Why do people refuse to date single mums?

[bubbles328]

I have 2 teenager and I kinda feel like my partner is lucky! He gets to sit and play hours of PlayStation, binge watch Netflix, go to football matches and plays laser tag and I love him more for it. I know many single mums like this. I can come and go as I please and they stay out at friends or family every weekend. Honestly don’t see the problem

[Sixgunsound]

If the kids come first the boyfriend is second, and that’s not where a new relationship is going to succeed. If the boyfriend comes first she’s not a good mum, which isn’t someone to get involved in raising kids with. She doesn’t value or honor commitment. She thinks men are disposable once they outlive their usefulness to her or the way in which they are useful to her changes. Her ability to make decisions is suspect. Her ability to make long term plans is suspect. Her ability to read people, or her ability to recognize warning signs in people is suspect.
Not the possibility, but the certainty of baggage. Borrowing trouble with a potentially violent ex. Obviously this presumes the ex is still alive, if not that changes the above factors considerably. There are however other factors to consider.

On a strictly biological level, most males of any species don’t want to raise another male’s kids. Humans are one of the few species which care for their young and have the ability to differentiate theirs from another male’s children where children from a rival male are allowed to live. Very few men want to be left holding the diaper bag doing all the work to ensure another man’s genes survive with a very slim possibility their own will. According to an undergrad living history teacher I had, male dragonflies have an appendage which scrapes any rival male’s sperm out of a female before they deposit their own to ensure the survival of their own genes. Lions kill rival males’ cubs. Men with cuck fetish report that they ejaculate harder and a greater amount of sperm to help theirs compete with the other male’s for reproductive success.

[bubbles328]

In my case there is no ex. However, I don’t think you know anyone ever. I’ve known people for years then all of a sudden there turned out to be another side of them you never knew existed. If you marry you can never be sure you don’t get a woman/man who will one day cheat and leave. People change and people change under pressure.
Let’s say you marry and have a baby. Now babies are hard work, this changes you and your partner as a person. What’s to say something won’t happen? You can never judge anyone

[worldscolide]

I have two good reasons. One does not apply to you more than likely. Reason one, I was nt date a single mom because if a break up does happen, it not only hurts me, it hurts the kid who I might have bonded with, don't want to do that ( personal experience on that one) reason 2 most of the single mothers I have been interested in turns out to either be looking for a replacement dad for the kids, a pay check, or are just insufferable so much that it's obvious why the dad left. That one does not apply to all, just a lot.

[bubbles328]

😂 partially true. Truth with me is I was happy as a single mum. I wasn’t interested, if I did get a guy I never thought he would fit the way I wanted him to. I used to date on weekends when kids weren’t around just for fun. Truth with me is when covid hit I was dating this guy. He’d met my daughter briefly as she was older so wouldn’t become attached. I got covid and became really really sick. He came and looked after me and while there was rough edges at first (he was a lot younger and very spoilt, entitled and lazy) we sanded them down and he grew in to us. He never left 😂. I think even through kids come first because they get on so well he doesn’t care.

[worldscolide]

You're not wrong. It's just not worth the risk for me, or rather wasn't.. I'm married now lol.

[GingerGuy]

2 reasons.

1) not interested in being a father figure to a child that's not ours (and even if the mother isn't looking for that guy to be that, as the relationship progresses it will turn into that, and also relationships will likely form, so if things don't work out, then it's not just your feelings we have to worry about, but the child's). Definitely not something to take lightly.

2) They take up a tremendous amount of your energy and time! What's left for me and our relationship? Realistically. I selfishly want you all to myself sometimes lol. It's just extra "baggage" that I don't want in my life if I'm dating someone new.

That in itself is enough! But some guys won't care.

[Fireguy17]

I never had an issue dating single mothers.
I would ask how she got along with the ex on custody etc, and I was smart enough to know that there would be occasional issues.
But constant drama, fighting lawyers, games I would have to take a hard second look.
I did not want to end up in the middle of someone else's mess.

[jasco]

Simply because a lot of women don't like men displincing and/or teaching their kids. Some will also use it against us sense we aren't their biological father.

[bubbles328]

It’s more like why he disciplines them. My friend lived with a guy who also had a kid and his daughter could never do wrong. Meanwhile it was always her sons fault when it wasn’t. Also known couples where they stuck it out even though he clearly resents the kids and disciplines them for nothing. Sometimes discipline can make a poor stepfather-child relationship worse. If you have a good relationship it doesn’t.

[Twalli]

If I date a single mother I want to make sure her kids like me too. Also I feel like I need to be financially well-off too. In other words, kids come first.

[megabamse]

It all boils down to the values that man has, and that mans future plans. If that man has kids them self. If i had two kids myself, i don't think i would date someone else that also got kids.

[bubbles328]

It’s a toughie. I dated guys with kids in the past and it’s not worked for several reasons. One guys kids would need to be treated better than mine because they couldn’t be around as much as mine were. Another had a daughter who was very wild. Both mine are very well behaved and know how to respect peoples things. This girl would trash my home then the dad would insist if was all of them not just her even though both my kids were crying over their rooms getting smashed up and never did anything like that. I am unsure I could do it depending on the age of the child and how much they are around.

[anton_dee]

They afraid you searching for a husband and they will be married looking after someone else's kids who may detest them.. Sorry to be frank, but that's the truth...

[TheSpaceGnome]

I don't want kids, I also don't want another guy in the picture.

[Berethor]

Because most men don't want to raise children that are not theirs.

[Juxtapose]

I have mixed feelings on this, I can't help but feel like I would at best come second place in her life.

[notwoke]

not interesting in spending $500K and all my time raising another mans seed. nooooooooo!

[Sam_The_Savage]

I do... only because of sex. Once I bored than I easily dump them.

[dudeinohio]

I've had No. problem dating a single mom.

[eagle1951]

better to date single ones lol

[grega239]

Not my kids. Why would i raise them?

[bubbles328]

What happens if you cannot have your own?

[grega239]

Then i guess ill be childless

[Guy13]

Baggage

[Guy13]

Can’t do this…Have to behave like that… Want me to raise them BUT ALWAYS SECOND, THIRD, or FOURTH on priority List. What single guy has time for that❓

[NYlatefun]

Oh good for you then