This is probably more directed to the single dads. I bought Hickory Farms and he says it makes him feel like a pos?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has 2 kids. 13 and 15. I got him and his kids Hickory Farms gift baskets for Christmas. I did the same thing last year but different baskets. He told me he usually gives his kids money now that they’re older. He did mention that he appreciated it and that his kids loved them but he also mentioned it made him feel like a pos. It’s very unclear why. I couldn’t really get that out of him. It cost me about $340 and I’m assuming he saw what I spent cuz I had them shipped directly to him. We’re in an LDR and I won’t be able to see them this Christmas so I opted to ship directly to them.

Since I can’t get the reasoning out of him I guess I’m curious if you guys would have any idea. I don't know if it matters but he has full custody of the kids.

[God_of_Thunder]

Is he struggling, financially, at all?

The first (and only) thing that comes to mind is that if he is financially struggling, then it may have made him feel bad that he couldn't afford to spend that much on his own children.

That can be a tough thing, for a guy, and a single father, at that. Men have a lot of pride, so if he sees you spending a decent amount of money on his children, it could very easily make him feel like a failure, or sorts. Almost like he blames himself for not being able to provide his children with whatever they want.

This is all speculation, of course, and if I am right, then he shouldn't feel that way. What you did was very sweet, and I'm sure he appreciated it, but it may have also hurt his ego/pride a little bit.

I could be wrong, but that's literally the only reason that I can think of to explain his comment.

[Asker]

Work has slowed down a little bit so he might be a little bit tighter (he’s in the construction field and his boss has been sick). My intent wasn’t to make him feel like a failure or hurt his ego/pride. I just know that him and his kids like those kinds of meats and cheeses. While I, personally, haven’t had Hickory Farms in a long time I remember them being really good.

[God_of_Thunder]

Oh, I'm sure you didn't intend that, at all.

I can't even guarantee that's the reason he said it, in the first place. It's just the only explanation I can think of.

Assuming that is the reason, though, you have nothing to feel bad about, because you did nothing wrong.

[SteveSmith1985]

I have no idea what 'a pos' is. Call me uncool if you must.

I think, that you did something very kind and generous for your boyfriend and his kids. I... do not know what is issue could be here... he should just appreciate the very nice gift you just sent him. I don't think you need to worry about this. Let him feel like 'a pos' all he wants. You... just did something nice. You should be left feeling bad and wondering about this. You sound like a good woman.

[Asker]

It means, piece of sh*t

Last year wasn’t “problematic” at least he didn’t express it however I might not have spent as much. Last year was 2 baskets for everyone to share. This year everyone got their own.

[SteveSmith1985]

ahh well... my guess is that it was a misguided attempt at recognizing how much you spent. I think the sentiment was actually all-good. I would assume that would be in reference to him not having spent quite-as large a sum on you this Christmas. I think the sentment was good, it was just horribly expressed.

I don't think it's anything like "shit... I feel bad that I couldn't get my kids anything as nice as you did" (if... that's what you're thinking?)

This sounds like a badly-handled "thank you, wow I feel bad for not having gotten you anything half this nice".

[Asker]

He needs to work on communication if that’s the case 😅😂

He has mentioned that I’m hard to shop for cuz I don’t require anything fancy, or extravagant, to be happy so you’re probably right.

[SteveSmith1985]

Well it's hard to argue that his communication skills don't need a bit of work. But I am quite sure I'm right. As long as it makes sense within the context he said it (which, evidently it does).

[Anonymous]

Hickory Farms is not as good as it used to be, it's a crappy brand now still charging premium prices.

[Summeroflove]

I think he shouldn’t feel that way and you’re just being nice. I think he’s overreacting. If you already bought the gifts. Just give it to them.


You could also just say irs from both of you if you wanted

[slatyb]

"he also mentioned it made him feel like a POS" Why? Why would he give you any negative feedback for getting a lovely gift for him and his children. An LDR? What are you getting out of this? What's the plan?

[Asker]

We’ve been together almost 2yrs with plenty of visits. We do love each other. The plan is for me to move that way in the spring.

[Anonymous]

Omg that's like one of the worst things you can give to somebody all the repressed painful childhood memories and that's only for extremely old people 60s and up

[Asker]

They love that stuff 😊

[Anonymous]

Maybe you spent more on then then he did.

[Asker]

I’m not sure how much he spent. I know that he’s reached a point that he’s giving them money because they’ve stopped communicating what they want they want even when he asks.