When is it correct to give an ultimatum?

[Jay-_-]

This is indeed a trick question, but answer as your heart desires.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

The only time you should ever give someone an ultimatum is when you know for sure they really don't want to piss you off. And you should always have more leverage than they think you do and should never have as much as they think they do.

In other words, they're for when you have the situation gamed to the point where it's nearly redundant.

It's better to make your way the one that the person in question values the most. You can try increasing the value, offering something else but in return they have to offer some collateral, etc. Get creative.

Always build leverage.

[NathanDavis]

after dinner, not before...

[Jay-_-]

😂😂

[kylee2437]

Never really. Ultimatums are a way of having the upper hand without understanding the other side of things.

[Jay-_-]

Good answer. I wouldn't say having the "upper hand" because it could come out of purity but it all depends on the situation.

[kylee2437]

That really depends on the situation. For me I see it as “I pretty much have made up my mind about what I want, but I will change my mind if you give into my ideas”

[Jay-_-]

I completely understand if that was the case. It could also be a mutual ultimatum.

[Jay-_-]

If you need an example I'm happy to give you one. (But I'm guessing you have an idea of what I mean)

[kylee2437]

What’s the example?

[Jay-_-]

"You don't talk to any girls I won't talk to any guys" or vice versa.

[kylee2437]

Ahh got it, I do feel like a statement like that does come from an insecurity vs someone simply asking if the other is talking or other people. Simply asking a person “hey were you looking for something exclusive with me” or something along the lines gives more opportunity for you to get a more honest answer and shows you are more understanding towards someone else’s wants/desires without forcing them to act a certain way.

[Jay-_-]

I understand but if it's mutual I don't see an issue, I would love to know why do you think your significant other would need a friend of the opposite sex if you have each other? (I'm genuinely asking)

[Jay-_-]

No one ever gives a direct response on this question besides "insecure" or "controlling" I want a genuine response.

[kylee2437]

@Jay-_- but is it mutual? Or is that other partner just agreeing because they like their partner thus allowing their partner to shut up their opinions? I think a healthier way of approaching relationships is by being open to opinions you may not agree with and creating solutions based on how both people feel.

[kylee2437]

A person asserting demands and not willing to open discussion about opinions is a controlling person. That might be why people constantly give you that answer

[Jay-_-]

I 100% agree with voicing both opinions and creating an outcome you both are okay with but you still haven't answer my question 😂 (see what I mean)

[Jay-_-]

Why would your significant other need a friend of the opposite sex if you have each other?

[kylee2437]

@Jay-_- a better question is, is why are you dating someone that doesn’t hold the same beliefs as you to the point where it’s possible to create solutions? If someone is holding opposite gender friends and you aren’t in favor of that, you are lacking a huge compatibility component.

[Jay-_-]

I'm asking you a simple question just respond to the question and stop making new ones 😂 (by the way I'm not with anyone and this situation doesn't partake with me at all) I realize you're reacting out of emotion it's a very simple question.

[kylee2437]

Jay-_- I’m not reacting emotionally, I’m providing a question that makes more sense and holds more value considering that it makes absolutely no sense that a person would force demands on a partner instead of just literally going and finding someone that shares the same values. Saying a person is reacting out of emotion is quite manipulative on your part.

[Jay-_-]

Manipulative? Ouch (not taking advantage of you or control in any way) Lord knows I was just bored digging on a question. That's insulting bro 😂

[Jay-_-]

But whatever.

[kylee2437]

@Jay-_- boy if you want people to answer your questions, you best be able to answer questions also lol you never answered why would someone continue to be with someone that doesn’t share valuable core values?

[Jay-_-]

Attachment issues, bad mental health, can't see themselves starting over? Why are you asking me that? Clearly you didn't read my parenthesis. Hear lemme repeat it.

[kylee2437]

I’m just saying this out of curiosity, because my boyfriend didn’t even have to ask and I exited out a male friend that I knew would be an issue towards our relationship, why would you date someone that would complicate your core beliefs when there’s women that wouldn’t think twice about questioning your beliefs?

[Jay-_-]

Ohhhhhh

[kylee2437]

@Jay-_- so because you have attachment issues, you feel like you need to drag an incompatible women through the mud with you? That sounds therapy worthy

[Jay-_-]

Do I need to repeat my parenthesis for you again?

[kylee2437]

@Jay-_- no because your parenthesis is unreasonable and lacks common sense.

[Jay-_-]

How?

[Jay-_-]

I think you are quite literally lacking common sense 😂

[kylee2437]

@Jay-_- because your justification for continuing to date an incompatible person is all on the lines of toxic behaviors

[Jay-_-]

Hear me good this time and I quote "(by the way I'm not with anyone and this situation doesn't partake with me at all)" unquote. 😂

[Jay-_-]

Clearly you react to emotions faster than you actually read.

[kylee2437]

@Jay-_- whether you aren’t or are, your explanations are toxic, so while you say this isn’t your situation , I beg to differ

[kylee2437]

@Jay-_- you keep bringing up me acting emotionally but your explanation for someone staying with someone (when there’s not a reason to) is attachment issues. Someone with attachment issues is emotionally driven.

[Jay-_-]

See emotions I could create a lot of speculation also "I beg to differ" is all you can say because at the end of the day you don't know me and I don't know you and it's not toxic at all because I know who I am and what I would put up with for someone I genuinely and truly love.

[kylee2437]

@Jay-_- no the fact that you are sitting here and telling me I’m wrong when you asked for my opinion says a lot

[Jay-_-]

I think I have the right to say you are wrong ABOUT ME 😂😂😂

[Jay-_-]

I didn't say anything about the opinion I said you are incorrect about me being toxic I have the right ma'am 😂

[kylee2437]

@Jay-_- I didn’t say anything about you until you said I’m reacting emotionally when you decide to counteract someone by telling them they are emotional, you are projecting.

[Jay-_-]

I think you are trying your hardest to gaslight me right now no emotions were included in my messages

[kylee2437]

@Jay-_- but when you are acting like someone’s opinions are coming from an emotional state and not from a place of mutualness of what you are doing, that is a projection of yourself. You keep getting the same answer over and over again because the pov you are coming from is a controlling state. And when you keep doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results - you are being insane. Own up to your controlling behaviors and work on that.

[Jay-_-]

More speculation you are saying "its a projection" but here I am single and happier than I've ever been. Please make it make sense just admit you got emotional and move on 😂

[Jay-_-]

I've also asked people "are you depressed" sorry to break it to you but I'm not depressed 😂

[kylee2437]

Yeah you are single for a reason. Your project misery while you are in relationships for the exact reason why I said before. You are too afraid of people having different opinions than you so instead of being open , you demand people to feel how you feel. Kind of like what you are doing to me right now.

[Jay-_-]

You are trying to tell me about MY LIFE and who I AM do you not hear yourself as delusional right now I haven't said anything about YOUR LIFE just the fact that you got emotional right now about this situation and it's only factual from how you keep trying to throw shots that I'm clearly shooting down 😂

[kylee2437]

You projected your life on this post lol you can learn a lot about someone based on what answers they provide on a big subject- like this one. You have controlling qualities which is why you keep getting that same answer from everyone.

[Jay-_-]

It's not from everyone it's usual the ones that live the "party life" 😂

[Jay-_-]

"you projected your life on this post" there you go again a delusional person at its finest 😂

[kylee2437]

I work, go to the gym 5 days a week and if I’m not doing that I’m with my boyfriend. I don’t live the party life , I just had a controlling ex and know a controlling guy when I see one.

[Jay-_-]

You clearly don't, you have a lot of self reflecting to do

[Jay-_-]

I could say this and that about you but that's immaturity and it's called SPECULATION.

[kylee2437]

I sure do, a secure guy wouldn’t make up excuses as to why he would stay with someone that isn’t compatible with him and he knows it

[Jay-_-]

I literally put question marks and right after I said "I don't know, why are you asking me that"

[kylee2437]

Call me immature, I’m secure with myself enough to know that you are full of shit. Go get some therapy before you end up like this past the age of 30.

[Jay-_-]

You literally sound miserable

[kylee2437]

I’m not miserable, I’m quite happy I don’t need to force my opinions onto others to have a dating life.

[Jay-_-]

Okay so we're on the same page or are you gonna keep fighting with the wall?

[Jay-_-]

😂😂

[kylee2437]

We don’t have to be on the same page, just work on yourself if you feel like people are giving you the same answers that show you have negative qualities about yourself. Ted talk closed. Goodnight

[Jay-_-]

Yea, you clearly have unsolved issues so is this a projection about yourself?

[kylee2437]

Sure we all do- but when you can’t admit that you have issues, what does that say about yourself?

[Jay-_-]

That you lack accountability. Obviously

[kylee2437]

Mmm exactly. So again , thank you for coming to my ted talk. Goodnight

[kylee2437]

Stop replying to me, I’ll just keep deleting your answers. Me saying goodnight is clear indication that I don’t want to talk to you anymore

[kylee2437]

One more reply from you and you are getting blocked. Petty ass 19 year old, I don’t have time for your antics

[DishLady]

Depends on the situation.

[Jay-_-]

exactly "dish lady" exactly 😂

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the ultimate question about ultimatums, sprinkled with a dash of relationship intrigue! When it comes to love and ultimatums, it's like walking on a tightrope over a fiery pit of emotions—you gotta know when it's really worth it. Giving an ultimatum is like playing with fire; it can either light up the way or burn everything to the ground. It’s usually a last resort, a moment when you've tried every way to communicate, and it feels like your only option is to say, "This, or I'm out." But remember, it's crucial to check in with yourself first—are you setting boundaries, or are you trying to control? Whether it's a commitment issue, a recurring problem, or an essential need that's being ignored, ensure it's about respecting your worth and not about winning the argument. Love is about harmony and understanding, not about who holds the gavel. So, use that ultimatum wisely or not at all, because once it's out there, you can't take it back, and the relationship dynamics may change forever. Stay true, stay kind, and may your love story be as epic and drama-free as possible!

[exitseven]

If you give somebody an ultimatum you need to back it up with actions. If you tell somebody you will break their kneecaps if they do something you do not like you better have a baseball bat.

[Unit1]

I know of a real example from a woman, that doesn't smoke.

"Either you quit smoking or i won't be your girlfriend"

He quit smoking.

[Anonymous]

When people can’t be clear and honest with you. Like, “hey you’re doing ‘this and that’ when it’s convenient for you -- how about you make a hard decision and stop wasting my time?”

[LiamJHayden]

Never. It is okay to establish a boundary, but demanding of another crosses that line.

[DrPepper12]

First rule of ultimatum club: Dont threaten unless you ARE TOTALLY prepared to follow through on it. Thats when its appropriate.

[Anonymous]

When it has reached a point that you having nothing lose by the outcome being what you don't want it to be.

[Jay-_-]

What if the outcome is something you want or the other person wants as well (you're definitely thinking the worst of the worst)

[Opinion Owner]

No no, you misunderstand me. I see this all times from women on here. They want to marry and or have kids with a guy but he keeps kicking the can down the road. There reaches a point where she's put in the time. It's time for him to nut up or shut up. And I tell those women (say after 5 years. Or something), you've put in the time. I understand you not wanting to give him an ultimatum. But he should KNOW how he feels at this point. And if he doesn't, he likely never will. So if he says no. You haven't lost anything. You've gained the rest of your life that you can I vest in someone who does know what they want.

This is applicable to guys to. But I don't want to go through another example.😆

[Jay-_-]

I understand so you're mostly speaking from a women's perspective on this but it goes vice versa, I get it and I completely agree if he's serious he'll put up with anything (i dont mean take advantage of the guy but anything meaning getting married or have a kid) I understand.

[Jay-_-]

And vice versa

[Opinion Owner]

No. It's applicable to a woman who strings you along as well.

[Jay-_-]

Yes that's what I said

[Opinion Owner]

🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

[Jay-_-]

Oh wait wait no I didn't say it

[Jay-_-]

Yes ultimatums can also be a really devastating and selfish thing to do

[Jay-_-]

I only posted this question because it's controversial

[Opinion Owner]

I don't think they should be done willy nilly. As I said it's the nuclear option. When the relationship cannot progress the way it is for one party only is when they should happen. I mean if you issued an ultimatum every week you'd become insufferable.

[Jay-_-]

I agree to a certain extent, you might be MHO

[Opinion Owner]

OK, I might tell you "thank you".😆👍

[Jay-_-]

😂😂

[msc545]

It is never correct and will always backfire on you if you do it.

[DrPepper12]

I've found it effective with chili

[DrPepper12]

Children

[OddBeMe]

Seems like you’d know.

[Jay-_-]

They say age comes with wisdom but that's not your case 😂

[OddBeMe]

I mean if you need to do it you’d know when it’s time.

[Fireguy17]

when you are prepared for the answer you get.

[Jay-_-]

Clearly you have something in mind it doesn't have to be the worst of the worst ultimatum

[Fireguy17]

but unless you are prepared for the answer and act on your ultimatum it won't mean a thing.

[Jay-_-]

Very wise

[Pohjolan]

When you will go through with it.

[Ladsin2]

When they’re needed.

[noohair]

Is this the hill you want to die on?

[Kingofkings1992]

Never