The thought of someone loving me makes me sick.. why?

[Anonymous]

I hate when a guy is infatuated with me.. it just makes me feel really upset and anxious. I feel like they’ll see how dumb I am and lose interest. I feel like they can do better.. I’ve been called slow , stupid, dumb all my life.. and some do end up finding better. I could never love him and he would never really love me

But the men who reject me or mistreat me.. I’m in love with them. I try hard to make them want me.

[TheLittleInnocent]

Maybe your asexual or gay? I think sex with a dude is gross sometimes but when I think about it with chicks I'm like hell yea. If you find the general idea of intercourse with anyone unappealing then yea maybe you're asexual. Asexuality is a spectrum and you can explore that if u want.

[Asker]

No I’m not gay. A sexuality may be but I don't know bc I do want a relationship but I just feel like I have low self esteem

Because there are a lot of guys that I like

[TheLittleInnocent]

Oh yea low self esteem. As a result of it you seek validation. So you try to make the guys who don't like you, like you to prove to yourself that you aren't "stupid, dumb" But when a guy likes you on his own accord the low self esteem kicks in and you feel like you aren't worth the attention. Its perpetual cycle.

[TheLittleInnocent]

Also sorry I misinterpreted the question

[Asker]

No you’re fine!

Yes that’s exactly what happens

[Pot8o]

It sounds like you're uncomfortable not because you're afraid of being rejected — but because you're afraid of rejecting others.

It sounds like the guys who are crazy about you, you don't actually feel the same about them.

[Asker]

There’s some I am crazy about but when they like me I get turned off not bc I don’t like them but bc I just don’t want to get hurt or I don’t want them to find out that I’m not what they think

So I pick them apart in my head

[Pot8o]

Relatable AF. It's safer to get in first and reject yourself before anyone else has the chance. But sometimes others can see upsides to us that we can't see ourselves. Sometimes they can show us what is good about us.

[Asker]

Yeah very true. But it’s scary letting people in. I get vulnerable quickly

[Pot8o]

Same. I think either you have to go through that obstacle rather than around it and feel those unpleasant emotions, practising being out of your comfort zone and vulnerable, with your heart on the line. Or maybe try hypnosis. It's quite a proven therapy, especially for phobias, which might include shyness in romantic situations. I actually watched a reality show which followed some people with various dating hangups who got hypnotized by a pro, and it seemed to really help them.

One of them was this girl who would always flee her dates when they got too "date-like". Like if the guy pulled out a bottle of wine and some glasses, she would just leave. She clearly had some hangup around the process. But after she was hypnotized she seemed to get better. She even followed up that show by participating in another reality show where she travelled the around Europe with a guy and they both had to set up dates in every city. They ended up dating each other instead, though.

[CloudMassacre]

That sounds like a 7-20 therapy session type thing honestly

[Asker]

Lol G, thanks