Why do most men not put in any effort on dating apps?

[Taytay9384]

I would rate myself about an 8 . I’ve been told I’m attractive by both men and women. I just signed up for bumble because I’ve been told it’s a good place to find a date online and to be honest I’m disappointed. Like 80 %of the guys are unattractive and maybe 20% girls are unattractive. I had an easier time finding a cute , interesting girl compared to a guy. The guys either looks disheveled, bad clothes, bad pics or boring profile, not only that, they are very bad at holding a convo unless it involves sex.. Same thing for Tinder. I’m always hearing about guys having a hard time getting matches. I’m sure if they put more effort in their pictures or bio and capable of talking to females like regular people they would have more luck. I’m not super picky either, I would date a guy with average looks with a good personality but apparently most guys on dating apps have neither qualities. Anyone know any other good dating apps. I know some people may find this offensive but it’s just an observation.

Updates

+1 y

I actually see more attractive men IRL but I’m always working so I barely have time to find a date outside.

[DaveJord]

So honestly this the problem with dating sites for men. Because men usually out number women 3 to 1. Honestly most guys do not read or educate themselves on how to do a good profile and write up and post the right pictures so you are 100% right.

The good news is the that the better you get at weeding through the jerks, the easier it is to find the right types of guys that actually do put the effort into it and that is pretty apparent when they do. But yes you have to put the time into weeding through all the weeds to get to the few that matter.

I met my current girl friend on line, and been together for 6 months now and she is amazing and its been amazing.

The hardest part for a guy is finding a women that will give him the time, because they become so overwhelmed with requests and messages they give up on it. And talking to a women on line through a dating app is like talking to women in a bar packed full of mean, and having the conversation interrupted all the time by every guy walking by saying hi to her. Sometimes all the attention goes to the women's head and they start setting some really high standards because they think the next man is right around the corner... which is true, but is he really the right guy or just the bright new shinny object that distracted you from the better guy.

Simple fact is for guys its all about volume, only 1 in 10 women they post to connects with them, out of those 1 in 10 only 1 in 3 of them result in a date, and only 1 out of every 3 first dates results in a second date. So if my math is right a guy has to post to 30 women to get a 1st date and then 90 to find a women that leads to a second date.

I got that on line, but for me I did pretty well... I had like 17 dates in a 3 month period, with 6 second dates... until I found my current girlfriends but I was working pretty hard... but was getting 2 to 3 responses out of every 10 I connected with. And by the second month I was getting pretty good at it really weeding out women better and finding the right types... so by the end I was getting responses from 1 out of ever 2 women. But still I went through hundreds of profiles, and got really practiced at it.

[cth96190]

Because at least 95 per cent of men are invisible to women on dating sites.
Most women set height and income criteria that reduce the pool of prospects to less than 1 per cent of the global male population.
Yes, the typical woman is that far out of touch with reality.

Dating apps/sites are a complete waste of time for men.

You may find it interesting to watch a couple of YouTube videos about the experiences of women who created fake male profiles on dating sites. They were shocked by the way that women treated men and how impossible the sites were for men.
A creator named Alexander Grace had an attractive female friend pose as a man. After being mobbed by thirsty men on her real profile, she was shocked by how difficult it was for her fake male profile.
My eldest son is 25, six-feet tall, good looking, blond, well built, hung like a porn star, a student of karate and makes good money as a tradesman.
He could not get females to respond. Those who did were obnoxious bitches. A few were straight out insane.
After a few months of being ignored, rejected, or left wide eyed by female lunatics, he gave up.
Many, many young men have similar experiences.

[zeitgeist057]

yep. OLD is trash for men.

[CasaNorba]

wow I am no where near as hot as your eldest son yet I had the same exact experiences as him when I wasted my time on those apps 6 years ago. I now feel a little flattered to be honest

[cth96190]

@CasaNorba
We are in Australia, where the women are exceptionally bitchy.
Girls will compete with their friends to see who can deliver the nastiest rejection and how many free meals they can get from men in whom they are not interested.
As theatre people would say, they are a tough audience.

[CasaNorba]

@cth96190 oh trust me I'm in America and getting "free meals+ (notice the plus sign) they can get from men in whom they are not interested" is what the American women's life revolves around.

even worst 90% of the women here think that one night of sex is a precursor to a relationship. so over here the audience are as savages as the Romans were back in the days when gladiators used to dismember each other at the Roman Colosseum

[silvermoon84]

Probably because online dating is like a numbers game (just like it is for us but more so for the guys since they’re still pretty much expected to make the first move). Also many women don’t always respond, and that’s our right. HOWEVER, men have a right to put minimal effort into if they feel they’re going to get minimal responses. Admittedly it does get annoying when I constantly only get messages with only one word, but I think it could be the guys way of deciphering if I’m worth any effort in talking to before actually forming a conversation with me so I always try to respond to messages that just say “hi” with “nice to meet you, I’m silvermoon84 (except I’ll use my real name lol). If he responds back, great. If not, it is what it is.
If it’s not that, it’s just that they’re simply not into you.

[Snsl153]

"...80% of the guys are unattractive, and so are 20% of the girls", you say. Now where have I come across this ratio before? Oh yes, it appears in the Pareto Principle -
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pareto_principle
Do you think that perhaps, just maybe, your standards are unrealistic?
You claim to be an eight out of ten. Okay then, show us. Post a picture of yourself in an update :)
"The guys either looks disheveled, bad clothes, bad pics or boring profile, not only that, they are very bad at holding a convo unless it involves sex.."
I thought the "disheveled" look was trendy now. I guess I was wrong then.
"I actually see more attractive men in real life..." - Well, there's your solution to this whole problem then! :)

[VikingWarLord]

And notice she rates herself an 8 out of 10 in looks.
I've rarely seen any 7s on dating apps, let alone 8s or 9s.
Most of these Heauxs on dating apps just want you to subscribe to their ONLYFANS too.
Not only are their expectations unrealistic for the men they date, they highly over-value THEMSELVES at the same gawdam time!

[yofuknutz]

The minute I heard her profile my thing went limp herself alone is a killjoy

[zeitgeist057]

Thanks for the Pareto Principle link, that's a new one on me.

[Snsl153]

@zeitgeist057 Yes, it's interesting how often it pops up, and in the most unexpected of places. Like the Golden Ratio; that's interesting too.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Most women don't put in any effort either.

Though what you refer to as "effort" isn't even what I'm looking for in a woman's profile.

I want her to put zero effort into dolling herself up, I need to see her looking her worst, because thats what I'm marrying, not a box of makeup and carefully placed lights, she needs to look amazing with zero effort.

And I want her to write a damn book about herself on her profile, every interest, every hobby, personality trait, goal, preference, etc. because they need to match mine.

But most women just write 3 to 5 words in their bio and call it a day, or they write some stupid poetic crap, or some "life lesson", or a short blurb about what they think matters in relationships despite being trivial and vague and having no hobbies listed, so I skip them, because "I'm fun and down to earth and want something serious" is not a bio, it tells me NOTHING about her.

So yes, it's hard to find matches, and no, it's not because I don't spend an hour in front of a mirror or go to a photographer. It's because the women I've seen as options to pick, are fucking boring.

Also if you prefer women, date them instead.

[Slim57]

Because most men realize it's a huge waste of time. What more do you want from men? I've changed my profile countless times trying to come up with a good bio and finally found one but it's still not enough. Even if we do match and still play by your rules saying more than "hi" you still don't even respond. I don't message stupid shit, never have, never will, and I don't have any douchebag pics or pics of me hunting or fishing that most girls don't seem to like on there either. But to top it off, you women, 90% of you on there, not all, have the EXACT SAME SHIT, everyone of you! Be tall, I like tattoo's, my kids are my life and always come first, fur mom, make me laugh, I love to travel, linking your Instagram or onlyfans or cash apps, or just not having shit at all. This is why men have stopped trying, because women on dating apps don't give 2 shits about putting forth any effort whatsoever. Dating apps are a waste of time for any average man. And I speak having actually had luck off of them. Still not worth any of the dates I got for all the bs just to get one.

[zeitgeist057]

Same experience here. You can send 100 thoughtful messages to 100 women and not get a single response. Or get one or two responses where they say "hey" or something similar expecting you to carry the conversation. Which I can't blame them, since while men have 1-2 messages, women have 100s so they just lazily give half ass responses and see who fights the hardest to rise to the top.

[hahahmm]

@zeitgeist057 Oh, you can blame them because they expect to be treated better than they treat others.

[Anonymous]

A few things come to mind here.

First, quality men are not using dating apps to find women. If you're looking for a good man, you're obviously looking in the wrong place.

Second, let's consider you for a minute here. You consider yourself "about an 8", and yet you're using dating apps to try to find a man and you're "always working". Um, trust me when I say that from a man's perspective, you are not an 8. Not even close. I would bet good money you have no clue what a good man wants in a woman.

Here's some sound advice to you and other women like...

-- Educate yourself on what a good man actually wants in a woman.
-- Work on yourself and try to become a better women, one who actually offers some value to men beyond sex
-- Work on your attitude... no self-respecting man is going to give a flying fuck about a woman with your attitude because he knows he can easily do better
-- Look for a good man where good men are found, which is not on dating apps. Duh.

This site is entertaining in a comical sense, but really sad at the same time.

[MCheetah]

Because most women don't put any effort in online dating, in general. Tinder is quite literally choosing people solely based on superficial looks and women wield ALL the power in online dating, and dating in general, and THEN have the gall to ask why don't some men bother displaying personality anymore?

Also, you are definitely not an "eight" or above, especially at 31. I'd bet money on it. And if you're queer (into girls), then you're not even a "five." "I'm not super picky, either." Riiiiiiight... 🙄

[yofuknutz]

Oh snap yo, hahaha, homeboy took yo azz 2 school honey 🍯! Lol

[VanillaSalt]

Because as guys we know… Either it’s gonna happen with minimal effort or it’s not gonna happen at all. Everything’s based off the picture. If your hot she MIGHT read your bio but she’ll probably just like and then talk to ya. Unfortunately most guys don’t know how to take a good selfie lol. Their too busy having fun to take picture and show off their fun with friends where as women get off on that kinda thing.


So TLDR. Guys are either naturally cute or the effort required to be successful on dating apps outweighs the benefits. Minimal efforts still the most effective solution.

[Futureboy]

Sorry but my expirience is 100% different. Most woman profiles I see list all the negatives that they don't want in a guy. That or they just say message me to find out more. Plus the fact men outnumber women alows them to be more shallow. I understand you have to have some physocal atraction but i my case I can not and will not get a face lift just to get a woman. I much prefer what's on the inside and things we have in common. I spend a lot of time crafting nice messages to get no replies. I did an experiment where I send several nice messages got no replies yet when I messaged asking for fun/sex women have no trouble replying labeling me all kinds of names. Yet they seem afraid to say sorry not my type or thank you for the nice message. May be different in USA but in Uk thats my personal expirience when it comes to dating sites.

[Slartybartfast]

I only used them for three week before deciding I'd rather be single. In fact online dating is what convinced me to give up on women entirely.

Attractive women don't need it , it's just a tool to get attention for them or promote an onlyfans account.
Most women online never write anything in their bio.
Most women online have only face shots to hide obesity.
Most of the accounts are fake, old accounts etc. As men are the source of money if they removed the bits, old unused accounts and onlyfans promotion there works be almost zero women on must sites except for morbidly obese single moms looking for someone to pay their rent using pictures from 1982 when they were 27.

[hahahmm]

It's like going on a game show where the prize is having to pay for some random other dude's kid's birthday party.

[genericname85]

if you knew what it's like on there as a man, you'd understand.

so you read all those guides on how to best behave so that you have success on there. then you get on there with the best intentions. you message a few girls that strike your interest with a witty individual text. no reply. so you write way more women with less efforts in text. no reply. then you think to yourself "fuck it" and only text "hi" to like 1000 girls of which 1 or 2 answers. one being some sort of scammer. the other not being intgerested at all making conversation with her feel like trying to run in quicksand. by that time you're not getting any more likes, cause the algorythm at that point doesn't push you anymore unless you pay. and even if you do pay, you only get more of the shit i just described.

maybe this makes you understand why men stop putting effort.

[hahahmm]

Women have been writing articles/blogs/books telling each other what men want for decades... while telling actual men to shut up and just take whatever scraps women choose to give. But men with any value at all don't follow a woman's script so all of that advice women give each other is BS 99% of the time. And the few women who know what's what get ignored by most women.

[genericname85]

@hahahmm i don't listen to women when i get information on how to get women, cause women can't get out of their emotional mind.

[FictionalCharacter]

Reading these guys opinions, shows me and everyone that they proving the girl statement/post.

Guys are twisting what the asker is saying. Whenever she said “The guys either looks disheveled, bad clothes, bad pics or boring profile, not only that, they are very bad at holding a convo unless it involves sex.. Same thing for Tinder”. This is a FACT from the girls point of view when it comes to online dating. I have seen guys posting nude photos, while flipping out the finger.

Another thing, while swiping through guys photos. All guys look alike with the same poses. Ex: 😎😎😎😎😎…..😎🖕🏻😎🍺😎🎣

[Parthenogenesis]

Tinder and Bumble don't give a lot of space for profiles. I have a very hard time with online dating so much of what attracts me to a person, and I think also what attracts women to me, requires actually getting to know each other. Tinder and Bumble are such meat markets that it just kind of eliminates a lot of potential matches because it's so superficial.

I would say, try taking a chance on a guy that isn't ugly has a good profile but isn't really that attractive. You may find that appearance isn't as important as you think.

[VikingWarLord]

I doubt you're an 8 out of 10, that's Instagram Model hot. The 8s and 9s are models, and the 10s are UNICORNS (they don't exist, only in fairytales). Send me some pics and I'll be BRUTALLY FUUCKIN HONEST if you're anywhere close to an 8, especially at your age over 30 you're almost to the WALL.

I've yet to see anything hotter than a 7 out of 10, most of these Heauxs don't take good care of their appearance, most are overweight or they chopped their hair off and have tattoos everywhere, etc.. Then over half these Heauxs are on ONLYFANS and you find out they want you to pay for a subscription.

[ronaldo75]

She's a 6 at best. Assume she's lying about at least one point because she's 30+, and assume she's lying about another point since she doesn't have a profile pic. Do some calculus: 31, no profile pic, men on the street who are 9s and 10s dont want her, so she goes to the internet where (typical female) she goes for the 9s and 10s , who ignore her online just how they do on the street, but she's legit angry that all she can get is average dudes who dont have expensive clothing (money). So she's lying and coming here to say the dudes all want sex right away, they're dirty and have ugly clothing. Bullshit.

She's a 6 who was likely a barely passing 8 during her mid-20s, 7 in her late 20s but who's now in that scramble to find validation so many women become starved for after 30.

Dont hold your breath for that pics lol.

[hahahmm]

@ronaldo75 Plus, probably has 3-4 kids and says, "Must love my kids", yadda.. yadda. It's a wrap.

[ronaldo75]

Women on dating sites are not worth the effort to men of value and stature. Also I've worked for a tech company that administered a very VERY large dating app (you're probably a member) and women only answer an average of around 0.5% to 1.1% of messages and normally only 20% of men can get a response within 10 tries. 1% of men can get a date within 10 tries. So... like... what's really the point? I have a life. I can't spend all my time swiping through a fucking app for days and write corny messages to *maybe* get a response after 100 or 200 tries. Almost 500 messages to get an actual date? Nah. I have more value than that. a lot more.

[hahahmm]

Plus it's been documented how many of these dating companies pay actual hookers to pretend to be members and go on dates with suckers, just to draw in more suckers.

[yofuknutz]

^^^ yeah but don't they give off that hooker vibe

[hahahmm]

@yofuknutz Probably but I doubt the dudes who get the date are going to go bragging about how they went out with a hooker.. either they ended up paying too much or they got it for free. Either way not going to write a book about it.

[yofuknutz]

Hmmmm contemplation heavy over here

[Novacane]

I can agree to that, a lot of men don’t really put effort but that’s usually an all around thing, involving their socials. One thing I’ve noticed is that when women see a man with a really good profile they usually are met with the “he’s doing too much” so it’s either doing to much or not doing enough sadly. I also want to point out that most men are socially unaware, while women are more socially aware, that’s why you see women social medias being more creative then men because women put the effort to show everyone vs men don’t really care as much. Also do you date women as well? As ask this because you mentioned that you see less unattractive women then men, which I agree with but one thing i noticed is that women who date both men and women tend to have different standards for women than they do for men.

[Zealconsumesme]

Stop working a dead-ringer job and definitely don't use dating apps, never! Those sites are for meatgrinder relationships, you're the product, your future's the product, horny unwashed bland coomer men lurk there and only seek to relieve their penis not talk about feelings; You'd have a longer shot offline also cut your shit, some men aren't gonna look nice or like prince charming, that's been the truth since man it's all about finding a man that can provide for you, maybe you'll meet one at a church, gym, anywhere dudes really straighten-up and fly right

[ArtemisSilver]

I don't put a ton of effort into my profile because I get as much or more attention without doing so

Also I end up deleting mine pretty quickly because I met someone s

As for bothering to stage a photo, well, unlike a lot of women who use filters and such l like to show what you'll actually be getting

As for finding most men unattractive, you do you but I find a lot of women overestimate their own market value.

Lastly, there aren't many brilliant female conversationalists on these apps either.

[Imsmurter1]

Can you critique my profile? I’m on bumble and I really like the girls and I’m desperate to get a girlfriend because I’m old and alone. I read self help books but it takes a lot of work to have an amazing set of pictures. I tried some effort though so please give a look.

[t-8900]

"I’m desperate to get a girlfriend" my first critique would be to ditch that. Girls aren't stupid and they smell desperation. Dont be desperate and have more self respect. Next get an actual haircut. Go to a male barber shop and ask the guy to give you a cut that will fit you if you dont know a style that would suit you. Ask for a fade or something too as that is a very modern look and makes you come off more "clean". Pay more attention to your overall hygiene and for god sake be decisive. Dont tell women you are reading self help books, dear God man...

[Imsmurter1]

@t-8900 ok I"ll take that part out. I thought girls might like that I"m trying to improve myself. As for haircut well I don't have a lot of hair to work with...

[t-8900]

do you have enough to keep it short on the sides and longer up top and shaped up?

[Imsmurter1]

@t-8900 I'll grow out my hair and see how it looks but some girls online told me that it's unattractive to grow out your hair to cover bald spots so that's why I cut it short.

Also this is my new bumble self-summary now: "My career is in biotech but after work I like to unwind by watching silly shows or videos. Every week I like to set some time aside for reflection on my life and relationships."

I'm desperate on GaG but I won't show it on Bumble...

[t-8900]

also you can say you are improving but not in that way. Instead of reading self help books try working on cardio and or muscle gains. Not to bulk up but to just build lean, healthy muscle. Or start dedicating time to help your local community in some way. Be it kids, animals, man anything you want. Share more about what you like to do. Dont talk about trying to correct constant mistakes because it makes you sound like maybe you're sad about your past. Be upbeat and positive. Try coming off as happy and optimistic.

[Imsmurter1]

@t-8900 yeah that's a good point.

[Imsmurter1]

My hair is dead at the corners. When I grow my hair out long it's only in the middle front. Kinda like this:

I can move it around to make it look like it covers my whole head but some girls online say that it's not good so... I don't know. Some other people also suggest hair transplant surgery...

[t-8900]

I dont mean long like long. I mean fades and stuff. can you get one of these with your hair?
external-content.duckduckgo.com/.../

external-content.duckduckgo.com/.../

[Imsmurter1]

@t-8900 oh I see what you mean. Yeah that might be worth a shot. Thanks! I’ll consult a hair stylist and see what they say!

[t-8900]

ah maybe a buzzcut down to like a 3 on top and a 1 on the dies?

[t-8900]

maybe the middle one i linked you could pull it off. Best wishes

[Imsmurter1]

@t-8900 my hair is dying on the top :(

[HighValue]

1. Learn what "average" means.
2. Guys that are online often just copy/paste their profiles or put in little effort because most of the time they get contacted by scammers and that causes them to not want to waste their time with details.
3. Make sure that you try to bring as much as you expect from others. Compare what you are looking for to what you have to offer someone.

[slatyb]

"Like 80 %of the guys are unattractive " So? Ignore them and focus on the other 20%. After divorcing I joined match. com. Guess what? 95% of the women were not attractive to me. In the Dallas metropolitan area there was about 1 new woman a month that I would consider dating. Still I had relationships with several women I met there, and eventually met my wife.

[Anonymous]

The majority get nearly 0 results no matter how much effort they put it in, so it's not worth it anymore. Swiping right thousands of times and only getting 4 dates over 5 years is obviously going to be exhausting. If you never see her again, that's time and money wasted you will never get back

You say you would date an average guy, but average is literally all in that 80% you consider unattractive. When guys do get attractive they know they will never get another chance being that young again so they tend to make up for lost time by sleeping around as much as they can. If the remaining 20% of men you mentioned are good enough to be attracted by a woman, chances are they're good enough to attract many other women

[hahahmm]

Long ago when I tried online dating, I did an experiment: I put up a fake ad by a rich guy who admitted to being closet gay & pedo.. but he had big boats and private jets. Got tons of responses from women. Nasty af.

[glennos89]

For me dating apps are not working at all. I'm kinda old fashioned when it comes to relationships and I'm not addicted to my phone and I like not having to be present on my phone all day long but the woman I met at dating sites kind off expect me to be on my phone every day but I just have my days that I don't spend any time on it and there things always go wrong for me and dating sites aren't made for people like me I guess

[hahahmm]

If you're traditional minded, check out my mytakes. And no, don't waste your time on online dating.

[glennos89]

your takes?

[hahahmm]

You click on my user name.. then click on the "MYTAKES" tab.

[FakeName123]

"I actually see more attractive men"

Exactly. Attractive men that are successful with ladies don't use online dating nearly as often. Mainly beacuse online dating is strongly favouring women and not worth it for men.

Additionally you sound like you have an inflated self-worth. I will tell you a secret. At 31 you aren't as attractive as you were 10 years ago. Time is catching up.

[ronaldo75]

If she says she's an 8 with no pic, she's clearly no higher than a 6, especially at 31 years old with no profile pic. In a rut bad enough that she has to use dating apps (admits she can't get the men who are 9s and 10s she sees on the street) and judging the men on how stylish their clothing is but having the nerve to demand the hottest, most successful playboys in the top 20%. Typical female mentality. Nothing to offer but feels she's entitled to only the best.

[MCheetah]

@ronaldo75
And in about four to seven years, she'll be whining "where did all the good men go?" and how men need to "step up", even when she's well past her prime; although she's been past her prime for like six years at this point.

[hahahmm]

@ronaldo75 Come to think of it.. even the women who are finer than fine, if they're endlessly looking for dudes online: they have issues. Quality dudes ain't interested. The type of women who can never keep a man. But they say it's all men's fault.

[hahahmm]

@MCheetah Saw a funny video on youtube where this chick who is a 4 at best was saying she rejects most dudes because rich men have taken her out. It was pointed out to her that none of those rich dudes gave her a ring. Some dude just wanted an easily layup. Like some dudes eat junk food... other dudes will spend a minute on a 4. But she thinks it means she can get a man to take her seriously. Nah.