Has any ugly man here actually taken the "just be confident" approach and have had it actually work?

[Anonymous]

I believe that the idea that confidence attracts people is a lie that attractive people tell ugly people to make the ugly people feel better about themselves while making the attractive people feel less shallow. Have you ever just been confident and it actually helped attract someone? Or did it just make you feel better by the self delusions to where you didn't feel the need to attract someone?

[BarryLiverstone]

I used to feel ugly. So yes I tried to fake it till I made it with confidence and saw improvement

[Asker]

What improvement did you see? Was it just in how you felt or did you get quantitative and qualitative results

[BarryLiverstone]

Both. For example I used to go to a party and just stand in the corner and not talk to anyone. I started to hang out with friends and be more involved. Also I found when I talked to strangers many times they seemed shy when I was faking confidence but would open up as I kept talking. I felt better after events whereas before I used to not feel good

[Asker]

Thank you for answering. How has this made you not feel ugly? If you talk to a stranger that's one thing but I find that I leave most things sad or on the verge of a panic attack as I watch my friends leave with someone they met there or go home with their SO as I'm left by myself

[BarryLiverstone]

Oh ya because it seems like a cycle. So one thing I used to do is feel like because I was lonely that others should give me attention as I was standing there alone. It’s like I felt entitled to their positivity and pity so in ways I made myself seem more pitiful. But now I know any attention I got was not beneficial.

By starting to approach people and giving my energy to them I started to see how those people gave me their energy back and how they would see me at the next event and feel safe to walk up and say hi. It wasn’t fast but over time I knew more people and would leave with friends or leave with someone new. Overall I’m learning if we choose to isolate from others because we feel ugly that’s us choosing to feel lonely. If we actually try to interact sure we deal with jerks but we find people who we share things in common with

[Asker]

Well I'm glad that works for you and I hope it stays that way

[BarryLiverstone]

Ya I’m glad as well. I’ve even been able to encourage others to stop being lonely and to try to be more social. Especially now in the pandemic more and more people feel isolated.