Guys, have you rejected a girl because you thought that she’s playing you?

[Anonymous]

Even if you liked her?

[SteveSmith1985]

I have rejected girls because I thought they were the TYPE who MIGHT possibly be that way. So I think the answer to your question is generally "yes". I think most guys would. But if you're not... you can fix that by convincing him. 🙂

[Asker]

What do you mean by convince?

[SteveSmith1985]

I mean just that. If he has made incorrect assumptions about what kind of girl you are. Then you need to 'set him straight'. How exactly you go about that, well... that really depends. It depends on how well you know him, how openly you're able to talk to him, your own personality etc.

But basically, the best way to convince him it to straight-up have a talk about how you feel (both of you). If you can contrive a situation where you're having a real-talk, then you can literally assure him that you aren't/won't be playing him.

If you're not quite at the point where you can have an open talk about all of that, then it becomes a bit more complicated. The point remains the same: Somehow, you need to get him to understand that he shouldn't have this worry.

How did he get this impression in the first-place? Did you two already date and he thought you were playing him when you weren't? Or does he think you're 'that kind of girl' based on something else?

[Asker]

We went to one date where he waw incredibly awkward. I might have came across disinterested in him but I was shy too. Then after the date I asked him indirectly how he felt about the date. I didn’t have chance to tell that I enjoyed the date or wanted to aee me again. He said that the date went alright and then I replied “ and what exactly means alright?” Then he lashed out to me saying “ I answered just as vaguely how you ask your questions. The date went ok but I don’t believe that it will continue”

[Asker]

He was*

[Asker]

Wanted to see him again*

[SteveSmith1985]

yikes. I don't know if you're original question (about being rejected because he thought you were playing him) is... really your problem.

So you can pretty much disregard everything I've said so far as not applicable.

This situation does have a somewhat similar fix: You need to have a real-talk and be honest about where you're coming from. You need to clear-up the various misunderstandings.

What happened here is: Misunderstanding upon misunderstanding... leading to... a fairly hostily end to the date... when that's not what you wanted, and probably not what he wanted.

So you need to TELL HIM that you were, in fact, shy and not disinterested. Tell him that you actually had a good time on your date (more than it may have appeared).

Because from his perspective, he had an awkward date, with a girl who seemed disinterested, then... she asked "what he thought" about the date you both CLEARLY felt was awkward. So when he tries to give the sorta 'polite' answer... you jumped down his throat for not being specific enough about how awkward he felt. That part... by the way... that's a straight-up-fuck-up on your part. Asking what "alright meant" turned the whole thing hostile (I can see why... and... you need to come to be able to see why as well... if you can't see it already).

So, the last thing in the world this guy would think, is that you had a good time, and hope to see him again. Nothing about what you told me says that... in fact it very very clearly says the opposite. You need to set him straight. You need to explain all of this to him. He might be willing to give things another shot. But that's the only way I can see that there's any chance. Explain honestly the misunderstandings, and where you're REALLY coming from.

[Asker]

Things actually turned even worse lol. I said to him ” I asked too vaguely. I wanted to know if you wanted to meet again. I got
my answer now” . Same day I removed him from my instagram

[Asker]

He was very nervous during the date I don't know why…

[SteveSmith1985]

hahaha, wow... so wait... let me make sure I understand:

You wrote to him somthing along the lines of

"You say I ask things too vaguely? Well I wanted to know if you wanted to see me again... but neverminded asshole... you gave me your answer (the vague thing)... so fuck-off-and-die"

And then you deleted him off of instagram?

If that's correct... jeeez... you need to learn to control that temper! Basically you'd still have to have that same honest conversation... but... you'll have to eat-crow by making decisions you need to walk back while mad.

also... how did you hope your original question would possibly solve THIS problem? 😂

[Asker]

Sorry I forgot one part

[Asker]

Oh no I didn’t forgot. Well he said that the date went ok and doesn’t think that it will continue… ofc I got hurt at that point.

[Asker]

Nothing vague about his last answer

[SteveSmith1985]

So, I think my solution still ends up being the same. The only way I can see saving things with this guy, is to just explain all of this.

[Asker]

I wanted to work out things with him after he rejected me. I feel like I might have said or done something that upset him. I had unfollowed him on Monday and I called him on Wednesday. . I asked if he’s mad at me. He said that he wanted to call me on Monday but had noticed that I had unfollowed him. He said “ don’t you think that it was bit radical to unfollow me?”. He didn’t want to work things out.

I don't know if he’s hurt and his ego is talking…. I really do like him.

[Asker]

I said I might have reacted quicky my removing him from my instagram but he said he didn’t want to see me anymore

[Asker]

He denied being mad. He said we don’t undersrand each other

[Asker]

Also being 40min late when we met didn’t help my case

[SteveSmith1985]

I do understand where he's coming from to be honest. You guys DON'T seem to understand each other. Also, you basically showed that you weren't the type of person he was iterested in seeing again. You basically showed yourself to be, (as I call them) "one of those crazy chicks". That may or may not be representative of how you actually ARE... but that's 100% the impression you gave off.

You overreacted in a weird, bitchy, over-the-top way... to fairly minor things. AND you did so on a first date (when people are on their 'best behavior'). It makes sense that he thinks to himself "I want nothing to do with a girl who thinks it's ok to act that way". Sometimes, apologies and explanations just aren't enough.

And if you feel like you've tried to explain, apologize and set things straight... and he STILL says he doesn't want to see you again... all you can do is accept that. But if that's the case, then you need to learn from this experience, because I think you were 100% in the wrong (in several places) in this situation. It's unfortunate if he won't give you another chance if you really like him... but honestly, I don't really blame him. You know how you hear about "red flags"? Well he saw some very clear red flags come out on your first date... and you need to look at changing that going forward. 🙂

[SteveSmith1985]

And I don't think it's his ego talking. It's his 'good sense'. It does not make sense to get involved with the girl you presented yourself as on your first date. That's not ego, that's common sense.

[Asker]

We we’re having the conversation through text

[Asker]

What red flags? That I was late? I apologized for that.

[Asker]

After he said this ” I answered to you vaguely because your questions were vague. the date went ok but I don’t think it will continue”

[Asker]

I don't know if I should I reach out to him again when the dust has settled…

[Asker]

I don't know if I really explained the situation. I just asked if he’s upset at me.

[SteveSmith1985]

You can reach out when the dust settles, if you don't feel like you had a chance to really explain.

What's concerning to me though, is that you don't quite seem to appreciate just how badly you fucked this up. That is concerning because if you don't fully understand what he's reacting to, then you can't possibly change it.

The red-flag wasn't that you were late. The red flag is that you turned into an agressive, hostile, psycho bitch, and flipped out at him for no reason (the whole being weird that he tried not to tell you the date was awkward by being vague... and then, for some reason I still don't quite understand, getting all pissed off and deleting him.)

Do you not understand how... that is a huge red-flag? Nobody wants a girl who gets angry over totally stupid shit... picks a totally unnecessary fight... and then has an over-the-top, unwarranted angry reaction that leads you to lash-out and do something stupid in anger... that you later have to walk back (because even you realize in retrospect that it was too-much). That is a recipe for a terrible relationship. One that any guy is going to run away from.

Soeriously... the way you CAME OFF to this guy... is about as unattractive as a girl could possibly be. I absolutely don't blame him for not wanting to see you again. If YOU don't completely understand why he doesn't want to see you again (based on everything you've told me about your interaction) then there is no point in reaching out. The only point of reaching out is to explain how you AREN'T actually the crazy, psycho-chick... you REALIZE you came off as. You'd be asking for a second chance... to do things COMPLETELY differently and show him who you really are.

I feel bad for you, because you clearly like this guy. But... goddamn... you really couldn't have done a better job of NOT showing him that. That was honestly a nightmare date you described. I've never heard of a first date ending in anger like that.

[Asker]

As women we do overreact and act emotional. I hope he will come around…

[Asker]

At that time I was also stressed

[Asker]

Noo we were having that conversation couple days after the date through text

[Asker]

I just wanted to know if he wants to see me or not.

[SteveSmith1985]

Yea... I've known a lot of women. They can be emotional. This was not acceptable women being emotional. It's distressing that you're letting yourself off the hook so easily...

Also, I thought he had already been pretty clear that he didn't want to see you again (at this point... which is why we've been talking about you explaining).

To be honest though, If you don't see the problem... I don't know how you're possibly going to avoid doing something similar if he DOES give you another chance.

I guess all you can do is to try and explain, and ask him for a second chance. Good luck 🙂

[Asker]

I do realize now what I did. I hope after 3 weeks no contact he will be able to forgive me

[Asker]

I thought just texting hi and going from there.

[Asker]

If he seems happy to talk good if not then…

[SteveSmith1985]

You can try that. Personally, I think that's a terrible plan, but you can try. That's basically... exactly the opposite of what I'm urging you to do. It's not impossible that it'll work. I wouldn't bet on it though.

[Asker]

Why do you think so?

[SteveSmith1985]

Because why would it? You acted in an off-putting way, after a date you admit was awkward asf (particularily for him).

He tells you he isn't interested in seeing you again (I understand why). Your plan... is to wait 3 weeks... not acknowledge, apologize, or explain anything... and to hope that... for some reason... he feels different. I... don't even understand how you think this might work.

Also, if that... if it DOES work... there's something wrong with this guy.

I'm urging you to apologize and explain that you, in fact, like him (despite not acting like it... in so many ways). To me, that is the only possible way that you can (maybe) turn this whole thing around (and even if you DO explain, honestly, I wouldn't give you very good odds of having him say yes. But way better odds than your plan)

[Asker]

We was awkward but I think he’s the shy/nervous guy.

[Asker]

I will explain and apologize if he first even replies to me

[Asker]

I will tell him that I overreacted and that I’ve been very stressed with school work.

[SteveSmith1985]

Well, I genuinely wish you good luck! Let me know how things go if he responds. 🙂

[Asker]

If he responds is it a good sign?

[Asker]

That he wants to patch things up?

[Asker]

I reached out to him and now we’re texting…

[SteveSmith1985]

Hey, that's excellent! 😀

[Asker]

He’s replying to my texts. I don't know if that means anything…

[SteveSmith1985]

Well I think that if he seems to be willing to just forget about what happened and chat with you, then I think that's definitely a good sign. I guess it really depends on the nature of the conversation (what sorts of things he's saying) but, overall, it's hard to see it as anything but positive.

The longer/more you two talk, the more "he gets to build a picture of what you're about"... that isn't solely (or mostly) based on that stupiness around the first date. So basically it's like "diluting" the negative view of you he had by adding in more 'positive impressions of you' (built up simply through getting to know you better as you continue chatting).

So, if at some point, for whatever reason the first date thing comes up. Apologize or explain at that point. If it doesn't come up, but he seems content to keep talking and seeing you... then... alright, cool...

Have either of you mentioned the possibility of a second date? (I would think he'd at least be somewhat open to that since he's willing to talk to you)

[Asker]

Last time when we talked on the phone he basically said that he’s not romantically interested…

[Asker]

He’s been now playful and making some funny remarks 🤷‍♀️

[Asker]

I haven’t brought up new date or anything like that. I don’t if he’s chatting with me out of boredness or politness.

[SteveSmith1985]

WHen you say last time you talked on the phone... you mean like awhile ago like a week ago right? If that's the case, don't hold that as necessarily true if he seems flirty. I mean... when he said that he thought "that was it" right? He seems to have decided to give you another chance... if he seems to be all good and flirty now. At some point (it totally doesn't have to be yet) you'll want to see him again, and if he agrees to go out on another date, then you know, for sure, that his "not interested romantically" statement is null and void.

Glad things seem to be going well for you guys!

[Asker]

He hasn’t necessarily been flirty just making jokes and using emojis

[SteveSmith1985]

Alright, well still, that's better than not talking! So in that case, basically, the way to go on this is to take him at his word when he says he isn't interested romantically. BUT continue to talk to him, and see how things go. If you guys seem to be hitting it off, and you're thinking... he might have changed his mind on being interested, then "double-check" by suggesting a date (But you do have to be prepared for the possibility that he'll say no... but... if he seems like he might have changed his mind, I'd say it's worth the risk to double-check). But for now, just chat, get to know each other a bit... and see how things go! 😉

[Asker]

by the way why did you thought that he seems to be giving me a new ”chance” ?

[SteveSmith1985]

just based on the fact that he's willing to chat with you the way he is. I mean... if he's REALLY still not interested romantically (in other words, wasn't going to give you a second chance), then I wouldn't think he'd be chatting with you. You two weren't friends before all this, and if he wants you to be 'just friends' then I think he kinda should make that super clear (to keep you from thinking mistakenly that this was him giving you a second chance if it isn't).

So you're right, this isn't a crystal-clear "for sure for sure" situation. He hasn't actually explicitly SAID that he's willing to give you a second chance (and you really do, at some point, eventually find out 100% for sure that he's still interested romantically). But for now, he is certainly acting like he might be open to... at least considering giving you a second chance. Otherwise, I don't know why he'd bother chatting with you. 🙂

[Asker]

I don’t want to seem desperate by keeping texting him first. After the phone call I reached out to him and he seemeed nice. Should I refrain now from texting him first?

[Asker]

So you probably think that he’s still romantically interested?

[Anonymous]

Of course. I've got a very short tolerance for that kind of stuff. There's 3.5 billion of the opposite gender on the planet. And there's no such thing as "the one". The ONLY thing that makes someone special is the way they treat you. And the way they treat you is emblematic of how they feel about you. I have zero time for toxic people in my life. 🙂

[bamesjond0069]

Yeah. No time for games. I've liked lots of girls but i have something many men dont have called self respect. If she's playing then i just ghost her immediately. I just wrote on another post but if she says she's dating fucking around with other dudes ill just say, im one of them lets fuck and if she says no then its over split the bill im ghost.

[Asker]

My situation is kinda difficult. Can you read my comments down below. I’ve wrote there my story with a guy…

[bamesjond0069]

If you're not capable of showing interest i would just move on myself. Nobody wants someone who seems like meh i guess ill see you again. I want a girl who is all smiles and says i can't wait to see you again.

[Asker]

What should I do? I want him…

[bamesjond0069]

Just tell him.

[Asker]

Our phone call didn’t went well (I don't know if you read about that). Should I try to reach out to him again?

[bamesjond0069]

Yes. Just say "hey let me say something. Im shy, im awkward but its because i really like you so much youve been on my mind since our date. Please give us another chance."

Short of me absolutely hating you id do it.

[Asker]

What do you mean by this ” Short of me absolutely hating you id do it” ?

[Asker]

He was awkward too so it wasn’t only me…

[bamesjond0069]

Well if you focus on that he's not going to want to see you. And maybe he was awkward because he didn't like you?

[Asker]

I don't know his legs were shaking abd he was stumbling on his words. Would he do that if he didn’t like me?

[Asker]

Also when I was ready to leave I asked him what time is it since his phone was in front of him on the table and mine was in my purse. He looked at me dumbfounded and didn’t answer lol. Then I proceed to check the time from my phone

[Turtlewax1994]

Yes I have,

I let social media get to me because she was always giving me full answers and had a bunch of followers

Can you please answer my most recent question?

[TommyMountainFigure]

First time I will usually let it go, but if I get the feeling it's a recurring theme then I will end things there and then!

[Asker]

What would cause you to think that she’s playing with you?

[TommyMountainFigure]

Sudden change in behaviour, not being able to look me in the eye when she talks.. Those things that suddenly make me feel I am no longer the centre of her universe.. That kind of vibe.. .

[Asker]

I think I gave him bad vibe not on purpose tho and he rejected me. We’ve had no contact for little over a week. I want to contact him.. is it desperate?

[TommyMountainFigure]

Would you be able to elaborate? It's really difficult for me to know how much you did wrong.

[Asker]

We went to one date where he was incredibly awkward. I might have came across disinterested in him but I was shy too. Then after the date I asked him indirectly how he felt about the date. I didn’t have chance to tell that I enjoyed the date or wanted to see him again. He said that the date went alright and then I replied “ and what exactly means alright?” Then he lashed out to me saying “ I answered just as vaguely how you ask your questions. The date went ok but I don’t believe that it will continue”

[TommyMountainFigure]

I see. OK.. Then.. Send him this message..

I admit, I could of handled things a little better last week when we said goodnight. I was a bundle of nerves because it meant so much to me that you enjoyed yourself as much as I did.
Everyone should be allowed to have an off day once in a while and I'm sorry that mine coincided with our date.
I really did have a nice time and would like us to try again, so the question remains, do you feel the same?

[Asker]

First I thought saying just hi. If he says hi back to me is it goodsign?

[Asker]

He was awkward and nervous too during the date not just me :D

[TommyMountainFigure]

Sending him a 'hi' might work, but if you want a much better than average chance of another date? send him that ^^^^

[serious]

Well, I never tried. I never approached a woman in the first place so there is no question of rejection.

[Whatever2929292]

If I thought she was playing me then yea I would. That makes me loose interest pretty fast

[Kaneki05]

More like I didn't then got burned. Sweet mistakes lol.

[Sam_25]

Hell no I let her play
And act dumb in front of her.

I love listen to the lie when I know the truth.
It's fun game. Ofc I get her pussy. 😍

[Jamie05rhs]

Well, yes. But I wouldn't call that a rejection. A rejection is something else.

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[Jamie05rhs]

Rejecting someone is denying them the opportunity to date you.

Moving on from someone is just denying them attention.

[dolemite89]

yep, I've put girls on ice that i could tell they were just using me for attention cuz they didn’t actually like me

[Asker]

I think I gave him bad vibe not on purpose tho and he rejected me. We’ve had no contact for little over a week. I want to contact him.. is it desperate?

[Asker]

We went to one date where he was incredibly awkward. I might have came across disinterested in him but I was shy too. Then after the date I asked him indirectly how he felt about the date. I didn’t have chance to tell that I enjoyed the date or wanted to see him again. He said that the date went alright and then I replied “ and what exactly means alright?” Then he lashed out to me saying “ I answered just as vaguely how you ask your questions. The date went ok but I don’t believe that it will continue”

[one1wild00]

Yes, a number of times, and I usually ended up right.

[Anonymous]

you women either turn to Christ
or your lives have no value

its that simple

there is no point in dating garbage

[ElvenMr]

Yes, happened a few times.

[ZenoZoldyck]

Yeah if you mess with me

[SiberFox]

I have

[maximumpower]

oh, HELL yes.