Girls, Would You Date Someone Without An Emotional Connection?

[Anonymous]

Yes I would

No, hell no

[CrazyGirl2]

Well, obviously yes! Who has an emotional connection with a guy at the very beginning of a FIRST date? Nobody! The emotional connection, or bond begins forming as soon as you begin to relate to one another in a shared or mutual like of something. Like if you discover that you both like the same music the bond begins, you go on to discover you both share a mutual love of animals, the bond increases, as you discover that you share the same values regarding marriage and child rearing… That’s it! That’s how strangers become partners who love each other deeply. Slowly, over time, you discover more and more things you have in common, and grow closer as a result!

[WonderBell99]

Gosh, no way

I don’t do hookups, I look for commitment. I do not want to be stuck in a loveless relationship.

I like talking, but only with people I’m comfortable around though, lol. Emotional connection plays a big role in romantic relationships. If he does not have similar views or long term goals, I don’t think our relationship would work out.

[CrazyGirl2]

Great way of looking at life and dating. I'm the same as you, I definitely do love talking, but not if I don’t know the person. First dates for me are mostly an exercise in listening, until he mentions something that we have a shared value in, then there’s one thing we can talk about, and slowly over time we learn enough about eachother to begin trusting and relating to eachother.

[WonderBell99]

@CrazyGirl2 I’m usually anxious around anyone i’m not close with (blame my social anxiety, lol) but I do LOVE talking, especially about things I’m very passionate about. I also love listening. Listening plays a significant role in getting to know the person, I ask them questions (within boundaries, of course) while getting to know them.

I’ve only been in one relationship so far, and he was my friend first. I guess we “clicked” mostly because of our shared values and goals

[CrazyGirl2]

That’s similar to me at 17, although after waiting for an entire year to have sex, my first boyfriend, he cheated on me less than a week after we had sex for the first and only time! After a three month mourning, I was just beginning to date boyfriend #2 (which lasted 18mos) we’d actually still be together were it not for him choosing to go to a prestigious college on the west coast for architecture. I’ve tried to be more adventurous in college, but I'm just not the casual sex type, I just don’t like it! I do not love dating again, getting reminded regularly, how guys will basically do and say anything to get in my pants… and it’s not exactly fun moving a guys hand and saying “NO” only to feel his hand creeping back down (or up) in less than 5 minutes later, then remove his hand and emphasize “I said NO!” Basically lather, rinse, repeat!

[WonderBell99]

@CrazyGirl2 girl- stop! Your first boyfriend sounds so similar to mine. Mine was a piece of shit too. Don’t get me wrong, he was a good person in general, but totally not ready to date. Had SEVERE insecurities and cheated on me with some random girl because I couldn’t talk to him for a day!

Exactly! That is the problem. I always have a hard time telling which guy is trying to get into my pants with his fake niceness (flattery) or which guy is genuinely being nice. Not to forget about the mixed signals and hot/cold behavior! Dating is absolutely trash these days. Ugh.

[CrazyGirl2]

Yep 💯%. That’s why I won’t just jump into bed with a guy, even if he SEEMS perfect! Guys are pretty good at seeming like they are the perfect “boyfriend material” at least for a while anyway, but even the best can’t keep it up for a couple of months! (Well, unless they are a complete psychopath like Mike, my 1st boyfriend). But good for you for sticking to your principals! I actually tried the whole casual sex thing when I first got to college, but I was genuinely left feeling used, even though it was completely consensual. I just didn't like it! I sacrificed my values for what I believed I was supposed to want, what I was told I should want, but I just felt worse afterwards. Don’t believe the BS that women are “THE SAME” as men, we’re not! We are very different to men, we are just not built for bed hopping! Stick to your principles, your values will never let you down, whereas modern feminist theory WILL! Trust me on that!

[WonderBell99]

@CrazyGirl2 Thank goodness I didn’t lose my virginity to that loser! (I’m still a virgin) and even when we were together, he kept pressuring me for nudes.. BUT I stuck to my principles and NEVER sent them!

Well, even all men aren’t the same. Nobody is the same, really. Everyone is different

[CrazyGirl2]

Oh, I absolutely agree that no two people are the same, and I certainly don’t believe all or even many guys are like Mike, my first boyfriend. But most guys will jump right into bed with you in the middle of the first date is you asked them! As for being a virgin, Good for you! I wish I had that option, but I was repeatedly raped by my uncle beginning on my 13th birthday, he would rape me most weekday afternoons, and did so for almost 3 months, until I missed my second period! By then I didn't need a test to tell me, I knew what was wrong, and why I felt sick every morning! That gave me the strength and courage to tell my mom what he was doing to me! So hold on to your virginity, because once its gone, you can NEVER get it back! I’m certainly no Christian, I’m Jewish, but the thought of being a virgin on my wedding day, always appealed to me! I just felt like what more precious gift could I give my husband on out wedding night than my virginity? I guess I was just in that fairytale princess phase, when he raped me? But never be ashamed or embarrassed to say that you are a virgin! Be proud, like I said, I’d love to still be a virgin, I guess after that you start to think why not?

[WonderBell99]

@CrazyGirl2 I’m really sorry about that. God. You’re really brave for telling your mom and I applaud your mother for taking the necessary actions and believing you. I hope you’re doing much better now. Sending hugs ❤️

[CrazyGirl2]

Oh god yes! That was six and a half years ago almost! I was in therapy almost every day after he killed himself, but that whittled down to three days a week, then two, and I still see a therapist once a week, but I'm doing great compared to just wanting to die every second of the day! I even blamed myself for his suicide, but of all people one of the female Assistant District Attorney’s prosecuting the case helped me out the most on that issue! Thanks for your concern, but what happened to me gave my life purpose, my family has a lot of money, and I have a trust fund that allows me to never work if I don’t want, and as much of a blessing as people think that is, its a curse, it robbed me of any motivation to find a career. But after this, all I want to do is help girls going through what I went through. So although I’ve just finished my freshman year, I'm working towards my PhD in clinical psychology to help children, tweens, and teens who have had to survive incestuous rape and sexual assault, well ALL who have gone through it really regardless of the perpetrator, but I’ll specialize in incestuous sexual assault. I already help as a peer counselor (or did before I moved for college) I'm starting anew here at the rape crisis center in this county. But I miss running my own peer group therapy. If nothing else, that asshole gave my life focus, and purpose… I suppose I should be grateful, but you’ll excuse me if I'm not!

[WonderBell99]

@CrazyGirl2 Please don’t blame yourself for his decision. He CHOSE to end his life. It wasn’t because of you and you shouldn’t take that guilt. What he did, that too, to a CHILD was very wrong. I’m glad you’re doing much better now.

And you’ve achieved so much at a very young age. That’s admirable. I hope you become a great psychologist one day. I’m interested in psychology as well! Although, I’m planning to study pre med and work towards becoming a psychiatrist. My whole family is kinda filled with doctors, but even then, I like helping people with their mental health. It’s what gives me the motivation to get into medical school!

All the very best for your future endeavors. You are well spoken and articulate. I’m damn sure that you’ll be a wonderful psychologist one day. Wishing you only the very best in life. ❤️

[CrazyGirl2]

Same to you Belle, my mom is a doctor, she's actually a trauma surgeon (well she was, unfortunately she was diagnosed with cancer, and needed a colostomy, which means she cannot be a surgeon because of the sterility issue) but she has improved amazingly and is scheduled to have what’s called an anastomoses where they will reconnect the two halves of her bowel, and hopefully she can go back to work as the head of emergency medicine at our local trauma center. Thank you so much for your kind words, you are a very sweet person, and I’m SO glad I met you. I’ll put in a follow request, feel free to do the same. I don’t know your Xper level but I usually do not allow anyone under Xper3 to follow me (too many trolls in the Xper1 and 2 levels) but I’ll make an exception if you are Xper1 or Xper2! Again it was great talking to you, and I am sure you will achieve all your dreams. Good luck, and keep your virginity until you meet someone so amazing they deserve it. Lotts of love Laura.

[WonderBell99]

@CrazyGirl2 Wow. We have some striking similarities. My parents are doctors as well. My mom is also a surgeon, but she’s a cardio thoracic surgeon and my dad is a neurosurgeon. My mom was diagnosed with cancer too.. non Hodgkin’s lymphoma, so she isn’t doing any surgeries as of now either. I hope your mum gets better!

Thank you, you’re very kind too. I’m in XPER 10, I believe. I’m in the level “Yoda”.

It was very nice talking to you as well! Sending loads of love and hugs, Tatiana

[WonderBell99]

Oops, sorry XPER 9, level Yoda

[jennifer_bloom]

A guy who can make you love him is more valuable than a billionaire that is only able to pay you bills, cause a relationship where your not in love is like a Chinese buffet without salt, you don’t want it at all.

[awkwardddgirl]

you hit the nail on it's head

[Screenwriter]

What would be the point? If you don't like someone, why spend any time with them? Sex?

Maybe all you're talking about is sex. You can hire someone for that. And what would you do with this person you have no connection to? Pretend you like them? All kinds of wrong going on here.

[Leshen]

If they were a good partner as a whole and were loyal to me then yes. But I couldn't be with someone that's basically a robot.

I feel like it's similar to arranged marriages. You start off not having a connection then it builds. I'd be okay with things going that way.

[ChooChooHaha]

I'm one to be friends first. Gotta have the whole pack, physical and emotional, with me. Not to say I require body builders or whatever. One can be GORGEOUS, but can you even have a conversation with me?

[WinterWaves]

I mean if you dont want all that emotional jazz why get a boyfriend at all...
get a male hooker or something

[bakajana]

No, to date a guy I'd need to fall hard for him. I don't take these things as a joke, it would be pointless in my opinion

[NewbutCoolUser]

I have in the past and it made me miserable, sad thing is its happened every single time I've dated anyone it sucks
so im staying single for a while and tryna figure out wth is wrong with me XD

[amandat94132]

One could years ago but in this day and age NO STDs are everywhere I'm married

[Jadethedream]

It’s very important to me to have a emotional connection it can’t go deeper otherwise

[faithgrace4u]

I would if i was desperate but otherwise no