My best friend is in love with me what should I do?

Question

So long story short I have a beat friend I grew up with that I was extremely close with and we did everything together and our mom's went to high school together so we've known eachother since we were babies, anyways he recently told me that he's in love with me and and has been since we were kids.. he's been asking me for a chance but I feel weird about it because we've been friends forever and I always seen him as a little brother.. we stopped talking the first time he told me cause he was sad that I turned him down but then came back into my life and asked me for a chance again and added me to Facebook and when I told him that I was sorry but I don't feel comfortable or see him that way he got hurt of course and deleted me from FB then a week later tried adding me again to Facebook. I'm extremely confused on what I should do. I love him to death but only as a friend and it seems like it's hurting him but I don't want to hurt him. What should I do?

SnowedIn · Accepted Answer

If you really don't see him like that, that's totally legit. But, maybe take some time to look at him in light of maybe it could be a great relationship. There's some hugely important foundation blocks there: you clearly friend-like each other, you get along well with each it sounds like, he sounds mature enough to come back from hurt (that takes maturity and humility), it sounds like you guys already have an ability to communicate. More than all this: he's safe. You have already "vetted" him better than any FBI search or Police investigation. This isn't a guy in college or a bar or at work.

Your doubts about this are well founded. No one wants to lose the friend of a life over awkward relationship fails. There is, I imagine, the gaping chasm of a question as to sexual chemistry, particularly if you've felt almost like siblings for years. So, yeah, I get it of how confusing it must be.

But, you asked, "what should I do?" I think, honestly, I'd give it a go. Not these words exactly, but something along the lines of "I want to try to make this work". (Assuming you do.) Here's my thought process: there's the nightmare scenario that it doesn't work out...but... there's the far worse nightmare scenario that here is out of that fear you miss out on what sounds like it has the potential to be a life long love.

So, yeah, I'd try it. The two of you would have to be amazingly communicative. You explaining your fears and concerns and the two of you knowing that it's tentative steps toward a more-than-friend relationship from where it is now. Set up guard rails. Figure out that what you're starting from is a base to which you return.

Or, if you really don't want this (and that's 100% legit) than have this difficult conversation with him. Make it at a time when he can process it and talk it through with him. And know that if that's final, that his process will be one of grief and it'll likely be long and will hurt both of you.

I wish you the best with this. You have a wonderful opportunity here and, even if you don't move forward with it, how awesome to know that this man loves you this much.

ZackBan · Accepted Answer

Most here are saying don't force yourself into anything you don't want and I would agree.
However one of the hardest lessons I learned is the value of a true open mind and all the doors it could open.

So ask yourself : why do you not see yourself dating him?
- is he ugly?
- is he smelly?
- is he fat?
- is he loner who has no friends or hobbies?
- is he addicted to any kind of drugs?
- etc...

Once you figure out what it is that makes you not wanna see him as more than a friend then you can be a good friend and say this :

"Look, I see the effort you're making and it's flattering. But after knowing you my entire life I don't wanna do something with you that comes from a place of desperation. So the deal is you gotta get <these> aspects of your life together and once you do if you still feel the way you feel about me I'll give you this chance you're asking for"

That way you can push him to become a better version of himself and who knows he might meet someone along the way there and if not then it should tell you his feelings for you as real as you'll ever find in a man.

Jess_D · Accepted Answer

This is complicated and I understand the situation. I have a guy friend that I like but I’m not sure he feels the same way. So I’m torn between telling him and maybe getting rejected which could be awkward and might ruin our friendship. Or I could not say anything and still have this amazing friendship.

As for you, do you not feel anything for him besides friendship? If you do I’d say give it a try, it could lead to something beautiful. If you don’t then just tell him again gently that you don’t think of him in that way. It’ll hurt but he can’t keep getting his hopes up every few weeks or whatever. He’s got to be able to move on. That might mean you guys won’t be friends anymore though because it would probably really hurt to stay friend with someone you love when they don’t feel the same way. I can sympathize with him in that case.

Bethany22 · Accepted Answer

You should realize how lucky you are to have a nice guy like him interested in you that way, before he finds a girl more attractive than you that wants to go out with him. A lot of girls who friend zone guys later on start thinking the guy is more attractive as soon as he starts going out with a girl more attractive than them, and forgets about them. Don't be that girl that's so easily manipulated. Either pretend that he's already moved on, to the point of manipulating yourself into being attracted to him, or, if he does actually move on in real life, don't try chasing after him. Whatever you decide, the main thing to remember is to be firm with yourself on your preferences, and don't let guys make you start looking wishy-washy just because they stop giving you free attention.

AviatorTom · Answer

Tough love... you have two things you can do:

1. Tell him exactly how you feel and try to convince him that your relationship will never be more than friends, or

2. Have fantastic sex with him (ultimately that's what he wants, so give it to him) and then unceremoniously dump him.

I'm guessing #1 will be a hard sell and probably won't work. #2 will work, though he will be upset... for a while... until he moves on.

Guy13 · Answer

Follow your gut, intuition, or whatever. Sometimes relationship underpinned with friendship and familiarity can evolve into something special.

coachTanthony · Answer

Give that poor guy a shot.

Summeroflove · Answer

Look. Some people can’t take no for a answer. He did nothing wrong asking. Just be a good friend to him. You love him but you’re not in love with him and don’t feel the same way.

You can say. I love you. But as a friend. I see you as a little brother and I feel weird about it. I’m sorry. But I know there is someone special out there for you. I appreciate you being honest with me about how you feel and there is nothing wrong with how you feel. But I’m sorry. I don’t feel the same way.

You don’t have to date anyone. If you want to give it a chance and see where things go especially because he’s held on for so long. You can.

But you don’t want to string him along either if you never felt the same way.

If it’s meant to be. Then it will be. But I think you should do what you want to do.

If he keeps pushing it though. This is where you have to get a little more firm. He’s already asked you once. If you ask someone and they reject you. Then they aren’t into you. If they change their mind. Then they will come around and the ball is in their court and it’s on them to make a move.

I know you don’t want to hurt him. But you don’t feel the same. If you do start to like him and he’s still single and you’re still single. Then…. Reach out and ask him.

But someone should not make you feel forced to do something like this either or put you on the spot.

RangerBlue22 · Answer

Well maybe you should of never of been so naive to believe a straight man can of been a platonic “best friend” in the first place.

I can tell you right now that no straight man will ever call another woman his “best friend” and not have feelings somewhere at some point. Never.

Quit using that word “best”. It’s extremely irritating. Also being over 30 you should know better about men. Really.

Strangerdanger2120 · Answer

I'd say either give him a try or leave him alone. He obviously always seen you as a potential girlfriend and you're friend zoning him. If you stay "friends" it's very likely you're just holding back from moving on. If you care about him set him free. He never saw you as a bestfriend.

UdosUNDERDEVELOPMENT · Answer

Don't force yourself into uncomfortable situations and environments. People fall out of compatibility sometimes , develop new reasonings or new auras that some might not find comfortable. There is no need to abuse yourself for others or for any reasons. Goodly explain , and if a person cannot understand then you can say "I am sorry I do not think we are compatible" . Some things should not be mixed because it will create abuse and evil towards self or others.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

He needs to get himself together. He's way too emotional. I personally do think that it would be wonderful for you guys to date, but he needs to stop being a girl. Just try to be nice to him but also be firm and stay true to yourself and what YOU want.

Marklaw12 · Answer

Jump on his D

He's been there for you and he's in love. It's take a lot for a man to fall for a girl.

If you say No. You better be sure. He will find someone better and will love her so much it will make your eyes and heart bleed cos that would have been you.

Oh by the way, make sex harder. It easier it is the least he will respect you.

tonamimargaux · Answer

You’re throwing away something which could have been precious with time. Anyway, it’s your life it’s your feelings if you don’t feel the same what can be done? Just don’t regret it later. Good luck!

nawtee_me · Answer

Sometimes friend do make the best partners in a relationship. Yes if it goes wrong it may hurt the friendship but if it goes right isn’t that what you really want? A partner that is also your best friend too… relationships take work no matter if you were friends first or not….

inhua · Answer

perhaps you could ask yourself why you don't have those some romantic feelings towards him? what is preventing you from having such feelings? if I had to guess I'm gonna guess he lacks sex appeal?

Miristheiss · Answer

If you find him attractive then go out and give it a try. If you aren't attracted to him then tell him the truth that you are not.  Either way there is no guarantee he'll remain a friend.

summiter · Answer

You need to be honest with him... Be kind but honest... he is probably thinking of you and masturbating a lot thinking about "what if" Has he had girlfriends... is he still a virgin?

hahahmm · Answer

You going to be one of those women in your 40s who is whining about how no man ever wanted to take you seriously and look at you as wife material? Your choice.

Jdjfjcjj · Answer

Don't have sex that's for sure. I'd be honest with him and let him down easy. Perhaps say, I will always love you, you my best friend, but I just domt babe the same feelings of being in love.

LiamSawyer · Answer

The best lovers become best friends long before they become lovers. Perhaps you're overthinking this one. Don't throw away your chance at a perfectly suited partner.

Katie1964 · Answer

Either tell him that and it won't change. Or Give him a chance and date him like you would any other guy.

Pudsmucker · Answer

Best friends are good companions forever. At least try and give him a chance. Best friend you can talk about anything and everything. I have no idea what the age spread. You said you were older?

ChooChooHaha · Answer

Talk to him about it. You hurt him worse if you're a dishonest fucker.

DannyUk2017 · Answer

Well the "picture" explains it all! F with B...🤷‍♂️

Kiss_Me · Answer

If you saw him on a date how would you feel about it?

BLP11520 · Answer

This has happened to quite a few people, you will have to let him down easy. My guess is he will not give up. I had this happen but i didn't want her and i was as kind as I could be making here cry was not fun at all.

slatyb · Answer

You should continue being honest. His feelings are not your responsibility.

ProVox · Answer

Find him a woman lol. For real tho, if you can, hook him up.

User3191989 · Answer

Think about it this way. If you don't see him that way, then you need to let him go. You need to let him be with someone who CARES

Utopia1 · Answer

Love him back and support him because it may surprise you and you’ll wish you did it a lot sooner

Tennessee_fan · Answer

Just be honest with him and speak from the heart if he is truly a friend then he should understand you only want to be friends

boobliker · Answer

fuck him and say can you do that 3 times a day for the next ten years

ALewis30 · Answer

Try to tell him nicely that you don't like him that way. And explain why you should just be friends.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Be kind and delete him from your life. Don't torture him.

Nominal · Answer

Fuck him, will see what u want to do with him.

YourFavoriteFriend · Answer

If you truly love him, then let him go.

soe11 · Answer

It is a best choice for your further Life.

Anonymous · Answer

Is that really a problem?

katestar · Answer

Have a make out session with him

MadClown · Answer

give him a chance for those years

EaterPeter · Answer

Go for it. It is very important to be friends.

MrTaboo · Answer

Your spouse should be your best friend...

Sabretooth · Answer

there's already a solid foundation.

Vivaldi · Answer

Man and Woman can't be friends.

Spiritofn · Answer

"lol"

In_Trance · Answer

Sleep with him

My best friend is in love with me what should I do?

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