I've been dating a man for 5 months now almost 6 months. We live on the East Coast. We met each other friends and parents, we are compatible and get along great. Things have been going great until his grandmother died recently. Ever since she died he has been grieving, thinking a little erratic and his mood has changed. He was very close to his grandmother and she meant a lot to him. He started questioning the meaning of life and having negative thoughts. After her death he told me that he was thinking about a job in California which came out of no where. He told me that he submitted an application and is going through the job application steps. He told me that he doesn't know if he wants to take the job or not. He has been very back and forth lately. He makes plans for us to do stuff in the near future like trips together, meeting extended family members and more friends and includes me in his future but he is doing a interview for the job next Friday at the same time. The hiring process for this job is lengthy and requires him to take various tests and interviews. He told me that he doesn't think he'll get the job but he is just continuing to see how far he'll get in the interview process. It is a little confusing to me. It kind of feels like he is trying to run away from his problems. We did have a conversation about it and I told him how I felt. He said he will take me, my feelings and thoughts into consideration. He said he is thinking about everything and hasn't made a decision yet. He said when he thinks about it he feels excited about possibly going but at the same time he also feels that he doesn't know if he wants to make that move. He never mentioned moving far away until after his grandmother died. He seems very confused about it and maybe going through a midlife crisis or depression. Should I fall back until he figures out what he wants to do concerning this job? Or should I just continue the relationship as normal and see what he chooses?
Most Helpful Opinions
A girl I dated in college knew that it was very possible that I would move to another city, miles away, for my job when I graduated. She told me that she would follow her guy wherever he went. We weren't that serious but her words have always stuck with me.
In your case, i suggest you maintain the relationship as normal to see what he chooses. And while you're doing that, you need to decide if you would go with him to California, and what that would require... marriage commitment maybe?18
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It sounds like to me that you can’t do anything but wait and see. He sounds like a great guy.. and I can feel you don’t want to lose him. He’s got to work through this himself. Your “helping” is probably not going to be taken in that manner. He’s grieving a loss-I remember my grandma and…. I’m guessing if he needs anyone, he probably going to you.-thst may or may not happen BUT he needs space to process the Loss.
Hope it works out as you wish…
Thank you for your input. Yea you’re right it seems like all I can do is wait and see. It’s just a little difficult sometimes to not have it in the back of my mind. But I try to focus on the good.
Alright-I'm sure you will be fine !