Why does trying to date sound more like a chore than anything?

[smahala1991]

I would have never thought that the dating market was a hard one.

[SnowedIn]

I personally don't think it is a chore, but it makes sense that people would think it is. It takes effort. It takes time. It takes thought. You have to take risks. You have to be vulnerable. You have to be humble.

Here's what's absurd in my mind: guys and girls want to date and want relationships (or sex) but then there are those who state that it sounds like a chore but isn't that everything in life that's worthwhile? Beating a new Xbox game is a chore. Making a really good meal is a chore. Finding a job is a chore. Working out and improving your body is a chore. All of those things require effort, time, though, risks, etc. Dating is no different.

Perhaps even more, why would we expect different? Dating (or even "just" sex) requires allowing another person very close to us, into our personal space, into our sphere of intimacy -- do we really think it could or should be easier?

[inhua]

it's more like a job interview if anything especially for men. and in any job interview there are lots of candidates but only one gets the job and the others are sent home.

have any relevant work experience? check. have a relevant educational degree? check. have any relevant extra curricular activities? not really. well goodbye.

6 feet tall? check. 6 figure salary? check. face looking like Zac Efron or Channing Tatum? nope but it looks like Shrek. well goodbye.

[meetkitty123]

That is one daunting task I am so glad to have behind me it really is a chore I hate facing the dating market I'm glad to be off of it! I don't care what anyone says it's a pain in the A$$ having to deal with all the folks who are just con artist fakes or looking for hookups and weed through the fakes to find someone descent again I am so happy to be out of that!

[Sailormoon95]

Because it’s a nuisance. And because I’m an ira agency, time is investment. We don’t hook it off right away then it’s no bueno. Also, looking to put a ring on my finger.

[Jamie05rhs]

What's IRA?

[Sailormoon95]

@Jamie05rhs it’s for tax agencies.

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh; okay. Thanks.

[alice55]

For me dating is annoying because of the jealousy of men like we talk one Time and they want me to stop being on the site and only want to talk by phone it’s very annoying

they too get upset if i say i talk to others men while we haven’t even got on one single date or they just want to have ons

i stopped going on dating site 2 weeks after too many crazy people on it but honeslty i just went on those site cause i wanted to talk to some people and didn't have friends i was also 15/16

this is my only expérience with dating and it définitly didn’t motivate me to date also my sister date à lot but it end badly all the Time because of thé guy jealousy

[NathanDavis]

because you're not doing it right...

or you're still not the better version of yourself

or you just have not learned to "pick them right"

[YourFavoriteFriend]

"Just try hard bro!"

[msc545]

Almost everyone has a bad experience on dating sites.

[NathanDavis]

@YourFavoriteFriend that's right try the hardest you and then trying even harder and some extra after that... but do not this about dating, try hard on becoming a much better version of yourself, try hard on getting to know yourself for who you really are, and then try even harder and the hardest on controlling and managing, dealing with the few things you cannot change about yourself... and this is the one thing that will pay off and it will bring all kinds of benefits for one self, once you overcome stuff like this... then other things like dating, do not have to be hard, it becomes rather easy in comparison, when you are right with yourself... you will have it right with other things... as "simple" as that

@msc545 good thing I am not "everyone" and nothing like it, at all... right?

I spent at least 12 years working the hardest on myself and my flaws, and shortcomings, and insecurities and advantages, then, if you wish... you can add four more years of adjusting to that improvement, and on top of that you could at least 8 to 10 years of CONSTANT work on keeping up with all of that I gained

see, my good and great experiences did not come out of nowhere, they didn't come for free either... they are all results of decades of improvement not only mine, but also from the other women I decided to be with

it is my hard work plus their hard work, what made the difference, and this is what "almost everyone" refuses or fails or forgets to do and then they go to dating sites and expect "better"

well, I never ever needed dating sites at all so I don't have experience with those... I only have experience with relationships and being in exclusive and committed relationships, those eliminate the need for me to become a serial dater

I made my choices... they made their choices, just like you made yours... and we all get what we worked on, or we did not get what we never worked on

[msc545]

Trying hard won't help you.

[NathanDavis]

@msc545 trying hard HAS NOT HELPED YOU and might not help others

but for me it has been different already, I have nothing to complain about, not a thing to regret... and zero drama to complain when it comes to women

I've certainly lived and lead quite different from yours

your issues are not mine... my fulfillment is definitely not yours

and I will repeat it once more... I did not try hard, I tried hard, then I tried twice harder and then I tried even some more, and it all has been paying off since at least 16 years ago

[msc545]

that and your compulsive working out and your plastic surgery, right?

[msc545]

Did you also have the surgery to make yourself taller? Because we all know that women only like men who are at least 6 ft tall. Also, did you steal or earn or borrow a lot of money because we know that if you don't have money women don't give a shit about you.

[msc545]

Nathan, truthfully, you almost always have really good answers on here but I find myself disappointed in this one for its simplicity and because of the fact that it flies in the face of what is common knowledge among almost all the men that I know.

[NathanDavis]

@msc545 lmao... listen MSC

I know you're a very smart person, I know you're intelligent as well, but, right now... you're talking out of spite, okay?

you're not saying this about me... you're just saying it because you do not like the idea of someone having a good experience rather than bad ones like yours or that of others

so... it's pointless, alright? those two remarks in particular and all other are definitely not about me, so let's not make it about that, alright?

you're way better than this, you can be better than this... don't go so low, not with me

[msc545]

My remarks were not intended to be about you Nathan and if they were perceived that way I apologize. I just think that cheerleading in this context is probably not the most appropriate thing because there are some people that no matter how hard they try they're not going to succeed. You obviously are not one of those people and neither am I. However. I don't believe in giving people false hope and I'm sure you don't believe in that either. Whatever you've done if it's worked for you that's great. However it's somewhat questionable as to whether or not something as simple as try hard we'll work for others. I'm sure you can see that.

[YourFavoriteFriend]

Nah bro, "trying hard" will not help you. At least not the way you think about it. Maybe it has helped you because you have bend your will and you have gotten used to how things work. No offense, if it worked for you then fine. But it will not work for most people. If you don't have good prospects, "trying hard" is not going to work. If you want to be the fastest sprinter and won an Olympic gold medal, trying hard will do no shit. Same goes with dating. Most men will have a TERRIBLE time in their 20s. Yes, you can try, you can "work on yourself", you can "be more confident (bro)" but you're gonna get a lot of shit. I know cause I try and I also have a friend who tries as well. And then in your 30s you're gonna get girls not because you are their first option but because the can't get the good ones now. Sad but true. It's not bad if you got used to it and you don't mind but don't go out there promoting "hard work" and "discipline" cause people who can't settle down and fool themselves are not buying it.

[msc545]

I care for people who are so banged up by Society and by men and by women that sometimes they are on the verge of suicide. I would give a to be able to help those people but quite honestly about all I can do is keep them alive and functioning to the best of my ability. I'm pretty good at this as I've been doing it for a long time but I wish I had better tools. If I thought for one minute that your Mantra of try harder was effective I would certainly try that.

[NathanDavis]

@msc545 yes, I know about that...

but I wasn't trying to cheer up anybody nor give false hope and I never said trying hard was simple either because it is not

I've clearly stated that is is hard constant work that I've had to keep up for over two decades, didn't I...

and I often say it on this site... it was not easy to become the better version of myself, it costed me a lot, it almost costed me life entirely

I am someone that had to overcome suicidal tendencies from a very young age, I was a troubled kid and a suicidal teenager... I've been on the edge and in the verge of everything at least twice, lol

if my adulthood has been different and much much way better... it was not without a cost, and it was not randomly given by luck or easy rides and I have never said or told anybody different

[NathanDavis]

@YourFavoriteFriend your problem is one...

you get all frustrated because you cannot be Usain Bolt

and that is what limits you from being the best version of @YourFavoriteFriend

you could very well be @YourFavoriteFriend who can run the 100 meters under 12 seconds, which is stupidly remarkable and amazing BUT in your troubled mindset, you want only one thing... you want to be Usain Bolt and get that gold medal but nothing else

[NathanDavis]

@msc545 yes, I know well you care and that it is also your job

but you know, and I am sure you're very familiar with these in your line of work

I am someone who kept a, that one bullet with me for 12 years... although I was already fine, and had overcome past situations, and I was having a great life with someone (and many other) in my life, I still had duality... and I still held to that one piece of "peace" as if I would ever need it one day

I am sure you know the implications of this, of having good and great in life, but still not being able to let go of that, took me 12 years to one day just say, "yeah, this thing no longer has an effect on me" and was able to just let go of it

[YourFavoriteFriend]

What you don't seem to get is that most of us don't get enough about been the "best version of ourselves" when this is not enough. We live in a world where every girl wants only the best guy, every boos only wants the best worker, any person wants the best friend etc. etc.

Been the "best version of YOURSELF" is just not enough and that is what is frustrating. The only things that works for us is to ignore society and try to find alternative ways and people outside of society. My whole point was that promoting the whole "try hard" and "be the best version of yourself" thing is not going to work for a lot of people and I just explained why. Cheers and have a great day!

[NathanDavis]

@YourFavoriteFriend "every girl wants only the best guy"

you're still in middle-school in your mind

you are not a man yet... when I say become the best version of yourself, this includes to grow up first and become a man

you're still a 12 year old boy in your mind, so yes, you have a lot of work to do "bro"

[Chazmatazz269]

Because it is a chore now, more risk than reward. The juice is not worth the squeeze.

[Nikki1989]

It's really not. It all comes down to having the right attitude.

[YourFavoriteFriend]

Teach us!

[ZenJen444]

Because it is a chore lol🤣. Men are too demanding. They've become the women of the 20th century

[SplatoonFan2]

Is become even harder to get anything and going to be more isuze issues then pro.

[Sevenpointfive]

just the thought gives me a panic attack

[YourFavoriteFriend]

Now imagine been 20.

[Literalbillionaire17]

Bc it’s so hard these days 😂

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I agree with you

[msc545]

Because it IS a chore.

[Songomatic]

yes it is like a waste of magic erasers