+1 y
@wonderbell99 not my problem🤷🏽♀️
Would it annoy you if someone unattractive liked you? In addition, despite your social cues of not being interested try being around you at work?
No, I don’t because they are entitled to like whoever they want and I have the right to say no. I don’t mind that they find me attractive, even if I don’t feel the same way as long as they are not being hostile when they are rejected. Unfortunately, many of them don’t handle it well. It makes me so upset that I work so hard to look good at the age of 33, and some of them just think they can come and approach, then expect a yes when they don’t even put effort to look good themselves. They are either overweight, live with their parents still, or broke. I don’t get them. Many complain about being single, but they go and approach fit women with a good job, who owns a condo and has a car. Super entitled, yet call us gold digger if we demand the same thing xD.
Omg yes. Happened to me at my last job. Told this dude I was uninterested. The next day I saw him wheeling his bike out of our job. I’m thinking to myself how the hell were you gonna take me out in the first place… then he starts saying I shouldn’t think less of him and he “pay all his bills” the point is he was ugly.. no car.. and too persistent. He was so desperate he even asked me if I had any home girls that would be willing to hit him up. I get offended when someone ugly hits on me because you really feel confident enough to think you can pull me..
Technically your not beautiful and attractive. Call others ugly is not a good idea. You can politely tell him that your open at the moment. And wish him a good luck.
@XhmadRooz I’m most definitely beautiful and I never called him ugly but he is and he’s a creep who couldn’t take no for answer. Totally forgot to mention he followed me to my car and followed me from the front of the store through the back and all the way around. He doesn’t deserve luck. That’s why he got fired cause he’s a creep who hits on anything with a pussy cause he’s so desperate.
@xhmadrooz dude get over it. If he's ugly and broke why should anyone settle for him? We are not obligated to settle for a broke ugly man stop pushing yourselves on us
Girl!! I'm very offended too. Like this dude is literally the same way. No car, obese, doesn't fix himself, broke. Like bruh where do u get the audacity? Dude did the same to me walk me out to my car like bro wtf go away. After telling him u were uninterested did it work?
There are two types of men, One is broke but act like rich. One rich and act like a broke. People deal with 20 things and it's not good to give bad feeling to someone.
No ! He continued to harass me until I quit. He got fired after I quit because he was harassing every girl he could find. He gave the same sob story “I just moved here from Philadelphia I’m looking for a friend” he was crazy. He was weird af. Be careful cause some guys like him can’t take no for an answer. I even told him he was making me uncomfortable and he act confused… that was after he followed me to my car and I didn’t even see him behind me. That’s the scary part. I got off night and I’d leave alone.
I think its different for men than women... and it varies drastically on how unattractive they are. I am not bother by unattractive people being attracted to or liking me... because as an attractive person I expect them to, and honestly lets be honest we like it on some level. As I have gotten old it happens less and less, but I still do well enough.
Now if we are just talking sex, and not relationship... well it depends on how unattractive they are and how available they are and where I am at the moment. If I am in between relationships then some sex is better than no sex... but I got standards.
When I say unattractive when referring to this guy he doesn't comb his hair, he doesn't fix himself up very sloppy dressed, overweight, doesn't have a car nor his own place, a mommas boy, acts like a 5 year old, has no friends, nothing stands our. He has no shame in having a dead end job and has no aspirations to become anything better. What on God's green earth would make this man think he even had a chance with me? I'm embarrassed
Well, like I said as an attractive person I would not be annoyed if they like me, because I would expect them to like me. I am an attractive, charming guy, that goes out of my way to be nice and courteous to even one I met. '
Now if the question was what on earth makes unattractive people think they would have a chance with you... then I would of answered differently. But at the end of the day you need to be direct with some people and tell them that you don't really appreciate the attention and tell him to knock it off because there is no chance.
Im going to have to be direct with him because he doesn't get social cues. for example, He complained to his cousin ," you always have your door closed and shut me out." His cousin replied, "maybe it's because I don't want to talk to you."
It can get annoying sometimes but it's kinda nice because she comes in every day and gives me a big hug and spews positivity all over me and I can tell she gets a confidence boost having someone she feels comfortable flirting with.
Sometimes she'll touch my arm and it just makes me think of all the times when I was in highschool and didn't have a lot of self confidence because I had horrible acne and was round. I'm not attracted to her but she's just trying to have some of her needs met. Everyone needs affection.
I pride myself on making it extremely clear that I do not date people from work. That usually shuts any potential situations like presented in the question down. In the off chance one seems insistent that, " they could be the one to break this rule" I would simply tell them that their behavior is making me uncomfortable which usually sends a shiver down their spine because they know if they persist with the same behavior then HR is going to be involved and who in their right mind would want a tag of "sexual harasser" or anything akin to it on their back at work.
Focus on the job and do what you've been doing, one line phrases to make a conversation harder to keep going. You could also be more direct and just say, I'm not interested in getting to know you better, I'm here to do a job.
He will probably take that poorly but he may also take it good and leave you alone.
I have learned, hints don't work very well so I tend to have to be more direct. I've even been known to say things like, "Your a nice guy and all, and it would be fun to go out but I'll need to see if my boyfriend is okay with that." I know its a jerk move but it gets him to leave me alone.
"Would it annoy you if someone unattractive liked you?"
In and of itself, no. It doesn't annoy me. If someone hits on me once or twice but then realizes I'm not interested and respects that boundary, I do not get offended or upset. The same forces of evolution that shaped my attraction to certain people are at work with everyone. People who don't understand this are kind of ignorant. Ugly people don't find other ugly people any more attractive than you or I.
When someone I am not attracted to doesn't respect me boundaries, then yes, I am offended. But respecting boundaries and being unattractive and hitting on someone are two different questions.
In times past, I was direct and polite. I made it abundantly clear that I don't date someone I work with, or in the cases when I didn't work with her, I said no thank you. I don't feel that way about you. I didn't send signals or drop hints. I told them no in unambiguous terms.
Well, since it is work related - all you can do is be professional, set up boundaries and be assertive about those boundaries in a professional matter.
That this man is unattractive to you - doesn't matter. Even if you were super interested in him & he was a catch - you'd have to do the same as now. He's not a part of your private life but your professional life.
It can be annoying if persistent. Rarely reaches that point for me though as I'm rather direct and very blunt with true. I just firmly but not rudely explain my feelings and set boundaries. Sometimes they persist further but when that happens I escalate
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
I’ve been in the same situation time and time again. I even quit a job once due to that. I almost started taking it as bullying.
You have to either tell them your a lesbo. Tell them that you have a man. Tell them that like someone else even tho you don’t. Dont make eye contact. Cut him off quick. Make is obvious that you’re annoyed and tell him that you can’t be talking to him because rules.
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
I personally think that whoever wrote that comment should just go to the guy and be straight with him and be nice and tell him the way it is. I mean don't knock the guy down any farther than he already is, just tell him you are concentrating on your work now and really have no time for socializing but thank you for your interest anyway...
If someone that I don't feel attracted to (doesn't necessarily have to be ugly) shows interest in me to the point I can't ignore it I straight up ask them to tell me what's up with their behavior. And then just politely reject.
Try to reject as nicely as possible. Girls have a bad time taking hints though in my experience. I could say I have a girlfriend and they respond, "I don't mind." WTF.
It's not as common for me to get into this situation that I've developed such a callous way. I can count the times it has happened to me on probably just my fingers. I imagine for women that it's so much tougher to stay nice. I was able to stay nice because it's rare for me.
So I told those things like how they'd make such a nice girlfriend to a guy who isn't taken, things like that. I had one who ghosted me in person though! I was trying to tell her nice things and she turned away and pretended like I didn't exist. Then I asked her if she was okay and no response! WTF! I was right next to her and she acted like she didn't hear anything I said even though I was telling her she's lovely and would make a great girl for a guy who isn't taken.
Dude yes. I hate when men that im not interested in, hit on me. I hate when any man hits on me honestly. But it’s always the ugly ones unfortunately that try to get with me.
no as long as they respect the boundaries and the fact that I am not reciprocating the interest. once they get pushy or naggy or whiny, the inner bitch will be unleashed and they’ll stop liking me instantly lol
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
Yes I hate when people try to set me up without telling me. If I refuse I'm suddenly the bad because to them I don't have a choice. If they keep hounding me multiple times to date a girl, I agree to meet then drop her off in middle of nowhere at night and just go home
I don't know what part of "I already have a girlfriend" they don't understand, the only name I call my aunt and other matchmakers is cheater now because they clearly support it
For my situation what would u suggest? My client is his cousin. They live in the same space. I text on my phone when he talks , look at the TV, do stuff so that I don't have to respond to him and act extremely busy. It's like dude doesn't get it
🤣 hopefully he will get it but it doesn't seem like he's the type to get social cues or ge either doesn't want to accept the fact that no one likes him. For example, He complained to his cousin ," you always have your door closed and shut me out." His cousin replied, "maybe it's because I don't want to talk to you."
I know this sounds unlikely, however, I think you have a Narcissist on your hands They like: -Attention, whether negative or positive. -Walk around in some sort of unreality that is. They can relive something over-over again and get the fix they need until next Attention Received moment. “Good Times”
Once you gray stone them for awhile then they will leave you alone. Look at him and Go gray/dead 😶. If he continues to monopolize your time during gray 🪨 THEN walk away regular-like…on when you are ready. -Show no emotion emit no energy 🪨
I agree someone else said the samething and that he's not mentally developed he's still mentally in elementary school. He always needs attention. His cousin gets all the attention it makes him angry and he ask, " why does everyone like justin! why? " Justin is the cousin who is attractive, funny, and chill as hell. I talk to him but not frank. But aren't narcissist usually attractive? Frank isn't attractive at all
Damn, smacked with the 🚼 ugly stick and Emotion Quotient of a 12 years old. Yippie, you get all the fun. Unless you leave his space, he wins. I hope you’re not Boss…. if so, you are stuck like a squirrel 🐿 in a trap 🪤 .
For sure as Narcissist do NO wrong and are superior in their inferiority. They can be violent.-There’s evidence of a continuum as it is often attached to Sociopath or Psychopath. I don’t have room to break it down. Do a S vs P Search…interpret BUT do NOT watch unless you want…. 💡 —I have your weekend assignment so that you will be prepared for Monday Work with your BestUs friend: —Friday: Silence of The Lambs —Saturday: Hannibal —Sunday: Red Dragon
Sample:Hannibal Lector to Clarice: First principles, Clarice. Simplicity. Read Marcus Aurelius. Of each particular thing, ask: what is it in itself? What is its Nature? What does he do, this man you seek? Best training materials on such a short notice that I know 🙃
I do that and the individual finds a way to be in my space. I get the client is there loved one but dude get away. How would you address them? I literally look through my phone, text, stare at the TV while they talk, not laugh at their jokes, and act like they're not there yet still he don't get it.
Nobody wants to be bothered with him. He has no friends. His cousin keeps his door locked with a stay away sign in bold letters. Frank says," why do you shut me out your door always closed. " his cousin says, " maybe I don't want to talk to you."
this one time this girl I wasn't into followed me online but when she became crazy ab it and made burners after removing her then it really annoyed me.
If they are blatantly ugly and fat. It's mainly because I never had a girlfriend and I want my first one to be thicc and skinny and attractive... preferably white or Latina
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