How would a shy girl put herself out there to find herself someone?

[river23]

So stupid question and some might say I must not be shy if I can ask the question here but I'm fucking shy that even I have to admit it. I just... well, I mean I'm only 18 so some may say I'm still young and to focus on other things but I really want a guy. I'm feeling and sounding greedy but, damn I am. I mean I see everyday how a girl finds someone and I want someone to. Not just to date or maybe marry one day but I guess to help with my fears and also insecurities and trauma. I feel bad for wanting a guy for the reason of needing help with trauma. I mean I do believe dating a guy, well it would help. I mean I was sexually and physically abused by men especially ones I didn't date but had a crush on. I feel very stupid and embarrassed for asking this, I was gonna ask anonymously but I'd feel even worse. So don't judge or make fun of me please, I just need some advice and if you wanna say I should wait, I'll listen and I respect and see where your coming from. And yet I probably won't listen, so I'll say sorry in advance for anyone who says that, so I'm truly sorry. Anyways if anyone answers thanks for that, also one of my main issues in finding someone is I feel undeserving of almost everything. Though it's something I picked up from the abuse but I also have commitment issues for fear of abandonment by the one I may love or like one day so yeah. I don't expect anyone to have the answer or solution but maybe some advice would help. Also if you don't have the answer that's fine it's expected with the kind of questions I'm asking for help with. Say whatever you must or want but please no hate or making fun of what I'm asking it truly won't help but make things worse.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Well... Finding someone right is difficult. Earlier today someone complained about only being approached by the 'wrong men' and was scared of being single. So to find a guy you like, you must approach a guy you think is right. There is always a chance that Mr. Right will come to you, but to increase your chances, you Should put yourself out there more and not be afraid to actively go after someone you like. That said, don't rush into it, get to know them :)

[river23]

But, I'm awkward and not sure what to talk about with men. Most boys my age aren't very into communication as far as I've learned and experienced so it'll be hard but I don't mind a challenge I just need to not be so shy and awkward which I can't help it. I also feel no guy would like me with how wild and untamable I am and have been sense young and I'm weird and strange probably not in a bad way but still what guy would want that? None that I know, and it's so hard to get out when you live in such a small town where almost everyone knows each other already and most good guys here are already taken. And now Im feeling like I'm sounding like a brat and super greedy and mean, sorry if that's how I sound. I'll try to be better.

[Ms_Facesitter]

I know someone who's a bit strange, but even she has fans. Then again, she's not shy, but I am. I only talk when I have something to say, so when I do it's impactful is what friends said about me when getting to know me, it's something :p
You can also try and get them to talk about themselves, people love talking about themselves. Maybe you find something you're both interested in and you can talk about that.

[river23]

Okay, thanks for the advice it's very helpful or at least I'd like to think sense I don't really have anyone rn, I mean I've not got my eye on anyone just yet I'm still waiting but also looking

[Twalli]

It's good to be involved in some groups. In college there are a lot of clubs you can join. Most of them have people of different genders and if you join based on your interests you'll find guys who share your interests. Now, you may never want to date any of those guys, but they're guys that you can talk to. Once your more comfortable talking to those guys you'll be more comfortable talking to guys you might want a relationship with.

[river23]

Well then guess I'm screwed, I'm not in college I don't plan on going to college at least not yet because I don't have the money and I don't nor did I get a scholarship either so yeah. Though that would be nice to be in that kind of environment.

[Twalli]

you may find them outside of college, it's just easy in college

[DEondeBeaumont]

@river23 Do you work? Get a job that has tuition reimbursement and let the job for it. Or get financial aid. I got my whole degree paid for with financial aid. You're poor, so you will qualify for it.

[Twalli]

@DEondeBeaumont she may not be poor enough. My sister's best friend was at the cusp. Too rich to qualify for financial aid, but too poor to go to college without aid.

[DEondeBeaumont]

@Twalli that usually happens when parents have them as adult dependent. She has to be disowned by her parents, and she'll have an independent status.

[Anonymous]

Some guys are looking for you. Exactly you. Sometimes we go through things and wonder why it had to happen. Just to develop mental toughness? For what? It is exactly so that we become the guy that you want. All sorts of guys exist, even the one who is dreaming to be a nanny. And you will get him one day.

[river23]

I love what you've said, but I'd have to add on and say unless the guy wanted to change for himself simply because he wanted to change then sure but I don't want a guy to become what I want unless he's okay with it because with how society is I've met a few guys who changed for me and ended up regretting it and I felt terrible because I didn't realize until to late and I wanted to help them but felt I'd make things worse. So I'd rather have a guy change simply because he wants to rather than to make me happy because I'll be happy with him however he comes well unless he's mean other than that he's all I'll need the way he is. It's that simple for me, I'm a pretty simple girl to please I don't ask for much either and I'm not picky at all. 😊

[BarryLiverstone]

I’d say a good first step is maintaining healthy friendships with men you trust

[BarryLiverstone]

Have you made reliable friends?

[river23]

Well then that's gonna be hard because where I live, there aren't many men my age which does suck and the older men in my town suck their so strict and still follow such old customs and their Christians which I'm not saying is a bad thing but the way they try to push that into me pisses me off even though I'm also already a Christian they just think I'm still a bad influence who h I'm not and then their are boys younger than me but it feels wrong also I'm only 18 who h means catching a case if I were to date a boy younger than myself and also their parents won't let me be friends with them cuz I'm already an 'adult" as they say and I know this cuz I've tried being friends with them so that was a failure but I will always have new chances I just have to wait for them to show up I guess

[BarryLiverstone]

I also don’t enjoy being judged by Christian’s as our walks with God can be personal. But you don’t have to date, you can be friends and do activities with lots of people

[D-Pad_Chad]

You don't need a guy. You need therapy to deal with that trauma. Otherwise it will destroy every relationship you enter. Once you can say I've dealt with my past, than you can focus on other things.

[river23]

As much as that is amazing advice I've already had therapy and all the therapist I've had which were only two they both helped me as much as they could and gave me some advice before leaving and said they did all they could the rest is now up to me so I'm learning and doing what I can and I'm dealing with life as much as I can.

[Berethor]

It not as bad as being a shy guy, because girls tend to be passive in dating anyway.

[river23]

How ever true that may be I don't think I'm a very passive girl, though very rarely I sometimes am. But guys who are shy are so cute it should be a crime, there just so damn adorable like wow 😳

[Berethor]

Nice to see that some girls like shy guys, so you are not into bad boys? :)

[river23]

I don't know not really, but they can be hot at times