Help me plot to get my ex back?

[Anonymous]

With plot I don't mean manipulate, lie or play games. I mean more like an action plan.

First of all here's the reasons we broke up:
- I was where he lives to study
- Pandemic
- We both lost our jobs (pandemic)
- I couldn't stay bc no job bc of lockdown pandemic
- He could't come with me bc he had no money bc no job

We (mostly him) agreed that long distance was not it. Especially with our future plans so unclear.

Almost 2 years has gone by now and I've dated other guys, I moved on mentally, emotionally everything. The feeling of wanting him because of attachment is no longer there. If we don't end up together I'm ok with that. If he meets someone else I'm happy for him.

BUT... I want him still. He is the love of my life and we are very compatible. I got a job in the country he lives in, been working remotely and now I'm thinking of moving back there. So I want to at least give it another shot. But not in a "Hey let's give it another shot" type of way because that's too much pressure and I don't want to make him think I moved back there for him, that would be added pressure. I know I would feel some type of responsibility and pressure if he moved to where I live for me.

The reason I'm moving is to get as far away from my family as possible. And since I've lived there before it makes sense to me to move there. Especially since it's where I graduated and I got a job easily there vs where I live right now where there's lack of jobs and opportunities.

Updates

+1 y

I guess I’m asking more how to approach things. Even if he said all that it was a long time ago. I had a har time letting him go and I don’t want to come off as a crazy ex or add to much pressure to the situation.

[qwert1234]

What's stopping you from simply reaching out to him and asking how he's been?
Then if the chat progresses fine, try to ask him if he wants to meetup, for lunch, dinner, heck even breakfast.

Then once the communication has been established, do things the natural way as he did to you before..

Remember, you are the one who wants him back, so put on the effort he did to get you the first time.

[Asker]

We live in different countries and when we communicate we end up talking every day and then it just gets difficult because then we want more from each other. That’s what happened last time. So we decided not to have continuous conversation but we do check in from time to time. But if I’m ever in the country he lives in I would of course ask him out for coffee.

[Asker]

That’s true he did all the effort to get me, so I should be the one to get him back. If he’s open to it of couse

[loveslongnails]

First thing you should find out is "does he really want YOU back and what's his current situation?" If he's involved with someone else and it's relatively serious, you'd be intruding. If he's not, see if he's up to meeting with you again and take it from there.

[Asker]

Last time we spoke he said that he hasn't met anyone and that it's difficult for him to find someone after me. I think he means in comparison to what we had. Of course if he has met someone that he's happy with I wouldn't intrude.

[loveslongnails]

Good, but did he indicate he wants to make things work if you were to come back?

[Asker]

I didn't say anything about coming back. But around 8 months before that conversation he said if I came back he would marry me and never let me go again.

[loveslongnails]

Then why are you asking for help to plot getting him back? If that's true, there's no plot necessary. All you need do is show up, hmm?

[In_Trance]

Jesus

[Asker]

Hahah why