My boyfriend bought his grandma $50 roses when he’s told me that he doesn’t give me flowers because it’s a waste of money. Thoughts?

Question

It’s great that he bought his grandma roses, she deserves them.
For the longest I have told him how much I love and appreciate flowers, but he tells me that they just die and how it’s a waste of money.
Yes he has gotten me flowers before but he has never done that for me.
But here he is buying his grandma roses.
I feel like I am not the one for him.

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

So, you are... mostly totally right... but not exactly.

First, you have every reason to feel upset by this. I absolutely understand why you're upset, and it's fair; it makes sense; and nobody on earth is going to try and say that you have no reason to be upset. I agree with you. I see where you're coming from... right up until the last line of what you wrote.

So this guy messed up. He messed up in a very clear and unarguable way. And he should be buying you flowers often enough that you aren't feeling neglected if he buys some for his grandma. There's really no two ways about it. He is in the wrong there.

But ONLY because of what flowers mean TO YOU.

He does not understand (at all) what the thought, and gesture of him getting you flowers means TO YOU.

He understands that "women like flowers" but he has no idea what it SAYS to you when he gives you flowers. To you, the gesture (or lack of it) has all sorts of significance. It's a sign of affection; of thoughtfulness; a show of concern for your happiness, and, to put it all into a single sentence:

"Flowers have a high degree of significance for you, they help you feel like he sees you as 'the one' for him."

Which is all fine and fair. EXCEPT... He really doesn't understand that. At all.

All he knows is "women like flowers" but "that's stupid, because they just die".

That... is not an uncommon way for a guy to see it. It took me a very long time (and a lot of female friendships over many years) to finally start to get my own head around this. So maybe not all men, but some men... really DON'T get it.

With that in mind: The same way that he should buy you flowers because of what flowers mean TO YOU (and come to mean to him as well, once he understands better what they mean to you)...

YOU need to try and understand what his 'lack of getting you flowers' means TO HIM.

I am not saying you should just accept that he doesn't get you flowers. Not at all. He should be brought around to understand WHY he should get you flowers (just what exactly they 'say' to you when you receive them)... and then he should buy you flowers way more often.

What I mean is: when you say "I feel like I am not the one for him".

THAT is where you need to stop and take a step back, and try and put yourself in HIS shoes.

ALthough this is what a lack of flowers (and flowers for grandma but not you) 'SAYS' to you. But... that's not what he's trying to say; that's not what he wants to say; and that's not what he believes he's saying. He doesn't understand what this means to you. He is not saying the same thing you are hearing.

This is a very legitimate thing for you to be upset about. But giving it any real significance in concluding "you are not the one for him" would be a huge mistake.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You’re angry because someone did something for someone else and not you. Sorry you’re not entitled. To buy yourself flowers if you want them.

If it bothers you this much. Then bring it up to him and express how you feel

Labokachulaa · Accepted Answer

Steve said most of what I wanted to say perfectly, this is why communication is so important. He doesn't know what they mean to you. I've felt the same exact way in the past. My last partner, I expressed myself to him and the next Valentine's Day, he got me flowers and a teddy bear. I was super happy, my current partner he didn't do it for years. You know what made him start? I started taking my friend out for Valentine's Day, she would buy me something and I would buy her something. After this, he started getting me things randomly not just on occasion. This may work for you, try not to be upset, just let him know and explain it to him so he really understands.

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

My aunt said you should never date a guy who cares more about his girlfriend who he has not married then he does about his family because a guy with no loyalty towards those who love him and raised him, will not be loyal to you if you become fat or poor. Every religious leader on earth says you measure a person by how they treat those that cannot benefit him. His grandma can't make his life easier but you can and he choose her over you, this means you can trust him to be loyal to you if you get sick are not able to help him.

Guy13 · Answer

50/2= 25 x 2 seems like a much better plan but I’m no expert

OlderAndWiser · Answer

So making his grandmother happy is more important than making you happy.

Anonymous · Answer

What are you spoiled 2 year old brat told no dessert before supper?

You said that he bought you flowers, did you ever think of asking why he did for his grandmother? No of course not cuz you're too selfish. He could be getting his grandmother flowers for many things.

Maybe he does it because his grandfather is dead you selfish bitch & he does it so his grandmother feels special.

Maybe he does it because she got out of the hospital and she only went to seriously the medical situation.

Try to think about other people and if you can't get out of his life because you're too immature and selfish to contribute much to a lasting relationship.

Katyalov · Answer

Call me old fashioned but your man is supposed to give you flowers every once in a while, that should be common courtesy for a man to do that for his girl. That's almost a dealbreaker for me when a man doesn't do that for me.

melanieeeB · Answer

Well if he wanted to he would.
Even if he is saying that they're a waste of money, if he knew that you care and wish that, then a good partner would waste that money just to make you happy cause he knows you like it.

Anonymous · Answer

All really depends on what he gets you for Christmas and birthdays. He likely is testing you as he doesn't want a girl he has to spend hiluge amounts on.

Next time buy him flowers (for yourself on his birthday) and give him a bj.

Gloree · Answer

stop being jealous. sounds like this is not something he always does for her but on rare special times. you in the other hand want it all the time like a spoilt brat. Get real.

Batsy01010101 · Answer

Well i gave demi 100 red roses twice and not once did i ever get so much as a thank you. Even in October i got her roses and lillies and once again not so much as a thank you

Anonymous · Answer

i wouldn't put too much thought into this...

Marica70 · Answer

It is his GRANDMOTHER!!! Do not be a spoiled brat! Grow up!!! Do not mess with family ever!!!’

Anonymous · Answer

I don't understand your question, your saying he has brought you flowers after you have expressed yourself, right? But what is bothering you then?

Anonymous · Answer

Tell him how you feel and ask him why, If you don't like what he says then your wasting your time with him.

sheikalana · Answer

You're not as special as his grandma.

Adaeva · Answer

If you want flowers go buy some flowers.

es20490446e · Answer

How long have you been together?

Wise4myage · Answer

He's a cheap bastard.

Staximus · Answer

He sounds like a chump sack

Anonymous · Answer

$50 doesn't buy a lot of roses.

Anonymous · Answer

Not healthy thinking that way..

Danny_dan92 · Answer

Odd af

Noahzaid · Answer

Savage ☠️

Anonymous · Answer

😆😆😆

My boyfriend bought his grandma $50 roses when he’s told me that he doesn’t give me flowers because it’s a waste of money. Thoughts?

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