How do I tell my mom I am not ready to date at 30?

[BrunaB]

So, i am gonna turn 30 in 2 weeks and I am still single, i have been single for years now, at first because i couldnt find anyone i actually liked but i started enjoying being by myself, a little too much i guess ahah.

Anyway, i moved back to my parents house a couple of years ago to help them take care of my grandma, she passed away this month but i got used to help my parents and i feel bad leaving them alone now... (Also, I live in Europe and it's kinda normal around here)

My only problem is, I am good single, i have too much anxiety to start dating again, I also am very scared of intimacy so for now, I think the best option is really to just be single but my mom ask me on a daily bases when i am getting married and giving her grandkids, I don't know what to tell her anymore, I already said I dont want to get married, that i don't want children (even tho i do, but like i said i am scared of intimacy so...), that I want to stay single, that I just want cats... I mean, I tried it all and she keeps asking every single day, it's starting to affect me mentally.

I love my mom so much and I know she is just worried that I will probably regret not dating in 10y or so... I don't know, is anyone in the same boat?

[SueShe]

Your parents have no business attempting to rule your life and they should refrain from telling you how to live your life. This should have been made clear a long time ago.

You have to talk to your mother and tell her once and for all that you have no intentions whatsoever to get into a relation and have children just because she wants grandchildren. It is a very unhealthy situation and it is up to you to make it absolutely clear to her.

In a way, I understand your mother because most parents want to have grandchildren but you have to make sure you make it clear that it will not be the case.

You could tell her something in that line

"Mom, I love you dearly but it is my decision not to get into a relation, to get married or to have children. You have to accept my decision and I will not change my mind. Therefore, please don't insist. This topic is closed and I will no longer accept that you try to force me to do something that is against my wish. I hope you understand my position. I love you mom but my decision is final. Thank you for understanding and supporting me in the path I have chosen for my future".

Good luck.

[OldWorldOrder]

Tell her:

) You are not obligated to "give her grandchildren." People are not objects or gifts, and she is being disgusting and dehumanizing.

) You are in charge of your own life, not her. If she cannot emotionally handle that, that is her problem, not yours.

) If she absolutely wanted grandchildren, she should have had more children to increase the likelihood of a subsequent generation. If she has failed to play the odds, that is once again her problem, not yours.

) She needs to just shut up and respect your choice. If she doesn't, threaten to leave the country and move somewhere you will not be harrassed for your life choices.

[Keyboardkat]

Specifically, why are you afraid of intimacy? THAT'S why you don't want to date, don't want to get married, etc. You don't want to care too much about somebody else. WHAT has caused this? What did you see, or experience, that brought this about? Fifty years from now, you may look at things very differently. It's sad to be left alone with no one in the world who cares about you.

[zagor]

Sounds like two problems - your nosy mother and your fear of intimacy. The first one is simple enough; just tell Mom that you aren't interested in being with a man. The second one will involve some soul-searching and maybe professional help. Unless you really are fine with yourself, and it is not just insecurity.

[GingerGuy]

You simply tell her to stop. "Mom, I know you only care about me but please stop bring this up. I'm happy single right now and it's staying that way. Please RESPECT this and my wishes."

[GingerGuy]

That's it, nothing else has to be said.

[exitseven]

I can understand how you feel. Being married is not for everyone. You just need to be sure that you are doing it for the right reason. It sounds like you are conflicted.

[Berethor]

Your biological clock is ticking, so your mom has a point.

[Anonymous]

This right here:

I already said I dont want to get married, that i don't want children (even tho i do, but like i said i am scared of intimacy so...

Thats a problem.

[Avicenna]

Does she know about the anxiety you feel about dating? If she did, she might back off.

[TheSpaceGnome]

If you actually want marriage and kids like you say, then you need to get over your fear, not lie to your mom to avoid facing it.

[007kingifrit]

your mother is right, you need to get over your anxiety

[In_Trance]

Say something like hey Mom I'm not ready to date and I'm 30

[Anonymous]

Just tell her that you want to be a cat lady for the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

My advice is try to find a man before you get older before it gets more difficult

[BLP11520]

Be yourself, date when YOU want to do so.

[jimmy2]

It's ok dear when you are ready