Ultimatum after situationship?

[Anonymous]

We have sexual relationship. I gave an ultimatum. I said "I felt connection let's date, have dinner together". He said he's busy he's working +80 hours a week, he can't.

After that, I went no contact & stopped sleeping with him. Then he reach out, he took me a close by place for dinner. He said he's willing to give a shot.

Even though my ultimatum seems like it worked. I feel like nothing have changed, he just keeps me around for the benefits

[MzAsh]

It sounds like his only goal is sex and like he doesn’t want a relationship with you. Did you have sex at the end of the date? If so, that was by his design. He sensed you were willing to walk away now he’s doing the bare minimum to get sex. Either you could end this completely, or you could evaluate his behavior when you angle for a few dates that don’t include sex. That will tell you what you need to know about his attitude towards you. It’s tough to flip a friends with benefits into a relationship. He has to like you enough for it to work out, not just like the sex.

[Asker]

You're right. The problem is he keep saying he likes me a lot, he wants to date too. He said "What am I not doing for you" So we "technically" dating by watching tv, eat fast food, talk and sex.

He is very affectionate gives forehead kisses, he keeps me warm etc. So I'm confused

[MzAsh]

Earlier you said you felt like nothing has changed and wonder if he might still be using you. What do you think is missing?

[Asker]

I might be paranoid. Feels like he does the bare minimum to get laid? But he says he took me out a dinner, he kept texting for a while, we watched movie together and order take out.. He says "I feel like you don't trust me" well I don't lol. And he was like "you're already naked what's your hold up?"

After we agreed about "dating" we had a conversation about loyalty. He said "you cannot love one person in your life" I said "what about being faithful?" what's the point of dating then lol... He said "you can be if you love someone"

But I got turned off for sure. Later I asked him so you cannot be loyal? He said: "I can be... you make assumptions about me... I guess we're not on that level yet no worries you can call me whenever you want"

WTF? did he just friendzoned me again? Am I misunderstanding everything?

[Asker]

Hey?

[MzAsh]

Hey sorry I may not have seen your last reply. These statements by him seem vague and ambiguous. He says he “can be” loyal but that’s not the same as saying “yes I will be loyal to you.” The way you describe him and what he says reminds me of Mr. Big from Sex and the City and how he was always jerking Carrie around, acting likes he’s always got one foot in and one foot out.

[peacesncream]

See what happens when u stop texting a person if they want u for sexual things or really like you they will come around he maybe trying to bribe u with dinner to keep u around

[Asker]

I did that. He came back. He took me out (even though it was sloppy). He said what he's not doing it for me?

[peacesncream]

So he is taking u out to eat and sex beside that is he doing other stuff?

[peacesncream]

If you feel like he care then I don't know he probably not just using u for sexual stuff he takes u out n u guys talk n all

[Asker]

He took me out dinner, ONCE. Then I cutted him off. He texted he miss kissing me, he miss being around etc so he wanted to meet. Then after we met we fucked all night, watched Christmas movies etc

[peacesncream]

Oh so after that u cut him off again? Well u have to choice to keep him around or cut him off

[peacesncream]

Did u felt like he missed u?

[Asker]

Yes but that night I cut him off again but forever.

He had wanted to see me again. We met he said he doesn't deserve me, he's not handsome enough for me etc. I turned off. We kept having sex watching tv... Later we had conversation about loyalty in general. He said something like "You cannot love one person biologically impossible" I was like what? What about being faithful? He said "you can if you love someone?" He asked if Am I upset, I said no

Then we went to bed. this conversation ate me out so I told him I guess he cannot be loyal, he said "I can be. You make assumptions about me. But we're not in the stage yet. No worries you can call me whatever you want or need I'll be there for you"

Am I misunderstanding everything or am I paranoid? did he friendzoned me "I can call him"

[peacesncream]

Your not paranoid he sound confusing

[peacesncream]

Yeah he probably friendzoned u

[Asker]

We were naked, cuddling at his bed. I got shocked. Some guys says "he confessed his feelings by saying that"

[peacesncream]

You maybe he showing it through actions sometimes workds

[Asker]

Sometimes works? I mean he did said he wants to date me too... It's so painful really when I think like he friendzone me.. Like after not fucked each other all night

[peacesncream]

What changed his mind? U cut him off n he frienzoned u he still like u I bet

[Asker]

Girll sorry but I couldn't understand what you're saying 🤦🏻‍♀️

[peacesncream]

I confused myself lol

[Asker]

Do you think he likes me? But romantically 😂

[peacesncream]

Yes romantically it seems as he do

[Asker]

You confused me, too 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣 If he likes me romantically why he'd friendzone me? He didn't friendzoned me then?

[peacesncream]

🤣🤣 lol

[peacesncream]

Maybe he wants you romantic but since u first cutting him off he friendzone u

[peacesncream]

Why he said he not good enough for u so that why he did that friendzone?

[Asker]

"I don't deserve you I'm not handsome enough for you" It's his way to reject me? If he rejected me why he rejected (or friendzoned me) like Bro you kept texting me?

[peacesncream]

He saying that because he think u want somebody that looks better then or handsome then him he said he not handsome or good enough for u unless he saying u deserve better than him someone who wants a real relationship with u he friendzone u to keep check on u or to call when he want something but if he wanted to date u he should of ask u out

[Asker]

🤣 So your final opinion: He doesn't want real relationship with me. He doesn't romantically want me. He just wants to keep me around for sex?

[peacesncream]

Yes that's what he want he want u to find someone better them him that's what I think he saying

[Asker]

Girl basically he doesn't like me he uses me for sex😂😂😂😂

[peacesncream]

Yes lol 😆 🤣 😂

[peacesncream]

Don't let him use girl

[Asker]

Girl, we had this "I'll be there for you" chat in his bed. We went to sleep after he fell asleep, I left and never saw him again.

We were supposed to wake up together. He couldn't find me in his bed. He texted "Where did you go? I didn't reply. Then he "Baby?"

I said "Home." Never talked or saw him again.

[peacesncream]

U did right

[Asker]

I know. This is sad ending. I tried everything, I cut him off then I still met him, he still didn't want me. Horrible bad feeling. I'm still hurt

[peacesncream]

He should of apologize n mean it it may take a while for you to heal from that

[Asker]

Yes I am still upset. Our text was "Home"

He understood that I was finally done with him.

We never blocked or texted each again either. He didn't even ask "What happened why you left" It hurts AF 😭

[Asker]

He didn't give a single fuck about me he didn't even ask "why you left what happened"

[peacesncream]

Damn that's harsh

[Asker]

It is. You can even ask to your friends with benefits "what happened you left?

[peacesncream]

Who left

[Asker]

I left him. He didn't even ask "what happened you left"

He'd ask his friends with benefits "why you left" He don't value me even as a friend.

Not even apologize

[peacesncream]

Damn

[peacesncream]

I hope he don't try that to other women either that's not good

[Asker]

I'm trying to heal & build my self esteem back at this point. Idc about other women of his, but what he did to me very very fucked up, terrible

[peacesncream]

U right girl just healed yourself n may God bless u with u someone who cares for u truly

[Asker]

Honestly, I'm so hurt even after more than a year. He destroyed my self esteem. He NEVER reached out to me again after that night. Even all of my one night stand guys reached out to me. It is crazy that after I every I've done for him he never even asked "how you been" I tested his semen. I had raw sex with him. I had raw sex EVERY few people. It is SO SAD (from my side) that the fact he never reached out to me

[Fleet7635]

He wants your pussy is what it sounds like to me but I’m not a professional

[Asker]

After we agreed about "dating" we had a conversation about loyalty. He said "you cannot love one person in your life" I said "what about being faithful?" what's the point of dating then lol... He said "you can be if you love someone"

But I got turned off. Later we went to sleep together. After we had sex. I asked him so you cannot be loyal? He said: "I can be... you make assumptions about me... I guess we're not on that level yet but you can call me whenever you want I'll always be there for you"

I was like what? What does even mean

[Fleet7635]

He definitely just wants pussy

[Asker]

I know that's why I cut him off. I told him We don't have same intentions. He kept telling me he wants dating too he misses me, that he's not doing for me etc.

[Fleet7635]

Well I don’t think he knows what he wants friend

[Wise4myage]

Listen to your gut feeling, and who works 80 hrs a week?

[Asker]

Nurses and doctors

[Wise4myage]

That's insane.

[LazerBean]

He didn't just change. He's still just doing what he thinks is the minimum he can to keep his booty call around.

[DevikaButts95]

Some people only want sex. If it's not working for you, just end it.