there are many reasons possible. i preffer to date someone without kids but still will if the rest of things are right enough. my reasons are:
1 : just finding time to be together is hard enough, add in 1 or more children and that little time gets cut, usually severely.
2 : a relationship will eventually lead to sex, nothing kills the mood quite like a child walking into the room or knocking on the door mid fuck.
3 : hopefully sex will lead to getting to be a dad and would preffer (if possible) to be the bio dad to all children she has.
4 : as a guy who had a single mom who did date, let me tell you just how much resent kids will have about any guy mom dates. most of the guys my mom dated i would have rather shot. no matter how much you explain it, a child will feel like the guy is trying to replace their real dad, and most times that is a very bad thing. (there are exceptions to this causing resentnent, but they are one offs). then there is the fact this strange man is taking your mom's attention away, and being that she is single, she likely has a job too, meaning that sge already has limited attention to give the child/ren.
many of us guys (both from single parents and having both parents around) are aware of the resentment of children from ither dad's and know it's often too much to handle. especially if the child covertly tries to sabotage the relationship and he notices and points it out to the mom. most times a guy pointing it out becomes a villain in the mom's eyes too, ending said relationship.
all that being said, if you think you hace difficulties dating, try being a single dad, mom's get about 5 times the dates dad's get once single. meaning if you get 3 dates in a year, most likely a dad in your exact same situation will be lucky to get 1 in 2 years. add in the current difficulties in general dating and thats less than 1 date in 3 years fir a single dad.
no am not a dad myself but do see plenty of other guys that are struggle to even get a hi from anyone they try to date.
I'm agree with the last part about dates but my x walked when my son was 4 months old so my son is fatherless and I've dated in almost 5 years
Not really he spends most time with my family
trust me. if you find a guy thats still around after a couple of months, it will happen. not really by the child's intent, but a nightmare, illness, or bathroom related something will occur eventually and most likely while fuckung and probably close yo orgasm for one or both of you. of course that is quite often the case when its the bio dad too.
I dated a single mum before, it was good actually, ready made family but there is a psychological hurdle to get over from the abstracted idea of another mans baggage / responsibility and feeling like a cuck for raising the seed of another man and you and your children being real people who add value to the mans life.
Here is an idea though of the sort of attitude being presented to men by your fellow single mothers which i encountered frequently on dating sites.
'Now that i have had 5 children i feel that i am ready to settle down. I want to make it abundantly clear that my children will always come first and they do not need a father figure.'
So from my perspective what is on offer to me is an opportunity to be an after thought in this womans life, maybe having a slice of time or concern during the periods when she isn't being a Mum, which is never by the way. I can expect to have all of the draw backs of having children in my life and also have no say and no role in their lives.'
If the father or fathers are around i can also expect to have some dude in my life who is presumably a fucking prick constantly reminding me, as if i needed it, that these are not now nor will they ever be anything to do with me.
I dont have my own children and she is done having children so thats reproduction off the table for me for sure.
Give me even a single fucking reason why i would entertain entering into this scenario for even half a second?
I’m a single mum and have no issues whatsoever. I have single mum friends some have issues some don’t. I tend to find it’s the way they behave that repels men not the fact they have kids.
Most single guys probably aren't looking for an immediate family. They realize they aren't at the top of your priorities starting the relationship and that's not going to change.
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35Opinion
There are multiple reasons why:
1. A guy wants to make resources for his own child, not some other man's.
2. If it goes south, and he's formed a bond with the kid, there's no chance he can fit into see them, since he's not the biological father.
3. The dad is supposed to be the disciplinarian for the kid when the kid screws up and the mom is not gonna let some other guy be that to him because he's not the father.
4. A man wants a woman who is gonna put him first. And a woman who is a single mom CANNOT put him first, nor should she. The child should always come first.
That's just how it is. Now if you wanna wait until the kids are grown and out of the house, now they will be more open to you. But until, well...
Depends on person to person. Some of them find it gross. Also there are two possibilities which can cause a issue. Few men do think that he is not our own blood so may be can he be that close to him just as he would be if he was his biological dad or after they manage to have a child will he bs able to love both equally (*alert* Cheap mentality). Or the other possibilities could be that if he is trying to support and help her child and unfortunately things didn't go as per plans and situation became worst people will point out that as he is not his biological dad he didn't take his care properly. Even at worst case his mom can even point at him if he is rude or tough on him just for sons betterment. To be honest, second possibility is impacts the most as there a quote in India which literally means "Something will people say, People's work is to gossip".(Can't put the quote well in English)
I think some of it is that the relationship feels much more serious from the get-go when there’s a kid in the picture. For guys who are hesitant to take on a commitment like that it would deter them.
I imagine that aspect will get easier as you/your kid get a little older
Every relationship has a degree of risk. Relationships with single mom's make a lot of that risk more apparent. He knows he won't be first in your life, he knows that you've already started your life. For guys who want a serious LTR, it can be a major hurdle.
If you want to get over this hurdle, you'll need to make it much clear than usual exactly what you are bringing to the table in the relationship. You'll need to recognize that for many men, being a single mom is simply a deal breaker. We all need to know what we're looking for in a relationship, and know what flaws we're willing to tolerate. I wish you the best of luck.
I am going to be as honest as i can with you with out hurting your fillings.
1. We dont want drama
2. You are not really available to date us anyway
3. You are not available 24-7 unlike your counter-part with out a child
4. We usually can do better. If he is with you he has settled for you
5. We dont want to raise another mans child
6. We dont want to risk attachment with your child
7. He doesn't want/like kids
8. He could be a single dad himself and likes it that way
9. He is not a cuckI hope this helps you out
Simple
Ask yourself something: why should a man date you? What do you have to offer that other one cannot?
We want to be first choice, and the choice for first was already made. It can't be undone even by laws. The first question that pops in my mind is why you don't make it work with him, and go back and make it work with him at least for the kids.
I don't think it's fair for the man nor kids and the guy who comes in after is a pocket book.
Well in my case the man chose to not work not want his kid and want to cheat all day while I worked and took care of my son and he stole money off of me and stole off my son
What you do is offer him always the opportunity door open to get work , stop cheating, quit alchohol (however spelled)
While he does those things. Maybe attending those social group rehab stuffs. Prove himself then come back. Make sure you both equally have group meeting with facilitator. It's very often the mom is at fault too and not doing something herself and omitting something we don't know. You could be a rare case. But in dating. Men don't have time to figure that out. It be nice to just press a button and see the truth. Men can't. Even if you say it. We have to look at actions only. Not words. All we can verify is you have a kid, and many women want the $ for child support then to date to get more $. I learned this personally. I don't need internet to know for myself.
Every man is different. And you do have options. You can go for single dad's. I'm assuming they on same page and understand your situation. I won't be able to. I don't have kids.
Because men don’t want to be second wheel to someone else getting more of your attention. Men don’t want to become chucked into raising someone else’s kids, going out to the store for you to pickup extra supplies for your child. Men want to experience life with you, and they won’t respect you or a child that is not their child as well. I’ve never dated, or had a girlfriend and I wouldn’t date a mother period. I don’t have any experience, knowledge and I view single mothers as a huge trap. If it’s a foot race, I’m just now getting to the start line while ever else has been too busy running laps around me and trying to tell me don’t even bother. Men want more attention than you give to your child. They’re probably afraid that they’ll
get sucked into extraordinary and unconstitutional court rulings that would force them to be cucked into raising a family that isn’t theirs, there’s no genetic connection.
At 47 I don't really have a problem with it unless it's like 4 kids. The reason I say that is because I want to at least have one more child myself and most women My age already have 4 in tow so they don't want or can't have anymore kids. I guess I'll just have to try to find a woman younger than Me I guess.
They probably see it as a huge responsibility, and the fact that the kid isn't theirs. I wouldn't mind, to be honest, as long as everyone can live happily
Well some guys, like me, are no longer attracted to any female who has reproduced as a matter of principle but also a matter of biology. Secondly, I think you already know, that guys already have a lot on their plate and they don't want to be taking care of someone else's kid who isn't their responsibility-- if I want to date you, I want to date YOU. Not you-and-your-kid.
1. Its not my kid
2. I won't be the most important to you
3. I dont want to spend my money on someone elses kid
4. You had another mans kid
5. You might be bringing drama
6. Since your a single mom i imagine you have made poor life choices
7. Would you even want more kids?
8. I dont want to be a role model to this kid
Because a lot of them don't want kids around or they'll get too attached to them and that myself I had no problem dating a single mom because something good could turn out from it and if it does great and then could possibly have a family of our own but a lot of them don't want it because they prefer women without children or they prefer to be with someone whose kids are grown
Exactly that's why I don't get attached
Very true but if I have kids I'd prefer to find a girl without kids so we can have our own
You know and so do I. Let's not act like we don't know or tell a lie. Jk Personally I just feel like I would be the 2nd choice. Or maybe I'm not ready to be a father figure. Or maybe I want my own family. I don't know. The would have to be near perfect for me to do it personally.
It wouldn't bother me. Instant family! Got to be good!
Basically single moms are single for a reason. And now they are past their prime and becoming desperate to find someone to get them through their older years or want someone to be the bank account / half father to someone else’s kid.
A kid they will never get the level of respect or credit for parenting.
It’s bad enough that basic female entitlement has become so insanely standard, why would we also want to add the other stuff on top of that?
Depends on the age range. If you're not open to single moms, there aren't many women left over 30 to consider. It would seem to me that you'd either be looking to date 20-somethings, or single moms.
Because most men aren't willing to raise another man's kids. I personally don't look down on guys who are willing to do so but I don't think I could do that. Because I don't even want kids of my own let alone someone else's kids.
@EyesOfGod I've actually told My daughter the most valuable thing She has is between Her legs and the more the uses it the less value it has. I know that sounds harsh but I'm just telling her the truth as I see it. You know these women they just can't seem to understand that when a Man looks to settle down He wants a woman whom has the least amount of partners as possible. It's not the amount of times She has had sex it's the amount of partners that She has that men have a problem with and after getting divorced I understand why men have that issue.
@EyesOfGod Yeah I don't pull any punches with My daughter. I consider Myself a good man and I tell Her the most important decision She can make is whom She lets in Her bed. I love My daughter and I do want Her to have a fulfilling sex life but I told Her when She takes that step She better find a man whom can and is willing to support a family.
I would assume that in the most basic overall reason is that most of us don't want to take care of a kid that's not ours. Life is already hard enough for the most of us, so I'm not surprised by that.
There's a lot of reasons some relating to ego but the quick answer is that it is extra baggage/inconvenience that you would otherwise not have to deal with if you dated a woman without kids and in most cases men don't think it's worth it.
Because very few people want to get into a relationship where they’d have to eventually play the role of a parent figure for children that aren’t their own.
Plenty of guys will. It's much more difficult than dating a childless woman and the guy usually comes a distant last.
Yeah get on dating profiles and they always say their children are their world and their children always come first. I'm willing to bet the woman will always expect the man to put Her first so whom has time for that bullshit. You know what I wouldn't ever have a problem with it if I was allowed to be part of their family but We know that never happens and most of the time the man is just an option or someone whom is there just by invitation only.
Personally i am not ready for kids so it will take a while before i can be in a relationship where kids are involved
Because it will come off as him basically also paying for the child, which should be the child's his/her father job to do so. In other words, to them it comes off as them paying child support for another man's child.
Honestly, I'm not certain but I would guess that they just don't want the huge commitment of not on the relationship with you but helping bring up your child aswell, it's sad really, I hope you find someone who is willing to commit and make you happy
I would consider it, but it is another factor to take into consideration; what if the kid is a whiny brat or never moves out?
I would need to know that im not wasting my time with a single mother. Knowing we will have kids between us. And not after marriage she decides to not have kids anymore not allowing me to pass my dna.
Well I am available
But in other case I assume that they want sex and I think that other think that they have to pay and take care of her child
Maybe the guys you are seeking aren't compatible with your situation.
If I find some chemistry with a single mom I'd give it a try to date her.
You dont have to break up with the kids if the girl has no kids and it doesn't work out.
You’re busy. Maybe find single dads to date.
You know why.
A lot of guys don't wanna pay for other peoples kids or have step Dad drama.
Maybe they don't want kids?
I would like.
Just makes things more complicated
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