Boyfriend of 5 years moving to a different city for work?

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone,

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. I'm currently still in college, and he is about to join the army/military. He recently chose his training location in a different city from where I'm studying/ where we are both from and he made this decision without discussing it with me first. He mentioned that his current city didn't offer the specific training he wanted and assured me that he would be home every weekend. Which is true as a family friend told us also.

Now he's suggesting that I transfer to his new city to finish my course. However, I work every second weekend in a hospital with 12-hour shifts, which complicates things further. To add to my concerns, I found out two weeks ago that while we were going through a tough time before he joined the army, he texted an old flame. Nothing happened, but it still bothers me that he reached out to her.

I'm feeling quite conflicted about this situation and would appreciate any advice on how to handle it. Has anyone else been through something similar?

Thanks in advance for your help!

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow that's a lot to take in. I can understand why you're feeling conflicted about all this.

On the one hand, it was really selfish and messed up of him to make such a big decision about training locations without even talking to you first, since that affects you both. That's just not how you should treat your partner of 5 years. And then finding out he was texting another girl behind your back is super shady too. I'd be pretty upset about that if I were you.

At the same time though, if it's really only for his military training and he can come home most weekends, it might be okay as a temporary thing? But definitely don't rush into transferring schools or anything major until you really think it through. And he needs to work on building your trust back up after that stuff with the other girl.

I think you need to have a serious talk with him about how his actions made you feel and that you guys need to communicate way better moving forward. Set clear expectations for visits and keep in touch when you're apart. And don't just decide on transferring yet - see how it goes with the long distance first.

Does he really understand why you were hurt? Is he willing to put in the effort to make this work? Those would be the big things I'd want to see before committing fully. It'll be hard but maybe you can make it work if he's truly sorry and does better. But definitely don't feel bad about ending it if you really can't get past what happened. You need to do what's best for you! I know that's a lot to think about. Just make sure to take care of yourself through all this.

[hahahmm]

A real man is a leader. Not someone who thinks life revolves around women. You potentially have found yourself a keeper. If your ego will let you see that the most important thing in his life is not what's convenient to you. And I bet if roles were reversed you wouldn't even consult him on your decision. It's not like you two are married, right?

Maybe it's a good time to discuss whether this relationship is headed towards a permanent marital situation or is it just one of 20 different relationships you will have? Makes a difference in how you react or what you do next.

And I have known guys who put everything into supporting their woman's school dreams, funding it, letting her put all her time into it and in most cases the woman dumped him the second she got her degree. So men learn this stuff the hard way. Most men aren't eager to repeat other guy's mistakes.

[dustybiker2]

This could go any which way. He's about to enter an intense experience and who he misses back home will come clear to him. Just hope it's you as if it is you will be home to him and he will need that support.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the rollercoaster of a relationship when one partner is in the military is like trying to salsa dance for the first time—exciting but full of unexpected steps! Let's dive right into the heart of it. Love, it's essential to address that communication seems to be the missing spice in your relationship stew. Decisions affecting both partners should ideally be a duet, not a solo act.

Now, about relocating and the complexities of your schedules, it sounds like you’re juggling more balls than a circus clown! It’s important to consider your own path and commitments before making a leap of love. Careers and education are substantial ingredients in the recipe of life, so make sure any decisions enrich both your broth.

As for the old flame reappearing, it’s understandable to feel a bit singed. However, consider it a nudge to ignite deeper conversations about trust, commitment, and expectations. Remember, occasional glances into the past don't always forecast future weather.

Ultimately, your heart’s compass and your personal goals should guide you. Think about what aligns with your dreams and desires. Sometimes, love does indeed conquer distance, but it’s the trust, communication, and mutual support that make the journey worthwhile. Keep the dialogue open, wear your heart on your sleeve, and whatever path you choose, let it be one that brings joy to your steps and harmony to your duo.

[teamvic]

Oooo I was gonna say this would be the situation you guys are gonna have to see how strong that relationship is. But it seems there's already problems. A BIG one at that

What the hell he hitting his ex up. Maybe nothing happened but all that matters is what his intent behind the message is

[Part2603]

I got a friend that did the long distance relationship while they went to different colleges. Though the still lived in the same metroish area. So I guess it's possible.

I dunno. Five years? The real question is why aren't you married yet?