How do you gain your confidence back after being cheated on?

Question

Confident in your looks, your personality, being worthy of love etc.  No this isn’t a personal question! :)

HighlyVolatile · Accepted Answer

The way I look at confidence is overcoming fear of failure or any sort of undesirable result. I think there's some truth and wisdom to the idea that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, but only if we become less afraid through the experience rather than more afraid. If surviving the experience makes you less afraid of experiencing it a second time, you have become stronger. If it makes you more afraid than ever after, then it has made you weaker (ex: someone who develops serious trust issues after a few betrayals).

Life's a gamble as I see it. Outcomes aren't guaranteed. You can do all the right things and still get punished, and some people even get rewarded in the short run for doing the wrong things. But a Poker can't expect to win in the long run playing scared since they'll fold their chips every time they're confronted by a big bet. The way to pretty much guarantee a long-term loss is to play scared.

So don't be scared is my suggestion: easier said than done but you've experienced this now, and you've probably learned some things that will reduce your probability of facing a repeat. Yet don't conflate the accumulation of fear with learning.

Telekinetic-Potato · Accepted Answer

If that happens to you, you just need to accept that no matter what that person says, no matter how bad it looks, that person saw value in you and they either cheated because that person is a hoe or because you weren't COMPATIBLE with them.

It's not on you that you got cheated on. They thought you were sexy enough to get into a position where they could cheat on you. You have things to offer and that person didn't appreciate it so why would you give a fuck about someone who doesn't respect you or has no ability to be loyal to you.

These people don't want to accept how shallow they are so they take pleasure in your broken heart because it makes them feel valuable. The best revenge in this case is to literally move on and not take it personally. That person simply wasn't matched with your energy and has their own issues to work out.

You are attractive, you have value, someone got emotional over you enough to even be in that situation in the first place, so you have charm too. Don't listen to them say anything else, let the next one help you grow.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I haven’t been cheated on. But I know what like to not feel good enough because of social media with all the models and porn stars it can knock your confidence. Am in a relationship a good one. But when one lied to you about somthing. It’s hard to gain that trust back. Your watching your back all the time looking at there phone your head goes in a cycle of turmoil. You try to break it and even if it a small thing the pain of shock in your stomach feeling of dread comes back. You start accusing the person of doing things with no hard evidence afterwards even if you thought you saw something. Am currently breaking this cycle trying to learn to trust again with my partner on his phone. It’s not easy but if he listens to you and your boundaries and actually get therapy you can get through this. If you feel you can’t then would for the sake of your sanity and peace in your head leave the person your with. Recommended therapy for anxiety.

skyeee_ · Accepted Answer

(i may be in no position to say this as i have never dated but here it is)
when u get cheated on, you get to know how much of a piece of shit that partner of yours was and that they dont deserve you. you really dont have to feel bad for losing someone who never actually cared about you. i know that this is easier said than done and it takes a lot of time to move on when you truly loved them BUT dont ruin yourself over that one person and keep blooming because one day you WILL find them, infact, pamper yourself because you deserve it for being able to tolerate the bs

Account · Answer

You need to persuade yourself that it has nothing to do with you, but it has everything to do with them

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

It's a long uphill battle, and some of the emotional scar tissue is permanent. It helped me to introspect over the events that led up to and followed the cheating, but ultimately there was no closure from looking at the past. In fact there's no closure at all. Life keeps on going regardless of whether or not someone is "over" past events. So I eventually made a decision to just let it go, regardless of the lack of closure. I made a choice to assume the best from women until 'proven otherwise'. It's easy to be bitter and say "oh women are all the same coz of hypergamy" or whatever. It's much harder to assume that people can be fundamentally good. So to answer your question, I don't really see it as a matter of getting confidence back, I see it as just a choice I make about how I view the world. If people see the world as a hostile place, they'll see hostility behind even the most benign words and actions. If people see the world as a good place, they'll see the good even in the words and actions that seem the ugliest.

Finchie40 · Answer

You actually don’t , being cheated on changes your whole way of looking at things and feeling completely at ease like you use to , Me personally never had feelings of insecurities until I got cheated on by a girl I gave my all to , the thing is you can bottle up and bury those feelings as much as you can but it will always haunt you from time to time , when something triggers it , to make those buried feelings arise causing insecurities to take the best of you , It’s harder for me to trust and to feel at ease

HD1450 · Answer

Put it behind you and move on, life is too short to be worrying about that for months and months I know it's a very hard thing to do but if I could do it anybody can do it. Just find something that takes your mind away from all of it and do NOT sit around by yourself because all you will do is think about it: what should I have done different what shouldn't I have done you will drive yourself nuts, personally I got myself into weightlifting and did it for quite a while and I ended up being in the best shape of my life...

ohshee · Answer

First of all you have to understand think I went after you he became a boyfriend because and who you are on the inside which is a very beautiful person I would say that you look absolutely beautiful on the outside and he cheated on you because he was being selfish it wasn't because of your looks or anything like that he cheated on you because he's a cheater he's a liar and a cheater and he thought he could get away with it it has nothing to do with you it was all about him that's why he did it if it was going to be about you he would have never done it sit down with a piece of paper and a pen and write down all the things that you love about yourself because you have to love yourself before you can love anybody else or anybody else will love you so that's how you get your confidence back just do the right thing for you

nawtee_me · Answer

Being cheated on is not about you. You did not make him cheat. That was his decision to that. It is all on him. Even the most beautiful woman can be cheated on. It is not about looks. It is about being selfish and self centered.
That is one of the biggest things in a relationship. Not that something will go wrong but when something goes wrong people want to blame themselves for it. Usually when someone is blaming themself they are not the one who is at fault. They think they could have stopped it if only….. but it is not on them. It is the one who cheated that is at fault.

jshm2 · Answer

It's not a confidence issue.

They chose to cheat, not you.

Obviously if you were a control freak, bitch, psycho, etc then that's a different thing as you won't change. But cheating is their problem, you only need to ensure there is minimal social and financial damage to you.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

When it happened to me (I was a teenager) I was devastated BUT I wasn't about to let anyone see what I was feeling inside. I was confident before it happened, and just as confident after because I forced myself to be.
My logic was, it wasn't my fault , so why should I have to suffer?
If anything I became more confident because of it.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

I would probably remind myself, I am one of the rare girls whose boyfriend loved her, waited for her, stayed loyal to her and called her daily for 2 years wothout seeing her after they were put in a forced long distance relationship.

Not many guys would do this and especially they wouldn’t do this for just any girl.

So, I’d try to feel proud instead that he lasted so long.

CubsterShura · Answer

Have a support system of family and friends who will remind and reassure you of your worth. Go out and talk to new people, get to know more men, even men you wouldn't normally be open to dating. I've been cheated on more than once and that's how I remain confident in dating!

loveslongnails · Answer

Back when I was younger and got involved in "monogamous" dating and relationships, I didn't EVER lose confidence in myself if a girl cheated on me. Her problem, not mine. Then I stopped being in those kinds of relationships and only got into open ones, so "cheating" is never a problem. The only way to cheat in an open relationship is to try and hide other sexual activity or attractions, and there's never a reason to do that.

JamesDiaz11 · Answer

For a girl it should be easy, men will cheat if they have the opportunity and are bored (which will always happen after 2 or three years into a relationship. He's not saying he doesn't love you, or that you're not attractive, he's just seeking something new- a fun distraction.

For guys, I don't know- no experience.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

I'll never lose it to gain it back, a cheater is a cheater now matter how you will treat them or no matter how good you look to them, they just can't get enough from 1 person...

If you got cheated on, it doesn't mean that you were the reason, in contrary the problem is found in him because he's simply a cheater and just wanted to have some fun...

lucas262 · Answer

My confidence in people is what would be damaged. If i know I didn't do anything wrong or anything to encourage cheating or places her in a position to be tempted. Part of me is gonna think I'm the problem, but reality is ik I did my part and they could have just said they wanted out and left. Like you know. An adult.

DaveJord · Answer

If your secure and confident person to begin with then getting cheated on doesn't change that. So if you are insecure or lacking in confidence to begin with then it really has nothing to do with being cheated on or not.

lightbulb27 · Answer

finding lessons of value in it where you grow personally, facing the challenge with courage and building incremental steps to get to a better place emotionally. Learning to trust your gut and heal your inner wounds.

sensible27 · Answer

You might have to address what the problem really is. Is it your belief in people.. in if you are "hard to love" You can define confidence as certainity or redundancy.

Radicalash · Answer

Go to the gym, eat healty and do things you enjoy. One day you will run into your ex and laugh at them on the inside. Always make me feel great at least 🤷‍♂️😆

boobliker · Answer

just get back on the house and ride it's the only way all men will cheat if they think they can get a way with it and they need sex, my daughter told me she will keep her man's cock dry so he has nothing to give and she's had a stolen man for a long long time now so i think it works never say no to sex with your man,,,

RealMarek · Answer

Sometimes having a trusted friend to discuss it with helps. Taking time to heal is good too. I’m not a fan of getting into rebound relationships to rebuild confidence. It rarely works.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

This hasn’t really happened to me, but I tend to withdraw and figure things out by myself. I assume I would probably do the same. Stay single for awhile and focus on myself.

Jersey2 · Answer

I don’t think it is a confidence thing. It happened, F them, I’m moving on quickly. They are in the rear view mirror and my life goes on. My next though would be “and now to get some pussy”.

Anonymous · Answer

find people/friends who you get along with and where you can give each other validation. Focus on such relations and avoid people where it does not work like this.

Xhuy_006 · Answer

Shoot me a dm with ya insta handle if ya want and I'll see what I can do to fix that problem 😉

zyxacb · Answer

By having SELF-confidence - my confidence isn't measured on others' validation (rejection or approval), but a core inner knowing of my worth regardless circumstance.

slimshady59 · Answer

It's quite hard at times to gain back confidence if your a guy sometimes you keep asking yourself what did I do wrong. am I not fulfulfilng enough in bed. why is he much better than I.

UniquelyBasic · Answer

First is to come to terms with the fact youve been cheated on and not deny it.

cookiecrusher · Answer

Cheaters are just scum and selfish. Nothing to do with their partner. All i would think is how the F did i pick that? 🤔

Darine123 · Answer

Go on a date with a new guys and don’t get back with that piece of shit

gabby100 · Answer

Dont take the cheating as a personal insult. He just want sex with someone else..

scott04sa22 · Answer

cook a lot of food. sound crazy i know but it help keep the mind busy and help boosts the confidence.

little_rose · Answer

You dissociate the cheating experience from your personality and who you are.

Yourservicemam · Answer

Lost my confidence in the Relationship  So focused on having Meaningful Realitionships That have substance…

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

I dunno. As far as I know, I've never been cheated on. Well in the way this question was asked..

Zolly99999 · Answer

I go out and have a couple of random hookups right away. . that usually makes me feel better.

Waldoe · Answer

If you were cheated on... then the cheater is the one with "Issues" not yuo

2021biguy · Answer

If you get cheated on it's the other person that is the rotten one not you.

Twalli · Answer

It's not a problem with you, it's a problem with them

Anonymous · Answer

You shouldn't lose your confidence because someone else has no feelings and cheats. You're the good one, and they are the bad one.

Jouth · Answer

Just be awesome. Keep working out and improving at things

Jltakk · Answer

I would need confidence and a partner to lose in the first place

Tstrbrainer · Answer

Cheating doesn't always mean that spouse who got cheated on is unworthy

Blaine999 · Answer

I was never confident in any of those to begin with lol

Anonymous · Answer

No joke, I fucked all his best friends.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes you do, but only if you take the correct actions to heal.

Anonymous · Answer

I didn’t I am permanently broken

jasco · Answer

Just realize that it is what it is and move on

joeldalton · Answer

Fuck his dad.

SignedAutographs · Answer

Do things that make you happy

driven159 · Answer

No just kick her ass out first then move on

Anonymous · Answer

Do you think his cheating was about you? Or him?

JesseJayNeak · Answer

By emptying your mind and starting working out

Xtendable · Answer

Look for the positives

Flower7 · Answer

I wish I knew!

jimmy2 · Answer

Only through forgiveness

Beta_incel · Answer

I never have confidence

Temha68 · Answer

Fous on yourself and o what you love

Anonymous · Answer

I also forgive him and I woul d cheating on him

michael1469 · Answer

A rebound

RandomGuy1030 · Answer

You just live

How do you gain your confidence back after being cheated on?

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How do you regain your confidence after getting cheated on?

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How do you regain your confidence after getting cheated on?

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