How do you regain your confidence after getting cheated on?

[Anonymous]

After I found out that my man has been cheating on me, my confidence and self value have plummeted. I feel worthless and like I’m never good enough. He made me feel like I’m second best (to his ex that he cheated on me with). I’ve been trying to move on and heal but I’m struggling to see my self worth. I don’t have any friends that I can hang out with bcs they’ve all moved out of town, and me being an introvert find it hard to make new friends… Right now, I’m definitely trying to focus on work and being kind to myself. I know I shouldn’t tie my self worth to his actions - him cheating had nothing to do with me (he even admitted it). But I just can’t help it… I hate how he’s making me question whether or not I’m good enough :(

[MisterWack]

Build your self confidence by doing the things that make you happy with the people that love & appreciate you the most in this world. When life drags you down, pull yourself up with smiles!

Go to the mall with your friends, watch a comedy special you love with your family, paint a picture, do photography, listen to music, play your favorite game, etc. Do whatever makes you happy and brings out the best in you also keep busy. You’ll mend that self confidence in no time by not focusing on it and by not letting it take control of you.

[Asker]

I have been doing things to make myself feel more confident, like getting my hair and nails done, trying out a new style, etc. I just can’t help but to compare myself to the girl he cheated with. I don’t have respect for her bcs she came on to him even when she was aware that he was already in a relationship, and I’m actually more attractive than her plus I work out a lot whereas she’s almost 40…

I’ve been telling myself not to blame the girl but I do have resentment towards her… Maybe I just need to let myself feel angry

[MisterWack]

Well just think of it like this, she didn’t steal your bf… Your boyfriend was always going to cheat on you and maybe he’ll cheat on her too which will give her the feelings deep inside that you feel.

Also I don’t look at these things with “attraction”, I see it as character. You are kind, nice, wonderful, and would make any man lucky, just not this awful man. Real men like girls who are kind, nice, wonderful, etc. beyond just looks. If he judged you on looks and left, that tells me more about his character than yours.
Please don’t let it get to you and continue doing the things that make you happy, please stop paying mind to that idiot’s “gf” and let it go.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for this. I’ve learned to realize my worth and it’s not my fault that he couldn’t appreciate it. I know I can do better and I will. Hope you have a good one!

[MisterWack]

You too!

[HawkPerception]

Just try and understand that someone being a shitty person to do does not reflect YOUR character. Just because shit is tossed at you, doesn't mean you should turn into shit and be tossed yourself. I know that was a terrible analogy, but I tried 😂

Take pride in the fact that you would never stoop as low as someone that does cheat. You're part of the better percentage of the population. There are shitty guys and girls out there, but just continue being a good person. Who knows... maybe karma will serve them (bad in their case) and serve you as well (good in your case).

[Asker]

You’re right! Just bcs I got shit tossed at me doesn’t make me a shitty person, rather it makes me the shit lol

I do feel a sense of pride bcs I would never hurt the person I love that way so hopefully I’ll find someone else that would cherish me the way I’d cherish them

[HawkPerception]

Atta girl! That's what I like to hear! Keep your head up and stay strong. There's a whole lot of shit to filter through out there, but somewhere in the dump, there's a treasure for you 😁

[Asker]

It’s much easier said than done, I’ve been preaching it but can’t actually do it in practice yet lol

I’ve actually been working on reconciliation, he seems genuine in trying to make this work and has been putting in a lot of effort. I’m guarded but I’m gonna put my heart on the line again one more time…

[HawkPerception]

Don't say one more time. It's okay to make mistakes on your journey of finding real love. It does exist out there. There are genuine people. And if you create an emotional barrier and stack it higher each time you have a heart break you make it much harder for someone that's actually a decent person to get to know you and potentially become your lover.

It's important to be wary of certain behaviours in people and look for red flags, but don't be afraid to open your heart to new people. There's a reason there's a saying "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."

It's because a life where you have love is always better than one without.

[Asker]

I’m definitely not opposed to opening up my heart again. His mistake won’t dictate other people’s behavior so I’m trying to stay as open as I can. I’m just currently hurting so I’m a bit scared to open up again, I’m very aware of this tho which is why I’m trying my hardest to fight my instinct of building up walls around my heart.

[HawkPerception]

Well I'm rooting for ya 😊

[Asker]

Thank you, and I hope something awesome happens to you today!!

[DishLady]

It’s really hard, actually, and takes time. Just try to stay strong and remember it was the other person’s choice, not necessarily anything you did or didn’t do. Ultimately confidence returns. (Try not to be bitter about it.)

[Asker]

I’m still working on it 😔 but granted it’s only been less than a month since I found out that he was cheating on me so I might have to give myself some more time to grief and eventually move on

[DishLady]

Give yourself some grace also. Every morning for the next few weeks think of a good quality you have and just focus on improving that quality for the day till you feel your confidence building up.

For example, if you sing or play an instrument, focus on that for the day. Practice your favorite song (s) till you’ve lifted your spirits up a bit.

It’s actually easier to get over a cheater than it is to get over an emotionally unavailable guy bc with the cheater you know things fell apart bc of the cheater’s choices. Remember that… it helps.

[Asker]

This is such great advice. I’ve been waking up sad every morning but I need to shift my mindset and start starting the day with a positive thought. Thank you so much for this, you’re lovely xx

[Nikki1989]

Sadly, cheating is a part of life and most people will have to deal with at some point. You just have to be strong, know your self-worth and move on.

[Asker]

Yes 😔 It sucks how every single person seems to have gone through this at least once in their life…

[AI Opinion]

Oh, darling, first off, let's straighten that crown! Being cheated on can feel like a cold splash of reality on what we thought was a warm, sunny day. But here's the thing, his actions, his wandering ways have nothing to do with your worth. You're not just good enough; you're too good, which might have been too much for him to handle. 💫

Now, how do we get that sparkle back in your eye? Start with small acts of love towards yourself. You're diving into work and that's great, but let's add a pinch of fun. Try something new that's just for you - a dance class, an art workshop, or maybe just a fancy coffee in a café you've never been to.

Engage in self-reflection, but in a kind way. Write down what you love about yourself, and when you start doubting, pull out that list and read it out loud. Your value isn't defined by someone's inability to see it.

And about making new friends, sweetie, start online! There are so many communities and forums where you can express yourself and connect with people without the pressure of in-person interactions. Being an introvert means you might enjoy deeper, more meaningful conversations, and there are plenty of folks online looking for the same.

Remember, moving on and healing isn't linear. Some days you'll feel on top of the world, and other days the couch will feel like quicksand. That's okay. You've got this, and on those days you're doubting, remember, it's his loss, not yours. 🌈💖 Keep sprinkling that kindness on yourself; you deserve it.

[Asker]

Thank you Brad 🥺❤️ I needed to hear this, you’re an awesome AI lol

[OlderAndWiser]

So you believe that there are women good enough that NO man would ever cheat on them. . . EVER?

[Asker]

Well I don’t think anyone is safe from getting cheated on. Even Beyonce got cheated on lol I’m aware that cheating has nothing to do with the partner (most of the time), it has all to do with the cheater themself but I just can’t help but to question what I did wrong to cause him to cheat on me…

He did explain that it had nothing to do with me, rather it was him wanting to get something from his ex (his dog). His ex refused to let him see his dog unless he goes out for lunch with her and consider getting back together with her…

[OlderAndWiser]

His "explanation" is rather weak. The truth is that he wanted to poke her, she was available, and the fact that he was cheating added to the thrill of it.

So you believe that when others get cheated on, it isn't because of something they did, but when you got cheated on, it was your fault?

[Asker]

He showed me all of their texts and it was actually her that “poked” him. He responded (first mistake) and it snowballed. But anyway, he messed up and I’m not here for it.

Oh you’re right… I don't know why I’m blaming myself… I know I’ve been a caring and supportive girlfriend, I know that I satisfy him in bed, I know I deserve better and I know he’ll never find anyone else like me. I guess I’m just sad that he took all that for granted thinking the grass was still greener on the other side. But at the end of the day there’s nothing I could do to make him see my worth.

[OlderAndWiser]

Maybe what's really bothering you is. . . disappointment with yourself for having misjudged his character and commitment to you. I've been in this position and remember feeling devastated because I thought my judgment was so infallible and, obviously, I had absolutely failed to discern the trouble that was in my relationship.

[Asker]

Yes! Thank you for putting my thoughts into words… I did tell him that I never expected a man like him (at his age even) to still be playing childish games like this. I expected better out of him and I feel foolish for thinking so highly of himself… We did have a genuine and calm talk about what caused him to cheat and he said it was bcs he felt I was too good for him to the point where he felt intimidated. I’m still left confused and hurt tho 😅

[OlderAndWiser]

The lesson I learned was that my judgment is fairly good, and I should certainly rely on it, but I should also always be mindful that I may have misjudged my partner.

[Asker]

A hard lesson to come to terms to…

[OlderAndWiser]

Indeed!

[Asker]

Thanks for sharing your wisdom, username checks out!

[OlderAndWiser]

Be observant and live long enough and you should accumulate at least a little bit of wisdom! Glad to help.

[coachTanthony]

You get a good therapist and work it out.

[Asker]

I actually tried group therapy and it has done wonders!

[Jove79]

Time will heal. It might take months or even years. In the meantime just be the best version of yourself. Work out and experiment with different styles of clothing and looks etc.. this will help boost confidence by seeing the improvements and cool changes. When things start to calm down, don’t hesitate to give a guy a chance to go on a date. The BEST way to get over a break up is to suffer, heal and move on. There’s a person right around the corner who would treat you 1000% better. Just put yourself out there

[Asker]

Thank you for this! I did get my hair and nails done. Still working out as usual but I just haven’t been eating so I’m losing my weight and losing my curves 😬 (down to only 95 lbs now… back to square one). Definitely gonna give myself time to feel hurt, angry and cry it out. I’ll get back on my feet hopefully sooner than later

[nawtee_me]

First you need to look at the situation for what it is. And fist and foremost it is “Not” about you! Did you cheat? Then it is not about you… It is about a guy that cheated on you and the fault and blame is all on him, not you…. It is his loss and not yours that he cheated. He is loosing you and you are getting rid of him not loosing him. Or should be anyway.
Why take blame for something someone else did and you had no say so in the matter? Why give that much control to someone else? Why allow a cheater to control how you feel? You did nothing wrong and yet you take the blame and give all control over you to the real one who is at fault.
This should be a confidence builder for you because you are better than what he think of you. He does not deserve you and he will continue to cheat because that is who he is. Hold your head high and see yourself as you are. A beautiful confident women with the world at her disposal.

[Asker]

I know the blame is on him but I can’t help to compare myself to the girl he cheated on me with… It’s making me feel insecure even though I know that I have so much more to offer 🥲. She also knew that he was in a relationship with me so I have no respect for her as well. I’m also 6 years younger than her but I know I’m much more emotionally mature than her lol. But I just can’t help to compare myself and see what was missing, what does she have that I don’t…?

[nawtee_me]

She has a hardened heart, a selfish attitude and no love for others.

[Asker]

Yeah what a shame…

[AMS700CX4u2]

It is a natural response to being abused. Even abused children blame themselves for the abuser's actions. The only thing you are guilty of is possibly being too trusting. Be more critical. Don't be in a hurry. Don't give up the cookies too soon. (Steve Harvey)

[Asker]

You’re absolutely right. I was sexually abused as a child and I learned to self blame most of the time, went to therapy for it recently and it’s been helping tons

[ChicoFromThe305]

By respecting your boundaries and giving his no choice in what happens next, let him go, don't blame yourself because of his commitment issues, if it wasn't you it would've been any other girl, you aren't the problem, him lacking the ability to get into commitments and not keeping loyal to them is, find yourself someone better.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for this, I really needed to hear this. I can’t help but to blame myself for the cheating even tho he also already admitted that it had nothing to do with me rather it was just being a cheating asshole… Definitely gotta work on my self image

[ChicoFromThe305]

Indeed and you'll feel better over time

[Decrepit_Discoverer]

Try this self hypnosis affirmation meditation originally designed to turn @on_my_knees into a dom:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/dG5cZzbKvW0

[Asker]

Lol okay! I wanna be a dom

[on_my_knees]

I can help you with that, Mistress

[dustybiker2]

You realize it isn't you. It is a greedy mind who wants the most of everything good and great. He was with you in the first place because you filled that, he just saw more and took it.

[Asker]

That’s very true, some people just can’t seem to appreciate what they have…

[Fireguy17]

It took me quite a while after the first time, it was more a trust issue, the second time it didn't take as long.
I was having a new house built so I had plenty of of other things to keep me occupied.

[Asker]

That’s good to hear that you managed to keep yourself busy, great that you moved on and stayed focused on building your house and your future!

[paledreams]

An STI test / STD test and moving out or having them move out, with or without court or police assistance.

[paledreams]

As in, they move out voluntarily or court ordered divorce, etc, assets divided, depends if marriage or long term relationship, blah blah housemates or rental, blah blah 😑 I don't know. I'm glad I'm never in that boat ⛵

[Asker]

Oh damn it didn’t even occur to me that I might need an STD test after this… yikes

We don’t live together tho so that’s one less problem I gotta worry about

[Juxtapose]

Your judge of character is not going to be perfect but keep working on it and keep in mind that cheaters are subhuman scum and their opinions about you mean absolutely nothing.

[Asker]

Thanks for saying this, you’re right. His opinion shouldn’t matter!

[Juxtapose]

No problem and good luck.

[KittygosMeoWW]

I don’t know. I’m still working on it there’s days where I feel very confident and then there’s days where I feel like absolute trash.

[Asker]

Hang in there, I’m right here with you on this journey

[KittygosMeoWW]

You too! ❤️

[jahaims]

Realize the cheating has nothing to do with you. People cheat because they are broken trash trying to cope.

[Asker]

I needed to hear this, thank you so much! I gotta stop with the self blaming…

[Yannae]

He cheated so you're better off without him, he's nothing to you.

[Asker]

Sadly he was everything to me…

[Yannae]

Right, he WAS.

[Asker]

Sucks being a simp lol

[Yannae]

I once had a girl ask for a break. A break from each other and get together later. I ended things when I heard that because in a good relationship, you shouldn't need a break from each other. So we broke up, she slept with some guy, tried to come back to me but no we can't do that now. I won't take back someone who put me second place over someone else in a relationship. That's how I think. Cheating is no different. Taking a break is basically an attempt to sleep around without the title of "cheating" on your partner, because you're on a break.

[Asker]

Couldn’t agree more. I don’t believe in the whole “break” concept, you’d need “space” at most but not a whole break from the relationship. Either you stay together and work things out or just break it off, why would you wait around for someone who needs to be temporarily single to discover themself?

I’m glad you didn’t take her back though, don’t tolerate those kinds of bs.

[Yannae]

You shouldn't either as in you shouldn't let someone as low as a cheater bring down your confidence.

[Anonymous]

Good question. If you find the answer please let me know. It's been more than three years since I found out my fiancée had been cheating on me and I'm still not whole yet.

[Asker]

Oh I’m so sorry you had to go through that… One thing that’s been working on me is that I had to tell myself to stop blaming myself for his actions. Him cheating had nothing to do with me but it was all him being a cheating asshole. I also realize that maybe I am too good for him, I’ve been working hard to glow up so that I can love myself again. Just be kind to yourself, their action does not define you

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you, I appreciate your sharing that. The whole not blaming myself thing has been a struggle. It's easier said than done, but I need to be better at it. I wish you the very best and hope you find a good and loyal man who treats you well.

[Asker]

I’m still working on it as well tbh. I’ve learned to be “selfish” and start blaming him for cheating instead of blaming myself tho lol

Same goes to you, you deserve someone who can appreciate you and love you wholeheartedly!

[Filthy_Immigrant]

by remembering that getting cheated on is not your fault

[Asker]

For sure, thanks so much for the reminder!

[LiamJHayden]

I wouldn't lose confidence because some dishonorable lady cheated on me.

[Asker]

I wish I had your mindset 😭

[Anonymous]

I slept with her sister, her mother, and two of her best friends.

[Asker]

You’re the G

[Anonymous]

By learning from it and not choosing a cheater next time.

[Asker]

Here’s to hoping

[DreamLife7]

You're insecure and weak. he cheated on u

[Asker]

That stings but it’s true, thanks for the reality check

[Willoughby23]

Get a loyal sub who does anything you say

[Asker]

I want a loyal dom tho 😔

[Willoughby23]

Have you ever tried a sub?

[Asker]

Only when they have those $5 foot long deals down at subway

[Willoughby23]

Lmao

[TonyMetal___86]

Why do you think that he cheated on you?