Do you think he's stringing me along? Boyfriend uses "expensive ring" as an excuse?

[Anonymous]

I asked my boyfriend to give me a timeline on when he wanted to propose. He said in 3 years.

I asked why, why do you want to wait

He says he doesn't, it's just he wants to get a really expensive ring for me. he's been going with that for a while now.

Thoughts?

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s a bullshit excuse. He can’t justify 3 years just because of the ring. You should call him on that lie and ask why he doesn’t want to get married next year

[Asker]

I dont think he will admit to me he's not ready for marriage.
he's claimed he's "courting" me
He even asked me if I'd like his last name.

What game is this?

Tbh I'm not ready for "marriage" either. Ut I'd like to just be engaged sooner than later

[BarryLiverstone]

The game is he doesn’t think you are the one. Either he thinks he can do better than you or he doesn’t want to commit to you for a lifetime. Likely he is taking you for granted and doesn’t realize how much worse life would be without you. But the reality is he knows you are going no where so he’s got no incentive to commit.

Have you ever threatened to leave? Or told him that you have needs and if he doesn’t step up you will have to find someone else?

I’m curious how honest you both are with each other or if there is a fear that being honest would cause a split

[Asker]

Well... I told him last week he's got 1.5 years to propose. When I mentioned that's around January 2024... he kept trying to convince me that its 2 years from now.

I believe he doesn't think I'm the one.
It's sad really. Cause I do everything for that man to be really into me.
When we first started dating I mentioned I'll never let a man tell me more than twice he doesn't want me. He was quiet offended. All because he was unsure. And he still is. Fine. I'll just be leaving sooner than later. We are both really honest with eachother. I just dont know how to ask those questions..

[Asker]

He knows that I feel he's not doing enough for me. He doesn't act in love with me. When you know you know. And he's not in love with me. He says he is but now I'm convinced he's not

[BarryLiverstone]

Ask those questions bluntly but supported by why you want to know. Giving him 1.5 years is a mistake. Revise that and let him know you are ready to be engaged and want him to ask by Christmas. Then ask what he needs to do by then to be ready. If all he can come up with is save up for a ring then either let him know you don’t need an expensive ring or even suggest a ring doesn’t need to be paid off the moment he asks.

But you nailed it.. he doesn’t think you are the one. Let’s apply some tone logic: if you wait 3 more years that’s another 3 years before you could break up and start over. Would take a year to recover and 3 more years to date and build a relationship with someone else.. bottom line is either your current boyfriend proposes in 2022 or based on your plan it’s 2028 until you get proposed to by someone else

[Asker]

I've suggested all those things. Sadly you are the only one to help me see the light. And it's not him

[BarryLiverstone]

I’m not here to sugarcoat and protect your feelings. But I am an optimist. So tell him you want a proposal this year and I bet he will take a few weeks and decide he’s ready. And if he isn’t then find someone who is