Is it normal to not know on a first date if there's a spark or not with that person?

[Paulalove98]

Updates

+1 y

I think he's a cute guy and seems really nice but I don't know if there's a romantic spark or chemistry with us yet but I'm not denying that there ever could be but right now I'm not sure. Is that normal or common to feel this way after a first date?

[Aerissa_Jade]

It is normal, after all only pheromones really attract on first date... but no matter how long a first date is, there is no way you can know enough to be attracted or not.

It always takes me several dates to decided if I want to go further. I think too many people are trying to figure it all out in the first date... I don't even try, I just go to have fun and then work my way up. After all there is questions or things to talk about that I may not think about until it is over.

I may not known until the 6th or later date.

Ofc, I might go out every night for a week... for several hours after work, if he is up to it. This way, we get to see each other and how we dress, how we are in different moods, tired, energetic, stressed from work, etc...

[Paulalove98]

Thank you for sharing. The thing is it didn't feel like awkward or anything between us I guess which is a good thing and I think he's cute physically but if we have a connection. I am not sure to be honest. I'm trying to figure that out still. Make sense?

[VanillaSalt]

What is this “spark”?


First comes attraction. It comes in many forms but the easiest way to attract someone is by looks and mannerisms. When they have set themselves apart from others in your mind then comes the dating phase. The dating phase is where you learn more about them. It’s here you find The foundation and see if it’s similar to yours. How you raise your kids, what you look for in a partner, how your lives will look 10 years from now and you decide if these things are what you want. You seal this deal with a promise to work together for the rest of your lives towards, if you did it right, the same goals.


Is the “spark” the initial attraction? I hope it’s not a feeling of desiring because if so… you gonna build a lifetime on a momentary flash of light? That’s all a spark is.

[VanillaSalt]

Ide also like to add… I don’t believe in love at first sight. How do you love someone you don’t even know? If your looking for love… Love comes after you start dating. It’s a feeling you get from trust and closeness that you can’t get until you really know someone. You don’t know someone until you’ve spent a large amount of time with them.

[slatyb]

It's fine to feel like you need to know more about someone. I read something written once by a pediatrician. He was a bit awkward on dates and he knew it. He went on a date with someone he really liked but he could tell she wasn't impressed. So he invited her to come to his office and watch him work. She accepted and fell in love with him when she saw how good he was with children.

So if you aren't sure, but didn't see any red flags, go on another date. There's a difference between "not sure" and "not comfortable"

[Paulalove98]

I wouldn't say it felt awkward between us or uncomfort but more so like easygoing and casual type of thing

[Paulalove98]

Just unsure about chemistry more so? I think he's cute but I'm trying to see if we click personality wise. Make sense?

[slatyb]

Of course it makes sense. That's why we date.

[jennifer_bloom]

I think you would have no cues other than physical appearance on a first date. You could not even detect intelligence on a first date.

[Anonymous]

If you're thinking that you'll have some magical chemistry, spark and butterflies in your stomach on the first date like they do in the movies then I think you're being unrealistic. In real life that is very rare and if you're rejecting people for this sole reason then you might be shooting yourself in the foot. First dates are often awkward and you barely get to know the real person because everyone is trying to be look, sound and be perfect, it's not until you've been on 5-6 dates at least before you get to know the real them. Some people have the spark on the first date and have sex and end up parting ways within a few weeks. I'd say that if you find him "cute and nice" with no red flags then give it a little time, you don't wanna miss out on a really great guy do you?

[Opinion Owner]

correction - more like 3-4* dates

[Kiss_Me]

Yes. Date for fun, not enter a relationship. The guy that has great relationship potential will become obvious.

Casual dating will enable you to see many different personalities and other qualities you may not even know you like/want/need. Also, dating is a skill. The practice will help you land "the one" when you find him.

[BarryLiverstone]

Think of it instead as are their huge red flags and are you completely turned off after date uno? If not then go out again and allow space to get to know him really

[Paulalove98]

I wasn't turned off by him but I am unsure if we have a spark or connection but we found one another attractive and the date wasn't awkward either it's more like uncertainty at least on my end if we click with our personalities because I'm unsure of that right now.

[BarryLiverstone]

The spark is more dangerous than beneficial. You found each other attractive so that’s it. The connection is built over time, not immediate.

What I mean by dangerous is any spark is actually not that person but your past and who that person reminds you of.

[BarryLiverstone]

In other words being unsure of a connection is positive. It means you date more and learn to feel a stronger connection and build trust over time.

[FilmGuy93]

No, that’s not normal, honestly. You should have a pretty good idea about whether there is something worth looking into after spending an hour or two with someone. Obviously you aren’t going to know if you’re looking at your future spouse after one date, but it’s not hard to know if you want to keep things moving forward

[Juxtapose]

I hate this "spark" shit. All a good romantic relationship really is, is best friends who fuck. The same love you have for your best friend? Just add lust to it.

There's no fairytale "spark", the closest thing to that is lust inspired infatuation where you idolize the other person and ignore their flaws.

[melanieeeB]

Yeah definitely! Even with the first phone call... you just know

[melanieeeB]

I rejected like 70% of guys after the first date and that for this reason alone 🤷🏽‍♀️ It doesn't fit and next to the other, until it fits

[melanieeeB]

(And for some behavioral problems or stuff they said but still lol)

[Delikatezzen]

Sometimes. But it can also take many many dates to find it as well.

[DrAdams]

I would give it another chance but usually you ‘click’ at an early stage. Perhaps consider a second date to find out.

[UnknownSwede]

Love at first sight is a myth. You get to know each other and build the chemistry.

[serious]

Of course it is normal. In just the first date it would not be possible to know this.

[nolabels]

I'd say that if it's not there from the beginning, it never will be.

[Nigjt]

In my way if thinking I'd say no because I've had some first dates where I didn't know either or I was to nervous at the time but what ever it happens.
God Bless

[Guardian45]

Yes, it can take upto 3 dates to figure out if they're the one

[AsaKyo]

Do you just run through guys like water? Lmao

[Paulalove98]

What's wrong with dating?

[AsaKyo]

There's nothing wrong with it, but you talk about a new guy almost every week lmao

[rienna888]

Umm from the first date I either know I wana date him or not

[Paulalove98]

I don't think he's unattractive but im not sure if we have a spark or not yet but I also feel like I can't rule it out completely either.

[rienna888]

Yeah I suggest give it another date or so. Sometimes he could be having a bad day. Unless he did something really off putting

[Anonymous]

For a woman, I would say it is not only normal, but most normal.

[Hardworkingguy]

Sure. If there's something going on you'll know

[BLP11520]

One date can not reveal much. People may misrepresent themselves. Flat out lie

[ConfusedGirl100]

Perfectly normal for many people.

[gothbxtch]

i would say so yes

[sheikalana]

Very normal.

[Anonymous]

The best ones you do know.

[Marklaw12]

Absolutely. Hence, get a second date

[dudeinohio]

I can usually tell on the first date

[Adogdog]

I would know pretty quick.

[Anonymous]

I think three dates is the norm.

[Paulalove98]

True. I may have to get 2 more dates to find out.

[Debbie14217]

yes it is

[In_Trance]

yeah