Would you ever date someone like me, a 32 year old virgin man who has never had a girlfriend?

[RandomIntern3tGuy]

How this happened? I know it's because of my childhood. I was beaten and locked up in a room that I rarely left from the age of 4-9. I also never saw my mother even once without her being very severely bruised throughout those years either. I was never socialized around other kids at an early age at all either. When starting school, I had a lot of fear of other people and couldn't approach anyone, so I never made friends throughout my childhood. As an adult, i've made friends with co-workers, but never close friends. Earlier this year I took a very high amount of LSD. I don't normally do drugs, but since a co-worker just handed them to me, I tried it out of curiosity. I did 660ug first time trying and it basically broke my mind for a few weeks, but I think it did something to me because ever since trying it my social anxiety pretty much disappeared, my confidence is waaay up (to a point where I started doing crazy jokes/pranks in public just because I think it's funny), and i've been able to contemplate and self reflect on my entire life and have been able to identify where a lot of things went wrong and am currently working hard on building social skills. I'm actually turning my life around, so a lot of the issues that kept me single are becoming a thing of the past.

I'm well above average looking or so everyone tells me, i'm 187cm (6'1"), and have a muscular build with abs and all. I'm also a very nice person and try to help other people as much as I can. I really dislike seeing other people be assholes to others. I also volunteer to help the elderly and the homeless. I know i'd be the type who'd make the effort to be as good of a boyfriend as possible. I'm not interested hookups or anything short term, I just want to find someone to love and spend my life with and start a family, and absolutely never hit my kids or ever tolerate my partner doing so. I know how damaging it is because I experienced it. Would any of you date someone like me knowing all this? 2klimit

[MoniqueTLC]

First and foremost, you need to ask yourself; are you open to do drugs again? If you are, you need to take into account that this will be a detriment to your dating life. Especially since you're looking for a serious relationship. If you truthfully answer no to this, than great!

Very sorry to hear about your upbringing. This will cause a lot of emotional trauma and probably some PTSD, which can affect a future relationship. You need to be working on yourself, and getting through the damage that you've been through. Are you seeing anybody for this?

To find that special someone you're going to have to get into the dating world. Are you ready to go on dates? To be successful, you'll need to feel confident in yourself and have your own self awareness (this will attract women). You might be the most handsome guy out there, but if you don't believe it, dating can be emotionally draining, so be ready
You shouldn't worry about being a virgin, the right woman will accept everything about you. Stand tall and hold your head high, you've got this!

[SueShe]

Well, you had a pretty miserable childhood and those abuses to both of you and your mother do leave indelible scars that even time has a hard time to erase.

Apart from your childhood memories that probably haunt you still nowadays, the one factor that is a big concern to any person that is seriously interested in you would be the consumption of drugs.

I am personally not interested in dating, not now and not in the future but if I was and you would be open to your past trauma and drugs abuse, I would have to seriously reconsider. It is not something that is unsurmountable but it would involve you to be fully open to your potential partner.

Now, as for dating someone that is 32 and was never in a relation, that would rather be something positive than negative in my opinion. Again, if I was into dating, I would much rather date a person that is not corrupt with body counts and trophy lists than someone that collects women for a short while and then discards them.

[IHateBeingaMan]

cases like this make me mad and upset, because it reminds, a guy can at least be average looking, or just that his looks are not his problem at all, but he can still struggle to get a date or get a girlfriend, attract women if his social skills are lacking, is lacking certain social behaviors, doesn't know how to interact properly, and that makes me mad because it reminds me that will always affect mens dating lives a lot more than womens dating lives, probably because men have always had the burden of performance or pursuit

[4eyes2mouths]

First off I'm deeply sorry for your trauma when you were younger. You seem like a really nice guy with a good sense of direction in your life (now.)

I wouldn't focus on you being a virgin. Like you said you want to love and start a family someday. Just casually date and keep up that social aspect you're working on.

Things will fall into place now that you changed your outlook on life.

[PrettyPriya]

First, what is 2klimit? I'm not sure what that means so I cannot meaningfully put that into consideration as to whether I would date such a person.

However, the more worrying thing to me is the drug use. I'm not even going to address any of the other information you have put in the details because I stopped at that. You do illicit drugs. That is an instant no for me.

I don't care if it was one time or one hundred times. The fact you made the conscious decision to do so is a major red flag for me. Who is to say you won't be tempted again? You obviously did not have enough self control the first time. Therefore I would have no confidence you would not do it again.

Sorry, but I am not your girl.

[4eyes2mouths]

Wow you seem very up tight. He seems like a great guy. You should read the rest of his post... regardless of a drug he tried once.

[PrettyPriya]

@4eyes2mouths am I not allowed to have standards? I don’t date drug users. Period.

[RandomIntern3tGuy]

lol the 2k limit was because I ran out of space to continue writing because of the 2000 letter limit. I had to re-write a lot of my post and couldn't say a lot because of that limit.

[PrettyPriya]

@RandomIntern3tGuy Ah! Understood and thank you for the clarification. You can, should you want for other users, to add information in the form of an update to the question.

[Mikeybear]

@PrettyPriya @SueShe @LazerBean @wonderbell99 What happens if he does sober up fast and changes his lifestyle?

[SueShe]

@Mikeybear The problem when you have used drugs is that if the incentive is big enough, you will fall back into old habits. I have no idea whether LSD is addictive or not and it does not really interest me. The fact that the asker did used drugs once in his lifetime is enough for me to keep my distance.

But the base question was whether one would date a man that is 32 and never had a girlfriend and not so much the drugs issue.

[Mikeybear]

@SueShe I am 35 and never formally dated a girl. Making me feel bad.

[SueShe]

@Mikeybear There is absolutely no reason to feel bad about it.

You have your reasons and that does not have to interest others why you never had a girlfriend.

[Mikeybear]

@SueShe Emotionally unavailable. Just like fooling around.

[IHateBeingaMan]

@Mikeybear fooling around, you mean casual sex only?

[WonderBell99]

“I don’t normally do drugs, but since a co-worker handed them to me, I tried it out of curiosity.”

This is a huge red flag in my book. I would never date a man who consumes alcohol.

I would date a man who has had a terrible past, but a person who indulges in drug use? Never in a million years. My parents are doctors and have told me the horrors of doing drugs. I have seen many people ruin their lives because of drugs.

I’m really sorry about the way you were treated when you were just a child. I cannot imagine how awful it must have been.

The part about you having a miserable childhood, or being a virgin aren’t dealbreakers to me provided you are going to therapy and getting the emotional help that you need. Don’t feel bad about being a virgin at 32, I would consider it as a good thing more than a bad one.

[WonderBell99]

**.. who consumes alcohol in large amounts or does drugs**

[LazerBean]

I would date a virgin, but I would not date someone who showed any signs of mental illness.

[Anonymous]

I would worry if I got involved about having to fix this guy, which I don't want to do. I think a lot of girls are put in that position and come to regret it, but then are trapped.

[Anonymous]

I assume losing your virginity to an escort or sex worker is out of the question for you